1000 Not Out!

This is my 1000th Blog Post!

Number 1 was a bit serious - I hadn't got into my stride of  commenting on car news items at that point.

And I was right. 

That was November 2009 by the way - when the World was a better place but we didn't know it.

In fact, it wasn't until 2021 that the end of the World was announced.

By me.

And it was 2018 when I foresaw the end of Top Gear.  I may not have said it, but I definitely foresaw it.

Number 999, just last week, was an amusing electric Bentley story.

So, what have I got for today's Number 1000 story?

An amusing story about a Yorkshire cyclist who decided that a car had passed him too closely so sent footage of it to the Police.

That footage also showed the cyclist squeezing his bike through this gap:

(The car on the left is parked)

The BBC story is here together with the video. There is no news of the car driver that he reported.  But there is news that the cyclist ending up with over £1200 in fines for riding without due care and attention.

I have a vision of the police officer watching the footage then spotting this.

Poetic.

Executive Chargeport Lounges

Audi are looking in to treating their electric car drivers as airline passengers.

Airport Executive lounges are a very acceptable way of spending time while trapped mid-journey.  So why not do something similar when you are waiting for your car to charge up?

The story is here.

It sounds like a good idea - presumably charge a bit more for the electricity but throw in some peanuts and phone charging and newspapers and toilets.  Will they let other drivers use their facilities though?  After all, your average Audi driver won't want to look up from his Financial Times and see a Dacia driver.

I'm sure that the rest of the VW Group brands will want to get some of this action too though.  The Scania one would have to be huge and the Ducati one would have helmet polishing facilities.

Presumably the Bentley one would have butler service and the Lambo one would be the most fun.

They all just need to make sure that they have a snooty person on the entrance to keep out the riff-raff.

Brand New

Did I miss a story in Autocar last week about a VW Group rebranding exercise?

On October 7th they told us that VW has a new look for it's sporty "R" brand.

On October 14th they told us that Seat could be rebranded as Cupra.

On October 21st I think I must have missed one because...

On October 28th they told us that Skoda may or may not be rebranded as a budget brand.

Checking back, there WAS a rebranding story on the 21st but it was GM rebranding Hummer as an EV brand - a more suitable story for April 1st I'd have thought.

They also had a very interesting slideshow listing what they believe to be the most significant car for every year from 1945 to 2000.  The one for the year of my birth is the Fiat 124.

But I digress.

Traditionally, the VW Group's four main brands have always been:

• Skoda - the cheap one
• Seat - the sporty one
• VW - the mainstream one
• Audi - the posh one

Then you've got the likes of Porsche, Bentley, Lambo and Bugatti as luxury, sporty add-ons.

So they really don't need an R Brand.

Or do they?

"Toyota realizes that not everyone has access to my wife"

A brilliant quote from a brilliant article in Autoguide.  They've been very sparse with their writing lately but this one is a welcome piece from their writer Chris Tonn.

Although the subject matter is a bit concerning in a Big Brother sort of way.

Toyota are attempting to patent technology whereby cars would be able to judge your driving and limit what you are allowed to do dependent on your driving skills.

Don't know if it could stop you exiting motorways if you don't understand how indicators work.

Probably not a good idea - motorways would end up full of BMWs that had run out of fuel.

Meanwhile, the BBC of all people, have an article that is very badly written.  They cover a story about how the Mayor of Cheshire East will be getting a new car.

Mayor of Cheshire East!?

Is that even a thing?

Apparently so.

Cheshire East is half a county - how can half a county have a mayor?

Well it has.  Not just half a mayor but a complete mayor.  It also has the Bentley factory so the mayoral car is a Bentley.  Logical if somewhat extravagant.  The lucky mayor has a Bentley Continental Flying Spur. But, according to the story, not for long.

According to the story, "Bentley will soon be launching a plug-in hybrid model called the Bentayga" - this is accompanied by a picture of a three-year-old Bentayga:

Martin Smith, the council's registration and civic services manager told councillors the current petrol-driven Flying Spur emits 254g of carbon dioxide per km, and does about 24 miles per gallon (mpg) of fuel.

 

I shall stop now before I am overcome with excitement.

For Richer, For Poorer

There were a couple of interesting Autocar articles published this week that I quite enjoyed until I read a comment that made me feel quite cold.

The first one was this one.

It is a story about a company called "Flying Spares", based near Nuneaton which basically recycles discarded Bentleys and Rolls Royces to supply spares all around the World.  Most of the business is shipping new or remanufactured spares but they do also source many off the vehicles that they have there too.

Not sure what that 66 plate Bentayga is doing there though. I wonder if they will actually cater for newer Bentleys given that they are now part of VAG so will have a completely different set of spares to Rollers.

 

I know I love wandering about a scrapyard - that particular one (not that they call it a scrapyard) would be particularly fascinating.

 

The company was started out of a Portakabin by Ben Handford and his wife, Lucy and is now turning over close to £10 million per year.

 

Another entrepreneur who started small (in a barn in fact) is Tim Earnshaw, who owns Windrush Car Storage which is what the other article is about.  It is a storage facility for luxury cars and a Metro.

 

The article begins, "They call it ‘the Batcave’ because of the amazing cars it contains, and because you could be standing within two feet of it and not know it was there.

 

I can’t tell you precisely where it is except that it’s in an underground car park in central London, shielded from view by thick walls."

It seems to be under the Westfield Shopping Centre.

It costs £480 a month to store your car there and it will get cosseted including regular running.  I hope they aren't charging the Metro owner that - it will be costing more than the car is worth just to store it.  They do have a cheaper facility in the Cotswolds where they charge £270 a month.  It would be worth driving from London to there just for the savings - but then again, money is not going to be an issue for the people using this service.

Could that be a Bugatti Veyron under that sheet perhaps?

Then I read the comments at the bottom of the story.

Someone using the name voyager12 said "The city where cars are better looked after than people."

Now I love cars.  That's why I was finding it so interesting reading these articles.  The first article is fine - it is about helping people - enthusiasts - to keep old luxury cars on the road at a budget to be enjoyed.  The second article though is about helping obscenely rich people store luxury cars that will very rarely be driven.

The location is nice and handy for Kensington.

Kensington where there are many luxury properties laying empty while their rich, usually foreign, owners are abroad somewhere for most of the year.

Kensington where, at the latest count, 79 people died in the Grenfell Tower fire.  They were there because they were poor - because that was the best social housing that could be found for them.  If it is true that the block was covered in dangerous cladding because it was more attractive to look at then someone needs to go to prison for a very long time.  But if it is true, we know they won't.

Now don't get me wrong, I've no problem with Tim.  He has found an excellent way of bringing some foreign money into our country while he provides a unique and useful service.  It's just a shame that (and I know I'm making a big assumption here) I suspect that most of his client base will think more about their cars than about people.

Talking of Charging...

Which I was with my previous post.

Anyway, it looks like I'm going to have to pay to see yet another good car show that was always free to view.  Variety have the story here about how Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is going over to Netflix.

Bugger.

I watched the latest episode today involving someone called Cedric The Entertainer and a 1958 Bentley.  I am not familiar with Cedric but he did indeed seem entertaining.  Last week it was Norm MacDonald - I am a big fan of Norm and his work but was a bit shocked how old and portly (great word that) that he has become:

I've always watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee via the Website - I suspect Netflix won't permit that in future and I don't envisage myself getting a subscription.  Mind you, I have successfully watched all of The Grand Tour so far using free trials - I fear I may have to stump up £5.99 for the rest of it though.

I think I can afford that.

But it would be easier if Netflix bought my blog.

Off-Road Royce

This is a mule.  It is very good off-road.

This also a mule.  It should also be very good off-road.

I like the second one better.

In fact I think it looks brilliant!  It gets various mentions in the motoring press - here is what Fox News have to say.

It is a mule that Rolls Royce are using to test out the drivetrain for their upcoming SUV.  The final car will look nothing like this which is a shame.  I bet they could sell this mule for lots of money - I'd buy it if my first name was Sheikh.

Rolls' SUV project is called Project Cullinan and it will be a rival for Bentley's upcoming Bentayga SUV.  The Rolls car is named after a diamond in the Crown Jewels - Bentley's is named after a Premier League footballer.

Actually that isn't true but I could imagine there being a Bentayga playing for Aston Villa.  Along with some donkeys.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...and The Beautiful and the Blobby

All, and when I say "All", I Mean "ALL" of the car press today are going on about the 2013 Geneva Motor Show.  The show opens on Thursday in, of all places, Geneva.

But they've let the press in already.

Very much as I'd love to be there with them, I cannot be for various reasons including work commitments, family commitments, finances, logistics and the fact that I'm not a real journalist.

So I have to pick apart what they are all reporting.

Let's start with the good. That would be The Mitsubishi CE-MiEV.

This is the much-better follow-up to the i-MiEV.  Autocar cover it here.  It is an electric car with better range and recharging times than the i-MiEV but still not as good as the Silex Power Chreos.

 

Most importantly, though, it doesn't look stupid like the i-MiEV - actually, I think it looks a lot like a Prius.  But not as good looking as Mitsubishi's other offering at the show, the GR-HEV:

A futuristic- looking  hybrid pick-up with a one-tonne payload.

 

OK, so that's the "good", evironmentally friendly and all that, now for the "bad".  I don't mean "bad" as in "not good", I mean "bad" in the Michael Jackson way.

 

Now, I don't mean "Michael Jackson way" as in the dodgy allegations that saw him in Court, I mean the "Michael Jackson way" as in the 1987 album he called "Bad".

 

Now that's clarified, I expected the "baddest" car at Geneva to be the McLaren P1 but it seems to have had the headlines taken off it by the Rolls-Royce Wraith. 

Here's one of Autoguide's stories on it. It is described as the most powerful Rolls ever. I'd say it would be a bit of a Bentley-worrier. They claim it's in a different price-bracket but I think it's a lot more attractive and should appeal to the Cheshire set - it's only the suicide-doors that I don't like. It also has a neat headlining inside which looks like a starry sky at night. It has been done before but will give that "out in a cabriolet on a warm Summer's evening" feeling that everyone loves so much.

 

Don't they?

 

Oh well, even so, it does look appealing.

 

Which brings me neatly round to...

 

...THE UGLY!

Not sure what the man in the photo is doing.  That thing is a Toyota i-Road.  It's an electric three-wheeler, two-seater much in the vein of the Renault Twizy.  And the glass doors means it shares a problem with the Twizy in that people will be able to see you driving it.  I've read a few reviews of the Twizy being tested in the UK and each time the reviewer has commented about derogatory remarks being shouted at him.  Now I can't possibly condone such action. 

 

But I can well understand it.

 

Now to "the beautiful".  When I read this article in caradvice.com.au about the ItalDesign Giugiaro Parcour concept, I immediately thought of  the Silex Power Chreos in as much as it is a pretty, computer-generated car:

However, if this is vapour-ware, it is very solid because here are some people having a good, close look at it...

I think it is gorgeous and very reminiscent of the supercars of my childhood in the '70s.

 

That was a time when ItalDesign were doing their only other work that I am aware of - ie, the squaring off of the Morris Marina to produce the Morris Ital:

Also, the peak time for Ford to be producing the Escort.  I keep thinking they've started again because I keep seeing stories about this car at Geneva:

It's the Ford EcoSport - which looks like "Escort" when you're flicking through car stories.  This car looks nothing like an Escort, though. It looks like a tall Ford Kuga - the Ford Kuga it will be replacing as opposed to the bigger "World Car" Ford Kuga that seems to have replaced the outgoing Ford Kuga here in The UK.  Confusing eh?

 

So, in summary, that's the 2013 Geneva Motor Show.  You don't need to go now.

Car-Loss Tevez

Am I missing something here?

This BBC story today reports on Manchester City's Argentinian striker being banned from driving for ignoring two speeding tickets. His Hummer was clocked doing 39mph in a 30mph zone in March and clocked again doing 66mph in a 50mph zone in May.

He claims he wasn't driving.

He may well not have been. He has been photographed with a driver. Good job since he doesn't appear to have a valid UK Driving Licence. If he was driving, he wouldn't have been insured.

He also claims that he did not respond to the letters because he didn't understand what they were - he didn't know the English word "constabulary". Also possible - I'm sure he would have been taught stuff like "offside" and "man on!" first.

Only thing is, he has had some dealings with the constabulary before.

The BBC tells us that his Porsche Panamera was impounded in Manchester in November as he could not produce a full UK driving licence. Three years ago, his Bentley Continental GT Speed was impounded in similar circumstances.

The BBC go on to inform us that "As an Argentinian driving licence holder, Tevez is permitted to drive in Britain for the first 12 months of his stay in the country, but is then required to apply for a provisional licence and pass the UK driving theory and practical test." His lawyer informs us that "the theory test will be problematic for Tevez as it is normally conducted in English." Since Tevez joined West Ham in 2006 and he's played in Britain ever since, his 12 months is well and truly over - or does it get reset every time he visits Argentina? I don't think so somehow.

Surely they allow interpreters into driving tests and surely, since 2006, he has picked up enough English to answer some driving questions.

But that isn't what I'm missing here.

What I'm missing goes back to 2011 and this story. Then, he admitted driving at 38mph in a 30mph zone in his Bentley.

So what happened about his driving licence? Supposedly it had three penalty points added.

But what to?

Ferrari Dayto-forget

I heard this story out of Japan on Radio 2 this morning but it wasn't on the BBC Website (probably will be by the time you read this) but Bloomberg had it. Nobody badly hurt though. It was caused by a sixty-year-old who lost control on a wet motorway. He's now under threat of prison.

Maybe it'll make this bimbo from this story in July feel a bit better though. No, it's not Patsy Kensit, it's some anonymous French woman who drove a Bentley into four other prestigious cars in Monaco. And because she was trapped inside the car and it was a convertible, she was soon surrounded by tourists with cameras and camera-phones. There are hundreds of photos all over the Web.

Like this one...

The new Bentley Mulsanne goes on sale next Summer.

Unfortunately, it will cost about a quarter of a million pounds and it looks like the existing Arnage but with an uglified front...

For that sort of money, if you like ugly cars, you could get 15 Fiat Multiplas or 34 Perodua Kenaris.