Topless Models

I've done a search.

Since I started my Blog, I've never used the word "topless" before.

And yet, I've definitely mentioned convertibles.

Including unintentional ones.

And more conventional ones:

But, apparently, they are on their way out.

BBC Business tell us that "over the past 20 years, sales of new open-tops have fallen by nearly 90%, from 109,171 in 2005 to just 11,484 last year, according to the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders."

Their very interesting story is here.

They, like me, blame the rise of the SUV.

It has already seen off the Mondeo class of car, The Fiesta and the Focus.  And threatens the saloon and estate.

I mean, why enjoy the thrill of open-top motoring with the thrum of the engine and wind in your ears when you can sit in a huge box that isn't designed to go around corners properly?

The rise in popularity of Electric cars is also being blamed with only two electric convertibles currently on sale in the UK - the MG Cyberster (which does seem funky) and the Mini electric convertible (reviewed here by Carwow) which is coming over in VERY small numbers and costs £52,500!

The Cyberster is a bit more than that again.

Even non-electric convertibles are relatively few and far between - our American cousins seem to have a bit more choice.

But overall (or not overall because they don't have a roof) - it's looking bleak for those that enjoy a bit of topless fun.

Chatanooga Ooh Ooh

Our local council use to put on a free firework display on bonfire night before the Tories cut the budgets to help out the bankers.

Looks like the good people of Chatanooga got their own free display last week.

The BBC have the story and video here.

Feeling the Buzz

If I said, "Toy Story Porker", you'd probably think of Hamm, the toy piggy bank voiced by Cliffy from Cheers.

Seen here with the annoying dinosaur from the Argos adverts.

Although not as annoying as the doll from the Argos adverts.

But that's besides the point.

Now, if I said Buzz car, and I hadn't already put Toy Story into your head, you'd probably think of the VW ID Buzz.

And if I said Woody car, and I hadn't already put Toy Story into your head, you'd probably think of something, probably American, like this:

But you'd be wrong.

Because the Porker in question is Porsche.  They are cashing in on the latest Toy Story movie by producing 3 new special edition 911s based on Toy Story characters:

Car+Driver have the story here.

The Buzz Lightyear 911 is a GT3 RS in white, green, and purple color scheme.

The Jessie one is a Targa 4 GTS with cow-print floor mats and a paint job that mimics her outfit.

The Woody one, a Carrera T, seems a bit of a stretch though (which is apparently a purple octopus toy voiced by Whoopie Goldberg) because its paintwork is meant to look like his jeans.

Actually, I'm being uncharitable saying that they are cashing in, because these are actually one-offs to be sold off in aid of charities.

But my favourite Woody is this one:

Cheers!

Have Ferrari Seen The "Light?"

Or "Luce" 

Possibly not. 

I gave my view on Tuesday together with the reactions of Autocar and Auto Express and their readers.

Since then there has been a lot more reaction.

Described (quite accurately) by the BBC as "backlash." 

This backlash is Worldwide.  Including one of my favourite YouTube Channels, Gas Monkey Garage, with Shorts such as this and this.

There was a third one that seems to have disappeared now in which Richard Rawlings reminded us of his version of an electric Ferrari...

...which actually looks like a Ferrari (because it was built from one) but more importantly keeps the ethos of one.

There is much speculation that because the Luce most defintely DOES NOT follow the Ferrari ethos and DOES NOT look like a Ferrari that it will not sell.

I am pleased that Ferrari are not insisting that buyers have to purchase one of these in order to join the waiting lists for other future cars - this would have been a way to ensure sales.

Personally, I thought the Purosangue was more of a affront but that seems to have slipped under the radar as it is not electric despite being an SUV - which you may have noticed I hate more than electric cars. 

However, I think the Luce WILL sell.  It is a very good car.  Speculators will see a profit eventually and a new breed of rich weirdos will like this product.  It just won't sell to your average (and affluent) Ferrari fan.

And definitely won't sell to your average non-affluent Ferrari fan. 

I think the mistake is that it has the Ferrari name on it - they should have just called it The Luce.

Remember the Dino?  Lots of people do.

Luce Lawless

Ferrari have announced their first all-electric car - the Luce:

Looks good doesn't it?

As long as you view it from that exact angle.

'Cause it just looks weird from every other one.

Auto Express cover the story here describing it as "New Ferrari Luce EV arrives with shocking design, 1,035bhp and £440k price"

Autocar have this describing it as "1036bhp, 329 miles, £440k: Ferrari Luce revealed as wild super-EV"

The Autocar one must be better because it has one extra bhp.

They also have more commenters - more in both number and knowledgability.

The Auto Express ones are just judging the car on the fact it is electric and isn't particularly attractive - not that any of them would be able to afford one despite one claiming that he could - yeah sure mate!  Oh and there is one commenter who is either a Chinese Bot or a Chinese moron - I suspect the former.

A lot of the Autocar comments are also negative but there is a more genuine mix and more constructive criticism.

There is agreement and positive commentry on both websites for the interior and both have comments likening it to a Jaguar i-Pace - something I can definitely see.

Personally though, I'm not that enamoured by the interior:

It has real buttons which is good and the instrumentation is innovative - in a good way - but what is that dashboard made of?  Plastic? Shiny leather?

More weirdness.

So I won't be putting in an order for one.

And not just because I can't afford one.

Pork Pies

If I said Pork Pie to you, what would you picture in your head?

A meaty pastry product?

 

Or maybe a hat? 

Or maybe a character from a popular 1980s sitcom set in a barber's?

Who I've just realised was called "Porkpie" because he wore a pork pie hat.

 

But probably not the newly opened 4.4 mile Melton Mowbray Bypass.

 

Which is now to be called Pork Pie Way.  Which explains the photo above that I nicked from that BBC News article.

 

The local people had a vote.  Which can be dangerous.  But they mitigated the danger by limiting the options to a select list.

 

So no chance of Bypassy McBypassface.

 

But PETA weren't happy.  The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals thought Pork Pie Way was "pig-demeaning", and urged the Reform UK-run council to choose Vegan Pie Way instead.

 

Oh dear.  I can be as Commie-left woke as the next person but that is ridiculous.  And imagine a Reform council going with that!

And remember, this isn't the first case of apt road naming.

Getting Cozy

The UK's top selling car in March was the Jaecoo 7.

The US's top selling car at the turn of the Century was the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe.

Click on that link for a very amusing article from Car+Driver.

Although I'm not sure of the picture they have chosen - it is a black lad serving a white girl.  Bit of racial stereotyping going on there I think.

The story isn't about car sales in the early 2000s though.

It's about how Little Tikes are now producing an EV version of the foot powered sit-in car.

It takes 3 AA batteries for the pretend charging unit to provide lights and "charging noises."

The commenters underneath the story seem to get the joke.

Apart from one tosser who states, "It's downright crazy to drag toddlers into the EV Car drama with plastic peddle cars, don't you think? It's more of a adult topic. Over the top on this, toy designers."

He's got 18 downvotes, zero upvotes and various comments basically confirming that he is a tosser.

And wrong. 

He also can't spell "pedal" and The Crazy Coupe doesn't have pedals so isn't a pedal car anyway.

Right, I'm off now to watch Driving Miss Daisy.

What a grey day!

Sad news from Cupra here.

And I say that as the owner of a grey car who has previously owned a silver car and a black car.

Although my other three cars were vomit yellow, cherry red and racing green.

The story states that this...

..is a thing of the past.  Cupra creative director Francesca Sangalli has stated that,

"Cupra is about neutral colour with a twist, and this is why we give much more importance to matt finishes and the very oily treatment of colour.  You choose a Cupra if you like the brand, and you choose the range of colours that fits with the brand and not vice versa. You will never find a red Cupra."

Damn shame given that we have now got to the stage where nearly all cars are monchrome.

"Broadening the range with more colourful hues risks losing the brand because you go with what everyone else does" 

So now she's going grey.

Like everyone else.

Apart from Fiat.

Big Little Car

Another video from one of the YouTube Channels I subscribe to...

This is a review by the petite Imogen Bhopal of the Hyundai Ioniq 3 on Robert Llewelyn's Everything Electric CARS channel.

I say "petite"...

...she looks quite large here:

 

Or is it just a small car?

 

Then again? 

   

Is it a small woman and a big car?

 

At the start of the review, she states that they only had 30-ish minutes with the car.

 

And the more I watched it, the more it looked like she and the car were nowhere near each other.

 

She and the car appear to be digitally combined. 

 

Like Marc Almond & Gene Pitney in the video to the brilliant "Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart."

 

Then, all of a sudden, just before 6 minutes into the review, she opens the boot!

 

She also climbs in to it:

 

This really excites the commenters.

But I suppose the biggest takeaway is that you can stash the body of a petite person under the boot floor of a Hyundai Ioniq 3.

Which I suspect isn't what they were really going for.

Thinking About Plato

Here's Plato, in a candid shot, posing in front of a column with a statue on it.

Plato said, "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."

This is what America is suffering from right now.

And the rest of the World.

He also allegedly said, "Tyranny naturally arises out of democracy."

Yep.

And then there was, "They certainly give very strange names to diseases."

OK, might have gone off at a tangent there.

"My right arm is generally quite strong."

That last one is actually Jason Plato - ex-racing driver and ex-TV presenter.

And current racing team boss.

He has started up Team Plato in less than 12 months and intends to start winning races in the BTCC straight away.

Very impressive.  His former Fifth Gear colleague Jonny Smith spends an hour of his YouTube Late Brake Show discussing it with him here: 

There's no sign of Jason's flat cap but he does appear to be sucking on a mint through the video which is a bit off-putting.

But, mint aside, it is fascinating stuff - for example, the Mercedes cars they are using were all originally water damaged write-offs.  And they've sourced spare bonnets from scrapyards.

Which makes it sound like they are working on a shoestring.

But they aren't.

He's got a crack team of engineers, a state-of-the-art driving simulator and some bloody expensive components.

I always look forward to the BTCC Season.  This year it kicks off tomorrow at Donington Park.  I normally support the BMWs and West Surrey Racing. Have done from before and after owning a BMW myself but, this year, the livery is a bit bland - I wonder of they are no longer a manufacturer team? And I was hoping that Colin Turkington, my favourite driver, might be rejoining their line-up but it looks like they have other plans for him.

So I think I'll be cheering on the Mercs.

"And guess what? I've never run a team before."

Chery on Top

Last time I mentioned Chery it was 2013.

Now, one of their brands, Jaecoo, has just topped the UK March car sales figures with its 7.

Not to be confused wth the Lotus 7.

Although it's more likely to be confused with a Range Rover.

It has beaten the Puma into second place.

The Qashqai is third and the Sportage is fourth.  Autocar report the story here.

Stupid SUVs.

They also report a sudden increase of interest in EVs due to a certain orange toddler-pillock stuffing up the World's oil supplies.

I've just asked the Internet how you pronounce Jaecoo.

Apparently it's "Jake who?"

So then I asked it for famous Jakes.  It listed about 30.

But the only one I'd heard of was Jake Gyllenhaal.

Perhaps it was an American site because it didn't come up with Jake Bugg.

Who at least has a car-related name.

I appear to have digressed slightly. 

400 Not out.

He's like the people who let fireworks off in October.

Who and what am I talking about?

This. 

It really was an April Fool Joke.

 Sorry Monty!

400 and Out.

Is it really over?

Dennis Collins' Coffee Walk has been something I've loved for years.

A new episode has come out on YouTube every Friday for presumably 400 weeks.

Now he has stated it is over.  He did use the word "Break" - does that mean it may be back?  Or he's just having a holiday?

One commenter was hoping that it was just an April Fool's Prank - I suspect that commenter is not very good at using calendars.  Let's hope Dennis isn't either.

Does this mean that Zach Oncamera will be getting his P45?  His real surname may be Gorgas - I'm not 100% sure.

The final episode involved the purchase of a "Holy Grail" 1965 Ford Mustang "K" Car - which is the one with the biggest engine that Shelby used as a base for his ones.  I've learnt that plus a fair bit about Jeeps and VIN tags by watching Coffee Walk over the years.

He bought it from a Trump fan who had kept it in very good condition - I wonder if he thinks the show is called Covfefe Walk? 

Coffee Walk has always been my signal that the working week is over - it means I can relax and I usually enjoy it with a can of lager or two.  I guess I'll be going back to Gardener's World now - I'll be learning about Hydrangeas and the like.  Wonder how Monty Don and the Cockney bloke who is a good gardener but shouldn't be because he is a Cockney bloke have been getting on?

Oh well, if it really is over, then thank you Dennis and gang for entertaining me.  I'll miss you all.

Catch the 400th (final?) episode here.

Don't put a C1 an your CV.

The BBC have a picture and story worthy of local newspapers.

Attractive young woman looking unhappy with reason for her grievance.

Only thing missing is she should be pointing at it.

Not that it is the car's fault - an estate agent was being ageist.

The attractive young woman in question was not shortlisted for a job she applied for because her car was too old.

The estate agents, haart, who are obviously too trendy to use capital letters claimed that, "It's extremely important that people who work for us use reliable vehicles for their own personal safety, particularly where they travel many miles each day and often work alone."

Oh, so they are worried about her safety!

No, they just don't want their image being affected by older cars which may give the impression that they don't pay their staff enough to buy newer car.

That was my take on it anyway.

I can't see a well maintained 2014 Citroen C1 being particularly more unreliable that a 9 year old one.

And if they took on someone with a 9 year old Citroen C1, would they have to sack them in 12 months?

I don't know if they have had a policy change since the BBC highlighted this today, but here's a bit of a job ad for a position they have open today: 

It just says the car has to be in "good condition."

 

Not even "very good condition."

 

Maybe she should apply to this place:

Spectres

 

Or Ghosts or Phantoms.

What happens when you want to import your Roller (or any other luxury car) into France but don't fancy paying import duties?

 

I'll tell you.

 

You register it as being adapted for disabled people - even if it isn't.  That way it is Tax Exempt.

 

So how do you actually do that then?

 

I'll tell you.

 

You take advantage of a bit of a stupid decision made by the French government in 2017.  They decided to part-privatise the SIV - ie the registration system.  This was allegedly in a bid to speed up the slow process of delivering registration papers to car-buyers but probably, like all privatisations, to save money anjd help their rich friends make money.

 

Look at Mrs.Thatch in the '80s.

 

But I digress.

 

Some 2,000 civil servants were assigned to new tasks, and instead car-dealers were given the right to access the register themselves in order to issue documents for their clients.

 

Car dealers!?

What could possibly go wrong?

 

The full story is here.

 

And to give you the opening paragraph...

 

A million illegally-registered cars are being driven in France in a fraud scandal that has cost hundreds of millions of euros in lost taxes and fines, according to the state auditor.

 

These are known as "ghost cars" - even the ones that are not Rolls Royces.

 

The closing paragraph concludes...

 

France's interior ministry said it acknowledged the problem, and was taking steps to remedy it. An action plan announced last year has led to an increase in fraud detections, while the number of authorisations to access the SIV has been sharply reduced. 

 

 I think I know who they need to call. 

Sensible Volvo Drivers.

Does that mean sensible drivers in Volvos?

Or drivers in sensible Volvos?

Speaking as a sensible Volvo driver - I'd say both.

We don't drive rally cars along the M53.

And we don't put Bentley badges on Chrysler 300Cs.

How can that be a thing?

But it is apparently.

And then there's cyclists - I've got quite a collection of dashcam footage of them going through red traffic lights.

Some very blatantly.

You'd never catch a Volvo driver doing that.

Polestar 2.2

Was it really April 2024 when I reported on the stupid naming system that Polestar were to use on their model range?

Yes! 

According to their boss, Thomas Ingenlath, the Polestar 2 would be replaced with the Polestar n where

n = the next integer not already assigned to a Polestar.

I pointed out at the time, the folly of doing that. 

Just like in 2018 when I pointed out the folly of choosing Paddy McGuinness & Freddie Flintoff to present Top Gear.

I was proved correct.

Eventually.

Auto Express have this story today about the replacement for the Polestar 2.

It's headlined, "New Polestar 2 to lose SUV looks and embrace its sporty saloon side"

Apart from anything else, I don't think the Polestar 2 does look like an SUV - which is probably why I like it.

Anyway, I clicked on the link for their guess at what it would look like and found this:

Which made be think, "That doesn't look like a sporty saloon - where's the boot?"

Then I worked out that their link had taken me to a page of guesses or "renderings" that didn't actually include the new Polestar 2.  That particular picture was an attempt at what a future MG will look like.

Then I worked out that the picture at the top of the story was their guess: 

 

That doesn't look like it will "lose SUV looks and embrace its sporty saloon side."

 

It just looks like the current one - which already looks like a sporty non-SUV.

 

Which will probably be known as the 2 Mark II.

 

While the boss now appears to be known as Michael Lohscheller.

Another Reason to Hate the Mustang Mach-e

Not only is it an SUV.

Not only does it prostitute the name of a classic Ford muscle car.

Now you have to pay to use the front boot!

Here's the Car+Driver story.

They want $495 to let you get at it!

That's over £350!

For a Frunk.  Or as we'd call it - a Froot.

Here's the result of the Car+Driver survey on the subject:

They can frunk right off.

NSFW - Not Suitable for Wheels

Auto Express is quite right-wing so presumably are not going to criticise Nazi-saluting car-billionaire Elon Musk.

Or his dodgy AI Chatty-Friend Grok.

Anyway, Auto Express are telling us here about how new Model Ys and Model 3s will be getting Grok. 

And how it can be set up.

This includes with "the 18+ rated NSFW modes: ‘Unhinged’, ‘Motivation’, ‘Argumentative’, ‘Romantic’ and ‘Sexy.’"

Grok has always been aimed at the perverted - check out this NBC News story from last Summer where I nicked that picture from.

And, of course, the more recent stories about people using Grok to create images of undressed children which, after the initial outcry, Twitter decided they would put behind a paywall so that only the richer perverts could continue doing it.

Elon could afford it.

Then it became, "had stopped Grok from digitally altering pictures of people to remove their clothing in 'jurisdictions where such content is illegal'".

I suppose by putting into their cars, Grok can tell the pervert where it is legal and they can then drive there.

Using hands-free mode. 

Kit Kars

Have a Brake.

Have a Kit-Kar.

Return of the Grand Tour!

Just with three different blokes:

Haven't a clue who they are but they seem far too young.

That will be the reaction of most Grand Tour fans I imagine.

It was certainly my first thought.

Jeremy has done an "amusing" little sketch for The socials where he is choosing them: 

So I suppose I'd better find out who they are.

Thomas Holland appears to be Spiderman.

I may have the wrong person.

There's a racing driver called Thomas Holland - it must be him - I approve of racing drivers becoming TV motoring presenters - like Tiff Needell, Jason Plato and of course, Vicki Butler-Henderson. Only trouble is, Thomas Holland the racing driver doesn't look like any of the blokes in that photo.

OK, a bit more digging.  Thomas and second new presenter James Engelsman are successful motoring Youtubers with a channel called Throttlehouse.

I'd never heard of it but they have 3.36 million subscribers so must be doing something right.  I approve.

Although I'd have probably gone with the Youtube presenters I watch - Ian from Hubnut, Ed from Twincam and Ryan from Yorkshire Car Restorations. I'd love to see how those three would get along.

The third presenter, who I have also never heard of, is "viral train enthusiast Francis Bourgeois."

They nearly had me. 

Where is the year going?

I'm noticing that it's actually light when I'm driving home from work.

And according to the contents page of the Top Gear Magazine that came this week - IT'S APRIL!

Hang on a mo'!

Now I know that Top Gear Magazine tends to be ahead of the time in terms of editions - it's so that they can fit a thirteenth "Awards" edition into the calendar year.

But April!?

So I checked on the one that came last month.

It only feels like four weeks between them.  Have they not delivered the March one and I've not noticed?

This month it was Number 405 - we are into Peugeot saloon territory.  So what was the one I got last month?

So a bit of a cock-up in the editorial department. Sack the proof-reader.

And Happy Easter!

Toyota Teases a Mysterious New SUV with a Blocky Design.

No, you lost me at SUV. 

That's a Car+Driver story today.

Which I won't read.

Meanwhile there is an Autocar long-term test of the Polestar 3 here.

It's worth reading just for these two paragraphs alone:

The 3 is so called because it's the third model Polestar has launched as a standalone brand. When I've told people I'm getting a 3, they've asked: "Is that the one without the rear window?"

No, that's the 4. The 3 was launched at the same time as the 4. Given that the 4 is smaller than the 3 and the 2 is smaller than the both, it would make more sense if the 3 were called the 4 and the 4 the 3. But Polestar's naming convention for now is sequential, in the order of launch.

Getting Angrier

There's a lot to be angry about in the world today.

There's Crossover SUVs.

There's the Orange Man-baby and his British sycophant, Nigel.

There's Kygo molesting brilliant songs by deceased black female singers.

And there's missing out on the latest upgrades because my Volvo is FROM 2020.

All post-2020 Volvos will receive new 'conversational' Gemini system in massive over-the-air update

That story is from Autocar - a publication I also referenced yesterday.

I regularly check out their website for the daily car news but I don't usually look at their slideshows because I reckon they only have about 8 and they keep repeating them over and over again.

However, today they had a new one - 20 Very Angry Looking Cars!

Now, to look angry, you need to have eyebrows making a V shape and squint a bit.

Clenched fists help but cars can't do that.

So what do the Autocar Angry Cars look like?

The Mitsubishi Delica Mini does look extremely angry - good job they don't sell them here.

The Suzuki Alto Turbo just looks like it is wearing 1970s spectacles.

The Simca 1000 doesn't look angry at all - just mildly perplexed.

The Chevy Rondine concept looks more determined than angry.

Nope - not a clue why this is in here. Now I'm mildly perplexed. Wonder if I'm currently resembling a Simca 1000.

Also not angry - just very ugly with huge and sore nostrils.

And the Gordon Keeble can maybe be described as more grumpy than angry.

The rest of the 20 vary in angryness from not very to a bit.
 

Meanwhile I'm not angry on missing out on the free Volvo software upgrade - I'm used to how I currently interact with my car.

Even if I do find myself arguing with the 2020 voice command system.

In fact, it sometimes makes me angry.