NSFW - Not Suitable for Wheels

Auto Express is quite right-wing so presumably are not going to criticise Nazi-saluting car-billionaire Elon Musk.

Or his dodgy AI Chatty-Friend Grok.

Anyway, Auto Express are telling us here about how new Model Ys and Model 3s will be getting Grok. 

And how it can be set up.

This includes with "the 18+ rated NSFW modes: ‘Unhinged’, ‘Motivation’, ‘Argumentative’, ‘Romantic’ and ‘Sexy.’"

Grok has always been aimed at the perverted - check out this NBC News story from last Summer where I nicked that picture from.

And, of course, the more recent stories about people using Grok to create images of undressed children which, after the initial outcry, Twitter decided they would put behind a paywall so that only the richer perverts could continue doing it.

Elon could afford it.

Then it became, "had stopped Grok from digitally altering pictures of people to remove their clothing in 'jurisdictions where such content is illegal'".

I suppose by putting into their cars, Grok can tell the pervert where it is legal and they can then drive there.

Using hands-free mode. 

Billionaires Shortcomings

Are all billionaire's twats?

Elon Musk clearly is.

And Donald Trump.

And Rupert Murdoch.

And Bernie Ecclestone.

And Philip Green.

And Viscount Rothermere.

This isn't looking good.

But there are thousands of billionaires.

Paul McCartney & Oprah Winfrey seem nice.

And so does Bill Gates.

I've never liked Beyonce's music - until she did Texas Hold 'Em - which I love - and she seems OK as a person too.

So where are all of these billionaires living.

I'd fancy a nice mansion with a big garden and a big garage.

But I'm not rich so that's irrelevant.

It seems car companies are building towers for billionaires to live in.

In Dubai, Bugatti is building its first residential tower. The cheapest apartments are set to cost £3.9m. The less cheap ones will have private lifts meaning that owners can park their cars inside their apartments.  It doesn't say how many cars you can get into an apartment but I love the idea.

Porsche's Design Tower in Miami opened in 2017, while Aston Martin's Residences Miami launched last year.

"Meanwhile, in Texas, Discovery Land Company's upcoming residential Austin Surf Club is centred around a vast man-made surf lagoon."

Is that a Land-Rover Discovery or an Austin project?

Fancy a drink?

If, so, then you might want to consider one of UniBev's products.

Like Bra Tea.

or

Algae To Go (I've deliberately spelled those very slightly wrong for comic effect)

or

Firewoman Sam.

The product is called, "FEUERWEHRMANN SAM" - I don't speak German so may have translated that for comic effect.

They seem to have a new product now called Cybercab.

A bit more embarassment for not-the-top-producer-of-electric-vehicles-in-the-World.

Also known as Tesla.

They've lost their top-seller crown to BYD of China and seen sales falling not just because of Elon's far right tendencies.

So they are pinning their hopes on autonomous taxis that they have decided to call Cybercabs.

What could possibly go wrong?

THIS!

 

A Ginger Car for Ginger People

 All of the main car news sites I visit had this one - but Autocar had it first so I'll link to them.

Not sure why they've named it after popular 1970s beat combo ELO though.

It is electric and quite light but absolutely nothing to do with an orchestra.

They claim that it is named after the second letters of the words rest, play and work.

Which should, of course, be "Work, Rest & Play"

But that would be OEL which is harder to say.  It's also the last three letters of Noel.

Which is more appropriate for December and not the first three letters of Elon.

I think I quite like Citroen's new concept MPV:

It's very Citroen.

The interior is very strange and seems to be a mobile office and bedroom (with no curtains)

Lots of weird innovations that you need to read the article to get the full story.

Lots of Blue Sky thinking that if I tried to explain would just lead to confusion.

Silly Season

Except it isn't silly season.

Never knew it went back to 1861.

Although there do seem to be a disproportionate number of silly stories around today.

This one caught my eye first thing this morning:

What!?  McDonalds are training their staff how to sexually harass?

They had changed the headline by lunchtime.

But that isn't a car story - it was next to one though - this one.

"Tesla boss Elon Musk has had a record-breaking pay package that could be worth nearly $1tn (£760bn) approved by shareholders."

Did you spot the word "could" in there?

It's doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

It's like in the Webuyanycar.com adverts when Jason Manford says what could happen if you don't accept the low offer from Webuyanycar.com.

To get the full whack, the South African Nazi-type saluter will have to "drastically raise the electric car firm's market value over 10 years."

Given the job he's done this year, I can't see him getting close - especially as this is just more incentive not to buy a Tesla.

"The scale of the potential payout has drawn criticism, but the Tesla board argued that Musk might leave the company if it was not approved - and that it could not afford to lose him."

This doesn't bode well for the future of the company if the board really think that.

Sticking with electric cars, we have a story from my favourite American car journalist in Car+Driver.

Ezra Dyer is telling the story a the importer of Kia cars into Finland giving away free air fresheners to purchasers of the EV4 electric car.

The silliness in this story being that the smell of the air freshener is petrol and the look is this:

They found allegedly "Finland's only perfumier" to create it.  But they aren't doing it any more since Car+Driver asked Kia HQ in South Korea about it.

And they weren't too happy.

Final silly story today is from the BBC again.

I live very close to a place called West Kirby.  Kirby is a corruption of Kirkby - Viking for "church town"

And also the name of a town on the outskirts of Liverpool that is somewhat to the East of West Kirby.

Liverpool's local radio station, Radio City got rebranded last year and lost its localness - you can tell because the traffic news bloke can't pronounce any of the placenames in the vicinity.

Now, judging by this story, I wonder if they've got him painting the road markings?

Miles off

In the olden days, dodgy car dealers would turn back the odometers on vehicles to make them appear to have had less usage - and hence increase their value.

Apparently it involved a drill and the speedo cable.

You can't do that with modern cars.

Now, in the first of two Tesla stories from Reuters this week, they are accused of tampering in the opposite direction.  There is an allegation and matching lawsuit claiming that Teslas over-record their mileage so that the warranties run out quicker.

Another reason not to buy a second-hand Tesla if it's true.

The second story is about investor nervousness about brand damage done by Elon Musk.

They seem relieved that he will be reducing his Trump duties and spending more time with Tesla.

And the share price is going up despite a massive drop in profits.

I guess I don't understand finance.

I would have thought having a Nazi tosser spending MORE TIME running the company would be a bad thing.

Flattened

 Like the Tesla battery.

This Yahoo story is worth reading just for the line, "I should really have sued him back, but I feared he’d call me a paedo."

I've changed the spelling of "paedo" on the grounds that Jeremy Clarkson and I are both British.

Was a bit surprised that British cave expert Vernon Unsworth who Musk labelled a “pedo guy” online after Unsworth helped rescue 12 boys trapped in a Thai cave in 2018 was unsuccessful in suing for defamation though - guess he wasn't powerful enough to put up a strong enough case.

Shame.

But a comment under the Yahoo story is pretty good too...

"99% of all Teslas made are still on the road.  The other 1% made it home."

I've put that in quotes in case Elon thinks I came up with it.

Don't go Changan

Just watched Robert Llewelyn reviewing another boring SUV.

A very big boring Chinese SUV.

And it's electric - at least in Australia and the UK it will be - they have a hybrid version in China which gives Robert an excuse to be snidey about fossil fuel burners.

Anyway, here's the video:

It's going to be a Deepal in Oz and a Changan over here - doesn't seem to be any logic in the naming. But it won't be anything in the US because they aren't getting it.

The video title is, "Why Is This Super Cheap Luxury SUV coming to OZ & UK but NOT USA?!?"

Despite the capitals and exclamation marks, they don't go on to answer the question.

But it's probably something to do with Elon not wanting the competition.

The stand-out bit of the video for me though was about four minutes in when Robert casually dropped in to the story that the car was recording and filming everything that was said in it and around it!

What!?

Someone in China is listening in to everything.

I'm hoping that this is just because it is a press car for the Australian launch and they are trying to gather as much insight and opinion as possible - and they must have been up front about it or he wouldn't have known about it.

But what if the Chinese government have this installed in all Chinese cars?  Robert wasn't sure where the recording devices were.  Do I need to take a closer look at my 5 year old Volvo?  Although that was built in The US so hopefully not.

Well just to be on the safe side, that President Xi seems like a really decent chap.

Another End of The World

And yet another Tesla story and also another Tom Ford car review story.

This time he is reviewing the new Tesla Model Y - the one with a real indicator stalk.

He looks a bit menacing actually...

And yet he seems to be a really nice bloke - I'd like to go for a pint with him and talk cars.

Similarly Lars Moravy.

Who?

Vice president, vehicle engineering at Tesla - Tom interviews him about the new Y in the latest video on the Top Gear Magazine YouTube channel.

But some of the things he says are bit menacing.

Early on we get, "When you sell 1.2 million cars worldwide" casually slipped in to the conversation and "You don't want to break the recipe"  Which is more show-offy than menacing and, to be fair, he was also talking about how the replacement Y had a lot more to live up to than, for example, the Cybertruck.

Lars may end up in trouble if it doesn't emulate its predecessor's success so he must be at least a little concerned about falling Tesla sales which must be at least partly down to his boss - a common new nickname for their vehicles, at least on the socials, is Swastikar.  Also Wankpanzer but I don't understand the pun there - especially as "wank" isn't a generally used US term.

Which is why they didn't find "Wang Care" funny.

Lars described the Y as a "world car" - I suppose it is - it is the top selling car in the World and sold all over the World - I doubt if the previous "World Car" ever managed that.

He said that he felt "so separated from everyone around me when I'm driving" which is also not menacing but but just rather disappointing.

But then he is driving an SUV cross-over.

The bit that menaced me was, "Automony in the US is huge - it's coming here in a few months." - it sounded like the sort of thing that Trump makes up on the spot.  Except, unlike Trump, Morovy is a clever man.  With connections.  What does he know?

He also said, "as we get closer and closer to unsupervised in the US..."

I presume he was talking about self-driving technologies rather than general life.

Wasn't he?

Is he an Igor to Musk's Dr.Frankenstein?

Or maybe just a minion to Musks Gru?

Is clockwork better than electric?

Saw the first episode of a new sitcom last night.

Although it's really a spin-off from an older sitcom.

Motherland has spawned Amandaland.

According to the Guardian, it is aimed at "strung out middle-aged mums" so shouldn't be of any interest to me.

And it perpetuates two tropes about electric cars - one real, one bunkum.

The real one is that you don't have off-road parking, they are a bugger to charge up locally and cheaply.

The bunkum one is that they keep running out of charge.

Here is Amanda in her Tesla.

As it is, the bunkum one doesn't bother me in the slightest.

For two reasons...

• It was essential to the storyline - and it is a VERY FUNNY sitcom.
• It makes Teslas look bad.

I don't like Teslas partly because of their lack of switchgear but mostly because of their odious CEO who I seem to be obsessed with - old Elon.

And it looks like I am not alone.  Here are a couple of very interesting stories about sales plummeting in Europe and the States:

• The Independent
• Motor 1.com

And one about how the Chinese brands are taking sales from Tesla over there.

• CNBC

The Chinese angle is interesting because Musk's current pal Donald is imposing tariffs on Chinese goods coming in to America (maybe he's found someone in America now who can make his MAGA hats) so that will probably include Tesla Model Ys.  And China is putting on reciprocal tariffs which will affect sales of the US built Teslas.

The American angle is also interesting though because the Americans who are not fans of Trump will not want to buy Teslas now. And Trump is very pro-oil and anti-electric so I suspect the bromance won't last too long.

Apparently, only Toyota owners are more likely than Tesla owners to say they will buy the same brand when they come to change their vehicle.  Wonder how long Tesla will hang on to that Number 2 spot?

Now go and watch episode 1 of Amandaland and you may realise that this post should have been called "Is clockwork better than chocolate?"

Cybercrime

Back in 2019 I got a bit obsessed with the Cybertruck - here is a post from around then.

At the time I said I didn't like it - I think that is still true although I may be more biased by my dislike of Elon Musk - or "President" Musk as he will soon become.

The Dubai Police seem to like it though.  That posting of mine included a link to this story wherein they were claiming that they would have one on their fleet in 2020.

Presumably Covid and Tesla got in the way but they did eventually get one last year.

It might work in Dubai - and indeed in The States.

But not on UK roads.

Pedestrian safety is laughable - and if one hit another vehicle? - well here's one example.

Although fortunately in that example it looks like there were no injuries.

This is why they are not allowed on UK roads - and Greater Manchester Police are not fans of people driving illegal vehicles on their roads.

So they seized one.

Good.

Imagine if an uninsured driver of an uninsured vehicle had killed someone.

Just awaiting a Musk tweet now condemning laws actually being enforced in the UK.

Inferior Design

Remember when BMW introduced their iDrive knob?

Lots of people hated it.

Then it evolved.

I found it perfectly useable on my 2012 3-Series.

Apple obviously weren't too bothered by its name - it was well before they had even considered making cars themselves so they wouldn't have needed it.

But now it is on it's way out...

...at least as we know it today.

Several motoring sites are reporting that BMW are at CES 2025 in Las Vegas showing the new version that will appear within the Neue Klasse electric models slated for the back end of this year.

Look! No knob!

And unfortunately, no buttons either.

Have they learned nothing from Volkswagen's U-Turn?

Now driving a BMW will be how I imagine driving a Tesla to be - just about everything involving fingering a big central screen - not exactly a driver's car any more.  But at least the BMWs will still have indicator stalks - something Tesla dropped in favour of steering wheel buttons - a horrific idea that you can only get away with if you are Ferrari.

And maybe not even then.

But, also at CES, we have evidence that someone at Tesla has seen a bit of sense.

Pretty safe bet it wouldn't have been Elon.

Drive.com.au have the specs for the all-new 2025 Tesla Model Y here.

Remember the days when a heated rear window or a rear fog lamp were proudly listed as features on the more upmarket versions of a particular model of car?

Well if you look at the features offered on the 2025 Model Y you will see...

...an indicator stalk!

Feeling Firsty

Autocar News annoys me at times.

They like to do slideshows.

But then they repeat them.

Again and again.

So I normally ignore them - but something made me revisit one today (and several days in the past) entitled, The first-ever cars of the world's most famous car-makers.

Several of the car-makers seem to have two or three first-ever cars - Jaguar, Skoda and Ford for example - so I haven't a clue what licence they've taken with their definitions.

But when I read the Volvo one, I realised that someone with a sense of humour had been in there.  Check this out.

Meanwhile, the first Fiat was the 4HP of 1899 and the first Tesla was the Roadster of 2008.

Which brings me to the following creation which is apparently the work of someone called @carbreeding.

I don't like the Fiat Multipla because it is pig-ugly and I don't like Elon Musk because he is a right-wing, ranting individual who has completely lost the plot.

But I really like the Cyberpla:

Elon Ruffled

 

A judge in Delaware has said Elon can't have his $55.8bn pay deal.

The story is covered by many news outlets including here and here.

The gist of it is that a Tesla share-holder thought that it was too much money for the company he has shares in to be paying out.  And also that Musk “enjoyed thick ties with the directors tasked with negotiating on behalf of Tesla, and dominated the process that led to board approval of his compensation plan”  They argued the huge pay award was designed to ensure that Mr Musk, "would continue to dedicate his attention to the company".

What!? You mean while he also continues to dedicate his attention to Twitter, SpaceX, The Boring Company and sticking microchips into people's heads?

And now Elon has taken umbrage in true Donald Trump style with some whining on Twitter (as we all call it)

He tweeted, "Never incorporate your company in the state of Delaware.  I recommend incorporating in Nevada or Texas if you prefer shareholders to decide matters." 

Err - I think in this case a shareholder HAS managed to decide matters.

He then posted a poll asking his followers whether or not Tesla should "change its state of incorporation to Texas, home of its physical headquarters"

I don't know what the Venn Diagram of Tesla shareholders and Musk Twitter followers looks like but it doesn't sound like a particularly relevant bit of market research.

What amuses me most on this story though, is that the shareholder in question is a former thrash-metal drummer (according to Newsweek) who not only "made a mohawk that lights up while I'm playing drums" but who also only owns 9 shares in Tesla.  Brilliant.

Antisocial Media

Elon Musk (Twitter) has agreed to meet Mark Zuckerberg (Meta) in a cage fighting ring.  Here's the BBC News take on it.  Basically, they think Zuckerberg has MMA experience and Musk is not serious.

But is Musk serious about anything?

I know that he must be a fan of the brilliant Mel Brooks comedy Spaceballs - here's a clue:

Supposedly (and I tend to believe it) he got the idea for the Tesla Ludicrous mode and the Model S Plaid from those.

But that's yesterday's story.

So here today is a Lexus in Plaid Mode:

It is also purportedly approaching 290kph in an 80kph zone.

Drive.au.com have the story here.  This was on Instagram so one nil to Zuckerberg.

It looks like it was faked by a content creator called North Borders who says on his Insta page, "I don't have much to write here mainly because I can't be f----ed writing some heartfelt message about myself, I got other s--- to do"

Sounds like a charming young man.

Although that quote comes via Drive - I can't be f---ed checking it out for myself.

Dagnabit, Muskie!

Is Elon Musk a tit?   He is undoubtedly a very brilliant man - his achievements show that.

But he also seems to be a flawed human being.

 

It is the Donald Trump-esque toddlerish petulance that is the problem.

Trump was born into privilege.  His father was a very successful businessman so Donnie was brought up surrounded by sycophants, afraid of losing their jobs, who gave him whatever he desired.  They let him get away with whatever he did including serial lies which have served him so well throughout his career.

 

Donnie inherited his wealth and is a simple-minded individual who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.

 

Elon made his own wealth and is an intelligent individual who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.

That makes him better than Donald Trump.

 

But, unfortunately, that is not a ringing endorsement.

 

Boris Johnson is better than Donald Trump and he is a lying buffoon.

 

So, what has Elon done now?  He has promised to move his Tesla headquarters from California to Texas because he was ordered to keep the plant closed for the protection of his workforce.  He is also threatening to shut down the California site altogether.

 

He is basically telling the workers there to risk their lives and those of their families or lose their jobs.

 

Nice.

 

And he has called his child X Æ A-12.

 

So the answer to my initial question is "Yes".

What The Truck!?

Two days ago, I posted about the new Tesla Cybertruck:

I also mentioned how Elon got a bit embarrassed at the launch when its supposedly shatter-proof windows shattered.

 

Well, according to the BBC, that hasn't put off nearly 150000 people from ordering one.

 

Earliest speculation for the first deliveries are pointing at the end of 2021.  Ha "pointing" - see what I did there?

 

And am I alone in thinking it won't look anything like what has been shown so far?

 

The A-Pillars mean you won't be able to see around corners at junctions.

 

And the pointy bits are a pedestrian health-and-safety nightmare.

 

And what's with the name "Cybertruck" - is it because of the success of the Jeep Cyberman? 

Little Doctor Who reference for you there.

 

Meanwhile, the Cybertruck is claimed to have “ultra-hard 30X cold-rolled stainless steel” said to be bulletproof for up to 9mm rounds.  Well it is going on sale in America.

 

The Cybertruck comes in three motor configurations, rear-wheel drive, 4-wheel drive and top of the range, triple-motored "Plaid".  Don't know what the third motor does or how they are pronouncing "plaid".  Is it plad as in what we would call tartan and what is usually a euphemism for boring?

 

Or is it plied as in the Welsh world for party (political not fancy-dress).

 

Talking of 4x4s and politics:

La-la Land

It's the Los Angeles Motor Show!

And Elon Musk has revealed the Tesla Cybertruck:

Angular, isn't it?

 

Autocar have the full story and a few more pictures.  It has heavy hints of...

• DeLorean DMC-12
• Top Gear Hammerhead Eagle i-Thrust
• Lego
• Tin Bath
• Mad Max Movies

Here's one of their photos - they all look like vapour-ware: 

There is one real one though - here it is embarrassing Elon Musk:

Coming and Going

Am I into pornography?

All I'll say is that I don't own a pornograph.

But, like Elon Musk, I am aware that there is a very popular piece of pornography that has allegedly been produced in a Tesla Model X being driven on Autopilot.  I know Elon knows about it because Car+Driver have the story of his tweets on the subject.

Is the unnamed star of the film to be referred to as "Model X"?

And who has got their hands on the wheel?

Bright and Dim

Bright is this advert in the Top Gear Magazine delivered to my house today.

What is bright about it is those headlamps really are lit up.  It uses the same technology you find in greetings cards that make noises when you open them.  I guess that the technology has become economical enough to insert into however many thousands of copies Top Gear Magazine produce in a run.

 

And what better a product than the Nissan Leaf to advertise using this technology?

 

Although I'm sure Elon Musk will be a bit miffed when he finds out.

 

Meanwhile, Dim is Donald Trump.  Here's the story, from CNN, about how he thought that the Japanese dropped bowling balls onto cars to test their safety. 

White House spokeswomble, Sarah Huckerbee Sanders than had to go on record to say he was only joking.

Sorry Sarah, but if you expect anyone of intelligence to believe that, then you re as stupid as The President.