Sizing it up

Remember when Ford Sierra estates were big cars?

They aren't any more...

It looks positively tiny next to that Mazda 6.

And next to my car.

Here's some dimensions for you according to Google's AI thingy:

The 1988 Ford Sierra Estate (station wagon) had a length of 4,531 mm (178.4 in), a width of 1,727 mm (68.0 in), and a height of 1,367 mm (53.8 in). 

The Mazda 6 saloon has a length of 4,870 mm, a width of 1,840 mm, and a height of 1,450 mm. The wheelbase is 2.83 meters.

Meanwhile my car...

The 2020 Volvo S60 has a length of 4761 mm, a width of 1850 mm (excluding mirrors), and a height of 1437 mm.

Perhaps the more relevant ones though are the supposedly smaller Fords of today...

The Ford Focus Estate has a length of approximately 4,668mm (183.8 inches) and a width of 1,979mm with mirrors, or 1,844mm without mirrors. The wheelbase is 2,700mm. In terms of boot space, it offers 575 litres with the rear seats up and 1,650 litres with the rear seats folded down.

You get a lot more info on the Focus and it's bigger than the Sierra - while the Fiesta...

The 2025 Ford Fiesta is approximately 4040mm long, 1735mm wide, and 1476mm high.

Wider - and not a lot shorter.

And Google AI uses American spellings so obviously isn't intelligent enough to realise I'm sat in England.

But a 2025 Fiesta definitely wouldn't stand out on the M53 in 2025 - here's a closer look.

And the driver looked a bit like Dom Chinea.

The case for the defence.

I may have mentioned once or twice that I can't be doing with SUVs.

And people who like cars and driving tend to agree with me.

So what is Steve Walker, Head of Digital Content, at Auto Express, doing defending the stupid things?

Is he a website geek rather than a car geek?

His bio states that he has "been a motoring journalist, road tester and editor for over 20 years" so maybe not.

He gives several reasons why SUVs are extremely popular with the buying public, specifically:

• tough looks
• higher seating position that makes it easier to get in and see out
• outdoorsy image

His words not mine.

I get the easy access angle for those of an arthritic nature.

But I certainly wouldn't call a Ford Puma "tough-looking."

In fact, don't get me started on Ford prostituting their former glories by naming SUVs after them:

• Puma
• Capri
• Mustang
• Kuga/Cougar

Back to Steve though, and for all his words, at no point does he say that HE likes SUVs.

Despite this, his article does have a pro-SUV feeling and imply a preference for them so I expected a backlash in the comments.

It is now 7pm British Summer Time and there are only 10 comments.

Three of them are from either a Chinese bot or a Chinese moron using AI.  There is a comment about the Ford Fiesta and a reply stating that they don't make them any more and the final 5 comments are a pointless argument that doesn't really go anywhere.

Meanwhile, I think SUVs don't handle properly and they all look  alike:

So there.

Stupid Criminals

Everyone likes it when a stupid criminal gets caught.  There were two in the same newspaper yesterday:

This story from the Chester Standard features a man who stole a car then made his escape from it through snow.  I'm quite impressed that after a decade of Tory cuts and them shutting down all of the Police Stations that they employed a helicopter and dogs to catch this particular not very bright thief.

Their second story features a woman who managed to get stopped 4 times (3 on the same road) this Year (and it is still mid January) driving while disqualified.

Meanwhile, from North Carolina, we have another fine effort from my favourite motoring journalist - Ezra Dyer.  It involves a thick hick called Hicks and this tractor which he stole:

That photo was taken after the event - note the missing tyre that had been shot by Police.

Dyer writes for Car+Driver and I have featured several of his stories in my Blog - all worth a look.  Here is this one.

Hicks led Police on a 20mph chase and gave Dyer the chance to use the phrase, "our ornery protagonist took a turn that led him to run out of road" which is quite poetic and nearly as good as his reference to GTA (Grand Theft Agriculture)

Grab One While You Can

Last week I posted about the forthcoming demise of the Fiesta.

Twice.

Now it appears to be top of the sales charts.

Not sure whose though.

The Yahoo one I've just linked to could well be the SMMT.  The BBC have it in at number 6 while my original Auto Express story didn't have it in the Top Ten at all.

It's a bit like when Radio 1 suddenly had some competition and an alternative Pop Chart for us to listen to on a Sunday night.

So, which is "The The The The Chart Chart Chart Chart That That That That [pause] Counts"

You may need to have sat on a Sunday night with your fingers hovering over one if these to understand that last sentence.

Only one of the different lists isn't completely depressing - in that one, half of the entries are not SUVs.

Yahoo!

Video Nasty

On Tuesday I reported on the imminent demise of The Ford Fiesta.

This has now been confirmed.

And Ford have made an extremely sickly video to try to justify it.

In it, it becomes apparent that the Fiesta is to be replaced (and not in a Liz Truss way) with a quartet of electric SUVs.

"Because it's job was done."

They have a Puma in the Suella Braverman role which seems appropriate.

Never mind, here's a video from the BBC today with a happy ending:

The Party's Over

The Conservative Party?

I wish.

No, this party is a fiesta - the Ford Fiesta is dead.

Or will be soon anyway.

A bit of crappy Ford management-speak states,

"We are accelerating our efforts to go all-in on electrification and therefore review our vehicle portfolio in line with our business strategy. We do not comment on speculation and will share more information in the coming months.”

This is their response to being asked if the Fiesta will be joining its already deceased sibling, the Mondeo.

So they won't deny it then?

Auto-Express have the story here.

Autocar use it as an excuse to repeat one of their slideshows.

The Fiesta is already conspicuously absent from the top-selling cars lists - like this one - which is sadly dominated by cross-over SUVs - like Ford's horrific Kuga and Puma which both get mentions.  

Interesting that the Focus has gone from the top 10 too.

Also interesting though is that in at number one is Vauxhall's Fiesta-rival the Corsa.

I think Ford's Marketing Department have missed the party.

Healing Words

There are a couple of Facebook Pages that I follow for their interesting motoring content.  I can recommend them both.

One is Silodrome.

The other is Hagerty UK. Other nationalities of Hagerty are available.

Both of them had Healey stories this week - although strictly speaking, the Silodrome one was a Healy story.  That spelling just looks wrong.  But then again, so does the car:

The Nissan Micra rear lights don't help but the Mini front lights make it look like a bloated Mini Convertible.

It probably looks quite good in the flesh though.

It is a kit car based on an MX5.  It is from Healy Designs reimagining a modern day Austin-Healey 3000.  I can see where they are coming from and I think they are making a fair fist of it.

The Healey name with an "e" allegedly belongs to a company called HFI Automotive and according to Wikipedia, without any citation, so it could be a load of tripe, in 2007 it was announced that Nanjing Automotive (NAC, who own the Austin name and are currently producing MGs) signed a collaborative agreement with them that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.

The Hagerty story, on the other hand, harks back to how Ford could have but didn't invent the Hot Hatch.

With this car:

It was developed in the late '70s by Healey Automotive Consultants who were owned by the Healey family and went on to be sold to HFI Automotive who may well have signed a collaborative agreement with NAC in 2007 that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.  It was actually Ford of America that was leading on this which is why it is a left-hand drive car and has American plates even though the letters and numbers point at a 1978 UK car.

According to MyCarCheck, that UK plate is now on a 2015 Ford Escort Sport - more tripe because there is no such thing.  I suspect that somebody has spotted the headlights on this exact car and re-registered it wrongly on it returning to the UK in 2015.

God I'm good.

I've just looked it up on the Government MOT-check Website.

Not only does it confirm that we ARE talking out this Healey Fiesta, it also picks up on the one thing that really annoyed me when I first saw the photos of this historic car.

Under "Repair Immediately" it states<

• Offside Headlamp aim projected beam image is obviously incorrect (4.1.2 (c))

Flight of Fancy

 Caught this twerp on my Dashcam yesterday morning:

I assumed, going by the fact that it was a small Fiesta with a big exhaust pipe that it would be a young lad - a boy-racer if you will.

I was right.

When I pulled alongside him at the next set of traffic lights, he was replete with hoodie and vaping cigarette.

So why have I got a grudging respect for the one driving the car in this next video?

Is it because he achieves air IN A HYUNDAI SANTA FE!?

It's probably because I'd quite like to have a go at that myself.

Given the damage, I think I would also wish to be using somebody else's Hyundai Santa Fe:

This article by Car+Driver writer Ezra Dyer covers the story in an entertaining manner.

Although, if you want an even more impressive jump, you need to check out the Tower Bridge Website.

What's The Difference Between a BMW and a Hedgehog?

With a hedgehog, the pricks are on the OUTside.

 

Hey, that's not nice, I'M a BMW Driver!

 

I'd rather be a roadhog than a hedgehog.

 

While on the outside this morning we had this guy (there was a gap behind me and plenty of warning about the lane being shut off):

Then, just before lunchtime, this guy on a motorbike - the Dashcam makes it look calmer than it actually happened.

Meanwhile, over in Greater Manchester, some twerp has been using a Fiesta to transport a greenhouse.  Not sure of the legality of this one, it looks securely affixed and would have weighed in at bugger all.

Now, what's the difference between a JCB and a male giraffe?

 

One's got hy-draulics.

Slightly Stupid, Quite Stupid and Really Stupid

Three stories reported over two days by BBC News.

Slightly stupid is an elderly couple who parked their Ford Fiesta somewhere near Cheltenham Hospital but can't remember where - it is still missing.

Quite Stupid (unless it was a mechanical problem but it almost certainly wasn't) was at least one of the drivers of these two wrecked sports cars:

They crashed at a roundabout in Sheffield.  Looking at the damage, speed must have played a factor.  And for a Ferrari 458 and a Porsche 718 (or Cayman to us old-fashioned people) to both be involved makes me think they may have been known to each other.

But really stupid is this woman in Plymouth who thought she could drive through a lot of runners taking part in a half-marathon.

Pick Up Lines

I've said it before.

On more than one occasion.

I DON'T GET THE POINT OF SPY-SHOTS!

Today we have this one:

It's from this Autocar story about the 2019 Chevrolet Silverado.  You can't tell anything about the car/pick-up thingy from that picture - least of all the big news that IT IS A DIESEL!

 

Actually that is quite big news for America because, apart from Sin City Motors' Steve Darnell, nobody in America likes Diesels.

 

And what's with the 2019 model year? - it's still 2017 for goodness sake!

 

And how are you supposed to tell from that picture that it's a Diesel anyway?

Ah - apparently this bloke with the Michigan State T-shirt and the blurry face is using a Diesel pump.

 

Anyway, I have a scoop here!  This is an exclusive picture of the 2020 Ford Fiesta under testing at the Nürburgring: 

Driving Offence

Or driving through a fence.

 

Oops.

Bad enough this suspected drink-driver has crashed.

But what he crashed into was a Police Station.

Cheshire Police tweeted this morning, "Man arrested for drink-drive after losing control on a car park and crashing into Frodsham police station. #epicfail." Then "Male in Frodsham kindly handed himself in for drink driving #drivenintostationwall"

A few news sites including the BBC enjoyed telling the story.

They all call it a car though - it is actually a Fiesta van with an unusual paint job.  So I guess a few people in the Frodsham area will know exactly who the 49-year-old man is who has been arrested.

Hope he's more careful when he returns to show his documents.

Quiet News Day?

Most of the car sites today, like Autocar for example, are going with the announcement of the Vauxhall Insignia Country Tourer - a four-wheel-drive family estate car.

Not particularly interesting, even for someone like me who drives a four-wheel-drive family estate car.

It's brown:

 The Telegraph have been running two non-stories since the weekend.

A pointless review of the first episode of series 20 of Top Gear.  Pointless because it is written by someone more interested in repeating the fact that he is "not the target audience" for the show and then telling us that he didn't enjoy it.  Well, what a surprise!!!  Prat.  Some of the reader comments are suitably scathing though.

Their second non-story promises us the Top 10 Long-lived cars still on sale.

Only it doesn't.

I was expecting a list of cars that haven't really changed much in many years like the Land-Rover Defender or Porsche 911 (OK the 911 has changed a lot, but it still looks the same).

But no.  What we were given were a bunch of car names that have lived on - like the Ford Fiesta.  The early Fiestas bore no relation whatsoever to the new ones.  Pointless journalism.


Meanwhile, Autoguide have got hold of the story that "Ferrari is limiting its employees to only three in-house recipients per email."

This will cause problems if Fernando Alonso wants to send an amusing jpeg of a cat to Felipe Massa and all of their mechanics.

He will probably have to send the email several times to groups of three each time.

I'm not convinced that Ferrari have really thought this through.

What's in a Name?

A story this week from Car Magazine about how Mercedes are "simplifying" their car naming structure. You have to read it to believe it - it makes no sense whatsoever. They are trying to make their naming system which uses letters to identify the postion the model has in the range more logical.

They are failing spectacularly.

Maybe they should rethink the whole letters and numbers thing and just use names instead. They will need to be careful though - GM's Nova for instance didn't do too well in Spanish-speaking countries where "No va" means "doesn't go".

Ford's Pinto had similar problems as this is allegedly slang for "small penis" in South America.

Ford had better luck in Britain naming their cars after "gentlemen's magazines" like Escort and Fiesta.

All of the names in my little picture above are real car names - except one!

There's a prize of much kudos for anyone who spots my fake one.

Some names are so good that several car companies choose them independently of each other. For example, my profile picture is of an Austin Metro but anyone sitting at a computer on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean will expect a Metro to be a Geo Metro - so for those people - here's a nice picture of one of them...

Inflatable Girlfriends

A 51-year-old Canadian man has been fined for driving in a high-occupancy vehicle lane with a blow-up doll in the passenger seat of his car.

That's the opening line and picture from a story in my new Car News source, www.caradvice.com.au

It is about a man who was fined for using a Car-Pool lane while travelling alone with a blow-up doll wearing a jacket and baseball cap in his passenger seat. I'm not sure about Canadian seatbelt laws but this doll was safely strapped in.

The picture is not of the offending vehicle, but looks like an advert for Reeses. I don't know if it was mocked up in Australia or not - do they have Reeses confectionary Down Under? - they generally don't in the UK.

The article concludes with the nugget of information, "For the record, police confiscated the doll as evidence, although the cap and jacket were left with the driver" - which conjures up the image of a patrol car driving through Ontario with a naked sex doll on board.

The story prompted me to recall the classic Only Fools and Horses episode with the exploding dolls and to find this picture:









And that, in turn, led me to this story from 2008 in The Mirror with this picture...Look closely at the rear window of the Fiesta - she was definitely not strapped in.