Three for All

Happy St.Stephen's Day!

If Good King Wenceslas is looking out on the feast of motoring news this Christmas, he will have spotted the big story which is the potential merger of Nissan, Honda and Mitsubishi.

The story came out with this photo:

Assuming they are standing in front of their respective logos, the Mitsubishi guy looks slightly less unhappy with the deal than the other two.

It took me a while to work out what that photo reminded be of.

At first I thought of Kraftwerk - maybe performing Autobahn:

But they have lecturns.

And there are four of them.

As I have mentioned before, here and here for example, three is the magic number - although I was talking about Top Gear at the time at the start of the Chris Evans era.

You don't hear of him nowadays.

But maybe that is a clue as to what the photo reminds me of:

Except they look too relaxed.

And they are stood in the wrong order - Hammond is definitely Mitsubishi and Clarkson is definitely Nissan.

This photo is a bit closer:

Sir Kier even has the pose right.

But this is the photo that captures the mood best:

Now, what sort of vehicle will these three automotive icons come up with?

How about this?

Dangerous electric switch.

Do people switching from internal combustion to electric crash more because of the higher speeds that can be attained quickly?

That is the question raised today by Autocar.

It's an interesting question and the commenters at the bottom of the article make some interesting points too - well done for an interesting debate - I'd like to continue it here but virtually nobody reads my Blog and I can't be doing with promoting it.

Hertz, who have got shut of 20,000 Teslas say it is because "they were involved in more accidents than the renter’s ICE vehicles."

I would dispute that the reason was their electricness though - I'd have thought it was more down to renters struggling to get used to the stupid controls and lack of indicator stalks and the distracting central screen.

Other factors making electric more likely  to crash would be they tend to be:

• heavier
• taller (bloody SUV cross-overs)
• driven by younger people
• have more distractions for the driver

The weight may be countered by the fact that they have a low centre of gravity due to mostly underfloor battery packs.

And, as well as the more distractions, there will also be more safety features.

So what do the insurers tell us?

The Autocar story quotes Howden UK&I Retail who tell us “There are 26% more accident claims for EVs than for ICE vehicles.”

That seems quite conclusive.

Except, Thisismoney (who I nicked my photo off) tell us that HPI tell us "Looking specifically at cars up to a year old, the study found that a total of 40 EVs (0.01 per cent) were scrapped out of the 334,525 on the road last year.  This compared to 701 of 2,026,146 ICE vehicles (0.03 per cent)"

And Fleeteurope.com have this story telling us that the German Insurance Association analysed data showing that electric cars are responsible for five to 10 percent fewer accidents on average than comparable vehicles with ICE engines. "responsible for" though - not "involved in"

I honestly don't know the answer to this - maybe nobody does yet.

In the meantime - just enjoy the charged discussion.

Shark Infested

The new new Top Gear Magazine (which I'm still not overly sure about) has a section called "Vapourware Files" which pays tribute to the many new cars announced by new car companies that never actually reach fruition.

I wonder if this is going to be featured in a future edition.

It's by Mika.

No, not the bloke who sang about Grace Kelly and the Bells Ending, pictured here with a Mini he's vandalised.

The "car" in the top picture is by Warwickshire based car company Mika - this Autocar story tells you more.

But in that particular hue, it looks like a shark.

Not a BYD Shark - that looks like a Ford F150.

And from the rear view, it looks worse.

The article makes a big play of the enveloping frame formed from "composite pultrusions" which "form an extremely rigid survival cell for occupants in the Mika"

I'm not sure if it is these that make the car look like an Alfa Romeo SZ that has been rear-ended.

Maybe that's the safety angle they will be going for - the probability of a car being in TWO serious accidents is extremely low.

The Policeman's Nose

 

Can AI catch drunk drivers?

Auto Express are reporting on a trial by Devon & Cornwall Police this month to try and find out.

It uses "cloud-based algorithms" so it must be good.

The idea is to plonk a policeman at the side of the road then get cameras to look at cars on nearby roads to see if there is any driving that could indicate an impaired person at the wheel.

It seems to be a possible solution to the issue of the loss of thousands of experienced police officers, including traffic officers, during the cuts of the last Government.  That's a lot of noses.

I hope they are combining the cameras properly though - I was following a car on the motorway yesterday that kept veering out of its lane - I have no doubt that the driver was using a phone - and probably sober.

So will it work?

Who nose?

Opinionated

Yesterday, The BBC on its news site, asked the question, Should you pay more for parking if you have a big car?

The outcome seemed to be that if you have a big car, you don't agree with the idea while if you don't have a big car, then you don't have anything against the idea.

Although the article also mentions Haringey in London, where the council proposed adding a 5% surcharge for medium sized vehicles (4-4.49m long), and a 10% surcharge for large vehicles which are allegedly over 4.5m long.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this idea.

It doesn't affect me in the slightest as I never park anywhere inside the M25 but my car is 4.761m long so it's the principle that counts.

Now if it were up to me, it wouldn't be the length of the vehicle that was used - it would be the height.

But then I've always had it in for cross-over SUVs.

Meanwhile, have you seen Jaguar's new concept car?

The opinions that has elicited seem to have fallen into three main categories:

• It's woke
• It's gay
• It looks like Lady Penelope's car

I do have some sympathy for that third one.

The first two seem to have also been influenced by the recent Jaguar advert which was just too surreal and pretentious for my liking - like every single perfume ad - I really hate the Johnny Depp Sausage one.

(Not familiar with the work of PIG but I like their style)

People who think that car is "woke" need to invest in a dictionary - IT'S A CAR!  I'm proud to be woke given that the alternative is being ignorant.

And those complaining about the gayness seem to be trying too hard - maybe a bit of insecurity about their own sexuality?

And there will only ever be one Jaguar advert for me, the one that appeared while I was a Jag owner.

At least I dislike the new ad for woke reasons.  I dislike the car because it just looks wrong.  It looks considerably better in a sensible colour.

But, much as I dislike cross-overs, I do think it helps to able to sit in a car without having to tilt your head.

But that's just my opinion.

Red Mist in the Morning...

 ...Global Warming.

Red sky at night...

...shepherd's hut is on fire.

I wish my dashcam could have done justice to the sky yesterday morning.

It was very red.  Didn't hear any stories of shepherds in peril though.

But that's not really what this post is about.

Just over a month ago, I posted about poor driving, particularly by white van men on my morning commute.

Had two of them yesterday morning - middle-lane hogging white vans.

But when I reviewed my footage, I could only find one - this one:

Then I realised I was reviewing Thursday's drive in.

These two were from yesterday:

White van in the morning...

...congestion on the M53 warning.

Naked Ant Anstead

That post title should get me a few clicks from potential female readers.

And my digital recording device seems to think his current Discovery channel series involves nudity:

A bit of quick Internet research shows that the working title for Ant Anstead, Born Mechanic was Ant Anstead, The Naked Mechanic.

As it is, there has been no nudity so far and I watched episode 5 this morning.

The premise of the show is that he is doing up classic cars to fund the restoration of a very old farmhouse for his parents.  He has the help of an old friend called Darren who seems to be giving his time free of charge.  Ant also "calls in favours" from many "friends" for both car jobs and house jobs.

I wonder if these people may appear briefly on Discovery's payroll?

Not that it really matters - it's what we thespians call "artistic license."

Like in episode 1 when Ant tells us he is scared of heights then in episode 2 he appears very comfortable on the roof of the farmhouse.

Episode 1 was particularly enjoyable though because they were doing a Triumph Dolomite Sprint - it's ALWAYS a Sprint, they never do a 1500HL like I used to have but never mind, the Sprint is a fabulous car.

Darren reminds me of someone.

It may be that I have seen so many car shows over the years that he has turned up on one if them.  Although I did also think that he looked a bit like an older version of former Stig, Ben Collins:

Then I spotted Darren's surname at the end of the show - Collins!

Maybe a cousin or something or maybe a complete coincidence.

But back to the show - I think the format is forcing Ant to sell his cars at auction with no reserve which seems somewhat unfair.  He lost a fortune on a Jaguar XJS and made just £200 (not including auction fees which were probably more than £200) on a mint (and therefore extremely rare) one-owner Alfasud.  And when I say "mint", I don't mean it had a hole in it - check out the auction listing.

A similar fate befell an original condition (and also extremely rare) MGC with just 5000 genuine miles on the odometer on the programme I watched just before Born Mechanic - that programme being Bangers And Cash, Restoring Classics.  The team spent over £30,000 on getting the car ready for auction and it sold for just £22,500.  Like the Alfa, it seemed almost criminal to let it go for that price but at least that show is about a car auction site so there is justifiable jeopardy there.

So, does this show mean that Ant has followed Mike Brewer back to the UK?

Nope, but his girlfriend is currently filming the next Bridget Jones film over here so that worked out quite well.

They obviously got their diaries aligned.

Stop Shouting!

I knew that Audi was formed from four German car companies and that one of them was Auto Union so assumed that was why the first two letters of Audi are AU.

My assumption was incorrect and my knowledge was a bit incorrect.

The company name is based on the Latin translation of the surname of the founder, August Horch. Horch, meaning 'listen', becomes audi in Latin. The four rings of the Audi logo each represent one of four car companies that banded together to create Audi's predecessor company, Auto Union.

Thank you Wikipedia.

Audi have now teamed up with SAIC of China to produce a Chinese-only sub brand aimed at "younger, tech-oriented Chinese EV buyers." This sounds a little bit like what Toyota did in The States with Scion - that didn't really work out for them in the end.

Autocar have the Audi story here while Auto Express have an opinion piece on it here.

The Autocar piece has pictures of what looks like an attractive car:

Auto Express opinion pieces tend to be right-wing rants nowadays so maybe it explains why they have only had one response to their question in it, "What do you think Audi should have called its new Chinese sub brand?"

If you have read either of those articles you will now know that it is not to be Audisaic.

But it is to be AUDI.

Not to be confused with Audi - who have sold cars in China for many years now under the name of...

...Audi.

At least the new shouty version will tie in better with the image of your typical Audi driver.

Everyone Loves Donald

 

No, not the lying, felonious, orange man-baby.

Although it seems a lot of people do love him.

Millions of people in fact.

But I'm talking about Donald Osborne...

...the knowledgeable and dapper vehicle appraiser and regular contributor to Jay Leno's Garage.

I was watching their latest output on YouTube yesterday.  They are clearly great mates and the way he takes Jay's gentle mockery is a pleasure to watch - especially about the concept of their regular segment, "Assess and Caress" in which the idea is for Jay to decide which of three vehicles chosen by Donald has gained most value in the previous 5 years.

Now, I may be wrong, but I suspect that Messrs. Leno & Osborne will not be fans of Donald Trump - unlike the stars of the other American YouTube show I watched yesterday - an episode of Coffee Walk where we were treated to a look around Sean Pettiford's vehicle collection.  Although Trump would call if Covfefe Walk.

What do those millions of fans see in Trump?  He is creepy, he cannot string together a coherent answer to any normal question, he makes up lies and statistics on the spot, he managed to bankrupt casinos.

I see no redeeming credentials whatsoever.

You could argue that it's none of my business being a Brit but happens with America affects the whole World.  There is already talk of him doing a Putin and Xi to change the rules to stay in power longer.  And as Putin has him by the short-and-curlies, it doesn't bode well for Ukraine - and therefore the rest of Europe and NATO.

Meat Loaf was a fan - and I believe that cost him his life as he fell for the Anti-Vaxxer nonsense that Trump liked to promote.

So how can intelligent, articulate, hard-working people such as Dennis & Sean be voting for Trump?

This picture Sean posted on Facebook of the keys his wife had in her pocket imply that he is of the Trump persuasion:

They can't be falling for the Fox News tripe - they're too busy to watch it.

Maybe they are simply life-long Republicans - or maybe they see something in him that very few people outside of the States can see.

I hope they are right - evidence from 2016 to 2020 does not look promising but democracy has declared a winner so we need to accept it and work with it.

Maybe they didn't see a better candidate, over to Jonathan Pie...

Little Mix

 I don't like Little Mix - I'm just using this picture as clickbait.

This post is actually about a lot on the US online car auction site Bring A Trailer - this lot.

The cars involved are smaller than their usual ones.

In fact, it's a mix of little cars - and other vehicular entities - 41 Matchbox models to be precise.

I remember the ones I used to have - I played with them a lot so I don't regret not keeping them in original condition in original boxes.

This is despite the auction lot, at time of typing up this post, sitting at $1400.

I had a couple of the ones that are for sale - like the Greyhound bus and the Fire Engine - I also had several models of American cars but was surprised to see Americans would have models of British cars - there is a Ford Corsair there and one of the BMC ADO16s - the MG option if I'm not mistaken.  I imagine most American buyers would be a bit bemused by it.

Nice to know they were made in England though - the real cars and the toys.

The few of mine I still have are pretty wrecked.

But I'd still like to give a shout out to my wrecks.

Breakfast Time Bad Driving

They were all out this morning.  Several were driving white vans.  I caught a lot on my dash-cam.

To start with, I had someone decide that he was coming off at Junction 3.

Nothing wrong with coming off at Junction 3 - I've done it myself on many occasions - it's handy for The Asda, And Tranmere Rovers.

But this guy was in the outside lane when he decided it and had to cut in front of two other lanes of traffic - one of which included me.  I didn't bother including the footage because, rather annoyingly, it looks less dramatic when you  play it back.

Or maybe I'm just a drama queen.

But then look at this other twerp joining at the same junction:

This morning saw the usual collection of tailgaters and middle-lane hogs.

But this lane hogger in particular annoyed me because, not only was he driving a white van, he didn't have his lights on.

Then you get the white van man who does have his lights on but doesn't use the handy orange flashing ones that give other drivers a clue as to your intentions.  It's a good job BMW don't make white vans.

But that wasn't his worst crime.  Note that the other two white van drivers knew which lane they needed to be in and how to position yourself going around a roundabout.

Maybe he was late for his breakfast.

Crazy Horses

Watched the current series finale of Fifth Gear last night.

Something Jason Plato said made me look up his age.  I was very surprised to learn that he is a year younger than me.

Not, I hasten to add, because I think he looks older than me - I do actually think he looks younger than me.

But because of the length of his motor racing career and because he wears a flat cap.

But, enough about commenting on the looks of motoring journalists who are younger than me as they get older.

My main take from that programme involved Vicki (aged 52) hooning around in the Ford Mustang Dark Horse - and thoroughly enjoying it.

This was a car that I had just watched Dennis Collins (who is actually about 18 month OLDER than me) hooning around in his latest edition of Coffee Walk.

Dennis commented on how the manual versions (like his) seemed very rare - in fact his local dealer wasn't aware of another one.

Vicki was driving one though so I suspect that is a US/EU thing.  She also announced that it is available in right-hand drive.

Which is nice.

The other thing Dennis said that slightly amused me was that not many people over there had heard of The Dark Horse Mustang.

Maybe time to look up what "Dark Horse" actually means.?

Where has Tom Ford's hair gone?

Here's a picture from back in the day of Tom Ford and Johnny Smith on Fifth Gear.

Back in the day, Tom Ford was known as The Wookie.  A nickname now given by Steve Berry to his sidekick/producer/editor Paul Roverman (not his real name)

He was called that because he was very hairy.

I have followed them both in various guises since they left that show - most recently on YouTube.

I was well aware of Jonny's diminished hairline but, for some reason, maybe it's been a very gradual process, I've only just noticed that Tom has now gone the same way:

I was shocked.

But mostly because he looks a hell of a lot younger now.

You've Bean Nicked!

According to the guy I listen to on Dee Radio driving in to work this week, there has been some filming going on in the Handbridge area of Chester and some 1980s era cars been seen parked there.

A bit more digging by the breakfast DJ came up with Anemone, a film that will star Daniel Day-Lewis and Sean Bean.

There have been no sightings of the much-married Sean Bean or the much-retired Daniel Day-Lewis. According to Wikipedia, Daniel's first retirement in 1997 was cobblers.

Anyway, the BBC are reporting today that those cars have been ticketed by traffic wardens.

The cars, were allegedly parked on double-yellow lines - none are visible in the photos so has another crime been committed in covering them over?  Google Streetview does clearly show them:

It appears that the Council did not give any special permissions for the filming so the arrogance of the film team may have come in to play - or maybe this was a calculated risk and they are happy to pay the fines.

I am a bit more surprised that they think that in the 1980s, everybody drove Fords.

Or is it because the production company are called Focus Features?

Recalling when Leyland Daf were British

I've done loads of stories about recalls.

Like this one.

And this one.

Then there was this one.

And of course this one.

And this one.

Closely followed by this one.

All of them suitably stupid.

Like today's one from drive.com.au

Remember when LDVs were British?

Well now they are Chinese.

And 932 of them are being recalled due to a faulty Website.

I'm not too sure we should be using the word "recall" every time.  The Tesla one involved a software drop and this one involves owners throwing away any specification sheets obtained from the LDV Automotive website.

We should have Recalls, Patches and Booboos.

This particular Booboo, could result in "increased braking distances and/or reduced braking performance" or "reduced steering response which may lead to the vehicle to rollover."

And apparently, "A reduction or a loss in braking performance, a reduced steering response and/or vehicle rollover could result in a serious accident to the vehicle occupants or other road users that can lead to severe injury or death."

Death by website.

Wish You Were Here...?

I hate the word "Holibobs".

It should ever only be used by persons involved in conversations that include somebody under the age of 8.

Anyway, I've just got back from my holling-days.

I was told many years ago that if you ever go to New Zealand, it is like the UK about 30 years before with Austin Cambridges and Ford Populars roaming the streets - I was told this in the 1980s.

Anyway, I didn't go to New Zealand.

I went to the Greek island of Domestos.

Actually, I went to the Greek island of Zykanthos - also known as Zante - it was very good.

Although there were many cars from the UK about 20-30 years before.

Like this early Disco:

And millions of hateful little Hyundai Amicas and Atozes (or whatever the plural of Atoz is) - I hope they are ex-rental vehicles because the state of them, especially the Atozes was very poor.

But they were still running.

There were quite a few turn-of-the-Century Primera saloons too - not a popular choice of Primera here in the UK.

The big advantage of most of your vehicle stock being that old is that there were VERY FEW CROSS-OVER SUVs!

But, the few that do exist show the driving, and in this case parking skills of your typical cross-over SUV driver:

Note the Kia Pride in this picture taken through a tinted coach window.

They should reintroduce the Pride name - it would be popular with the LGBTQ+ community.

There are also quite a few seemingly abandoned cars about the island - like this BMW...

...and some sort of Toyota parked up next to it.

Talking of abandoned (or ripe for restoration) Toyotas - look at this Celica GT Liftback:

Then there is this (very much not abandoned) car that looks like it may need some bodywork - it looks at first glance that it has been shot at or just badly corroded but it has actually been adorned with Zakynthos "evil" eyes:

Finally on this holiday report, returning to that Discovery from before, you will notice a motorbike parked next to it.

Lots of people, myself included, took a photo or two of it.

Its owner would have been very pleased that people were taking so much interest in it - it was a de-badged, bit customised jobbie that I don't know enough about motorbikes to be able to identify.

I do know however, that it wasn't any of these:

• A Brough Superior
• A Vincent Black Shadow
• A Honda Cub 50
• The Flying Millyard
• The Millyard Viper
• A Lambretta
• A BSA Bantam
• A Honda Goldwing
• A Harley Davidson Electra Glide
• An Easy Rider-style Chopper

If you asked be what it was, I'd probably have to give the answer that car people hate most when they ask someone what make of car it is that they are wanting to tell us a story about:

"It was a black one"

And in this case, it is irrelevant because everybody was photographing this little chap who was sitting on the bike:

This is Judith Chalmers signing off - hope you enjoyed the show.

Feeling Firsty

Autocar News annoys me at times.

They like to do slideshows.

But then they repeat them.

Again and again.

So I normally ignore them - but something made me revisit one today (and several days in the past) entitled, The first-ever cars of the world's most famous car-makers.

Several of the car-makers seem to have two or three first-ever cars - Jaguar, Skoda and Ford for example - so I haven't a clue what licence they've taken with their definitions.

But when I read the Volvo one, I realised that someone with a sense of humour had been in there.  Check this out.

Meanwhile, the first Fiat was the 4HP of 1899 and the first Tesla was the Roadster of 2008.

Which brings me to the following creation which is apparently the work of someone called @carbreeding.

I don't like the Fiat Multipla because it is pig-ugly and I don't like Elon Musk because he is a right-wing, ranting individual who has completely lost the plot.

But I really like the Cyberpla:

Where are they now?

During a recent conversation in the pub and a quick search on The Internet, I found out that a couple of showjumpers I used to watch on The Horse of The Year Show back in my distant youth are still alive.  David Broome and Harvey Smith are both in their mid-eighties.

The conversation diverged and I looked up former Top Gear presenter William Woollard.

He is also alive and in his mid-eighties.

Although, if you believe his Wikipedia page (and it isn't convinced itself), he was looking extremely frail 14 years ago.

So, what about the other former TG presenters?

It may be a false memory, but I think I can remember Angela Rippon presenting it - I am more certain about remembering Noel Edmonds.

Angela has, rather disappointingly had a stint on GB News alongside drunk-driver (and definitely NOT a TG presenter) Alistair Stewart.

She now does an advert alongside a Albert Einstein impersonator - not sure what it is for but it's got something to do with energy.

Of this lot, Tiff Needell and Chris Goffey have both appeared recentlyish on a couple of my favourite YouTube Channels (Late Brake Show and idriveaclassic respectively) looking a lot older but still going strong.  Meanwhile, Steve Berry has just started up is own channel - Steve Berry's Big in the Nineties.

In it, he gets angry every week and mentions that he used to present Top Gear and drives a car from that decade in a very entertaining package.

He also appears to be turning into Bob Mortimer - especially in the Audi A6 C5 Avant episode where he compounds it by attempting a North-East accent.

I have liked and subscribed.

Paddy, who I DO REALLY LIKE JUST NOT PRESENTING TOP GEAR OR QUESTION OF SPORT, was on Who Do You Think You Are? last week - that was enjoyable and he found out his ancestry was Irish - who would have thought that?

Next Thursday also sees the return of Vicki & Rory in Fifth Gear on Quest and the return of Jeremy, James & Richard in the last ever Grand Tour on Amazon Prime.

Shame it has to end.

We don't know if Top Gear TV has ended but we do know who the general public (as opposed to the car-fanatical public) remember the most.

Crash Course Car

It's not the first time I've reported an unsafe safety car.

But unlike in that instance, this was an experienced Safety Car driver (and ex DTM driver)

He's somewhat damaged this Aston Martin Vantage Course Car...

...rather spectacularly:

Doesn't look like a mechanical failure so just an embarrassing one.

Nobody was hurt.

In 100 years time, will this be a vintage Vantage?

Being Zippy...

 

...but not being annoying.

Because, let's face it, Zippy was pretty annoying.

Not wet like George.

But if Donald Trump were a pre-school TV personality, he would be Zippy.

(or am I being unkind to Zippy?)

Anyway, zipping into traffic is the non-annoying thing to do.

Look at this story from Auto Express today explaining how we should be using what lots of countries call  "The Zipper Manoeuvre" when two lanes merge into one.

Even The Highway Code tells us to do it.

The trouble is, while out in their cars, our continental cousins view themselves as "the traffic", whereas us Brits see ourselves as individuals battling against all of the other inferior drivers.  That is why Smart Motorways were never going to work in Britain.

Not me, of course - although I do witness a huge number of inferior drivers every day on the M53.

Strange that.

At Junction 5 heading South, the M53 goes from three lanes down to two.  It is well signposted that it is going to happen but there is no signage about how to deal with it.

So, a fair distance before it actually happens, everyone gets into the two left hand lanes apart from a very small number of drivers who tear down lane 3 until the last minute.  Sometimes they are allowed to merge in and sometimes they encounter a stubborn group of people staring straight ahead while attempting to keep 5cm from the rear bumper of the vehicle ahead.

This means that the ones getting most annoyed are actually those driving in the most annoying way.

And the ones doing the annoying are right.

So the others should just zip it.

Cross about fines

Four different motoring stories have appeared at the front of the BBC News Website today.

The first one (link here) is basically a non-story but it probably got there because it is about London.  Although, having said that, the victims weren't from London.  Basically, the ANPR cameras used at the Dartford Crossing were sometimes providing blurred images which meant that the number plates were being mis-read and fines for non-payment were being sent out to people who hadn't driven through it.

It got Vs and Ys mixed up and Cs and Gs and Os and Ds.

I should be worried as Y, G and O all appear in my registration number.

But given we are talking a small number of mistakes out of 55 million journeys, I won't be shelling out for a private plate just yet.

Then again, given the technology used, surely they could tell if a number plate didn't match the vehicle on the photo and then give those few cases to a human being to manually check.  In the case of one complainant - a woman who fell victim of the C & G scenario, the BBC state that:

 "The vehicle pictured was remarkably similar to hers, a silver Honda Jazz, while Eleanor drives a silver Honda CRG"

No she doesn't.  There's no such thing.

She might drive a Honda CRV - she looks like she might.  But I thought you were supposed to get Vs mixed up with Ys not with Gs.

Anyway, here's a silver Honda Jazz.

and here's a much larger silver CRV...

Not seeing a remarkable similarity myself.

Story number 2 involves learner drivers who are fed up with waiting times, so they are booking practical tests through brokers who block-book and re-sell the tests for hundreds of pounds.

My local Test Centre, according to their story, has a wait if 9.5 weeks, or 2 months in real money.

Quite a few centres though have a wait of 24 weeks, or 4 months.

"The test time, location and provisional licence number can be changed at any time, making it easy to rebook or re-sell driving test slots."

Right, well there's the solution - the provisional licence number should be fixed on booking - no changes, only refunds - problem solved.

Story number 3 involves the exploitation of a Nissan Micra with a failed rear axle.

As Frankie Howerd used to say, "Don't mock the afflicted!"

But Banksy has done just that with his take on the Suzuki Jimny spare wheel cover.

I've just taken a stroll down that road on Google StreetView and it's a public road so I hope that car is taxed or it could get towed and then you'd be left with a rhino in mid-jump.

I suppose then it could become a photo opportunity for people to park their own vehicle, wheelie-bin, pram, wife etc. there.

And the fourth story is a boring one about potholes.  Although Alan from Macclesfield has climbed into one which makes a change from the usual photos of local Tory councillors pointing at one.