Return of the Grand Tour!

Just with three different blokes:

Haven't a clue who they are but they seem far too young.

That will be the reaction of most Grand Tour fans I imagine.

It was certainly my first thought.

Jeremy has done an "amusing" little sketch for The socials where he is choosing them: 

So I suppose I'd better find out who they are.

Thomas Holland appears to be Spiderman.

I may have the wrong person.

There's a racing driver called Thomas Holland - it must be him - I approve of racing drivers becoming TV motoring presenters - like Tiff Needell, Jason Plato and of course, Vicki Butler-Henderson. Only trouble is, Thomas Holland the racing driver doesn't look like any of the blokes in that photo.

OK, a bit more digging.  Thomas and second new presenter James Engelsman are successful motoring Youtubers with a channel called Throttlehouse.

I'd never heard of it but they have 3.36 million subscribers so must be doing something right.  I approve.

Although I'd have probably gone with the Youtube presenters I watch - Ian from Hubnut, Ed from Twincam and Ryan from Yorkshire Car Restorations. I'd love to see how those three would get along.

The third presenter, who I have also never heard of, is "viral train enthusiast Francis Bourgeois."

They nearly had me. 

Flattened

 Like the Tesla battery.

This Yahoo story is worth reading just for the line, "I should really have sued him back, but I feared he’d call me a paedo."

I've changed the spelling of "paedo" on the grounds that Jeremy Clarkson and I are both British.

Was a bit surprised that British cave expert Vernon Unsworth who Musk labelled a “pedo guy” online after Unsworth helped rescue 12 boys trapped in a Thai cave in 2018 was unsuccessful in suing for defamation though - guess he wasn't powerful enough to put up a strong enough case.

Shame.

But a comment under the Yahoo story is pretty good too...

"99% of all Teslas made are still on the road.  The other 1% made it home."

I've put that in quotes in case Elon thinks I came up with it.

The Return Trip

Quite enjoyed this video from James May's YouTube Channel last week.

In it, James and Richard Hammond returned to Dunsfold to the abandoned portakabin complex that used to be the Top Gear production offices.

The abandonment does highlight what has happened to Top Gear since October 2018.

Now it looks like they will be doing something a bit similar for Prime with The Not Very Grand Tour.

Part of me doesn't want to watch it for the same reason I tend not to watch the "Best bits" or "Unseen footage" episodes of shows like Would I Lie to You?

And these usually contain both "best bits" and unseen footage.

But I've already seen the best bits.

And yet, I don't mind repeats.

Jeremy will only be appearing in the shown footage whereas James and Richard will be talking about it.

And taking the mickey.

So will I watch it?

Let's face it, I'd watch a knitting programme if those two were fronting it - so yes - and I'm not lying to you.

Three for All

Happy St.Stephen's Day!

If Good King Wenceslas is looking out on the feast of motoring news this Christmas, he will have spotted the big story which is the potential merger of Nissan, Honda and Mitsubishi.

The story came out with this photo:

Assuming they are standing in front of their respective logos, the Mitsubishi guy looks slightly less unhappy with the deal than the other two.

It took me a while to work out what that photo reminded be of.

At first I thought of Kraftwerk - maybe performing Autobahn:

But they have lecturns.

And there are four of them.

As I have mentioned before, here and here for example, three is the magic number - although I was talking about Top Gear at the time at the start of the Chris Evans era.

You don't hear of him nowadays.

But maybe that is a clue as to what the photo reminds me of:

Except they look too relaxed.

And they are stood in the wrong order - Hammond is definitely Mitsubishi and Clarkson is definitely Nissan.

This photo is a bit closer:

Sir Kier even has the pose right.

But this is the photo that captures the mood best:

Now, what sort of vehicle will these three automotive icons come up with?

How about this?

Where are they now?

During a recent conversation in the pub and a quick search on The Internet, I found out that a couple of showjumpers I used to watch on The Horse of The Year Show back in my distant youth are still alive.  David Broome and Harvey Smith are both in their mid-eighties.

The conversation diverged and I looked up former Top Gear presenter William Woollard.

He is also alive and in his mid-eighties.

Although, if you believe his Wikipedia page (and it isn't convinced itself), he was looking extremely frail 14 years ago.

So, what about the other former TG presenters?

It may be a false memory, but I think I can remember Angela Rippon presenting it - I am more certain about remembering Noel Edmonds.

Angela has, rather disappointingly had a stint on GB News alongside drunk-driver (and definitely NOT a TG presenter) Alistair Stewart.

She now does an advert alongside a Albert Einstein impersonator - not sure what it is for but it's got something to do with energy.

Of this lot, Tiff Needell and Chris Goffey have both appeared recentlyish on a couple of my favourite YouTube Channels (Late Brake Show and idriveaclassic respectively) looking a lot older but still going strong.  Meanwhile, Steve Berry has just started up is own channel - Steve Berry's Big in the Nineties.

In it, he gets angry every week and mentions that he used to present Top Gear and drives a car from that decade in a very entertaining package.

He also appears to be turning into Bob Mortimer - especially in the Audi A6 C5 Avant episode where he compounds it by attempting a North-East accent.

I have liked and subscribed.

Paddy, who I DO REALLY LIKE JUST NOT PRESENTING TOP GEAR OR QUESTION OF SPORT, was on Who Do You Think You Are? last week - that was enjoyable and he found out his ancestry was Irish - who would have thought that?

Next Thursday also sees the return of Vicki & Rory in Fifth Gear on Quest and the return of Jeremy, James & Richard in the last ever Grand Tour on Amazon Prime.

Shame it has to end.

We don't know if Top Gear TV has ended but we do know who the general public (as opposed to the car-fanatical public) remember the most.

Bloody Cyclists

Do I dislike cyclists as much as I dislike SUVs?

Probably not - I own a bike (that I extremely rarely ride) - I've never driven an SUV nor do I have an inkling to.

But I have been known to point out cyclists' shortcomings now and again.

Anyway, this one gave me a shock yesterday morning.

I didn't even know there was a cycle lane there.  There is also one similarly located at the junction that I usually leave the M53 at and that one is signposted - but the signs are hidden in overgrown bushery.

There aren't even signs at this junction (I checked) so you would have thought that this idiot might have actually looked before crossing at speed.

It might have helped if he was travelling a bit slower and was a bit higher up...

Really, though, I think this post is just an excuse to use this picture again:

But Seriously...

Last month, The BBC announced what many people believe to be the end of Top Gear as a UK television programme.

They then announced that the last bit of the last Grand Tour had been filmed.

One of those saddened me more than the other.

Hagerty have now produced a very interesting article  by James Mills suggesting that we need a new, proper car show rather than an entertainment show.   It also points out how the success of Top Gear 2002 (as I think of the Clarkson era) was down to the hard work and skills of Jeremy Clarkson and Andy Wilman - which would explain the success of The Grand Tour.

It is a very well written article - apart from where Sabine Schmitz is described as "a little-known German racing driver."  You may not have heard of her James, but true Top Gear fans know exactly who she was.

The article goes on to say why Top Gear was never going to match the Wilman/Clarkson era and how we need a proper motoring show now more than ever - especially as the motoring world is evolving into an electrically-powered world.

In a way we have that though thanks to YouTube.  I get most of my motoring fixes that way now subscribing to about ten different channels.  I even have my own channel - not that I think I'll ever use it.  I only created it so that I could add a reply to someone commenting on a Lotus Europa in the background of this video.

But, if you are not a fan of Youtube, maybe you should write to the BBC and tell them to take note of the words of the prescient young-ish blogger who wrote this 10 years ago.

Oh Jeremy!

You've really gone and done it this time haven't you?

"At night, I'm unable to sleep as I lie there, grinding my teeth and dreaming of the day when she is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant 'Shame!' and throw lumps of excrement at her."

Not the cleverest of things to say about Meghan Markle.

Apparently it is a Game of Thrones reference.

I've never watched Game of Thrones.

And he made the reference in his column in what Greatest Hits Radio (Liverpool) calls "The paper we don't name"

Although calling it a paper is being generous.

And given that its readers are generally as thick as the proverbial brown stuff, they won't have gotten the reference even if they did watch Game of Thrones.

Anyway, the paper that Greatest Hits Radio (Liverpool) don't name has received over 12000 complaints and counting and he has replaced his online column with a tweet that shows a teensy bit of regret.

Even is own daughter spoke out about the misogyny in the article.

The BBC reporting of this is here.

It's a shame - this is after he'd established himself as a very competent host of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and had received plaudits and new fans for his Amazon series about his farm.  There is a release date scheduled for series 2 of 10th Feb 2023 - less than two months off - is all publicity good publicity?

I'm a big fan of Jeremy's.

99% of the time.

We all know he loves to shock - I think he may have overdone it here though.

And the only person covered in manure will probably be him.  Does he keep cows on his farm?

Best. Grand Tour. Ever.

I watched A Scandi Flick yesterday.

Don't read this if you haven't watched it yet but do plan to!

The boys were on top form.

I suspect that Jeremy was very much involved in the writing.  It had a lot of the humour of Top Gear when that was at its best - like the camping trip adventure and the making-an-advert-for-the-VW-Corrado piece.

The bit on the ski slope was just hilarious.

I refuse to believe, though, that the two most shocking events in the show were scripted.

If they were, then somebody deserves an Oscar.

Firstly James smashes his Mitsubishi Evo at high speed sideways into a cave wall and breaks a rib and the car.

Then, once it has been made roadworthy again, he crashes it through a frozen lake surface and he has to escape a semi-submerged car.

It is after this second accident that Hammond (why does he get known by his surname?) comes to the fore and "remembers" seeing a way of using some trees to make a winch to retrieve the stricken car.

Now surely it was the production team who cut down the trees and set everything up to perform this rescue - Jeremy and Clarkson got the credit but whoever did it - it was very effective.

And excellent television.

You would have to be a very harsh critic to think otherwise.

Flipping Vauxhalls!

I can only go on what I've read in this BBC story.

And I would normally be dead against the wanton damage of a car...

Unless done for entertainment purposes by Clarkson, May & Hammond...

But a jury have heard the full story and evidence so I'm fully behind the guy driving the telehandler here:

I'd never heard of a telehandler before but basically, a "telescopic handler" is a forklift which has a boom that can extend forwards and upwards from the vehicle.

Anyway, these two scrotes, at least one of whom is drunk, have suffered a double-puncture.

Unfortunate.

But in those circumstances, parking at the side of that road and asking for help would be the sensible thing to do.

NOT PARKING IN SOMEONE'S DRIVE AND THEN KICKING OFF AT HIM.

Both scrotes seem to have been filming the events so we can see what went on and I do think that it is reasonable that this went to Court given the damage to the car and the fact that one scrote was also upended.

It is also funny watching that one scrote kicking the telehandler reinforcing the fact that he isn't too bright.

The farmer driving the telehandler seems to have left it exactly where the Corsa driver should have left it in the first place - just a bit upside down.

I would just love to have heard the conversations with the roadside recovery people.

AA Man: "You just told us it had two punctures!  We're going to have to turn this the right way up. You don't know anyone round here with a telehandler do you?"

Powerless

The BBC have had a go at Boris Johnson today.

Unusually.

Political reporter Jennifer Scott was much harsher than Laura Kuenssberg would have been.

Good.

Basically, Johnson made a speech which was supposed to promote electric motoring and green business to the CBI.  But he lost his place and waffled on about Peppa Pig World for a bit making a few lame jokes.

Embarrassing.

An earlier version of the Jennifer Scott story had lots of motoring references about him taking the wrong turn and other such also lame jokes.  That version seems to have disappeared.

Probably for the best.

Now, talking about electric cars and the BBC and embarrassing, did you see Top Gear this weekend?

After a promising series opener last week with a very moving tribute to Eddie Kidd, this week they went caravanning using luxury electric cars as their tow-cars. It included a puerile and pointless attempt to lap their cars around the top of a mountain while eating stronger and stronger chillies culminating in Paddy McGuinness spitting out a mouthful of milk over Freddie Flintoff and the interior of a Mercedes EQC.

They then had to drive to Barnard Castle (which brings us back to Johnson embarrassment) without recharging - and they ran out of charge.  Actually, Chris Harris did get there but only by ditching his caravan so the whole exercise was a waste of time.

There is only one solution to both of these situations.

8 Things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it

This Drivetribe article is pointless.  It's called "8 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT" but it is written by somebody who has just watched it.

Anyone who may be interested in this article would be watching the show rather than reading the article.

Which is why the article actually told me 8 things I already knew about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT.

Here are a couple of other things that you will already know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you have watched it:

9. There was a clever bit of animation added to a "Falling Rocks" sign on the road around Reunion.

10.  Jeremy used the show to reinforce his anti-Brexit views including using a European flag to start the drag race and describing the third world conditions in a run-down bit of Madagascar as life outside the EU.  I tried to get a photo of the drag race start but if you put "Drag Race" into Google, you get pictures of men dressed up as grotesque caricatures of women.  This was the best Drag Race photo I could find:

11.  They didn't use new cars.  Good job really.

12.  Convertibles are often called "Spiders" (or "Spyders" if you are Alfa Romeo).  James' Caterham covered in mud and excrement really looked like a spider:

I hope you found it useful to read these four more things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it.

Or, if you don't have access to Amazon Prime, Oops, sorry!

Pointless

There is something wrong with the British public.

Actually, we already knew that - Boris Johnson and Brexit prove that.

But they seem ignorant on important matters too.

There must also be something wrong with Top Gear.

I've just been watching Pointless.  They had a round on Top Gear presenters - 16 photos and the contestants had to identify the presenters in the photos.

Obviously I knew them all so I decided to go with Jon Bentley - I figured he was a shoe-in to be a pointless answer.

Here are the results straight from the TV on my bedroom wall:

Two members of the British public knew who Jon Bentley is.

Two also knew who Sabine Schmitz is.

BUT ONLY ONE KNOWS WHO CHRIS HARRIS IS!

And nobody knows who Vicki Butler-Henderson is!

Crazy!

Jeremy was top scorer and those famous for other things all scored highly too.

I'm not convinced that when Richard Osman, the man with all the answers, said that Top Gear was Kate Humble's big break in TV, that he was right.  I seem to remember her already being famous and her joining Top Gear and me thinking that she was a poor choice since she seemed to know bugger all about cars and driving - how history repeats itself.

And then Richard Osman pointed out that Tiff Needell ought to be Tiffany Dell and Alexander Armstrong asked him what Tiff was short for - Richard Osman, the man with all the answers, got it wrong.

He needs to read my blog.

27 Not Out?

Series 27 episode 1 of Top Gear has aired.

The one I was hoping not to like.

Well, it wasn't awful.  The relationships between the three presenters is promising and given that I like all three of them then I suppose that was always likely to be the case.

The BBC are bigging it up as you would expect.  They say that the critics give it "warm praise."  But then they open up that story to the Gammons who infest the BBC News Website with the predicted result.  I do hope that anyone who reads the comments on BBC News doesn't think that they are indicative of British attitudes.

So what did I think?  I enjoyed the Ethiopia bit.  I also enjoyed the Ferrari and McLaren bit but the fact Chris had to do it just shows that we have gone from three car experts (James, Jeremy & Richard) down to two and a half car experts (Chris, Rory & Matt) down to one car expert (Chris) - this will hamper what Top Gear is meant to be and also hamper the discussions within the banter.

Based on episode 1, I am willing to give it another go - I'll probably last the series but I don't see myself being bowled over.

Am I Going to be Disappointed on Father's Day?

Unfortunately, I expect so.

And there's nothing my children can do about it.

You see the BBC have chosen Father's Day to begin the new series of Top Gear.

Radio Times have been getting very excited about it.

It's on the front cover:

They also have this feature and this article online in which Chris Harris claims the new team will be better than Jeremy, James & Richard.

No it won't.

One preview clip presented to journalists featured Flintoff rubbing his unwashed hands over Harris after visiting the toilet.

Rory Reid's demotion is more pronounced too with the axing of his Extra Gear show.

I'll still be watching - I've got to give it a fair chance - but I can't believe that I'll be wanting it to fail. And maybe it won't - maybe I'll like it.

And maybe Brexit will be a success.

The End of the World as we Know It?

No it isn't.

It's just Justin Rowlatt being mischievous.

He's written quite a piece for the BBC News site today about how cars will be done and dusted within a decade.

He tells us that the economics and planet-friendliness of electric cars will kill off the combustion engine.

And that driverless cars will make it unsafe for humans to drive cars amongst them.  So that will stop.

And that car ownership will cease due to readily available shared transit modules.

And we can expect this within ten years - about the same time it took for horses to become obsolete in New York City.

However, I don't think he is serious.

Nor do I think he wants this.

His last two sentences are:

"But seriously, I've deliberately put these arguments forcefully to prompt debate and we want to hear what you think.

You can comment below, or tweet me @BBCJustinR."

And this is the same Justin Rowlatt who was co-presenter of the ...On Four Wheels series that I happened to enjoy (and comment on) a while back.  I think he did too.

Anyway, as I type, he's achieved 2306 comments albeit mostly from the Gammons who usually comment on the BBC News Website.  Apparently, they don't like being called "Gammons" - they don't mind calling us "Libtards" and "Remoaners" but now we've got a good insult for them they get all precious.

A few good points are made - there is quite a theme about how it could work in cities but most of us don't live in cities.  Quite true - it may be OK for New York - but not New Brighton.

Also, all this electricity has to come from somewhere.  The amount needed will mean it's neither clean nor cheap.

Can you imagine the rest of the World buying in to this?  Even if you've got friends in high places (like Justin seems to have)

...I don't see China having a network of electric boxes moving people around that huge country in 2018.

 

But whatever happens, there will always be plenty of car people who wouldn't let this nightmare scenario occur.

 

Like me and Jeremy Clarkson.

Duns-Folding?

Interesting story from Autoguide this week about the Top Gear Test Track.

The test track made famous by Jeremy, James & Richard but now being used by Matt, Chris & Rory.

 

Following on from the planning permission requested for a mega-motor museum in Oxfordshire, we now have a planning permission request to turn the Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey (better known as the Top Gear Test Track) into a mega-housing development.

 

Sacrilege!

 

Although it is amusing to read in the article that the Americans think Surrey has its own Secretary of State.

 

Anyway, a bit more digging brings up this Waverley Borough Council page about the proposals.

 

The page owner is Ben HAMMOND.

 

Coincidence!?

 

Yes, probably.

Sporty Spice

Walk-on girls in Darts are a bad thing.  They are a sexist anachronism.

Here is a nice picture of some:

Interesting camera-angle.

 

The BBC use this picture to show how awful this practice is.

 

And now I've done it too.

 

The BBC story about the Professional Darts Corporation ending the practice of pretty ladies escorting players up to the oche is here.

 

Given events over the last few months, notably the Presidents Club outrage, some broadcasters are getting nervous - probably quite rightly -  so this is a good move considering we are nearly a fifth of the way into the 21st Century.

 

The article also suggests that other sports such as boxing and motor-racing should follow suit.

 

I have touched on the subject of motorsport using attractive women, including grid-girls, myself - here three years ago.  I have no issue with using pretty people to mark out where drivers have to line up at the start of a race - but, as I said in that article, it would be better for ALL spectators if some of those people happened to be of the male gender.  formula 1 obviously took note of my post because this happened at the Monaco Grand Prix that year.

Looks like the drivers weren't that impressed but tough.  Times they are a changing, even Jeremy, James and Richard are enthusing about their latest recruit:

The Woman

I've just watched the second episode of the second series of The Grand Tour.

And, just like the second series of the post-Jeremy Top Gear, it's taken on board the criticisms of series one and improved.

Actually, series two of GT has evolved into what looks like the later-Jeremy-era TG.

The dead-celebrity running-joke has gone and been replaced with something that looks a lot like Star-in-a-Reasonably-Priced-Car.  But so far, without the annoying plugging.

And "The American" has been replaced by this lady:

Although you only got to see the bit of her face that isn't hidden by her helmet.

Her name is Abbie Eaton.

Obviously she is a race driver.  But she also appeared in the ITV show Drive mentoring Professor Green - who isn't a real professor.  But, then again, she was mentoring him in race driving.

So does this mean a more female bias to the show?

Well Jeremy did reveal that he has James listed on his phone as "Vagina."

New Moaner

More of an "old moaner" actually.

But a very funny one.

He's recently put this on Instagram:

I refer, of course, to Jeremy Clarkson who in turn refers to James May in the photo.

If you can't see the text, it says "The only functioning member of the Grand Tour right now.  God help us."

Jeremy has somehow managed to contract pneumonia in Majorca.  Story Here.  New Moaner - pneumonia - geddit?  Never mind.

Meanwhile, Richard Hammond is still recovering from doing this to an electric supercar:

This may mean that the first couple of episodes of the new series of The Grand Tour may involve some slow driving in a Fiat Panda and the dismantling and remantling of a 1970s Goblin Teasmade.