Old Favorits

This year's Festival of the Unexceptional is being held on July 26th.

If it was a bit nearer to me geographically, I'd have quite fancied going along.

But it isn't.

It celebrates cars that used to be all over the place in the '70s, '80s and '90s - not special - just quite common.

They aren't interested in vintage cars either.

So it is cars that people a bit older than me and people a bit younger than me will remember - sometimes fondly.

And Renault in particular have been tapping in to this - and doing a very good job with the new electric Renaults 5 and 4.

Mini have been at it for a quarter of a century now.

So now it looks like Skoda might want a piece of the action.

The story is here of a reimagination of the Favorit:

Only there's no indication that they would actually put this in to production.

So maybe Vauxhall should take note:

Brexit Bonus - Not!

It's been a while since I've had a rant about Brexit.  Steph was keeping schtum on her views which tend to veer to the right of centre so are more likely to be pro-Brexit.

But, as ever, a very interesting video from one of my favourite YouTubers:

What we have here is a Morris 1100 estate that was bought for £2200 from Sweden and that eventually cost more than twice that due to a combination of transport costs (unavoidable) and British and Swedish bureaucracy and taxes which wouldn't have existed before Brexit.

A couple of the comments seem to agree with me.  One twerp though claimed that one of the reasons he voted for Brexit was because EU laws were making it more difficult to keep classic cars.  I'd like to ask him to name one law that the EU actually forced on us but it looks like he deleted it when he found out that nobody was agreeing with him.

Ed, the purchaser of said vehicle, is an experienced mechanic working in a classic car restoration shop so will have little worries about getting the car fit to use as his daily driver.  He also has the confidence to convert it to right-hand-drive.

Which brings me to my most favourite comment, from @GrandadTinkerer, which has nothing to do with Brexit,

"Many years ago, my friend was asked to convert a mini from right-hand drive, to left-hand drive, as it was going to be used in France.  Pretty easy job he thought. No changes to the dash, just new pedal box and 'flip' the steering to the other side.  Conversion completed, he set off down the road and was immediately terrified as the car turned left, when he steered right!

He had failed to realise that by 'flipping' the steering rack, the pinion was now on the bottom, and effectively reversed the steering action!"

Shark Infested

The new new Top Gear Magazine (which I'm still not overly sure about) has a section called "Vapourware Files" which pays tribute to the many new cars announced by new car companies that never actually reach fruition.

I wonder if this is going to be featured in a future edition.

It's by Mika.

No, not the bloke who sang about Grace Kelly and the Bells Ending, pictured here with a Mini he's vandalised.

The "car" in the top picture is by Warwickshire based car company Mika - this Autocar story tells you more.

But in that particular hue, it looks like a shark.

Not a BYD Shark - that looks like a Ford F150.

And from the rear view, it looks worse.

The article makes a big play of the enveloping frame formed from "composite pultrusions" which "form an extremely rigid survival cell for occupants in the Mika"

I'm not sure if it is these that make the car look like an Alfa Romeo SZ that has been rear-ended.

Maybe that's the safety angle they will be going for - the probability of a car being in TWO serious accidents is extremely low.

A Lot More Rubbish

Last week I pointed out that I don't like Repair Lot.

This week I watched episode 3.

I think I've figured out a big reason why I don't like it and also why it shouldn't have an audience.

I know very little about vehicle mechanicals - but it feels that the audience they are aiming this show at knows completely bugger all about vehicle mechanicals.  The two mechanics sound like they both think that the other one is an idiot - it isn't quite "The black bit on the outside of the round thing is a tyre." - but it's not far off.

People who struggle with knowing what a tyre is won't be watching a show about cars.

Episode 3 should have appealed more though - they didn't have the stupid automobilia bit and the two cars they featured were relatively interesting.

One if them, a 1991 Mini, was owned by someone who "takes pictures of it in front of famous locations and then publishes them"

What!?

That must have a smaller audience than Repair Lot.

And has he never heard of Photoshop?  Here's something I cobbled together in 3 minutes using Paint...

...without the help of Dean Westmoreland - look him up if you want to get the relevance to this story.

The main issue with the Mini was that its suspension had been set up by a moron.

And, both the cars they worked on had no external work done on them so when they were unveiled and the owners had to say how wonderful they looked - THEY BOTH LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHEN THEY WENT IN.

I've taken it off series-link.

Own Goal

 This guy (click here) must have been desperate.

Imagine Pretending to be an Everton footballer!

Getaway Cars

I found an interesting little section on the Hagerty UK site today called "The One That Got Away."

And yesterday, while I was watching "Salvage Hunters Classic Cars", they added the moneyed star of that show, Drew Pritchard:

He must be bloody young in that picture - and check out the hair on the bloke we know as completely bald!

The "The One That Got Away" stories are of the cars that people wished they hadn't got rid of and would quite like to buy back.

Despite the caption they put on that Beach Buggy in the article, it was the badly-painted orange VW Bus that he swapped to get that Beach Buggy that he wants back.

Drew reckons he's owned about 250 cars but has stopped selling the ones he really likes now.  I've owned five cars and I'm pretty sure three of them are in scrapyards.  If you are ever in a scrapyard and spot a vomit yellow Triumph Dolomite NRE 915W, let me know.

So, that's last night's telly covered, tonight it is the return of Bangers and Cash on Yesterday while Fifth Gear Recharged continues on Quest.

Last month, the star of Bangers and Cash and also of my post last Saturday, Sarah Crabtree told Hagerty of her (also orange) Mini:

Not sure when that would have been taken but satellite telly had been invented.  Again it is fun to see her so young.

And back in October, star of Fifth Gear Recharged, Vicki Butler-Henderson told of her not orange BMW M3 CSL.

Tomorrow night, Jason Manford is on Would I Lie To You (cue Boris Johnson joke).  I found this picture of a younger Manford in a car:

and it looks like it is still on the road:

Healing Words

There are a couple of Facebook Pages that I follow for their interesting motoring content.  I can recommend them both.

One is Silodrome.

The other is Hagerty UK. Other nationalities of Hagerty are available.

Both of them had Healey stories this week - although strictly speaking, the Silodrome one was a Healy story.  That spelling just looks wrong.  But then again, so does the car:

The Nissan Micra rear lights don't help but the Mini front lights make it look like a bloated Mini Convertible.

It probably looks quite good in the flesh though.

It is a kit car based on an MX5.  It is from Healy Designs reimagining a modern day Austin-Healey 3000.  I can see where they are coming from and I think they are making a fair fist of it.

The Healey name with an "e" allegedly belongs to a company called HFI Automotive and according to Wikipedia, without any citation, so it could be a load of tripe, in 2007 it was announced that Nanjing Automotive (NAC, who own the Austin name and are currently producing MGs) signed a collaborative agreement with them that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.

The Hagerty story, on the other hand, harks back to how Ford could have but didn't invent the Hot Hatch.

With this car:

It was developed in the late '70s by Healey Automotive Consultants who were owned by the Healey family and went on to be sold to HFI Automotive who may well have signed a collaborative agreement with NAC in 2007 that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.  It was actually Ford of America that was leading on this which is why it is a left-hand drive car and has American plates even though the letters and numbers point at a 1978 UK car.

According to MyCarCheck, that UK plate is now on a 2015 Ford Escort Sport - more tripe because there is no such thing.  I suspect that somebody has spotted the headlights on this exact car and re-registered it wrongly on it returning to the UK in 2015.

God I'm good.

I've just looked it up on the Government MOT-check Website.

Not only does it confirm that we ARE talking out this Healey Fiesta, it also picks up on the one thing that really annoyed me when I first saw the photos of this historic car.

Under "Repair Immediately" it states<

• Offside Headlamp aim projected beam image is obviously incorrect (4.1.2 (c))

Running Amok, Ah!

You'd never catch me running a Mokka.

Lot's of people do - these are people who have given up on any thoughts of enjoying driving.

I may have just mentioned once or thrice how I hate SUVs - but I accept that they are here to stay.

And Vauxhall are trying to make the new version of the Mokka more exciting.  This is called the Vauxhall Vizor:

Note the exciting spelling - which I initially misread as Vauxhall Victor.  It was Ford Ecosport/Ford Escort all over again.  Anyway, the new Mokka is getting that "Vizor" front which is claimed to be inspired by the Vauxhall Firenza: 

Hopefully not one about to be crashed in to by a Mini Rally Car.  Autocar have the story.

They don't say what will be happening with the Opel Mokka - presumably they will need a pretentious corruption of a German word for the front end of that.

This is supposedly going to feature on all Vauxhalls throughout the 2020s - it may actually look good on an Astra or Insignia - and feel truer to the Firenza philosophy but in the meantime, don't Mokka the afflicted.

Duns-Folding?

Interesting story from Autoguide this week about the Top Gear Test Track.

The test track made famous by Jeremy, James & Richard but now being used by Matt, Chris & Rory.

 

Following on from the planning permission requested for a mega-motor museum in Oxfordshire, we now have a planning permission request to turn the Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey (better known as the Top Gear Test Track) into a mega-housing development.

 

Sacrilege!

 

Although it is amusing to read in the article that the Americans think Surrey has its own Secretary of State.

 

Anyway, a bit more digging brings up this Waverley Borough Council page about the proposals.

 

The page owner is Ben HAMMOND.

 

Coincidence!?

 

Yes, probably.

Her Name is Rio...

...and she's based on a Triumph Dolomite Sprint.

It's a Panther Rio.  I've never seen one in the flesh before - but it was one of the first cars I saw at The Manchester Classic Car Show.

 

Although I didn't see any actual Dolomites.  There were plenty of other Triumphs there though including TR6s, TR7s, my favourite Stags and even an Acclaim.

There were also plenty of excited dads like me wandering about telling their bored children why various cars were very interesting or had been owned by their ancestors.

As well as a car based on one of my former cars, there was also a green Jag estate a bit like I drive now - only much classier:

Having said that, I did spot this:

Now that may be in much better nick than my own car, and a few years younger, but it would imply that my car is a classic.

It isn't.

I suppose that this Porsche 914 is a classic - but it is clearly the Boxster's grandfather and I dislike it for the same reason that I dislike the Boxster - you can't tell if it's going forwards or backwards.

 There were a few cars I'd never heard of before  - like the Rochdale Olympic:

The Rochdale owners club had two and a half of them on display:

 Then there was this Berkeley:

I had to look them up on Wikipedia.  If what it says is correct, they seemed to have a large model-range considering they only lasted from 1956 to 1960 when they went bankrupt.  This model, which looked a bit lonely and ignored, looks like a Berkeley Foursome - 20 were produced and it had a tiny 492cc engine.

They did have some modern cars too.  It was difficult getting near the Tesla:

It was near the Tesla that I was handed my "goodie bag" which turned out to contain an issue (No 348) of Classic Car Buyer - and nothing else.  I shouldn't complain because it retails for £2.50 and the carrier bag will be worth 10p too.

Not too sure about this Mini Hatchback.

It's very clever and all that but the proportions looked all wrong.

Never mind, this makes everything good again:

Check out more pictures here.

Mini-Orgasm

Nice story from lots of West Country News websites today such as The Western Daily Press. Apparently, a "fit" woman in her 30s got a bit bored in a traffic jam and decided to "relieve the tension" with a little help from a "Rampant Rabbit-style sex toy."

She was in a Mini (car not skirt - she was wearing trousers)

Anyway, the Earth moved, or, more precisely, the car moved and she drove into the back of one of these:

That is an M&J Seafoods van.  There is no mention of seagulls in the story.

But there will have been a strong fish smell.

I'm Not a Fan of "The Apprentice"

Either the British version with Sir Lord Prince Alan Sugar:

 

Or the American version with Donald Trump:

I'm not particularly a fan of Mr.Sugar - but at least he likes cars and football.

 

And he isn't obsessed with the insane idea that Barack Obama wasn't born on US soil.

 

And his surname doesn't mean "fart".

 

Although the UK version of the show has produced its own vile creature.  She is either unbelievably ignorant or completely desperate for publicity.  So I'm not going to mention her name.  In either case she should be starved of the oxygen of said publicity.  In fact, I'd be quite happy for her just to be starved of oxygen full stop.

 

Anyway, I don't watch The Apprentice for the same reason I don't watch Big Brother - I discovered quite early on that I don't actually like any of the people taking part.

 

Good job apprentices in Germany have the right idea.

 

This Autoguide story from yesterday covers a couple of very fine concepts created by Volkswagen apprentices for the forthcoming Wörthersee festival where Audi/VW tuners congregate to show off their work.  this GTi based car is called the Dark Shine.  Ok, it probably loses something in translation but it still looks very desirable.

Meanwhile here's a story from last year about what Mini Apprentices got up to - a fun Mini Countryman Pick-Up:

I bet none of them wrote a mission statement first.

 

Now, all we need is a new show that shows genuinely talented apprentices like these at work.

 

While Al and Donny could be fired.

Past Times

I've just been for a wander around the Skoda Museum.

They do scrambled eggs for 39 of whatever the currency is in The Czech Republic.  Which is cheaper than the "hot wine" which costs 45 of whatever the currency is in The Czech Republic.

Upstairs is a bit boring though - it's just white chairs and tables plus a fire extinguisher.

The ground floor is very interesting though - especially as you can get in some of the cars.

Shame it was only a virtual wander then.

I was pointed at it by this article in caradvice.com.au

It is good old Google Maps that let you have a look inside.  I'd love to know they got the Google Mapping car inside the museum restaurant.

They've also allegedly had it inside the Lamborghini, Mazda and Honda museums too.

Meanwhile, Autocar are taking us today on a gentle stroll around a Mini exhibition in Munich.

This shows us that, just after MINI launched their 4-Door version on the market, Minis really do look disproportionate with 4 Doors:

 This next item is wrong - 1959 Minis did not have those rear light clusters.

And this third picture is just wrong in other ways.  I can't decide if it meant to show that these cars have been driven at a wall at very high speed...

...or it is the result of some strange, perverted hunting trip.

Also, we are not told how much the scrambled eggs cost in the restaurant there.

How do you get four elephants in a Mini?

Two in the front, two in the back

How do you get four giraffes in a Mini?

You can't - it's full up with elephants.

In my day, people broke records for the number of people they could crush into a Mini.

It still happens.

But that's a new Mini not a proper Mini.  They're bound to get more in.

 

That photo (and record)  appear in this plug for the new Guinness Book of World Records book that is appearing in MSN Cars at the moment - a plethora of motoring records.

 

As plugs go, it is quite an interesting one.  Partly because not only does it feature Edd China in a couple, but it also features the Honda BTCC Team in a couple.  Win-win as far as I'm concerned.

 It also features the longest car in the World, complete with helipad and helicopter:

I particluarly like the fastest bathroom including Edd China, dirty washing and rubber duckies: 

and also this VW Scirocco which hasn't won the "most boring" title (I can think of many candidates for that category - Japan and Korea I'm looking at you) but has won the most powered by coffee category - a Sciroccocino if you will.

Testing Britain's Worst Drivers: Crash Course

This was a programme on ITV last night.

And it was absolutely brilliant!

I'm surprised I haven't read more about it today.  The Radio Times have a listing on it and there was a brief discussion on Pistonheads but apart from that - nothing.

ITV don't even have anything on it apart from on their watch-again service.

There have been many shows in the past - such as "Britain's Worst Driver" - that have shown ordinary people who don't care about how they drive.  The shows go on to demonstrate how bad these individuals are and hopefully cure them.

This show last night felt like it was going to be one of those.  That's OK - I like those shows.

It was narrated by Jamie Theakston - a stalwart of narrating motorway cop shows and the like.

But this had a twist.

The first poor driver (poor as in "bad" not as in "unfortunate") was Jason, a fancy-dress shop owner who was aggressive on the road and ignored red traffic lights and speed limits:

His friend's expression says it all.

 

There was plenty of footage of him whizzing around Blackpool in his blue BMW Z4 breaking rules of the road and traffic laws.

 

The show claimed that the most accident-prone drivers tend to be men aged 35 to 50 who drive blue BMWs.  A perfect match.

 

Anyway, Jason was taken to a test-track and told to drive a Mini around while sat next to an instructor.  The instructor had him calmed down and he was driving perfectly safely.

 

Before I continue, I would actually recommend you watch this show - as previously mentioned it is on the ITVPlayer, but if you aren't going to, or it's past ITVPlayer time or you are abroad somewhere, then I will go on...

 

The footage from inside the Mini looked a bit like they were sat in a driving simulator.  But the footage from outside showed the car moving around the track matching what was happening inside. 

 

Must have been a camera-effect then.

 

Anyway, they came to some traffic-light controlled roadworks and Jason came to a stop at the red light - as you or I would but as he previously may not have.

 

The lights turn green and he set's off, slowly and steadily.

 

He then stalls.

 

Or, more precisely - it is stalled for him - but he doesn't know this.

 

As he's fiddling trying to restart the car, you see a blue BMW Z4 heading straight for his door.  The instructor yells "Look out!", Jason looks out and has the shock of his life.

 

It turns out he was in a simulator that he had been driving for several hours so it felt to him like he was really driving.  It was particularly realistic because his driving was controlling a remote-controlled Mini around the test-track and that Mini has a series of cameras in it to display what was being seen on the simulator.

 

The BMW Z4 (carrying Jason's number plate) was remotely driven into the Mini at high speed to show what happens when people jump red lights.

 

He was left shaking.  He was then taken down to see what had happened to the remote cars and learned that Mini occupants may well have been killed but the Z4 driver (ie him) would probably have survived - with a maximum 14 year jail sentence and the knowledge that he'd killed someone.

 

The second poor driver, Laura, a beauty student, spent all her driving time being distracted by doing make-up, eating and drinking, playing on her Smartphone etc.  She had a white Nissan Juke and the footage of her in it looked downright dangerous - certainly illegal. 

She's pictured with her mother but she was so bad, I'm surprised her mother or anyone else would want to be driven by her.  I know I wouldn't.

 

I'm not convinced that the curing worked as well here.  For a starter, the car that was meant to be hers was an old, white Honda HR-V.

 

Then, after a demonstration of what happens when you are given distractions while driving, she was on her best behaviour and concentrating on what she was doing - so when the distracted Honda came across the road towards her, she avoided it and didn't know that it had then gone on to hit some carefully placed parked cars.

 

If they had had a head-on collision it would have been unforgetable for her.

 

As it was, she was shown the damage that the Honda had done, specifically to the back door of an Escort "where a small child could have been killed if it was strapped into a car-seat in there".

 

She did claim to have been affected by it and stated how she regretted her previous driving and vowed to change.  Hopefully she was telling the truth.

 

Both drivers were revisited a month later and their respective passengers both commented on how they had changed and their driving was noticably improved.

 

So, an excellent, thought-provoking show - catch it if you can.

I Want That Car

The second episode of I Want That Car was broadcast on ITV4 last night. 

 

It is ITV's new "Daisybeck Productions give you a male motoring journo & female racer presenting a show giving punters a choice of 3 cars to buy and after test-driving 2 of them they have to select one to purchase while telling you a bit about them and trying to get a good deal off the unseen seller while the car's number plate is covered with the initials of the programme" show.

 

I watched the first one last week and found it irritating but decided to give it another go.

 

This week, I still found it irritating.

 

It could be the music.

 

It could be the fact they go to a racing circuit to do the show while racing is going on but just show little clips of the same racing cars over and over again in the middle of the main element of the show.

 

But I think it's probably the presenters. 

Rebecca Jackson makes big deal of how she is a used car expert (a saleswoman perhaps? - after I suggested they may not exist - no, an "expert" - although judging by her own website, she's only sold one car) and how she races Porsche Boxsters - but she only looks 15 - and she and the cameraman refuse to stand still when she is doing her pieces to camera.  And she's overly enthusiastic.

Mat Watson, meanwhile, works for Auto Express.

He comes over as too chummy and his Brummie accent keeps slipping in and out.  He likes the punters to "floor it" on the test drives and then states that they didn't go over the speed limits.  I wonder if the producer was involved in making that statement.

 

At this point, I suppose, I'd have to admit that I'd be crap at presenting a motoring show, especially if I was an unknown - I'd feel awkward pretending that everyone should just accept me straight off and at least these two do have the right professional backgrounds.

 

But I'm not presenting a motoring show and they are.

 

The show doesn't even have its own Website.  The nearest is this which is really looking for people to take part in it.  They do have a Facebook page which doesn't have many contributions apart from themselves looking for people to take part.  The couple of people who have commented are mixed on the show but one person thinks it is better than Top Gear - idiot!

 

They also have a Twitter feed which doesn't have many contributions apart from themselves looking for people to take part. The couple of people who have commented are a bit pro the show but one person thinks it is better than Top Gear - idiot!

 

The first show consisted of a bloke who used to own a Lotus (we don't know what happened to it) looking for a suitable sporty replacement - he is offered a TT, an Abarth (sporty Fiat 500) and a Porsche Boxster - he chooses the Porsche.

 

The second show consisted of a bloke after a classic.  He is offered a Mini, an MGB and a Porsche 911 Carrera Targa - he chooses the Porsche.

 

Actually, I think I've worked out what irritates me the most, and why I probably won't bother watching the rest of the series - it is because it isn't Used Car Roadshow.  If you aren't sure what Used Car Roadshow was, it was ITV's "Daisybeck Productions give you a male motoring journo & female racer presenting a show giving punters a choice of 3 cars to buy and after test-driving 2 of them they have to select one to purchase while telling you a bit about them and trying to get a good deal off the unseen seller while the car's number plate is covered with the initials of the programme" show.

Uncle Buick

I was going to call this post "Would you Adam & Eve it!?" but since it is about Vauxhall's posh, American uncle and since the largest group of people who read my posts are American and don't speak Cockney, I went with "Uncle Buick."

Autoguide reported this story yesterday about how GM CEO Dan Akerson expressed his desire to add the Vauxhall/Opel Adam and Cascada to the Buick model lineup.

Buick is not a brand I know too much about - my only real memories of a Buick involve the brown Buick Century that Kojak used to drive in the 1970s:

I don't believe that Buicks were ever sold here in the UK but I do know that it is meant to be the upmarket badge for GM in The States.

Which surprises me a bit that they would want to re-badge the Adam as a Buick.  I can sort of understand the Cascada - it was seriously mooted in my earlier story on the Cascada, but the Adam is meant to be a Mini/Fiat 500 worrier.  In fact, why not sell it to the Americans as a small, funky, European car and give it a Vauxhall or Opel badge there too?

This story did prompt me to look up Buick on Wikipedia (yes, I know other, more reliable, websites are available) where I learned that Buick himself was Scottish and the cars gained "Ventiports" in 1949 which are ventilation holes in the front wings representing the engine cylinders that have little flashing lights in them to indicate the sparks - I'd like to see that on a modern car - don't know what they would do for a diesel though.


Now, if they do insist on calling a small Buick the Buick Adam, here's a tip for the marketing people:

Get a clip of Telly Savalas saying,

"Who Loves Ya, Baby?"

The Prime Minister is a Liar

I do like a good, controversial post title.

I object to David Cameron on many fronts - mostly his politics and partly the fact that he is about a month younger than me - it's not nice being older than the Prime Minister.

Anyway, he tells his lie at the McLaren factory in the video attached to this brief news item. He says that apart from a golf-buggy and an electric Range-Rover, he has not "sat behind the wheel of a car" in the last 18 months. These pictures beg to differ...That was a Mini Cooper in June this year. This is a similarly decorated Qashqai in the same month......and this is another Mini from August...
I'll let him off with this one though......on three counts:

+It was in 2005 so well before 18 months ago.
+He isn't actually behind the wheel.
+You can't actually call a G-Wiz a car.

I've decided I actually feel a bit sorry for old (make that "young") Dave though - HE ISN'T ALLOWED TO DRIVE!

Enough to make you not want to be Prime Minister.