Riderless.

I was at Oulton Park yesterday watching the British Touring Cars.

I saw Lewis Hamilton...

...'s brother Nicolas.

But I didn't see ITV's (formerly BBC's) Steve Rider who retired from broadcasting after the coverage finished.

But then it is very rare to see a member of the ITV Sport team as they are usually in their on-site studio.

Maybe I should have arranged to be around the pit area when this photo was taken:

That is Nic Hamilton behind his right shoulder.

It's incredible to think that he is 75 years old.

Steve - not Nic!

That makes him the same age as Jay Leno who discussed his age with James May in this bit of YouTube from last week.

An entertaining edition with two car blokes having a pleasant and interesting conversation in a Triumph TR6.  Jay looks very good for his age - until you compare him with Steve.

I know which one I'd like to look like when I'm 75.

And it's not the one who's garage I'd like to own when I'm 75.

The Return Trip

Quite enjoyed this video from James May's YouTube Channel last week.

In it, James and Richard Hammond returned to Dunsfold to the abandoned portakabin complex that used to be the Top Gear production offices.

The abandonment does highlight what has happened to Top Gear since October 2018.

Now it looks like they will be doing something a bit similar for Prime with The Not Very Grand Tour.

Part of me doesn't want to watch it for the same reason I tend not to watch the "Best bits" or "Unseen footage" episodes of shows like Would I Lie to You?

And these usually contain both "best bits" and unseen footage.

But I've already seen the best bits.

And yet, I don't mind repeats.

Jeremy will only be appearing in the shown footage whereas James and Richard will be talking about it.

And taking the mickey.

So will I watch it?

Let's face it, I'd watch a knitting programme if those two were fronting it - so yes - and I'm not lying to you.

Three for All

Happy St.Stephen's Day!

If Good King Wenceslas is looking out on the feast of motoring news this Christmas, he will have spotted the big story which is the potential merger of Nissan, Honda and Mitsubishi.

The story came out with this photo:

Assuming they are standing in front of their respective logos, the Mitsubishi guy looks slightly less unhappy with the deal than the other two.

It took me a while to work out what that photo reminded be of.

At first I thought of Kraftwerk - maybe performing Autobahn:

But they have lecturns.

And there are four of them.

As I have mentioned before, here and here for example, three is the magic number - although I was talking about Top Gear at the time at the start of the Chris Evans era.

You don't hear of him nowadays.

But maybe that is a clue as to what the photo reminds me of:

Except they look too relaxed.

And they are stood in the wrong order - Hammond is definitely Mitsubishi and Clarkson is definitely Nissan.

This photo is a bit closer:

Sir Kier even has the pose right.

But this is the photo that captures the mood best:

Now, what sort of vehicle will these three automotive icons come up with?

How about this?

Where are they now?

During a recent conversation in the pub and a quick search on The Internet, I found out that a couple of showjumpers I used to watch on The Horse of The Year Show back in my distant youth are still alive.  David Broome and Harvey Smith are both in their mid-eighties.

The conversation diverged and I looked up former Top Gear presenter William Woollard.

He is also alive and in his mid-eighties.

Although, if you believe his Wikipedia page (and it isn't convinced itself), he was looking extremely frail 14 years ago.

So, what about the other former TG presenters?

It may be a false memory, but I think I can remember Angela Rippon presenting it - I am more certain about remembering Noel Edmonds.

Angela has, rather disappointingly had a stint on GB News alongside drunk-driver (and definitely NOT a TG presenter) Alistair Stewart.

She now does an advert alongside a Albert Einstein impersonator - not sure what it is for but it's got something to do with energy.

Of this lot, Tiff Needell and Chris Goffey have both appeared recentlyish on a couple of my favourite YouTube Channels (Late Brake Show and idriveaclassic respectively) looking a lot older but still going strong.  Meanwhile, Steve Berry has just started up is own channel - Steve Berry's Big in the Nineties.

In it, he gets angry every week and mentions that he used to present Top Gear and drives a car from that decade in a very entertaining package.

He also appears to be turning into Bob Mortimer - especially in the Audi A6 C5 Avant episode where he compounds it by attempting a North-East accent.

I have liked and subscribed.

Paddy, who I DO REALLY LIKE JUST NOT PRESENTING TOP GEAR OR QUESTION OF SPORT, was on Who Do You Think You Are? last week - that was enjoyable and he found out his ancestry was Irish - who would have thought that?

Next Thursday also sees the return of Vicki & Rory in Fifth Gear on Quest and the return of Jeremy, James & Richard in the last ever Grand Tour on Amazon Prime.

Shame it has to end.

We don't know if Top Gear TV has ended but we do know who the general public (as opposed to the car-fanatical public) remember the most.

Crashing Bore

I wouldn't call him a bore - I quite like him.

I also like Paddy McGuinness.

But, as I pointed out when it was first announced in 2018 - they should not be presenting Top Gear!

They've both managed to crash cars on the show since - Freddie in 2019 and Paddy in 2020 but this one appears more injurious.  The BBC story tells us that he was airlited to hospital - not good.  But his injuries are "not life-threatening" - okay.  It also tells us that it was not believed to be a crash at speed - also okay.

So why aren't they saying any more yet?

According to Piers Morgan (Yes I know!) who has been talking to TalkSport,

“I’m told it was a pretty serious crash and that Freddie’s going to be OK, but it might be a little bit more serious than first appreciated. I’m told he’s going to be OK, which is great news, but I’m also told it was a pretty nasty bang and that he’s had surgery and is recovering now and we’ll have to wait and see."

So he was told no real news then.

We don't know anything about this crash - but the cynic in me says that a motoring journalist wouldn't have done it and a racing driver certainly wouldn't have done it - I may be completely wrong - it may well just be prejudice on my part - I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.

After all, look at Hamster's history - he nearly died.

And James' two incidents (one was not his fault) made the recent Grand Tour the best one ever.

When the show goes out, will I end up thinking that he is in the same league as them?

Or the same league as these people who, despite the best efforts of the snow, haven't had their number plates blurred out:

Best. Grand Tour. Ever.

I watched A Scandi Flick yesterday.

Don't read this if you haven't watched it yet but do plan to!

The boys were on top form.

I suspect that Jeremy was very much involved in the writing.  It had a lot of the humour of Top Gear when that was at its best - like the camping trip adventure and the making-an-advert-for-the-VW-Corrado piece.

The bit on the ski slope was just hilarious.

I refuse to believe, though, that the two most shocking events in the show were scripted.

If they were, then somebody deserves an Oscar.

Firstly James smashes his Mitsubishi Evo at high speed sideways into a cave wall and breaks a rib and the car.

Then, once it has been made roadworthy again, he crashes it through a frozen lake surface and he has to escape a semi-submerged car.

It is after this second accident that Hammond (why does he get known by his surname?) comes to the fore and "remembers" seeing a way of using some trees to make a winch to retrieve the stricken car.

Now surely it was the production team who cut down the trees and set everything up to perform this rescue - Jeremy and Clarkson got the credit but whoever did it - it was very effective.

And excellent television.

You would have to be a very harsh critic to think otherwise.

Flipping Vauxhalls!

I can only go on what I've read in this BBC story.

And I would normally be dead against the wanton damage of a car...

Unless done for entertainment purposes by Clarkson, May & Hammond...

But a jury have heard the full story and evidence so I'm fully behind the guy driving the telehandler here:

I'd never heard of a telehandler before but basically, a "telescopic handler" is a forklift which has a boom that can extend forwards and upwards from the vehicle.

Anyway, these two scrotes, at least one of whom is drunk, have suffered a double-puncture.

Unfortunate.

But in those circumstances, parking at the side of that road and asking for help would be the sensible thing to do.

NOT PARKING IN SOMEONE'S DRIVE AND THEN KICKING OFF AT HIM.

Both scrotes seem to have been filming the events so we can see what went on and I do think that it is reasonable that this went to Court given the damage to the car and the fact that one scrote was also upended.

It is also funny watching that one scrote kicking the telehandler reinforcing the fact that he isn't too bright.

The farmer driving the telehandler seems to have left it exactly where the Corsa driver should have left it in the first place - just a bit upside down.

I would just love to have heard the conversations with the roadside recovery people.

AA Man: "You just told us it had two punctures!  We're going to have to turn this the right way up. You don't know anyone round here with a telehandler do you?"

8 Things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it

This Drivetribe article is pointless.  It's called "8 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT" but it is written by somebody who has just watched it.

Anyone who may be interested in this article would be watching the show rather than reading the article.

Which is why the article actually told me 8 things I already knew about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT.

Here are a couple of other things that you will already know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you have watched it:

9. There was a clever bit of animation added to a "Falling Rocks" sign on the road around Reunion.

10.  Jeremy used the show to reinforce his anti-Brexit views including using a European flag to start the drag race and describing the third world conditions in a run-down bit of Madagascar as life outside the EU.  I tried to get a photo of the drag race start but if you put "Drag Race" into Google, you get pictures of men dressed up as grotesque caricatures of women.  This was the best Drag Race photo I could find:

11.  They didn't use new cars.  Good job really.

12.  Convertibles are often called "Spiders" (or "Spyders" if you are Alfa Romeo).  James' Caterham covered in mud and excrement really looked like a spider:

I hope you found it useful to read these four more things you might have needed to know about THE GRAND TOUR: A MASSIVE HUNT if you hadn't already watched it.

Or, if you don't have access to Amazon Prime, Oops, sorry!

Things...Can Only Get Better?

Well they can't get any worse than the Website I accidentally stumbled upon this evening called "The THINGS .Com"

They have a writer called Chris Flynn who they claim, "is a proficient reader and writer. He has written for many publications including TheRichest, TheClever, TheQuiz, and ListVerse. Cars are his passion."

I can read - and write.  I can even do them proficiently.  I have never heard of any of the publications listed but suspect they are Websites not actual publications.  Cars are my passion too.

But when I write about cars, I don't simply produce lists of 15 things about them all day.

But that does seem to be what the whole THINGS website consists of.

To be fair to the lad, the item that I stumbled upon was actually a list of NINETEEN things.  Allegedly, a list of "19 French And German Cars We Wouldn’t Touch With A 10-Foot-Pole" headed up by a picture of James May modelling a KV Mini 1:



Only problem is, the list consists of 10 pretty decent German cars and 9 arguably crap French ones.

 

No mention of the Trabant or the NSU Ro80 or the Messerschmitt KR200 - just Mercs, Audis and Beemers - does the passionate car man have a problem with the prestige German brands?

 

Then maybe he should be learning about DS - the Citroen offshoot who produce far from crap French cars.

 

Remember the Citroen C6? 

Beautiful, quirky and luxurious - much like the CX before it: 

And the SM and the XM?  All decent large barges that only seemed really popular in France.  French presidents have always been driven about in large Citroens.

 

Which was good news for people looking to buy them after they had depreciated.  This is possibly because the Citroen brand never had the luxury cachet outside of France.

 

Well hopefully the DS brand will have it as this Car+Driver story about the DS9 heralds in the next French luxo-barge and it looks bloody good too: 

 My next article will be a list of 15 Websites I must remember not to visit again.

27 Not Out?

Series 27 episode 1 of Top Gear has aired.

The one I was hoping not to like.

Well, it wasn't awful.  The relationships between the three presenters is promising and given that I like all three of them then I suppose that was always likely to be the case.

The BBC are bigging it up as you would expect.  They say that the critics give it "warm praise."  But then they open up that story to the Gammons who infest the BBC News Website with the predicted result.  I do hope that anyone who reads the comments on BBC News doesn't think that they are indicative of British attitudes.

So what did I think?  I enjoyed the Ethiopia bit.  I also enjoyed the Ferrari and McLaren bit but the fact Chris had to do it just shows that we have gone from three car experts (James, Jeremy & Richard) down to two and a half car experts (Chris, Rory & Matt) down to one car expert (Chris) - this will hamper what Top Gear is meant to be and also hamper the discussions within the banter.

Based on episode 1, I am willing to give it another go - I'll probably last the series but I don't see myself being bowled over.

Am I Going to be Disappointed on Father's Day?

Unfortunately, I expect so.

And there's nothing my children can do about it.

You see the BBC have chosen Father's Day to begin the new series of Top Gear.

Radio Times have been getting very excited about it.

It's on the front cover:

They also have this feature and this article online in which Chris Harris claims the new team will be better than Jeremy, James & Richard.

No it won't.

One preview clip presented to journalists featured Flintoff rubbing his unwashed hands over Harris after visiting the toilet.

Rory Reid's demotion is more pronounced too with the axing of his Extra Gear show.

I'll still be watching - I've got to give it a fair chance - but I can't believe that I'll be wanting it to fail. And maybe it won't - maybe I'll like it.

And maybe Brexit will be a success.

Duns-Folding?

Interesting story from Autoguide this week about the Top Gear Test Track.

The test track made famous by Jeremy, James & Richard but now being used by Matt, Chris & Rory.

 

Following on from the planning permission requested for a mega-motor museum in Oxfordshire, we now have a planning permission request to turn the Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey (better known as the Top Gear Test Track) into a mega-housing development.

 

Sacrilege!

 

Although it is amusing to read in the article that the Americans think Surrey has its own Secretary of State.

 

Anyway, a bit more digging brings up this Waverley Borough Council page about the proposals.

 

The page owner is Ben HAMMOND.

 

Coincidence!?

 

Yes, probably.

Sporty Spice

Walk-on girls in Darts are a bad thing.  They are a sexist anachronism.

Here is a nice picture of some:

Interesting camera-angle.

 

The BBC use this picture to show how awful this practice is.

 

And now I've done it too.

 

The BBC story about the Professional Darts Corporation ending the practice of pretty ladies escorting players up to the oche is here.

 

Given events over the last few months, notably the Presidents Club outrage, some broadcasters are getting nervous - probably quite rightly -  so this is a good move considering we are nearly a fifth of the way into the 21st Century.

 

The article also suggests that other sports such as boxing and motor-racing should follow suit.

 

I have touched on the subject of motorsport using attractive women, including grid-girls, myself - here three years ago.  I have no issue with using pretty people to mark out where drivers have to line up at the start of a race - but, as I said in that article, it would be better for ALL spectators if some of those people happened to be of the male gender.  formula 1 obviously took note of my post because this happened at the Monaco Grand Prix that year.

Looks like the drivers weren't that impressed but tough.  Times they are a changing, even Jeremy, James and Richard are enthusing about their latest recruit:

The Woman

I've just watched the second episode of the second series of The Grand Tour.

And, just like the second series of the post-Jeremy Top Gear, it's taken on board the criticisms of series one and improved.

Actually, series two of GT has evolved into what looks like the later-Jeremy-era TG.

The dead-celebrity running-joke has gone and been replaced with something that looks a lot like Star-in-a-Reasonably-Priced-Car.  But so far, without the annoying plugging.

And "The American" has been replaced by this lady:

Although you only got to see the bit of her face that isn't hidden by her helmet.

Her name is Abbie Eaton.

Obviously she is a race driver.  But she also appeared in the ITV show Drive mentoring Professor Green - who isn't a real professor.  But, then again, she was mentoring him in race driving.

So does this mean a more female bias to the show?

Well Jeremy did reveal that he has James listed on his phone as "Vagina."

New Moaner

More of an "old moaner" actually.

But a very funny one.

He's recently put this on Instagram:

I refer, of course, to Jeremy Clarkson who in turn refers to James May in the photo.

If you can't see the text, it says "The only functioning member of the Grand Tour right now.  God help us."

Jeremy has somehow managed to contract pneumonia in Majorca.  Story Here.  New Moaner - pneumonia - geddit?  Never mind.

Meanwhile, Richard Hammond is still recovering from doing this to an electric supercar:

This may mean that the first couple of episodes of the new series of The Grand Tour may involve some slow driving in a Fiat Panda and the dismantling and remantling of a 1970s Goblin Teasmade.

The Countdown Is Over

Carol Vorderman is dead.

Actually, she's very much alive and rocking it in the jungle and planning a round-the-world solo airplane trip.

She just pretended to be dead in the opening show of the opening series of

THE GRAND TOUR!

As did a couple of actors who I wasn't sure who they were.  I didn't recognise them and Jeremy mumbled their names but I'm glad we didn't have quarter of an hour listening to them talking about their latest projects.

So what did the BBC think of the show?

They just told us what the critics thought of the show.

So what did the critics think of the show?

They really liked it.  They described it as "filmic" which I don't reckon is a word.  Perhaps I could ask Countdown's Susie Dent.

 

I wish.

So what did I think of the show?

I thought the opening sequence went on a bit long - but I suppose that added tension and expectation and the show did last 70 minutes to make up for that.

I didn't see the point of the fight sequence - could have done without that.

Not sure about the new "Stig" - I think he may be a Trump supporter.

And I thought overall that the whole thing was...

...brilliant!!

Much as I like LeBlanc, Harris & Reid, the chemistry between Clarkson, Hammond & May is unparallelled (is that spelled correctly, Susie?)  I think the BBC need to rethink Top Gear now, admit defeat, and turn it back into a car show.

With a bit of careful juggling of free trials and having a couple of weeks break in the middle of the 12 episodes, I could possibly see the lot for free - but worst-case scenario is it costs me £11.98 - a price I'm willing to pay.  I've sorted the numbers so it's no conundrum. (more Countdown references in case you've no idea who Vorderman is)

Would EU Believe It?

I have touched on the EU Referendum before.  It was in March.

And now I'm touching on it again.

Autocar report that Nissan are planning to sue Vote Leave over a Brexit flyer in which they claim that “Major employers have all said they’ll stay in the UK whatever the result of the referendum” which may be true but they use various employers logos alongside this statement implying by association that these employers are pro-Brexit. Nissan are pro-Bremain so don't want to be appearing on these flyers.

I suspect it will be something about use of a trademarked logo that they will get them for.

The FT have the story too.  I love the way that their website is pink to match their newspaper.  They state...
"Some of the country’s largest manufacturers — Jaguar Land Rover, Toyota, BMW and Vauxhall — on Monday issued a renewed pledge to protect jobs and investment by voting to remain.

Other major manufacturers such as Nissan and Ford have already said they would prefer the UK to remain part of the EU, although none of the companies have said they will close UK plants in the event of a Brexit."

So Nissan haven't actually said they will stay open, they just haven't said they'd close.  Toyota & Vauxhall logos also appear on the leaflet - I guess they won't be too happy either.

I could imagine a small 1970s saloon being called the Ford Brexit.  But that's just how my mind works.

Meanwhile, Jeremy has backed his up Remain views (look back to my March article) with an amusing video featuring James May.

Not Two Bad

Last week, I stated how new Top Gear needed three front people rather than two.

After episode 2, I still stand by that - although episode 2 was better than episode 1.  Although that may have had something to do with Eddie Jordan joining Evans & LeBlanc for the road-trip.

Still not got the chemistry working properly yet though.

The Internet seems more interested in watching Clarkson, May & Hammond assembling DHL packing boxes.

Which got me thinking.

Three middle-aged men - good chemistry - good comedy.

Now I know I've always banged on about how car shows should be presented by motoring journalists or racing drivers.

But, let's be honest, Top Gear is a comedy show with car bits in there too.

So this is who the BBC should have got in to front it...

 

They have all that is needed.

Including the cardboard boxes.

 

Trailer Trash?

About this time last week, The Top Gear Team published this trailer on YouTube:

Today, I found this one from Hammond, May & Clarkson:

The first one got absolutely slammed by the commenters.  And, much as it pains me to say it - I can see where they are coming from.  It looks like Evans & Co. are trying too hard to be like Clarkson & Co.  The second clip shows why Clarkson & Co. just don't need to try at all - it's just over a minute of light comedy plugging the new Amazon Prime show.  The only cars in it are a set of parked Reliant Robins - older incarnations of the Rialtos modified by Evans & Co for new Top Gear.  I think these are their new "Company Cars" - reinforcing the doddery old men image that James May in particular is happy to promote - did you see that white beard he had in James May: The Reassembler?

Trouble is, he is only four years older than me.

The Magnificent Seven

So here it is...

...in Chris Evans' own words...

The new Top Gear line-up!

Not bad - not sure I'd go as far as "magnificent" (but that's probably only because I've not heard of one of them)

Eddie Jordan was a pleasant surprise - I enjoy a dour expert who isn't afraid to put over his point and get a good argument going.

Obviously, LeBlanc came on board this time last week.

I'm also very pleased that the lovely Sabine Scmitz is in there but I also know that the "politically correct" comments will have begun - especially since the unknown guy is a "gentleman of colour" - am I allowed to say that?  I'm sure these choices will wind up many people who thoroughly deserve to be wound up.

Tough.

So, roll on May.  (not James May)