Classic!

This weekend just gone I visited the Lancaster Insurance Classic Motor Show at The NEC in Birmingham.

What did I think?

Well, since you ask, I'll tell you.

The free show guide was most excellent - even came in its own carrier bag!

I got close to Mike Brewer and Tiff Needell which was nice.

And to Will & Gus from Flipping Bangers and to a couple of my favourite YouTubers.

And to Frank Stephenson - apparently pronounced Steffanson - not to be confused with Steph Fromidriveaclassic - one of the aforementioned YouTubers.  I didn't realise until he started talking that I actually knew who he was - in as much as he has a regular column in Top Gear Magazine critiquing modern car designs.  He revealed some secrets about his design work on the Mini One - check out how the exhaust pipe is the same as a Budweiser can.

There were loads of Triumph Dolomites there:

BUT THEY WERE ALL SPRINTS!

Some of us owned 1500HL Dolomites.  They did have a few Triumph 1300s and a 1500 too though.

They also had some famous cars like The Sweeney Granada:

The Saint's Volvo:

And Richard Hammond's Oliver:

They had an F40:

And also whatever this is:

The food was crap - and overpriced - but that's the fault of the NEC - should have used the various vans there.

Loved the day - would recommend it to any petrol-head - and even non-petrol-heads - the two I went with enjoyed it too.

It was classic.

The Return Trip

Quite enjoyed this video from James May's YouTube Channel last week.

In it, James and Richard Hammond returned to Dunsfold to the abandoned portakabin complex that used to be the Top Gear production offices.

The abandonment does highlight what has happened to Top Gear since October 2018.

Now it looks like they will be doing something a bit similar for Prime with The Not Very Grand Tour.

Part of me doesn't want to watch it for the same reason I tend not to watch the "Best bits" or "Unseen footage" episodes of shows like Would I Lie to You?

And these usually contain both "best bits" and unseen footage.

But I've already seen the best bits.

And yet, I don't mind repeats.

Jeremy will only be appearing in the shown footage whereas James and Richard will be talking about it.

And taking the mickey.

So will I watch it?

Let's face it, I'd watch a knitting programme if those two were fronting it - so yes - and I'm not lying to you.

Three for All

Happy St.Stephen's Day!

If Good King Wenceslas is looking out on the feast of motoring news this Christmas, he will have spotted the big story which is the potential merger of Nissan, Honda and Mitsubishi.

The story came out with this photo:

Assuming they are standing in front of their respective logos, the Mitsubishi guy looks slightly less unhappy with the deal than the other two.

It took me a while to work out what that photo reminded be of.

At first I thought of Kraftwerk - maybe performing Autobahn:

But they have lecturns.

And there are four of them.

As I have mentioned before, here and here for example, three is the magic number - although I was talking about Top Gear at the time at the start of the Chris Evans era.

You don't hear of him nowadays.

But maybe that is a clue as to what the photo reminds me of:

Except they look too relaxed.

And they are stood in the wrong order - Hammond is definitely Mitsubishi and Clarkson is definitely Nissan.

This photo is a bit closer:

Sir Kier even has the pose right.

But this is the photo that captures the mood best:

Now, what sort of vehicle will these three automotive icons come up with?

How about this?

Where are they now?

During a recent conversation in the pub and a quick search on The Internet, I found out that a couple of showjumpers I used to watch on The Horse of The Year Show back in my distant youth are still alive.  David Broome and Harvey Smith are both in their mid-eighties.

The conversation diverged and I looked up former Top Gear presenter William Woollard.

He is also alive and in his mid-eighties.

Although, if you believe his Wikipedia page (and it isn't convinced itself), he was looking extremely frail 14 years ago.

So, what about the other former TG presenters?

It may be a false memory, but I think I can remember Angela Rippon presenting it - I am more certain about remembering Noel Edmonds.

Angela has, rather disappointingly had a stint on GB News alongside drunk-driver (and definitely NOT a TG presenter) Alistair Stewart.

She now does an advert alongside a Albert Einstein impersonator - not sure what it is for but it's got something to do with energy.

Of this lot, Tiff Needell and Chris Goffey have both appeared recentlyish on a couple of my favourite YouTube Channels (Late Brake Show and idriveaclassic respectively) looking a lot older but still going strong.  Meanwhile, Steve Berry has just started up is own channel - Steve Berry's Big in the Nineties.

In it, he gets angry every week and mentions that he used to present Top Gear and drives a car from that decade in a very entertaining package.

He also appears to be turning into Bob Mortimer - especially in the Audi A6 C5 Avant episode where he compounds it by attempting a North-East accent.

I have liked and subscribed.

Paddy, who I DO REALLY LIKE JUST NOT PRESENTING TOP GEAR OR QUESTION OF SPORT, was on Who Do You Think You Are? last week - that was enjoyable and he found out his ancestry was Irish - who would have thought that?

Next Thursday also sees the return of Vicki & Rory in Fifth Gear on Quest and the return of Jeremy, James & Richard in the last ever Grand Tour on Amazon Prime.

Shame it has to end.

We don't know if Top Gear TV has ended but we do know who the general public (as opposed to the car-fanatical public) remember the most.

Crashing Bore

I wouldn't call him a bore - I quite like him.

I also like Paddy McGuinness.

But, as I pointed out when it was first announced in 2018 - they should not be presenting Top Gear!

They've both managed to crash cars on the show since - Freddie in 2019 and Paddy in 2020 but this one appears more injurious.  The BBC story tells us that he was airlited to hospital - not good.  But his injuries are "not life-threatening" - okay.  It also tells us that it was not believed to be a crash at speed - also okay.

So why aren't they saying any more yet?

According to Piers Morgan (Yes I know!) who has been talking to TalkSport,

“I’m told it was a pretty serious crash and that Freddie’s going to be OK, but it might be a little bit more serious than first appreciated. I’m told he’s going to be OK, which is great news, but I’m also told it was a pretty nasty bang and that he’s had surgery and is recovering now and we’ll have to wait and see."

So he was told no real news then.

We don't know anything about this crash - but the cynic in me says that a motoring journalist wouldn't have done it and a racing driver certainly wouldn't have done it - I may be completely wrong - it may well just be prejudice on my part - I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.

After all, look at Hamster's history - he nearly died.

And James' two incidents (one was not his fault) made the recent Grand Tour the best one ever.

When the show goes out, will I end up thinking that he is in the same league as them?

Or the same league as these people who, despite the best efforts of the snow, haven't had their number plates blurred out:

Cognisance

Talking of TV shows involving Richard Hammond, I watched another episode of Richard Hammond's Workshop yesterday too.

It's now being shown on Freeview channel Quest.

I think I like it.

But then it's a show where they do up cars in need of restoration.

And I like all of those - but there isn't anything particularly different about this one.

They do have a frail-looking dog:

But apart from that - nothing else that stands out.  So it'll come down to personalities.  Father and son team Neil and Anthony Greenhouse are Richard's business partners and you get to see more of Richard's wife Mindy and their daughter - who, along with her boyfriend irritated me when they called Richard and his Land-Rover and trailer away to rescue her when she had a puncture.

The workshop is called "The Smallest Cog" - presumably a play on Hammond's short stature.

Series 2 has been greenlit so it will be a success as a TV show - which takes the pressure off it being a success as a car restoration business.

But it almost certainly will be - which is a presumption I am fully cognisant of.

Best. Grand Tour. Ever.

I watched A Scandi Flick yesterday.

Don't read this if you haven't watched it yet but do plan to!

The boys were on top form.

I suspect that Jeremy was very much involved in the writing.  It had a lot of the humour of Top Gear when that was at its best - like the camping trip adventure and the making-an-advert-for-the-VW-Corrado piece.

The bit on the ski slope was just hilarious.

I refuse to believe, though, that the two most shocking events in the show were scripted.

If they were, then somebody deserves an Oscar.

Firstly James smashes his Mitsubishi Evo at high speed sideways into a cave wall and breaks a rib and the car.

Then, once it has been made roadworthy again, he crashes it through a frozen lake surface and he has to escape a semi-submerged car.

It is after this second accident that Hammond (why does he get known by his surname?) comes to the fore and "remembers" seeing a way of using some trees to make a winch to retrieve the stricken car.

Now surely it was the production team who cut down the trees and set everything up to perform this rescue - Jeremy and Clarkson got the credit but whoever did it - it was very effective.

And excellent television.

You would have to be a very harsh critic to think otherwise.

Flipping Vauxhalls!

I can only go on what I've read in this BBC story.

And I would normally be dead against the wanton damage of a car...

Unless done for entertainment purposes by Clarkson, May & Hammond...

But a jury have heard the full story and evidence so I'm fully behind the guy driving the telehandler here:

I'd never heard of a telehandler before but basically, a "telescopic handler" is a forklift which has a boom that can extend forwards and upwards from the vehicle.

Anyway, these two scrotes, at least one of whom is drunk, have suffered a double-puncture.

Unfortunate.

But in those circumstances, parking at the side of that road and asking for help would be the sensible thing to do.

NOT PARKING IN SOMEONE'S DRIVE AND THEN KICKING OFF AT HIM.

Both scrotes seem to have been filming the events so we can see what went on and I do think that it is reasonable that this went to Court given the damage to the car and the fact that one scrote was also upended.

It is also funny watching that one scrote kicking the telehandler reinforcing the fact that he isn't too bright.

The farmer driving the telehandler seems to have left it exactly where the Corsa driver should have left it in the first place - just a bit upside down.

I would just love to have heard the conversations with the roadside recovery people.

AA Man: "You just told us it had two punctures!  We're going to have to turn this the right way up. You don't know anyone round here with a telehandler do you?"

8 Things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it

This Drivetribe article is pointless.  It's called "8 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT" but it is written by somebody who has just watched it.

Anyone who may be interested in this article would be watching the show rather than reading the article.

Which is why the article actually told me 8 things I already knew about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT.

Here are a couple of other things that you will already know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you have watched it:

9. There was a clever bit of animation added to a "Falling Rocks" sign on the road around Reunion.

10.  Jeremy used the show to reinforce his anti-Brexit views including using a European flag to start the drag race and describing the third world conditions in a run-down bit of Madagascar as life outside the EU.  I tried to get a photo of the drag race start but if you put "Drag Race" into Google, you get pictures of men dressed up as grotesque caricatures of women.  This was the best Drag Race photo I could find:

11.  They didn't use new cars.  Good job really.

12.  Convertibles are often called "Spiders" (or "Spyders" if you are Alfa Romeo).  James' Caterham covered in mud and excrement really looked like a spider:

I hope you found it useful to read these four more things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it.

Or, if you don't have access to Amazon Prime, Oops, sorry!

27 Not Out?

Series 27 episode 1 of Top Gear has aired.

The one I was hoping not to like.

Well, it wasn't awful.  The relationships between the three presenters is promising and given that I like all three of them then I suppose that was always likely to be the case.

The BBC are bigging it up as you would expect.  They say that the critics give it "warm praise."  But then they open up that story to the Gammons who infest the BBC News Website with the predicted result.  I do hope that anyone who reads the comments on BBC News doesn't think that they are indicative of British attitudes.

So what did I think?  I enjoyed the Ethiopia bit.  I also enjoyed the Ferrari and McLaren bit but the fact Chris had to do it just shows that we have gone from three car experts (James, Jeremy & Richard) down to two and a half car experts (Chris, Rory & Matt) down to one car expert (Chris) - this will hamper what Top Gear is meant to be and also hamper the discussions within the banter.

Based on episode 1, I am willing to give it another go - I'll probably last the series but I don't see myself being bowled over.

Am I Going to be Disappointed on Father's Day?

Unfortunately, I expect so.

And there's nothing my children can do about it.

You see the BBC have chosen Father's Day to begin the new series of Top Gear.

Radio Times have been getting very excited about it.

It's on the front cover:

They also have this feature and this article online in which Chris Harris claims the new team will be better than Jeremy, James & Richard.

No it won't.

One preview clip presented to journalists featured Flintoff rubbing his unwashed hands over Harris after visiting the toilet.

Rory Reid's demotion is more pronounced too with the axing of his Extra Gear show.

I'll still be watching - I've got to give it a fair chance - but I can't believe that I'll be wanting it to fail. And maybe it won't - maybe I'll like it.

And maybe Brexit will be a success.

Not Coming Home

It's been about two weeks since my last post.

Partly because there hasn't been much car news.

And partly because I've been engrossed in the Football.

I have dual-nationality - I'm mostly Welsh but when there is a major football tournament going on I tend to be English.

And this major tournament has been better than most from an English perspective.

We did play in Samara last week so it is an excuse to mention the Lada Samara:

But today The BBC gave us a story combining traffic AND The World Cup.

Apparently, according to The RAC, traffic was going to peak between 4pm and 6pm this afternoon/evening due to us England fans commuting home in time for our semi-final against Croatia.

I was one of those commuters and didn't notice any extra traffic on the bit of motorway I was using.

I did notice us lose to Croatia though - this makes me mostly Welsh again.

The English boys have done their country proud though - they are only young and they got a lot further than most would have thought possible which bodes well for future competitions.

Meanwhile, Croatia is the home of Rimac - manufacturer of electric supercars like the Concept One:

Which looks a lot better before an Englishman crashes it: 

Duns-Folding?

Interesting story from Autoguide this week about the Top Gear Test Track.

The test track made famous by Jeremy, James & Richard but now being used by Matt, Chris & Rory.

 

Following on from the planning permission requested for a mega-motor museum in Oxfordshire, we now have a planning permission request to turn the Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey (better known as the Top Gear Test Track) into a mega-housing development.

 

Sacrilege!

 

Although it is amusing to read in the article that the Americans think Surrey has its own Secretary of State.

 

Anyway, a bit more digging brings up this Waverley Borough Council page about the proposals.

 

The page owner is Ben HAMMOND.

 

Coincidence!?

 

Yes, probably.

Sporty Spice

Walk-on girls in Darts are a bad thing.  They are a sexist anachronism.

Here is a nice picture of some:

Interesting camera-angle.

 

The BBC use this picture to show how awful this practice is.

 

And now I've done it too.

 

The BBC story about the Professional Darts Corporation ending the practice of pretty ladies escorting players up to the oche is here.

 

Given events over the last few months, notably the Presidents Club outrage, some broadcasters are getting nervous - probably quite rightly -  so this is a good move considering we are nearly a fifth of the way into the 21st Century.

 

The article also suggests that other sports such as boxing and motor-racing should follow suit.

 

I have touched on the subject of motorsport using attractive women, including grid-girls, myself - here three years ago.  I have no issue with using pretty people to mark out where drivers have to line up at the start of a race - but, as I said in that article, it would be better for ALL spectators if some of those people happened to be of the male gender.  formula 1 obviously took note of my post because this happened at the Monaco Grand Prix that year.

Looks like the drivers weren't that impressed but tough.  Times they are a changing, even Jeremy, James and Richard are enthusing about their latest recruit:

New Moaner

More of an "old moaner" actually.

But a very funny one.

He's recently put this on Instagram:

I refer, of course, to Jeremy Clarkson who in turn refers to James May in the photo.

If you can't see the text, it says "The only functioning member of the Grand Tour right now.  God help us."

Jeremy has somehow managed to contract pneumonia in Majorca.  Story Here.  New Moaner - pneumonia - geddit?  Never mind.

Meanwhile, Richard Hammond is still recovering from doing this to an electric supercar:

This may mean that the first couple of episodes of the new series of The Grand Tour may involve some slow driving in a Fiat Panda and the dismantling and remantling of a 1970s Goblin Teasmade.

Seems a Bit Harsh on Warwick Davis

According to the BBC, car-buyers who are small will pay more for Road Tax.

The headline clearly states, "Vehicle Excise Duty: Small car buyers face higher costs"

Now I'm a big fan of Warwick Davis - I'm not into Star Wars so I don't think of him as an Ewok but I loved the spoof documentary he starred in, "Life's Too Short" - there's a brilliant bit where he confounds a psychic by not knowing anyone whose name begins with "J" although this is my all time favourite clip of the show (warning - don't watch this if you're a bit straight-laced)


He's also appeared on Top Gear:

But, of course, I'm being mischievous (pronounced mischievious).

The article is about buyers of small cars - not car-buyers who happen to be small. Basically, anyone who buys a smaller, more efficient new car after April 1st will be worse off (in terms of percentage paid for Road Tax) than those who buy bigger, less efficient cars after that date.  There will also be some hefty initial charges on purchase.

And yes, I do know that there is no such thing as "Road Tax" - it is called "Vehicle Excise Duty" (VED) and is a general charge supplementing Government coffers based on pollution etc.  It never went to pay for upkeep of the roads - although that is one good thing coming out of these changes - money will go back into tarmac.

It is a very complicated system that is being introduced now, read the article if you want to learn more but, fortunately, any car registered up to that date (including mine) will still go by the older only slightly complicated rules.

This will have an impact down the line of cars registered before that date probably being worth more than those after.  Dealerships will probably pre-register a load of vehicles for this very reason.

Chaos will ensue.

What do you think, Warwick?

So THAT'S Where the Line is.

After the previous episode of The Grand Tour, I was a little surprised that there hadn't been any complaints about the sex-toy content of it.

Now we have some - only it is from the next episode and they are about Richard Hammond making a comment about how if a man eats an ice-cream - he is probably gay.

There has been a "back-lash".

I'm not on Twitter so I didn't notice it.

The BBC did.  But they were probably more miffed at his little dig about slowing down when he drove a Mustang past The Cenotaph.  The rest of the media also noticed it though, right from The Independent through to the Daily Fail.

The last time Hammond was in trouble was when he insulted the Mexicans - but that soon blew over when they realised HE WAS ONLY JOKING.

Just like in this case.

We all know Jeremy and Co. thrive on controversy - I'm surprised nothing has come up before this during the last two years of filming.  But the people making the most noise about this one seem to be those who don't know the show and certainly don't watch the show.  It's like Russell Brand, the Mexicans and every other Clarkson incident before and since.  I don't complain when Katie Hopkins spouts her latest piece of attention-seeking bile in The Sun - because I wouldn't touch it.  So she can say what she likes to people gullible enough to believe what it says in there.   If she does start to pollute things I would watch or read, then I would complain.

But let's do a quick unscientific experiment to see if eating an ice-cream:

- specifically a Magnum like they were talking about - could be construed as homosexual behaviour.  I shall use Google Images Search.

There are plenty of pictures of sexy women with Magnums, what if you look for "Man eating Magnum".  This is the first picture you get:

 Well, he doesn't look particularly gay, here is the second picture:

 

OK, well here is a Vauxhall Magnum, does that look gay?

 

No, of course it doesn't.  And neither does this picture of Magnum PI.

 

 

The Countdown Is Over

Carol Vorderman is dead.

Actually, she's very much alive and rocking it in the jungle and planning a round-the-world solo airplane trip.

She just pretended to be dead in the opening show of the opening series of

THE GRAND TOUR!

As did a couple of actors who I wasn't sure who they were.  I didn't recognise them and Jeremy mumbled their names but I'm glad we didn't have quarter of an hour listening to them talking about their latest projects.

So what did the BBC think of the show?

They just told us what the critics thought of the show.

So what did the critics think of the show?

They really liked it.  They described it as "filmic" which I don't reckon is a word.  Perhaps I could ask Countdown's Susie Dent.

 

I wish.

So what did I think of the show?

I thought the opening sequence went on a bit long - but I suppose that added tension and expectation and the show did last 70 minutes to make up for that.

I didn't see the point of the fight sequence - could have done without that.

Not sure about the new "Stig" - I think he may be a Trump supporter.

And I thought overall that the whole thing was...

...brilliant!!

Much as I like LeBlanc, Harris & Reid, the chemistry between Clarkson, Hammond & May is unparallelled (is that spelled correctly, Susie?)  I think the BBC need to rethink Top Gear now, admit defeat, and turn it back into a car show.

With a bit of careful juggling of free trials and having a couple of weeks break in the middle of the 12 episodes, I could possibly see the lot for free - but worst-case scenario is it costs me £11.98 - a price I'm willing to pay.  I've sorted the numbers so it's no conundrum. (more Countdown references in case you've no idea who Vorderman is)

Not Two Bad

Last week, I stated how new Top Gear needed three front people rather than two.

After episode 2, I still stand by that - although episode 2 was better than episode 1.  Although that may have had something to do with Eddie Jordan joining Evans & LeBlanc for the road-trip.

Still not got the chemistry working properly yet though.

The Internet seems more interested in watching Clarkson, May & Hammond assembling DHL packing boxes.

Which got me thinking.

Three middle-aged men - good chemistry - good comedy.

Now I know I've always banged on about how car shows should be presented by motoring journalists or racing drivers.

But, let's be honest, Top Gear is a comedy show with car bits in there too.

So this is who the BBC should have got in to front it...

 

They have all that is needed.

Including the cardboard boxes.

 

Trailer Trash?

About this time last week, The Top Gear Team published this trailer on YouTube:

Today, I found this one from Hammond, May & Clarkson:

The first one got absolutely slammed by the commenters.  And, much as it pains me to say it - I can see where they are coming from.  It looks like Evans & Co. are trying too hard to be like Clarkson & Co.  The second clip shows why Clarkson & Co. just don't need to try at all - it's just over a minute of light comedy plugging the new Amazon Prime show.  The only cars in it are a set of parked Reliant Robins - older incarnations of the Rialtos modified by Evans & Co for new Top Gear.  I think these are their new "Company Cars" - reinforcing the doddery old men image that James May in particular is happy to promote - did you see that white beard he had in James May: The Reassembler?

Trouble is, he is only four years older than me.