Peaqy Blinders

According to the BBC, there's a bit of a hoo-ha going on in The Peak District.

Or is that the Peaq District?

No, that isn't one of those amusing stories about signage that has been spelled incorrectly.

Skoda have sponsored the Peak District National Park to change their signs FOR ONE WEEK.

I put that in capitals to stress the massive impact this will have on the area.

Not.

But some people have got quite upset about it. Including presumably Jessica Peach who has been taking photos of the protests for the BBC.

Including that one.

Did she wait until a Skoda was passing before taking it?

Pity that's a 2013 Skoda Fabia estate rather than a 2026 Skoda Peaq.  She'd probably still be there waiting today to catch one of them up there.

Given that we still have to pay for Brexit and the many years of austerity, I don't see anything wrong in this deal FOR ONE WEEK to top up the funds of the national parks.

Although I don't think it would have worked without the protesters.

I wouldn't have known about it if it wasn't for this item about them.

But I'm not going to buy a crossover SUV and I went to The Peak District last year which I enjoyed but want to do other places for the next breaks I have.

And what do we know about the Peaq?

As an electric crossover SUV it is, by definition, boring.  It certainly doesn't look any different to the rest.

Everything Electric Cars have reviewed it.

I'd not noticed it before but they do what Tory councillors always do in local newspapers and get theire photos taken pointing at whatever is annoying them.

Now, where have I seen someone else doing that lately?

Photo credit Jessica Peach.

Beat That!

Another excellently written story from Car+Driver.

It's about the forthcoming electric SUV from Bentley, the Torcal:

We know a couple of things about it - one is that it we don't know what it looks like but it won't look like my picture because that is a photo of a Bentayga.

We also know it will be an electric SUV and therefore quite boring.

Or will it?

Well yes, but...

Instead of fake engine noise or an annoying whirr, it will have a bit of drum and bass.

Which should sound pretty good when you are winging your way along an Autobahn or around to Welsh Mountain B-Roads, but what about when you are pootling around town? 

  

Is Skywell Skyworth it?

Their importers don't seem to think so.

Although the fact not many people have actually heard of them may have something to do with it.

I certainly hadn't.

They are another Chinese brand and have apparently been trying to sell vehicles in the UK since 2024...

  

...when they sold 6 cars.

Their website looks professional enough - concentrating on their electric SUV, the BE11...

 

...which looks just like most electric (and non-electric) SUVs.

They have other vehicles in the range too - a hatch, a saloon and a van:

which seems to be a "Skyworth"

But they are described as "coming soon..."

 

...so probably won't now.

The Skywell short-lived story is described by Autocar here.  According to that, there will be redundancies as their 16 dealerships shut (none near me) and their spokesman is also being let go.

Sounds like a failure in marketing or investment...

 

...or investment in marketing.

Skywell have skydived.

Topless Models

I've done a search.

Since I started my Blog, I've never used the word "topless" before.

And yet, I've definitely mentioned convertibles.

Including unintentional ones.

And more conventional ones:

But, apparently, they are on their way out.

BBC Business tell us that "over the past 20 years, sales of new open-tops have fallen by nearly 90%, from 109,171 in 2005 to just 11,484 last year, according to the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders."

Their very interesting story is here.

They, like me, blame the rise of the SUV.

It has already seen off the Mondeo class of car, The Fiesta and the Focus.  And threatens the saloon and estate.

I mean, why enjoy the thrill of open-top motoring with the thrum of the engine and wind in your ears when you can sit in a huge box that isn't designed to go around corners properly?

The rise in popularity of Electric cars is also being blamed with only two electric convertibles currently on sale in the UK - the MG Cyberster (which does seem funky) and the Mini electric convertible (reviewed here by Carwow) which is coming over in VERY small numbers and costs £52,500!

The Cyberster is a bit more than that again.

Even non-electric convertibles are relatively few and far between - our American cousins seem to have a bit more choice.

But overall (or not overall because they don't have a roof) - it's looking bleak for those that enjoy a bit of topless fun.

Have Ferrari Seen The "Light?"

Or "Luce" 

Possibly not. 

I gave my view on Tuesday together with the reactions of Autocar and Auto Express and their readers.

Since then there has been a lot more reaction.

Described (quite accurately) by the BBC as "backlash." 

This backlash is Worldwide.  Including one of my favourite YouTube Channels, Gas Monkey Garage, with Shorts such as this and this.

There was a third one that seems to have disappeared now in which Richard Rawlings reminded us of his version of an electric Ferrari...

...which actually looks like a Ferrari (because it was built from one) but more importantly keeps the ethos of one.

There is much speculation that because the Luce most defintely DOES NOT follow the Ferrari ethos and DOES NOT look like a Ferrari that it will not sell.

I am pleased that Ferrari are not insisting that buyers have to purchase one of these in order to join the waiting lists for other future cars - this would have been a way to ensure sales.

Personally, I thought the Purosangue was more of a affront but that seems to have slipped under the radar as it is not electric despite being an SUV - which you may have noticed I hate more than electric cars. 

However, I think the Luce WILL sell.  It is a very good car.  Speculators will see a profit eventually and a new breed of rich weirdos will like this product.  It just won't sell to your average (and affluent) Ferrari fan.

And definitely won't sell to your average non-affluent Ferrari fan. 

I think the mistake is that it has the Ferrari name on it - they should have just called it The Luce.

Remember the Dino?  Lots of people do.

Chery on Top

Last time I mentioned Chery it was 2013.

Now, one of their brands, Jaecoo, has just topped the UK March car sales figures with its 7.

Not to be confused wth the Lotus 7.

Although it's more likely to be confused with a Range Rover.

It has beaten the Puma into second place.

The Qashqai is third and the Sportage is fourth.  Autocar report the story here.

Stupid SUVs.

They also report a sudden increase of interest in EVs due to a certain orange toddler-pillock stuffing up the World's oil supplies.

I've just asked the Internet how you pronounce Jaecoo.

Apparently it's "Jake who?"

So then I asked it for famous Jakes.  It listed about 30.

But the only one I'd heard of was Jake Gyllenhaal.

Perhaps it was an American site because it didn't come up with Jake Bugg.

Who at least has a car-related name.

I appear to have digressed slightly. 

Polestar 2.2

Was it really April 2024 when I reported on the stupid naming system that Polestar were to use on their model range?

Yes! 

According to their boss, Thomas Ingenlath, the Polestar 2 would be replaced with the Polestar n where

n = the next integer not already assigned to a Polestar.

I pointed out at the time, the folly of doing that. 

Just like in 2018 when I pointed out the folly of choosing Paddy McGuinness & Freddie Flintoff to present Top Gear.

I was proved correct.

Eventually.

Auto Express have this story today about the replacement for the Polestar 2.

It's headlined, "New Polestar 2 to lose SUV looks and embrace its sporty saloon side"

Apart from anything else, I don't think the Polestar 2 does look like an SUV - which is probably why I like it.

Anyway, I clicked on the link for their guess at what it would look like and found this:

Which made be think, "That doesn't look like a sporty saloon - where's the boot?"

Then I worked out that their link had taken me to a page of guesses or "renderings" that didn't actually include the new Polestar 2.  That particular picture was an attempt at what a future MG will look like.

Then I worked out that the picture at the top of the story was their guess: 

 

That doesn't look like it will "lose SUV looks and embrace its sporty saloon side."

 

It just looks like the current one - which already looks like a sporty non-SUV.

 

Which will probably be known as the 2 Mark II.

 

While the boss now appears to be known as Michael Lohscheller.

Another Reason to Hate the Mustang Mach-e

Not only is it an SUV.

Not only does it prostitute the name of a classic Ford muscle car.

Now you have to pay to use the front boot!

Here's the Car+Driver story.

They want $495 to let you get at it!

That's over £350!

For a Frunk.  Or as we'd call it - a Froot.

Here's the result of the Car+Driver survey on the subject:

They can frunk right off.

SUVs Rammed Down our Throats

Another horror story for Halloween...

RAM are going to launch an SUV.

Here's the Car+Driver story.

RAM make trucks and big things.  Unusually for a Brit, I have driven one.  It looked like this one:

Only wasn't missing a hubcap.

I suppose if Ferrari can do an SUV and Rolls Royce can do an SUV then everyone will want to cash in.

This will just be a rebadged other Stellantis model.

And it won't be infesting our shores.

I hope.

It'll just be America.

And they've already got their own horror story.

The Emperor's new Clothes

Rather depressing news this week.

Autocar have it here.

The Ford Puma, which isn't a real Ford Puma like this one:

...remains top of the UK's top selling cars list.

Like 8 out of the top 10, it is a crossover SUV.  

Obviously being bought in large numbers by people who are not particularly interested in cars or driving.  Only the Corsa and Golf remain in the list representing proper cars.

You can't really blame them, they will be looking for decent value cars that meet their requirements and if the dealerships only have crossovers in the showrooms then people will buy those.  And the dealers only tend to be showing crossovers because manufacturers are concentrating on producing them.  And manufacturers are only producing them because they are selling in big numbers.

And now we're stuck in a depressing spiral.

Interestingly, (slightly) none of the top ten are specifically electric cars - although some are available as electric variants.

Meanwhile, in the Driven section of the latest Top Gear Magazine, where they review new cars to market, 9 out of 12 of the cars reviewed are electric (including an electric Puma) but only 6 are definitely cross-overs (including an electric Puma).  A couple it's difficult to tell...

What about this?

Yes that is a cross-over but is it much taller than this?

I've decided that that one is not a cross-over.

I think cross-overs are getting shorter in height so maybe manufacturers have noticed that, although profitable, they are not very good.

So, based on what's coming - there is a glimmer of hope - but it depends on your idea of what a cross-over actually is.

Trump Tariff on Malaysian Cars

Trump fans haven't quite figured out yet that his tariffs mean that they will be paying more to subsidise tax cuts for the very wealthy - like Donald Trump for example.

And soon they could be paying more for their toy cars as well as their real ones.

Because most of Mattel's toy cars (aka Hot Wheels) are made in Malaysia.

Like this Proton Saga:

Which looks a lot better than the real version.

Which, in turn, looks better than any SUV.

Car+Driver have their take on the story here.

Hot Wheels are currently retailing in Walmart for $1.18 which seems to be very good value.

They'll be nearer $1.50 if Trumps tariffs get passed on.

Which actually still seems like very good value.

But multiply that up by the number they must be selling in the States - and Donald will have a lot to thank American children for.

Stalking

Something I have said on more than one occasion is, "If your Audi starts with a Q, then I'm not interested."

But that's because they are stupid cross-over SUVs.

Like the Q3.

Here's the new one:

It just looks like all of the other ordinary, bog-standard, stupid, cross-over SUVs.

And here is the Auto Express report on it.

Which I normally wouldn't have bothered to read.

Except, their headline involved the phrase, 

New Audi Q3 reinvents the indicator stalk

Another Tesla-type cock-up?

No, this might actually work...

It's basically a thumb-wheel.  It might actually work - and it's different!

And, because it isn't a BMW, it may get used.

You probably have to go into the menus though to find the toggle for tailgating.

Really OMG

Last time, I said that this... 

...wasn't an MG.

And I stand by that.

But was still shocked by the following Auto Express piece:

Not that one, although I shouldn't be shocked that Mike Rutherford is praising Trump - what's the betting he's a member of Reform?

No, this one.

Now MG are teasing a boxy, mid-sized SUV which, according to them, “echoes the spirit of young people to explore.”

The teaser pictures make it look like lots of other boxy SUVs while the remit reminds me of the boxy and now-deceased Scion xB.

The brand became defunct in 2016 after a short life.

I predict a similar fate for the MG SUV - especially as they are naming it after Elon Musk stuff.

Who will buy an MG Cyber X?

They are hoping lots of young Chinese people - they may be right.

But I hope not.

BECAUSE IT IS NOT AN MG!

The case for the defence.

I may have mentioned once or twice that I can't be doing with SUVs.

And people who like cars and driving tend to agree with me.

So what is Steve Walker, Head of Digital Content, at Auto Express, doing defending the stupid things?

Is he a website geek rather than a car geek?

His bio states that he has "been a motoring journalist, road tester and editor for over 20 years" so maybe not.

He gives several reasons why SUVs are extremely popular with the buying public, specifically:

• tough looks
• higher seating position that makes it easier to get in and see out
• outdoorsy image

His words not mine.

I get the easy access angle for those of an arthritic nature.

But I certainly wouldn't call a Ford Puma "tough-looking."

In fact, don't get me started on Ford prostituting their former glories by naming SUVs after them:

• Puma
• Capri
• Mustang
• Kuga/Cougar

Back to Steve though, and for all his words, at no point does he say that HE likes SUVs.

Despite this, his article does have a pro-SUV feeling and imply a preference for them so I expected a backlash in the comments.

It is now 7pm British Summer Time and there are only 10 comments.

Three of them are from either a Chinese bot or a Chinese moron using AI.  There is a comment about the Ford Fiesta and a reply stating that they don't make them any more and the final 5 comments are a pointless argument that doesn't really go anywhere.

Meanwhile, I think SUVs don't handle properly and they all look  alike:

So there.

Don't go Changan

Just watched Robert Llewelyn reviewing another boring SUV.

A very big boring Chinese SUV.

And it's electric - at least in Australia and the UK it will be - they have a hybrid version in China which gives Robert an excuse to be snidey about fossil fuel burners.

Anyway, here's the video:

It's going to be a Deepal in Oz and a Changan over here - doesn't seem to be any logic in the naming. But it won't be anything in the US because they aren't getting it.

The video title is, "Why Is This Super Cheap Luxury SUV coming to OZ & UK but NOT USA?!?"

Despite the capitals and exclamation marks, they don't go on to answer the question.

But it's probably something to do with Elon not wanting the competition.

The stand-out bit of the video for me though was about four minutes in when Robert casually dropped in to the story that the car was recording and filming everything that was said in it and around it!

What!?

Someone in China is listening in to everything.

I'm hoping that this is just because it is a press car for the Australian launch and they are trying to gather as much insight and opinion as possible - and they must have been up front about it or he wouldn't have known about it.

But what if the Chinese government have this installed in all Chinese cars?  Robert wasn't sure where the recording devices were.  Do I need to take a closer look at my 5 year old Volvo?  Although that was built in The US so hopefully not.

Well just to be on the safe side, that President Xi seems like a really decent chap.

Another End of The World

And yet another Tesla story and also another Tom Ford car review story.

This time he is reviewing the new Tesla Model Y - the one with a real indicator stalk.

He looks a bit menacing actually...

And yet he seems to be a really nice bloke - I'd like to go for a pint with him and talk cars.

Similarly Lars Moravy.

Who?

Vice president, vehicle engineering at Tesla - Tom interviews him about the new Y in the latest video on the Top Gear Magazine YouTube channel.

But some of the things he says are bit menacing.

Early on we get, "When you sell 1.2 million cars worldwide" casually slipped in to the conversation and "You don't want to break the recipe"  Which is more show-offy than menacing and, to be fair, he was also talking about how the replacement Y had a lot more to live up to than, for example, the Cybertruck.

Lars may end up in trouble if it doesn't emulate its predecessor's success so he must be at least a little concerned about falling Tesla sales which must be at least partly down to his boss - a common new nickname for their vehicles, at least on the socials, is Swastikar.  Also Wankpanzer but I don't understand the pun there - especially as "wank" isn't a generally used US term.

Which is why they didn't find "Wang Care" funny.

Lars described the Y as a "world car" - I suppose it is - it is the top selling car in the World and sold all over the World - I doubt if the previous "World Car" ever managed that.

He said that he felt "so separated from everyone around me when I'm driving" which is also not menacing but but just rather disappointing.

But then he is driving an SUV cross-over.

The bit that menaced me was, "Automony in the US is huge - it's coming here in a few months." - it sounded like the sort of thing that Trump makes up on the spot.  Except, unlike Trump, Morovy is a clever man.  With connections.  What does he know?

He also said, "as we get closer and closer to unsupervised in the US..."

I presume he was talking about self-driving technologies rather than general life.

Wasn't he?

Is he an Igor to Musk's Dr.Frankenstein?

Or maybe just a minion to Musks Gru?

Take a Seat

Or a Cupra - same thing really.

So, if you've got a new boring electric cross-over SUV that needs marketing, how do you make it stand out from all of the other new boring electric cross-over SUVs?

Well, to start with, give it a memorable name - like Tavascan.

Hmm - makes me think Gaviscon - or maybe some Computed Tomography you may require if the Gaviscon isn't doing the trick.

So once you've chosen the name, you  need some sort of pretentious TV ad to try to make people believe that they actually need this particular boring electric cross-over SUV.  I guess there must be enough gullible people out there to make it work - the perfume industry has been doing this for longer than I care to remember.

Here is the Cupra one:

Vomit inducing.  They've also mangled "Everybody wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears.

It is so mangled that at first I decided it was "Walls Come Tumbling Down" by The Style Council (that lyric is included in the bit of the Tears for Fears song that they are mangling)

Shame it wasn't the Style Council one really because then it would make more sense if I said...

You don't have to take this crap.

You don't have to sit back and relax.

Just go out and buy a non-pretentious, non-boring saloon or estate car.

Opinionated

Yesterday, The BBC on its news site, asked the question, Should you pay more for parking if you have a big car?

The outcome seemed to be that if you have a big car, you don't agree with the idea while if you don't have a big car, then you don't have anything against the idea.

Although the article also mentions Haringey in London, where the council proposed adding a 5% surcharge for medium sized vehicles (4-4.49m long), and a 10% surcharge for large vehicles which are allegedly over 4.5m long.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this idea.

It doesn't affect me in the slightest as I never park anywhere inside the M25 but my car is 4.761m long so it's the principle that counts.

Now if it were up to me, it wouldn't be the length of the vehicle that was used - it would be the height.

But then I've always had it in for cross-over SUVs.

Meanwhile, have you seen Jaguar's new concept car?

The opinions that has elicited seem to have fallen into three main categories:

• It's woke
• It's gay
• It looks like Lady Penelope's car

I do have some sympathy for that third one.

The first two seem to have also been influenced by the recent Jaguar advert which was just too surreal and pretentious for my liking - like every single perfume ad - I really hate the Johnny Depp Sausage one.

(Not familiar with the work of PIG but I like their style)

People who think that car is "woke" need to invest in a dictionary - IT'S A CAR!  I'm proud to be woke given that the alternative is being ignorant.

And those complaining about the gayness seem to be trying too hard - maybe a bit of insecurity about their own sexuality?

And there will only ever be one Jaguar advert for me, the one that appeared while I was a Jag owner.

At least I dislike the new ad for woke reasons.  I dislike the car because it just looks wrong.  It looks considerably better in a sensible colour.

But, much as I dislike cross-overs, I do think it helps to able to sit in a car without having to tilt your head.

But that's just my opinion.

Sylvia Back From The Dead

 

That's the gist of this story from the The Mercury News in May 2019.

So what's that got with cars?  Well, despite Mercury being a famous American car brand, absolutely nothing.

Actually, it was this article yesterday from my favourite Aussie car site that piqued my interest - they claim that a Nissan Silvia return is hinted.  And then go on to say why it is unlikely.  They also point at the Top Gear website who say that a new Silvia "could" be on the horizon in this piece and then go on to say that it is "far fetched."

If, and that seems to be a very large "if", it does happen, it will be electric.

That's OK - I believe that it is already possible to create exciting, well-handling and fast electric cars.

I also suspect Nissan wouldn't besmirch a beloved car name by making it an SUV.

It may also be why Nissan's future should be rosier than Ford's.

Capri anyone?

Shocking Name

I keep hearing a Toyota advert on the radio.  They are trying to make it exciting.

It isn't.

It's an electric SUV.

I mean, just look at it.

But to make it even more difficult for the woman doing the voice-over, the car is called the bZ4X.  You can tell she is struggling when she says it.

Anyway, talking of electric cars and stupid naming, would you name a charging network after what happens when you get an electric shock?

Jolt have.

And they're giving away free electricity.

And their charging points look exciting.