Return of the Grand Tour!

Just with three different blokes:

Haven't a clue who they are but they seem far too young.

That will be the reaction of most Grand Tour fans I imagine.

It was certainly my first thought.

Jeremy has done an "amusing" little sketch for The socials where he is choosing them: 

So I suppose I'd better find out who they are.

Thomas Holland appears to be Spiderman.

I may have the wrong person.

There's a racing driver called Thomas Holland - it must be him - I approve of racing drivers becoming TV motoring presenters - like Tiff Needell, Jason Plato and of course, Vicki Butler-Henderson. Only trouble is, Thomas Holland the racing driver doesn't look like any of the blokes in that photo.

OK, a bit more digging.  Thomas and second new presenter James Engelsman are successful motoring Youtubers with a channel called Throttlehouse.

I'd never heard of it but they have 3.36 million subscribers so must be doing something right.  I approve.

Although I'd have probably gone with the Youtube presenters I watch - Ian from Hubnut, Ed from Twincam and Ryan from Yorkshire Car Restorations. I'd love to see how those three would get along.

The third presenter, who I have also never heard of, is "viral train enthusiast Francis Bourgeois."

They nearly had me. 

The Return Trip

Quite enjoyed this video from James May's YouTube Channel last week.

In it, James and Richard Hammond returned to Dunsfold to the abandoned portakabin complex that used to be the Top Gear production offices.

The abandonment does highlight what has happened to Top Gear since October 2018.

Now it looks like they will be doing something a bit similar for Prime with The Not Very Grand Tour.

Part of me doesn't want to watch it for the same reason I tend not to watch the "Best bits" or "Unseen footage" episodes of shows like Would I Lie to You?

And these usually contain both "best bits" and unseen footage.

But I've already seen the best bits.

And yet, I don't mind repeats.

Jeremy will only be appearing in the shown footage whereas James and Richard will be talking about it.

And taking the mickey.

So will I watch it?

Let's face it, I'd watch a knitting programme if those two were fronting it - so yes - and I'm not lying to you.

Where are they now?

During a recent conversation in the pub and a quick search on The Internet, I found out that a couple of showjumpers I used to watch on The Horse of The Year Show back in my distant youth are still alive.  David Broome and Harvey Smith are both in their mid-eighties.

The conversation diverged and I looked up former Top Gear presenter William Woollard.

He is also alive and in his mid-eighties.

Although, if you believe his Wikipedia page (and it isn't convinced itself), he was looking extremely frail 14 years ago.

So, what about the other former TG presenters?

It may be a false memory, but I think I can remember Angela Rippon presenting it - I am more certain about remembering Noel Edmonds.

Angela has, rather disappointingly had a stint on GB News alongside drunk-driver (and definitely NOT a TG presenter) Alistair Stewart.

She now does an advert alongside a Albert Einstein impersonator - not sure what it is for but it's got something to do with energy.

Of this lot, Tiff Needell and Chris Goffey have both appeared recentlyish on a couple of my favourite YouTube Channels (Late Brake Show and idriveaclassic respectively) looking a lot older but still going strong.  Meanwhile, Steve Berry has just started up is own channel - Steve Berry's Big in the Nineties.

In it, he gets angry every week and mentions that he used to present Top Gear and drives a car from that decade in a very entertaining package.

He also appears to be turning into Bob Mortimer - especially in the Audi A6 C5 Avant episode where he compounds it by attempting a North-East accent.

I have liked and subscribed.

Paddy, who I DO REALLY LIKE JUST NOT PRESENTING TOP GEAR OR QUESTION OF SPORT, was on Who Do You Think You Are? last week - that was enjoyable and he found out his ancestry was Irish - who would have thought that?

Next Thursday also sees the return of Vicki & Rory in Fifth Gear on Quest and the return of Jeremy, James & Richard in the last ever Grand Tour on Amazon Prime.

Shame it has to end.

We don't know if Top Gear TV has ended but we do know who the general public (as opposed to the car-fanatical public) remember the most.

But Seriously...

Last month, The BBC announced what many people believe to be the end of Top Gear as a UK television programme.

They then announced that the last bit of the last Grand Tour had been filmed.

One of those saddened me more than the other.

Hagerty have now produced a very interesting article  by James Mills suggesting that we need a new, proper car show rather than an entertainment show.   It also points out how the success of Top Gear 2002 (as I think of the Clarkson era) was down to the hard work and skills of Jeremy Clarkson and Andy Wilman - which would explain the success of The Grand Tour.

It is a very well written article - apart from where Sabine Schmitz is described as "a little-known German racing driver."  You may not have heard of her James, but true Top Gear fans know exactly who she was.

The article goes on to say why Top Gear was never going to match the Wilman/Clarkson era and how we need a proper motoring show now more than ever - especially as the motoring world is evolving into an electrically-powered world.

In a way we have that though thanks to YouTube.  I get most of my motoring fixes that way now subscribing to about ten different channels.  I even have my own channel - not that I think I'll ever use it.  I only created it so that I could add a reply to someone commenting on a Lotus Europa in the background of this video.

But, if you are not a fan of Youtube, maybe you should write to the BBC and tell them to take note of the words of the prescient young-ish blogger who wrote this 10 years ago.

Best. Grand Tour. Ever.

I watched A Scandi Flick yesterday.

Don't read this if you haven't watched it yet but do plan to!

The boys were on top form.

I suspect that Jeremy was very much involved in the writing.  It had a lot of the humour of Top Gear when that was at its best - like the camping trip adventure and the making-an-advert-for-the-VW-Corrado piece.

The bit on the ski slope was just hilarious.

I refuse to believe, though, that the two most shocking events in the show were scripted.

If they were, then somebody deserves an Oscar.

Firstly James smashes his Mitsubishi Evo at high speed sideways into a cave wall and breaks a rib and the car.

Then, once it has been made roadworthy again, he crashes it through a frozen lake surface and he has to escape a semi-submerged car.

It is after this second accident that Hammond (why does he get known by his surname?) comes to the fore and "remembers" seeing a way of using some trees to make a winch to retrieve the stricken car.

Now surely it was the production team who cut down the trees and set everything up to perform this rescue - Jeremy and Clarkson got the credit but whoever did it - it was very effective.

And excellent television.

You would have to be a very harsh critic to think otherwise.

8 Things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it

This Drivetribe article is pointless.  It's called "8 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT" but it is written by somebody who has just watched it.

Anyone who may be interested in this article would be watching the show rather than reading the article.

Which is why the article actually told me 8 things I already knew about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT.

Here are a couple of other things that you will already know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you have watched it:

9. There was a clever bit of animation added to a "Falling Rocks" sign on the road around Reunion.

10.  Jeremy used the show to reinforce his anti-Brexit views including using a European flag to start the drag race and describing the third world conditions in a run-down bit of Madagascar as life outside the EU.  I tried to get a photo of the drag race start but if you put "Drag Race" into Google, you get pictures of men dressed up as grotesque caricatures of women.  This was the best Drag Race photo I could find:

11.  They didn't use new cars.  Good job really.

12.  Convertibles are often called "Spiders" (or "Spyders" if you are Alfa Romeo).  James' Caterham covered in mud and excrement really looked like a spider:

I hope you found it useful to read these four more things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it.

Or, if you don't have access to Amazon Prime, Oops, sorry!

C U Later

What is the difference between a CUV and an SUV? (a CUV being a Crossover Utility Vehicle)

 

Google gives this answer:

For many car experts, the difference between the two is simple: A crossover is based on a car's platform, while an SUV uses the chassis of a truck. The result is that crossovers use "unibody" architecture, meaning the body and frame are one piece, while SUVs use a "body on frame" design.

 

But then again, would car experts really care?

 

They shouldn't.  But as Autoguide tell us today, BMW and Benz to Sell More CUVs Than Cars This Year.

 

By the way, the term CUV isn't used much here in the UK, we'd just call them cross-overs.  It's a bit like sidewalk & pavement or Trump & childish moron.

 

Those of us that like cars and driving should view this as a bad thing.  People who aren't very interested in cars and see them in the same category as washing machines used to buy Japanese cars in the '80s and Korean cars in the '90s and now buy CUVs and SUVs.

 

But buying them they are.

 

In big numbers.

 

Forcing even the likes of Lamborghini and Rolls Royce to start building the things.

 

And forcing The Grand Tour boys to do a film with three of the least worst:

Albeit reluctantly.

 

Last week Autocar revealed the top 10 sellers in the UK in January, which included:

• The Nissan Qashqai
• The Vauxhall's Mokka X
• The Kia Sportage
• The Ford Kuga

Oh dear.

 

I suppose I should be grateful there are only four in there.  And none in the top three.

 

Anyway, despite the constant negative press CUVFEFE.

 

Sporty Spice

Walk-on girls in Darts are a bad thing.  They are a sexist anachronism.

Here is a nice picture of some:

Interesting camera-angle.

 

The BBC use this picture to show how awful this practice is.

 

And now I've done it too.

 

The BBC story about the Professional Darts Corporation ending the practice of pretty ladies escorting players up to the oche is here.

 

Given events over the last few months, notably the Presidents Club outrage, some broadcasters are getting nervous - probably quite rightly -  so this is a good move considering we are nearly a fifth of the way into the 21st Century.

 

The article also suggests that other sports such as boxing and motor-racing should follow suit.

 

I have touched on the subject of motorsport using attractive women, including grid-girls, myself - here three years ago.  I have no issue with using pretty people to mark out where drivers have to line up at the start of a race - but, as I said in that article, it would be better for ALL spectators if some of those people happened to be of the male gender.  formula 1 obviously took note of my post because this happened at the Monaco Grand Prix that year.

Looks like the drivers weren't that impressed but tough.  Times they are a changing, even Jeremy, James and Richard are enthusing about their latest recruit:

The Woman

I've just watched the second episode of the second series of The Grand Tour.

And, just like the second series of the post-Jeremy Top Gear, it's taken on board the criticisms of series one and improved.

Actually, series two of GT has evolved into what looks like the later-Jeremy-era TG.

The dead-celebrity running-joke has gone and been replaced with something that looks a lot like Star-in-a-Reasonably-Priced-Car.  But so far, without the annoying plugging.

And "The American" has been replaced by this lady:

Although you only got to see the bit of her face that isn't hidden by her helmet.

Her name is Abbie Eaton.

Obviously she is a race driver.  But she also appeared in the ITV show Drive mentoring Professor Green - who isn't a real professor.  But, then again, she was mentoring him in race driving.

So does this mean a more female bias to the show?

Well Jeremy did reveal that he has James listed on his phone as "Vagina."

New Moaner

More of an "old moaner" actually.

But a very funny one.

He's recently put this on Instagram:

I refer, of course, to Jeremy Clarkson who in turn refers to James May in the photo.

If you can't see the text, it says "The only functioning member of the Grand Tour right now.  God help us."

Jeremy has somehow managed to contract pneumonia in Majorca.  Story Here.  New Moaner - pneumonia - geddit?  Never mind.

Meanwhile, Richard Hammond is still recovering from doing this to an electric supercar:

This may mean that the first couple of episodes of the new series of The Grand Tour may involve some slow driving in a Fiat Panda and the dismantling and remantling of a 1970s Goblin Teasmade.

Amazon Primed to Sell Cars in the UK

Allegedly, you can already buy a new Fiat 500, 500L or Panda through Amazon in Italy.

I can't find any evidence of that actually happening though.

Autocar have the story here.  It looks like it will be Fiat Chrysler Group cars they'll be flogging though.

Hope they've got a big drone.

If it was to have been used cars, then they should have been thinking Volvo:

(That's a Volvo Amazon)

 

Now they just need some way of publicising the venture to lots of people interested in cars. Can't think how they may go about that...

Cool As FXXK

The Arctic Circle is pretty cool.

Or downright freezing.

And that is where they are testing the next iteration of the Black Cab.

Why? - I hear you ask.

Why? - I also hear BBC Transport correspondent Richard Westcott ask.

But he doesn't actually answer the question in that video.

Although he does in this article.

There are two reasons apparently:

• the manufacturer tests all new vehicles in extreme temperatures to see how they perform.
• it wants to sell it in polluted cities all over the world, including Moscow, which can get a little chilly in the winter.

This cab won't contribute to the pollution due to it being electric - with a little range-extender to keep it going.

Anyway, black cabs in cold places brings us, rather neatly, round to the new series of Top Gear:

and Rory Reid driving a black cab, in minus temperatures, with no heating, in Kazakhstan.

Chris Harris got to drive a Ferrari FXXK at Daytona

 

and boy did he enjoy it.

But, if only 40 were built, why did his have a number 54 on the side?

And nobody mentioned Chris Evans.

I thought they could have had a light-hearted dig like The Grand Tour boys did.  Chris himself mentioned how the newspapers said it was "better without the annoying one".

There was a mention in Extra Gear about the orginal test track being back with "all tarmac" but nothing was said about Mr.Evans.  There was a noticeable cheer from the studio audience when it was announced that the original track was back.

I agree with the studio audience and, much as I do like Chris Evans, I agree with the newspapers that it was "better without the annoying one".

Or maybe just a little cooler.

Talking of Charging...

Which I was with my previous post.

Anyway, it looks like I'm going to have to pay to see yet another good car show that was always free to view.  Variety have the story here about how Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is going over to Netflix.

Bugger.

I watched the latest episode today involving someone called Cedric The Entertainer and a 1958 Bentley.  I am not familiar with Cedric but he did indeed seem entertaining.  Last week it was Norm MacDonald - I am a big fan of Norm and his work but was a bit shocked how old and portly (great word that) that he has become:

I've always watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee via the Website - I suspect Netflix won't permit that in future and I don't envisage myself getting a subscription.  Mind you, I have successfully watched all of The Grand Tour so far using free trials - I fear I may have to stump up £5.99 for the rest of it though.

I think I can afford that.

But it would be easier if Netflix bought my blog.

So THAT'S Where the Line is.

After the previous episode of The Grand Tour, I was a little surprised that there hadn't been any complaints about the sex-toy content of it.

Now we have some - only it is from the next episode and they are about Richard Hammond making a comment about how if a man eats an ice-cream - he is probably gay.

There has been a "back-lash".

I'm not on Twitter so I didn't notice it.

The BBC did.  But they were probably more miffed at his little dig about slowing down when he drove a Mustang past The Cenotaph.  The rest of the media also noticed it though, right from The Independent through to the Daily Fail.

The last time Hammond was in trouble was when he insulted the Mexicans - but that soon blew over when they realised HE WAS ONLY JOKING.

Just like in this case.

We all know Jeremy and Co. thrive on controversy - I'm surprised nothing has come up before this during the last two years of filming.  But the people making the most noise about this one seem to be those who don't know the show and certainly don't watch the show.  It's like Russell Brand, the Mexicans and every other Clarkson incident before and since.  I don't complain when Katie Hopkins spouts her latest piece of attention-seeking bile in The Sun - because I wouldn't touch it.  So she can say what she likes to people gullible enough to believe what it says in there.   If she does start to pollute things I would watch or read, then I would complain.

But let's do a quick unscientific experiment to see if eating an ice-cream:

- specifically a Magnum like they were talking about - could be construed as homosexual behaviour.  I shall use Google Images Search.

There are plenty of pictures of sexy women with Magnums, what if you look for "Man eating Magnum".  This is the first picture you get:

 Well, he doesn't look particularly gay, here is the second picture:

 

OK, well here is a Vauxhall Magnum, does that look gay?

 

No, of course it doesn't.  And neither does this picture of Magnum PI.

 

 

Not For The Children

I thought there would have been some complaints.

Clarkson and the boys messing about with sex toys.

It's not aimed at children but I know lots enjoy watching the show.  It's a safe bet that if it had been on the BBC, there would have been at least six phone calls and the media would have gone loopy.

I don't believe that "Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells" has an Amazon Prime subscription.

I suppose they might get one now they have read about it in The Sunday Express.  But then they won't know who they can complain to.  And they do enjoy a good moan.  The Express themselves were quite positive about the show although their readers don't seem to like it judging by the comments at the end of the article.

But that's Express readers for you.

The Telegraph were unusually favourable about the show too.  Maybe because they didn't let their Dance Correspondent write their review this week.

I did notice that the audience didn't get Jeremy's "Pass The Dutchie" joke en route to exploding his sex doll.  Possibly Musical Youth were not big in The Netherlands.

Talking of fake people you can use in High Occupancy Vehicle Lanes...

This BBC story amused me about police in New York State breaking in to a car after reports of an old lady being frozen to death left in a car overnight in minus temperatures.

It turned out to be a very realistic mannequin used for medical training pruposes - at least that's what the owner claimed it was for.  He was not best pleased.

"It is my understanding that the owner was incredulous that we took action in this matter," police chief L Edward Moore said in a statement. "He apparently was quite vocal and vulgar to my sergeant."

I did have a litttle sympathy for the owner.  But then again, why strap the mannequin in to the passenger seat as though it was a real person?  But then again again, I imagine the police would get called out more often if he was seen regularly stuffing an old lady into the boot of his car.


I do though, particularly like Chief Moore's message for mannequin owners:

"Just to clear the record, all citizens of Hudson should be put on notice that if you park your locked vehicle on the street on a sub-zero night with a life-size realistic mannequin seated in it... we will break your window."

The Countdown Is Over

Carol Vorderman is dead.

Actually, she's very much alive and rocking it in the jungle and planning a round-the-world solo airplane trip.

She just pretended to be dead in the opening show of the opening series of

THE GRAND TOUR!

As did a couple of actors who I wasn't sure who they were.  I didn't recognise them and Jeremy mumbled their names but I'm glad we didn't have quarter of an hour listening to them talking about their latest projects.

So what did the BBC think of the show?

They just told us what the critics thought of the show.

So what did the critics think of the show?

They really liked it.  They described it as "filmic" which I don't reckon is a word.  Perhaps I could ask Countdown's Susie Dent.

 

I wish.

So what did I think of the show?

I thought the opening sequence went on a bit long - but I suppose that added tension and expectation and the show did last 70 minutes to make up for that.

I didn't see the point of the fight sequence - could have done without that.

Not sure about the new "Stig" - I think he may be a Trump supporter.

And I thought overall that the whole thing was...

...brilliant!!

Much as I like LeBlanc, Harris & Reid, the chemistry between Clarkson, Hammond & May is unparallelled (is that spelled correctly, Susie?)  I think the BBC need to rethink Top Gear now, admit defeat, and turn it back into a car show.

With a bit of careful juggling of free trials and having a couple of weeks break in the middle of the 12 episodes, I could possibly see the lot for free - but worst-case scenario is it costs me £11.98 - a price I'm willing to pay.  I've sorted the numbers so it's no conundrum. (more Countdown references in case you've no idea who Vorderman is)

3 Is The Magic Number - Unless You're Talking about the Number of Wheels on a Car.

Of course I watched the new Top Gear last night.

So did a lot of other people.

And a lot of people have given their views on it - including Fleet Street people.

The guy in The Independent didn't like it much.  I did enjoy his writing style though.  Unusually for The Telegraph, their reviewer didn't hate car programmes.  But, over all, he reckoned it could probably do better. The Guardian didn't bother reviewing it so let their readers do it instead.  Guardian readers are not known for having petrol running through their veins so, not unsurprisingly, they gave it a general thumbs-down.

Which brings us around to me.

I thought it had its moments.

Not too many of them though.  The Corvette/Viper shoot-out could have been done just as well without the shooting bit.

And the road-trip to Blackpool just didn't do anything for me.

Top Gun pukey bloke and the Blackpool Lord Mayor were both quite good.  And the cinematography was up to the excellent standards of Clarkson Top Gear.

But something was still missing.

Apart from "The News" which was always one of my favourite bits of the show.

Which brings us to the comedy rule of three.  Here's the Wiki explanation of it.

They need Eddie Jordan or Chris Harris in the studio and on the road trips so that two of them can always pick on the third.  Then, as the chemistry between them kicks in, we will have a good show - like, The Goodies or Last of the Summer Wine which, let's face it, Clarkson, Hammond & May were definitely turning in to.  Having said that, I am noticing that Chris Evans appears to be turning into Foggy Dewhurst:

There was no sign of Jordan, Harris or Rory Reid - Reid being the one worrying me most simply because I had no experience of his work.  I needn't have feared though - he turned up on Extra Gear on the BBC iPlayer (or BBC Three if you are being pedantic) in a little 25 minutes after-show alongside Chris Harris.  It included a comedy guest (Chris Ramsey) and "The News".  I have to say, I enjoyed it more than I enjoyed Top Gear.

Still no mention of Jordan - who I used to enjoy being the grumpy one when appearing on the BBC F1 coverage with Martin Brundle & David Coulthard - rule of three again.

So, still early days, give them chance to gel and let's see what we end up with.  I'm not convinced that the writing is as sharp as Clarkson's - although there were a few good bits like, "We got custody!" and maybe Evans needs to calm down a bit.  Whatever happens, I think TG has a future (as does GT - Clarkson and Co have a name at last) - even if it is with Harris & Reid.