The case for the defence.

I may have mentioned once or twice that I can't be doing with SUVs.

And people who like cars and driving tend to agree with me.

So what is Steve Walker, Head of Digital Content, at Auto Express, doing defending the stupid things?

Is he a website geek rather than a car geek?

His bio states that he has "been a motoring journalist, road tester and editor for over 20 years" so maybe not.

He gives several reasons why SUVs are extremely popular with the buying public, specifically:

• tough looks
• higher seating position that makes it easier to get in and see out
• outdoorsy image

His words not mine.

I get the easy access angle for those of an arthritic nature.

But I certainly wouldn't call a Ford Puma "tough-looking."

In fact, don't get me started on Ford prostituting their former glories by naming SUVs after them:

• Puma
• Capri
• Mustang
• Kuga/Cougar

Back to Steve though, and for all his words, at no point does he say that HE likes SUVs.

Despite this, his article does have a pro-SUV feeling and imply a preference for them so I expected a backlash in the comments.

It is now 7pm British Summer Time and there are only 10 comments.

Three of them are from either a Chinese bot or a Chinese moron using AI.  There is a comment about the Ford Fiesta and a reply stating that they don't make them any more and the final 5 comments are a pointless argument that doesn't really go anywhere.

Meanwhile, I think SUVs don't handle properly and they all look  alike:

So there.

Sylvia Back From The Dead

 

That's the gist of this story from the The Mercury News in May 2019.

So what's that got with cars?  Well, despite Mercury being a famous American car brand, absolutely nothing.

Actually, it was this article yesterday from my favourite Aussie car site that piqued my interest - they claim that a Nissan Silvia return is hinted.  And then go on to say why it is unlikely.  They also point at the Top Gear website who say that a new Silvia "could" be on the horizon in this piece and then go on to say that it is "far fetched."

If, and that seems to be a very large "if", it does happen, it will be electric.

That's OK - I believe that it is already possible to create exciting, well-handling and fast electric cars.

I also suspect Nissan wouldn't besmirch a beloved car name by making it an SUV.

It may also be why Nissan's future should be rosier than Ford's.

Capri anyone?

Electric Generation

I am Generation X so I like Ford Capris.

My children are Generation Z so they like Instagram - or, as those of us down with the kids know it, Insta.

There is news this week of electric cars for both groups this week.

Autocar and Auto Express are both reporting the new Ford Capri which is set to be launched in a couple of weeks...

No, that doesn't look much like a Ford Capri to me either.

Meanwhile, Jack from The Fully Charged Show, takes us on a tour of the Hyundai Insta - sorry the Hyundai Inster.

Both of these are cross-over SUVs, or as I prefer to call them, stupid cross-over SUVs.

Just like with the Mustang, Ford will be cashing in on classic car names to flog large numbers of vehicles to people who don't know much about cars.  And they will succeed while seriously turning off the real car fans to the brand.  Just look at he comments under articles about the new Capri.

Here's the only electric Capri that I approve of - I have one in my loft.

Meanwhile, Gen Z are getting a pretty decent car by the look of it - and check out the comments under Jack's piece.

What does this leave for the other generations?

I predict the forthcoming Honda Dailymail for the Boomers and the Mazda Dawsonscreek for the Millennials.

We are supposedly up to Generation Alpha now.

They can have the Tesla Heyduggie.

Talladega Not As Racist Way

I was always going to do a follow-up to yesterday's post.

But it was going to be how Scalextric wouldn't be able to sell my favourite car from my childhood any more:

That is, of course, The General Lee - named after a Confederate hero and sporting a Confederate flag on the roof.

 

Not that I understood the significance of that when I was 12.

 

But they stopped selling that a few years back - now they are advertising the Pratmobile and the Reliant van from Only Fools and Horses: 

Which is all now a complete digression from the news that while some NASCAR fans are still racist, they didn't actually go as far as putting a noose in Bubba Wallace's garage.

 

Apparently, it was a door pull rope "twisted into the shape of a noose" - the new story (or noose story) is here.  It doesn't say who twisted it into the shape of a noose.  Or why.  Or when - but it was probably months ago.  I bet the pit crew team member who found it on Sunday feels a bit of a prat right now.  I wonder if he drives a green Capri.

 

Unless this whole door pull story is because someone important left the noose there?

 

No, I'm not one for conspiracy theories and neither are the FBI:

I Don't Like Pumas

Actually I DO like pumas.

I just don't like Ford Pumas.

Actually I DO like Ford Pumas.

It's just the new ones I don't like:

I also don't like Vauxhall Mokkas and Ford Ecosports and all the other jacked-up cars that sell in their millions to people who don't know about cars or, more importantly, about driving.

 

And the new Puma is an insult to the old one: 

That was a Fiesta-based affordable-ish, sporty-ish car that appealed to those who wanted a bit of fun and didn't have a few kids to ferry about.

 

A bit like The Mustang in America.

 

Or its equivalent over here, the Ford Capri:

Which is why this Autocar story perturbs me.

 

Amko Leenarts, boss of the Ford European Design Centre is quoted as saying, “Who would not want to bring back the Capri as a design?  We’d love it. But it’s got to be in the zeitgeist and has to fit, and work as a plural, not just exist as something for a designer to bring back an old car.”

 

Work as a plural!?

 

Does that mean they want to make more than one of them?

 

Ford tried a couple of times to revive "the zeitgeist" of The Capri, first with the very attractive Probe...

...which is not a phrase you want to be overheard repeating.

 

then with The Puma's bigger brother, The Cougar:

But given what they did to the Puma, Autocar's X6-shaped grotesque guess could be worryingly close to the truth:



It's enough to make you very angry:

'87 V6 Capri For Sale

And that IS a 1987 Ford Capri.

Although it's not for sale.

Because it sold.  At auction.  For £54000.  The This Is Money story is here. (Looking remarkably like the Mail Website)  Part of the value is in that it has only got 936 miles on the clock.

A few less than my own car which passed a big milestone today:

 

 Which only has 3073877 miles to go to catch up to this Volvo P1800S:

Arthur Daley, Little Dodgy Maybe?

And I'm not just talking about the awful cardboard cut-outs:

 

Two stars of Minder are up for sale.  The story is here.  There's no doubt about the Capri - I remember it played a big part in the opening titles. But that isn't the reg no. of Arthur's Daimler that I remember.

Now I'm not sad enough to remember all the number plates from the cars of my TV youth.

But I'd know them if I saw them again.

And I knew this one when I Googled "Arthur Daley Daimler":

I ran a quick MyCarCheck on DYO979V and it isn't on the books.  VDU342X is.

So then I tried the Government's MOT History Website. I have been aware of this site for a while and tried it out once on my Jag when I saw a link on Facebook.  Then a blogging chum of mine inspired me to look at a car I used to own.

I found out that my old Merc is now a taxi.

And still has a lot of the niggling problems that Mercs built around the turn of the Century had that made me get shut of it.

And it confirmed that DYO979V is not on the road.

Although VDU342X only seems to have been around since March 2014 when it's Front Exhaust had a minor leak of exhaust gases.

However, I found a fan-site which seems to offer a solution to the mystery.

Now, even though I'm a Jag man, I'd rather have the Capri that Dennis Waterman drove in the series.

Actually, I 'd rather have the car he drove in New Tricks:

 I could be so good for you.

Merry Chrysler Everyone!!

I mean "Merry Christmas!"

Although, if you put "Merry Chrysler" into Google Images you get this picture:

So, it's Christmas Eve, when motorists are driving home for Christmas.  Which, of course, reminds us of the Chris Rea Christmas classic, "Road To Hell".

He likes his motoring songs does Chris - as well as "Road To Hell" and "Girl in a Sports Car", he's also done one called "Driving Home for Christmas."

Of course I jest - this is a brilliant track.  I found this nice version of the video where Chris seems to have turned into 1970s Capri Driver Martin Shaw.  When watching it, try not too think too much of the Frankie Boyle tweet about it though, "He's a violent & abusive father. His family have moved to hide from him. He's just found out where they are staying."   

Meanwhile, satirical website Newsbiscuit have their own take on Chris.

Merry Chrysler Everyone!!

Titchmarsh Borgward

There's two words you wouldn't expect to see together.  In fact I'd never heard of one of those words before today.

This is a Titchmarsh:

While this is a Borgward:

The former is a gardener turned TV host who I had heard of while the latter is a German car I had never heard of.

 

Alan Titchmarsh contributed this piece to the Telegraph motoring section this weekend about how he prefers to travel around in old cars.  He says that after passing his test, he "took to the roads in an assortment of cars that were owned either by my father or the plumbing firm that he worked for: everything from a Borgward Isabella to a Ford Capri."

 

That got me researching Borgward.

 

They seem to have existed from the late '20s to the early '60s when they went bust after producing a very large number of vehicles including trikes and trucks - I really don't understand how I could not have heard of them.  Were they not imported to the UK?  I don't know.  However, a quick visit to the UK Borgward Drivers Club website reveals plenty of right-hand drive examples, some on British plates.

 

Maybe we'll all get to hear the name in the future though.  The grandson of the original Herr Borgward has started up a new automotive company, called Borgward AG.  Their website uses lots of management-speak - but these days, they have to.  They use the word "revival" a lot - I hope they succeed - this project deserves to do better than the Maybach revival but even Mercedes money couldn't make that work.  I think it could be a long time before a popular UK TV gardener called Alan can go out and buy one to tootle around Yorkshire in...

 

...a long time before we see the Titchmarch Borgward.

Top Ghia

Two big companies hit the headlines (if you looked at the right sites) this week with announcements about new products.

The motoring press were keen to hear about Ford's new Vignale range which will be a posh-end sub-brand to their standard range. Here's a Mondeo Vignale to be debuted at Frankfurt next week:

It's brown.

 

CarAdvice have the story here while Pistonheads cover it here together with a very cheesy 1980s ad (although it's more like a music video) for Ford RS accessories featuring an Escort from that time.  Just about every motoring site around also has the story with their own take on it - most seem quite negative - especially if you read readers' comments.

 

I can understand why.

 

Ford have always had top-spec cars - usually with the Ghia moniker.  Ghia being an Italian coach-builder/design-house much like Vignale.  In America they used the Mercury brand - until they scrapped it.  Here, they owned Jaguar, Aston-Martin and Volvo - until they sold them all.

 

Ford are suggesting separate facilities within their dealerships for their Vignale customers - that will cost a fair bit and possibly make their existing buyers feel second-rate.

 

Rather than buy a posh Ford, people will just go out and buy a posher brand - BMW being the obvious one.

 

Now, where have I heard that name Vignale before?

 

Ah yes, here:

 

And why Vignale anyway?  Ghia is easier to pronounce.

 

Both have an illustrious history - here are couple of 1950s Abarth Fiats:

 

This is the Vignale. Hmm...

...and this is the Ghia.  The Ghia is moderately less ugly - even with Tweetie-pie's beak.

Of course, Ghia has its own connotations - here's Delboy's "Capri Ghia" as he liked it to be known or "Pratmobile" as Rodney liked it to be known: 

Some of the motoring press are saying that if this actually works, then the sporty Ford-buyer will be offered a sporty sub-brand - the ST - which just brings us back to the RS brand in the Pistonheads video.

 

Now, the other company with a proud, important pre-launch is Samsung.  They seem to like the name Ford is rejecting so let's just hope that there is no confusion between the Ford Galaxy Ghia... 

and the Samsung Galaxy Gear... 

The Sweeney - Really!!?

Shut it, you Slaaaaaag!!!!Today, The BBC are reporting on the casting of the new Sweeney movie. Apparently, they've cast some rapper called "Plan B" to play the Dennis Waterman role. What's wrong with using an actor? What's the fascination with rappers? (mind, I will admit Snoop Dog did a good job in Hitch-Hikers)

And, what's with remaking '70s TV shows anyway? Leave them alone, they were classic. The Dukes of Hazzard film wasn't brilliant; the Charlie's Angels movies were OK; and the Starsky & Hutch was OK too - but the best bit was at the end when Paul-Michael Glasier and David Soul appeared with a replacement Torino. Incidentally, They could have got a better Torino for the latest Moneysupermarket ad...That one looks just wrong.

But it's not the casting of the stars that concerns me, this is a car blog after all - it's the casting of the cars.

The story describes the new film as a "contemporary update". Does that mean contemporary to the original series or contemporary to now - I'll assume the latter.

That's a shame, because apart from various problems with modern-day policing rules and political correctness that Regan and Carter never had to bother about, I'd love to see the old cars back in action.

Truth is, that's already been done by "Life on Mars" which was fantastic - maybe they'll make a film of that in thirty years time.
So modern-day means modern equivalents of the brilliant Ford Granadas used by The Sweeney cops and modern equivalents of the Jag S-Types and Ford Transits used by The Sweeney baddies.

These days, we still have Ford Transits and Jag S-Types but the biggest Ford would be a Mondeo. This would possibly be comparable in size but there is no way Jack Regan would be, or indeed should be, a "Mondeo Man".








The metallic-brown Granada in the '70s was the sort of stylish, prestigious, fast saloon that would be driven by a middle-to-senior manager in a medium-sized engineering company.

Unfortunately, the equivalent car, today, and therefore the car for Jack Regan would be...


A SILVER AUDI A6.

Right, the article also says that they are also going to make a film version of "The Professionals". So any thoughts on a modern-day Ford Capri?