Sensible Volvo Drivers.

Does that mean sensible drivers in Volvos?

Or drivers in sensible Volvos?

Speaking as a sensible Volvo driver - I'd say both.

We don't drive rally cars along the M53.

And we don't put Bentley badges on Chrysler 300Cs.

How can that be a thing?

But it is apparently.

And then there's cyclists - I've got quite a collection of dashcam footage of them going through red traffic lights.

Some very blatantly.

You'd never catch a Volvo driver doing that.

Healing Words

There are a couple of Facebook Pages that I follow for their interesting motoring content.  I can recommend them both.

One is Silodrome.

The other is Hagerty UK. Other nationalities of Hagerty are available.

Both of them had Healey stories this week - although strictly speaking, the Silodrome one was a Healy story.  That spelling just looks wrong.  But then again, so does the car:

The Nissan Micra rear lights don't help but the Mini front lights make it look like a bloated Mini Convertible.

It probably looks quite good in the flesh though.

It is a kit car based on an MX5.  It is from Healy Designs reimagining a modern day Austin-Healey 3000.  I can see where they are coming from and I think they are making a fair fist of it.

The Healey name with an "e" allegedly belongs to a company called HFI Automotive and according to Wikipedia, without any citation, so it could be a load of tripe, in 2007 it was announced that Nanjing Automotive (NAC, who own the Austin name and are currently producing MGs) signed a collaborative agreement with them that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.

The Hagerty story, on the other hand, harks back to how Ford could have but didn't invent the Hot Hatch.

With this car:

It was developed in the late '70s by Healey Automotive Consultants who were owned by the Healey family and went on to be sold to HFI Automotive who may well have signed a collaborative agreement with NAC in 2007 that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.  It was actually Ford of America that was leading on this which is why it is a left-hand drive car and has American plates even though the letters and numbers point at a 1978 UK car.

According to MyCarCheck, that UK plate is now on a 2015 Ford Escort Sport - more tripe because there is no such thing.  I suspect that somebody has spotted the headlights on this exact car and re-registered it wrongly on it returning to the UK in 2015.

God I'm good.

I've just looked it up on the Government MOT-check Website.

Not only does it confirm that we ARE talking out this Healey Fiesta, it also picks up on the one thing that really annoyed me when I first saw the photos of this historic car.

Under "Repair Immediately" it states<

• Offside Headlamp aim projected beam image is obviously incorrect (4.1.2 (c))

Running Amok, Ah!

You'd never catch me running a Mokka.

Lot's of people do - these are people who have given up on any thoughts of enjoying driving.

I may have just mentioned once or thrice how I hate SUVs - but I accept that they are here to stay.

And Vauxhall are trying to make the new version of the Mokka more exciting.  This is called the Vauxhall Vizor:

Note the exciting spelling - which I initially misread as Vauxhall Victor.  It was Ford Ecosport/Ford Escort all over again.  Anyway, the new Mokka is getting that "Vizor" front which is claimed to be inspired by the Vauxhall Firenza: 

Hopefully not one about to be crashed in to by a Mini Rally Car.  Autocar have the story.

They don't say what will be happening with the Opel Mokka - presumably they will need a pretentious corruption of a German word for the front end of that.

This is supposedly going to feature on all Vauxhalls throughout the 2020s - it may actually look good on an Astra or Insignia - and feel truer to the Firenza philosophy but in the meantime, don't Mokka the afflicted.

Rifle Charge

Here is a representation of a Kalashnikov AK-47:

Here is a representation of a Kalashnikov CV-1:

I like it.

 

I think I like it because it reminds me of a slammed Escort Mk II Estate: 

Although, while looking for a decent picture of a light blue Escort Mk II Estate, I realised that I liked it because it reminded me of a slammed Cortina Mk II Estate: 

However, according to this Autocar story, it is actually designed to look like one of these:

Which, of course, is an Izh 2125 Combi.

 

No?

 

Me neither.

 

Although, if you know your Russian cars, you can see that it, in turn, was based on a Moskvitch.

 

The CV-1 is an electric car that Kalashnikov hope will be a credible Tesla rival.  Can't see it myself but I'd like to see them get some sales in this country where, being a Kalashnikov with that body-shape, I hope they call it a Shooting-Brake.

Why Would a Priest Need a Four-Door Car?

This unusual story from Autoguide caught my eye today.

It is about a blue 1976 Ford Escort coming up for auction.

My Dad had one of those.

Only it wasn't blue.

And it was only a Popular as opposed to this GL:

It only had two doors and had the more common round headlamps.

 

But the square lamps and extra doors on this particular Escort shouldn't justify an estimate of $300,000.

 

And the seller allegedly paid $690,000 for it in 2005.

 

But go back a couple of owners from him and you get to Pope John-Paul II.

 

So this car may be unique - or at the very least, extremely rare, in that it is a car that has been owned and driven by an actual saint.  I'm certainly not aware of Mother Teresa pootling about Calcutta in a Hindustan Ambassador.

 

But, despite all of the interesting information in the article, I am still left wondering, Why would a priest need a four-door car?

Braking News

The Ford Ecosport is being recalled!

For those of you not familiar with this vehicle, it's an American car that always gets me briefly excited before I realise it doesn't say "Escort".

 

Actually, it's an SUV and therefore very un-exciting.

 

Autoguide have the story of the recall here.

 

Apparently, around 273 of these SUVs have been supplied with European User Manuals and fitted with European brake fluid reservoir caps!

Oh no!  That's illegal apparently.

 

The good news is that, "Ford dealers will replace the brake fluid reservoir cap and owners’ manual kit with the proper US versions free of charge"

 

Why not just post them out?

 

What's the worst that can happen?  Some Americans get confused between US and Imperial Gallons?

 

I give you what happened last time.

Why Do I Want One of These? - Is it Just the Name?

Yes, probably.

It's the new Ford Escort - the Autoguide story is here.  It's a saloon!  Unfortunately, it's only going on sale in China.

 

I'd really like to see one with proper Ford Rally lamps: 

 Wouldn't touch a new Vauxhall Viva though:

Unfortunately, it's only on sale here.

'96 Hybrid Phaeton For Sale

Hang on a Mo'.

All Volkwagen experts, together with those of us who have access to Wikipedia, know that VW didn't start making Phaetons until 2002:

And, they've never produced a hybrid version.

But, of course, I never said it was a Volkswagen - nor did I say 1996.

No, this car coming up for auction is a 1896 Armstrong Phaeton:

 

Fox have the story here.

I had assumed that Phaeton was just another model name (like Escort and Cedric) and Wiki helpfully informs us that "The name Phaeton derives from Phaëton, the son of Phoebus in Greek mythology."  But it also helpfully informs us that "A phaeton is a style of open automobile or carriage without weather protection. It is an automotive development of the fast, lightweight phaeton carriage."

Which sort of explains why Wayne Carini keeps encountering them in "Chasing Classic Cars".

In fact it looks like in the 1920s and 1930s you could get Ford, Packard and Buick Phaetons to name just three of many.  Go back to 1910 and you get this:

 The VW Group have come full circle - that's an Audi Phaeton!

Testing Britain's Worst Drivers: Crash Course

This was a programme on ITV last night.

And it was absolutely brilliant!

I'm surprised I haven't read more about it today.  The Radio Times have a listing on it and there was a brief discussion on Pistonheads but apart from that - nothing.

ITV don't even have anything on it apart from on their watch-again service.

There have been many shows in the past - such as "Britain's Worst Driver" - that have shown ordinary people who don't care about how they drive.  The shows go on to demonstrate how bad these individuals are and hopefully cure them.

This show last night felt like it was going to be one of those.  That's OK - I like those shows.

It was narrated by Jamie Theakston - a stalwart of narrating motorway cop shows and the like.

But this had a twist.

The first poor driver (poor as in "bad" not as in "unfortunate") was Jason, a fancy-dress shop owner who was aggressive on the road and ignored red traffic lights and speed limits:

His friend's expression says it all.

 

There was plenty of footage of him whizzing around Blackpool in his blue BMW Z4 breaking rules of the road and traffic laws.

 

The show claimed that the most accident-prone drivers tend to be men aged 35 to 50 who drive blue BMWs.  A perfect match.

 

Anyway, Jason was taken to a test-track and told to drive a Mini around while sat next to an instructor.  The instructor had him calmed down and he was driving perfectly safely.

 

Before I continue, I would actually recommend you watch this show - as previously mentioned it is on the ITVPlayer, but if you aren't going to, or it's past ITVPlayer time or you are abroad somewhere, then I will go on...

 

The footage from inside the Mini looked a bit like they were sat in a driving simulator.  But the footage from outside showed the car moving around the track matching what was happening inside. 

 

Must have been a camera-effect then.

 

Anyway, they came to some traffic-light controlled roadworks and Jason came to a stop at the red light - as you or I would but as he previously may not have.

 

The lights turn green and he set's off, slowly and steadily.

 

He then stalls.

 

Or, more precisely - it is stalled for him - but he doesn't know this.

 

As he's fiddling trying to restart the car, you see a blue BMW Z4 heading straight for his door.  The instructor yells "Look out!", Jason looks out and has the shock of his life.

 

It turns out he was in a simulator that he had been driving for several hours so it felt to him like he was really driving.  It was particularly realistic because his driving was controlling a remote-controlled Mini around the test-track and that Mini has a series of cameras in it to display what was being seen on the simulator.

 

The BMW Z4 (carrying Jason's number plate) was remotely driven into the Mini at high speed to show what happens when people jump red lights.

 

He was left shaking.  He was then taken down to see what had happened to the remote cars and learned that Mini occupants may well have been killed but the Z4 driver (ie him) would probably have survived - with a maximum 14 year jail sentence and the knowledge that he'd killed someone.

 

The second poor driver, Laura, a beauty student, spent all her driving time being distracted by doing make-up, eating and drinking, playing on her Smartphone etc.  She had a white Nissan Juke and the footage of her in it looked downright dangerous - certainly illegal. 

She's pictured with her mother but she was so bad, I'm surprised her mother or anyone else would want to be driven by her.  I know I wouldn't.

 

I'm not convinced that the curing worked as well here.  For a starter, the car that was meant to be hers was an old, white Honda HR-V.

 

Then, after a demonstration of what happens when you are given distractions while driving, she was on her best behaviour and concentrating on what she was doing - so when the distracted Honda came across the road towards her, she avoided it and didn't know that it had then gone on to hit some carefully placed parked cars.

 

If they had had a head-on collision it would have been unforgetable for her.

 

As it was, she was shown the damage that the Honda had done, specifically to the back door of an Escort "where a small child could have been killed if it was strapped into a car-seat in there".

 

She did claim to have been affected by it and stated how she regretted her previous driving and vowed to change.  Hopefully she was telling the truth.

 

Both drivers were revisited a month later and their respective passengers both commented on how they had changed and their driving was noticably improved.

 

So, an excellent, thought-provoking show - catch it if you can.

Viva Vauxy

I guess someone at The Mail must read Auto Express.

They have produced this story based on that story.

At least they credited Auto Express.

The story is of the return of the Vauxhall Viva to British shores - albeit in name only.

It would be more of a story if the new car was a small-ish saloon rather than a direct replacement for the Agila.

Auto Express, of course, do a much better job of the story.  The Mail version is peppered with mistakes including calling a Viva Mark III (or HC) a Mark I (HA)

Ha!

They also had the new one selling for the price of the original this morning but they have managed to correct that now.

The Mail being The Mail is also surrounded by adverts that only morons would believe such as "journalist finds way to buy an iPad for £2.50" or "fat-busting pills the doctors don't want you to know about" while it also has links on the page to "juicy" gossip about people nobody has heard of such as (and these are genuine) "Queen of the quick change: Tamsin Egerton holds court in summery pink dress at beach photocall before switching to elegant gown" or "'The only one hungry for attention is you!': US Model Carmen Ortega hits back at Lauren Goodger and continues to threaten lawsuit for belfie 'theft'"

That second one is particularly gibberish.

I do wish they didn't sometimes have interesting car articles - I could safely delete it from my favourites then.

Anyway, for The Mail journalists, here are the four iterations - IN ORDER - of the Viva:

I have to say, that fourth one doesn't really light my candle.  The Mail seem upset that it is being built in Korea when the others were built in Ellesmere Port but since Ellesmere Port is where they build the Astra which is the spiritual and ACTUAL successor to the Viva I don't really see the issue.

 

Ford have reintroduced the Escort - but only in China.  It's the car that matters not the name so The Mail have just got a story out of nothing really.

 

And so have I.

Restoring the Faith

We seem to have a plethora of car make-over/restoration shows on UK telly at the moment.

We have series 2 of Channel 5's Classic Car Rescue on a Monday night.  We have ongoing Wheeler Dealers on Discovery.  Quest are repeating Chop Shop, London Garage on a Thursday and we have a new entry from Channel 4 on a Sunday namely, For The Love of Cars:

This features Philip Glenister and "internationally renowned car designer" Ant Anstead restoring classic British cars.  I put that bit in quotes because that is how Channel 4 describe him - I'd never heard of him before and he does seem to be an extremely competent mechanic/car restorer - not too sure about the relevance of his design qualifications though.

 

Ant gets on with the actual restoration work while Phil becomes DCI Gene Hunt with ever-varying amounts of stubble and goes out to have adventures and meet people and groups with stories to tell of whichever vehicle is up for restoration that week.

 

Week one saw the Escort Mexico in the picture above - the best bit was the look on the face of a Liverpool Police Officer who used to drive one in the '70s.  They were interviewing him for the series in a back alley somewhere on Merseyside and he suddenly heard the siren approaching of one of the cars in the fleet he used to use.  He got to drive it again and meet up with a '70s car-thief too.

 

Week two was the Series I Land-Rover where Phil got to meet a Landie enthusiast who you wouldn't want to meet down the pub and another who you definitely would - they even named the restored Landie after him.

 

Next week it's the Triumph Stag - really looking forward to see what they do with my favourite classic.

 

Classic Car Rescue, which I did a bit about Series 1 on, has changed a little bit.  There are still the silly, contrived, badly-acted arguments but I think there is a little more actual car restoration being shown.  The final valuation now comes in via "classic car expert" Paul O'Neill.  I put that in quotes because Paul O'Neill is an ex-Touring Car Driver who does the Twitter bits during the BTCC Coverage and is the brother of a Spice Girl.  I'm a big fan of Paul (him being a Scouser helps) but I've never heard him described as a "classic car expert" before.

 

Bernie Fineman's previous show, Chop Shop, London Garage is probably the nearest to what I think of as the original and best show like these, American Hot-Rod which I posted about back in 2011.  These two shows are more make-over than restoration but enthralling viewing to me.

 

According to wiki though, American Hot-Rod wasn't the first - Wheeler Dealers is older - and still going strong.  I love Wheeler Dealers but it's quite rare that I get to watch it because it is on Pay-TV - this is surely a prime show for Quest to take on?

 

Anyway, I hope as many of these shows continue as possible for many years into the future when one day they will be restoring Nissan Jukes and Citroen DS3s.

Top Ghia

Two big companies hit the headlines (if you looked at the right sites) this week with announcements about new products.

The motoring press were keen to hear about Ford's new Vignale range which will be a posh-end sub-brand to their standard range. Here's a Mondeo Vignale to be debuted at Frankfurt next week:

It's brown.

 

CarAdvice have the story here while Pistonheads cover it here together with a very cheesy 1980s ad (although it's more like a music video) for Ford RS accessories featuring an Escort from that time.  Just about every motoring site around also has the story with their own take on it - most seem quite negative - especially if you read readers' comments.

 

I can understand why.

 

Ford have always had top-spec cars - usually with the Ghia moniker.  Ghia being an Italian coach-builder/design-house much like Vignale.  In America they used the Mercury brand - until they scrapped it.  Here, they owned Jaguar, Aston-Martin and Volvo - until they sold them all.

 

Ford are suggesting separate facilities within their dealerships for their Vignale customers - that will cost a fair bit and possibly make their existing buyers feel second-rate.

 

Rather than buy a posh Ford, people will just go out and buy a posher brand - BMW being the obvious one.

 

Now, where have I heard that name Vignale before?

 

Ah yes, here:

 

And why Vignale anyway?  Ghia is easier to pronounce.

 

Both have an illustrious history - here are couple of 1950s Abarth Fiats:

 

This is the Vignale. Hmm...

...and this is the Ghia.  The Ghia is moderately less ugly - even with Tweetie-pie's beak.

Of course, Ghia has its own connotations - here's Delboy's "Capri Ghia" as he liked it to be known or "Pratmobile" as Rodney liked it to be known: 

Some of the motoring press are saying that if this actually works, then the sporty Ford-buyer will be offered a sporty sub-brand - the ST - which just brings us back to the RS brand in the Pistonheads video.

 

Now, the other company with a proud, important pre-launch is Samsung.  They seem to like the name Ford is rejecting so let's just hope that there is no confusion between the Ford Galaxy Ghia... 

and the Samsung Galaxy Gear... 

Volvo Model Is a Ford Escort?

There are so many puns and jokes in this story it's almost too difficult to know where to start.

A model called Carolyn Giles, who used to work for Ford Models (which has nothing to do with The Ford Motor Co.) is upset that some photos taken of her for a Volvo campaign (Volvo would have been owned by the Ford Motor Co. at the time) is being used in an advert that she claims implies that she is some sort of escort (a car built by the Ford Motor Co.)

Here is the offending (offensive?) ad:Not sure it implies that myself - not when you read it anyway. It might imply that she is a single 30 year old Australian looking for love. She wouldn't have reached 30 when those photos were taken so maybe that's why she doesn't like it. I don't believe she is Australian so maybe that's why she doesn't like it. The advert seems to advocate having a drink and then going for a test-drive so maybe that's why she doesn't like it.

Or maybe she wants a big money payout or loads of publicity - she's certainly getting the latter - not that many people read my Blog.

I don't belive that she will have much chance on the former though, most people find that they don't even own their own Wedding Photos, let alone one they've been paid to sit for.

Actually, reading that ad again, it might be suggesting a bit of Dogging - maybe that's why she doesn't like it.

What's in a Name?

A story this week from Car Magazine about how Mercedes are "simplifying" their car naming structure. You have to read it to believe it - it makes no sense whatsoever. They are trying to make their naming system which uses letters to identify the postion the model has in the range more logical.

They are failing spectacularly.

Maybe they should rethink the whole letters and numbers thing and just use names instead. They will need to be careful though - GM's Nova for instance didn't do too well in Spanish-speaking countries where "No va" means "doesn't go".

Ford's Pinto had similar problems as this is allegedly slang for "small penis" in South America.

Ford had better luck in Britain naming their cars after "gentlemen's magazines" like Escort and Fiesta.

All of the names in my little picture above are real car names - except one!

There's a prize of much kudos for anyone who spots my fake one.

Some names are so good that several car companies choose them independently of each other. For example, my profile picture is of an Austin Metro but anyone sitting at a computer on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean will expect a Metro to be a Geo Metro - so for those people - here's a nice picture of one of them...