Three for All

Happy St.Stephen's Day!

If Good King Wenceslas is looking out on the feast of motoring news this Christmas, he will have spotted the big story which is the potential merger of Nissan, Honda and Mitsubishi.

The story came out with this photo:

Assuming they are standing in front of their respective logos, the Mitsubishi guy looks slightly less unhappy with the deal than the other two.

It took me a while to work out what that photo reminded be of.

At first I thought of Kraftwerk - maybe performing Autobahn:

But they have lecturns.

And there are four of them.

As I have mentioned before, here and here for example, three is the magic number - although I was talking about Top Gear at the time at the start of the Chris Evans era.

You don't hear of him nowadays.

But maybe that is a clue as to what the photo reminds me of:

Except they look too relaxed.

And they are stood in the wrong order - Hammond is definitely Mitsubishi and Clarkson is definitely Nissan.

This photo is a bit closer:

Sir Kier even has the pose right.

But this is the photo that captures the mood best:

Now, what sort of vehicle will these three automotive icons come up with?

How about this?

If it Ain't Broke - DON'T FIX IT!

Up until recently, Simon Mayo presented the Radio 2 Drivetime slot entertaining commuters on their way home from work each evening.

Meanwhile, Jo Whiley had a slot later in the evening - a more musically focussed show.

Two very talented broadcasters with two very enjoyable shows in my opinion.

And in the opinion of lots of other Radio 2 listeners. 

Then some bright-spark at the BBC, decided to combine their two shows - extend the Drivetime show by one hour and have the two of them as co-presenters.

We didn't think that would work.

It didn't.

From the start it was obvious that the chemistry between them, no matter how hard they tried to make it work, just wasn't there.

Listeners were upset - there were many letters of protest in The Radio Times and directly to the BBC. So much so, that Radio 2 had to offer an official response to complaints.

They stubbornly claimed that: "Every new show needs time to settle down and so we hope listeners will continue to listen and give it a chance."

Anyway, today the end of the show was announced.  Jo is moving to a new slot from 7-9 which is good news but Simon is leaving Radio 2 all together.  Sad face.

So what has this got to do with cars (apart from the tenuous link to driving home)?

Nothing - except that today the BBC also announced a new line up for Top Gear.  They are demoting Rory Reid and bringing in Freddie Flintoff & Paddy McGuinness.

Now I like Freddie Flintoff and Paddy McGuinness - but they are not motoring show presenters.

It was also very brave in an un-politically-correct way of the BBC to demote the only black presenter of Top Gear - I'm sure someone will get a telling-off for that one.

I know they had to find a replacement for Matt Leblanc - but there are plenty of motoring journalists and racing drivers out there rather than opting for celebrity "petrol-heads" - this line up just looks two-thirds wrong:

Now I don't mind having a celebrity petrol-head in there from time to time - Ronnie O'Sullivan seems OK helping out in the Team Tests in the latest series of Fifth Gear. (I'm quite enjoying the latest series - even if I can never remember which channel they are on - I wish they'd go back to Channel 5 and stay there)

 

But I suppose the BBC know what they are doing.

 

After all, they've never made a similar mistake before have they?

Bowled Over

This lady is leaving BBC Radio 2:

Why is that motoring news?

 

Because she is the lovely Lynn Bowles (or "Elbow" to give her her Jennifer Lopez type name)

 

For many years, she has told me why I'm stuck in a traffic jam on the M53.  I don't think she's ever prevented me from actually getting stuck in said traffic jam on the M53 but that's probably more to do with a combination of the timings within Chris Evans' show and the time I happen to be eating my Special K in a morning.

 

She does the travel news.  And has done for 18 years - without the aid of a helicopter.

 

This article doesn't actually say WHY she is leaving, but it does imply that after 18 years of getting up at silly-o'clock every weekday, she fancies a few lie-ins from now on.

 

Can't say I blame her but I will miss her.  She has a great sense of humour that played very well against Chris Evans and against his predecessor, the late, great Sir Terry Wogan.

 

Plus, she's Welsh.

 

In other Welsh news this week, apparently you can get banned from driving if you crash your Peugeot into somebody's upstairs bathroom:

Cool As FXXK

The Arctic Circle is pretty cool.

Or downright freezing.

And that is where they are testing the next iteration of the Black Cab.

Why? - I hear you ask.

Why? - I also hear BBC Transport correspondent Richard Westcott ask.

But he doesn't actually answer the question in that video.

Although he does in this article.

There are two reasons apparently:

• the manufacturer tests all new vehicles in extreme temperatures to see how they perform.
• it wants to sell it in polluted cities all over the world, including Moscow, which can get a little chilly in the winter.

This cab won't contribute to the pollution due to it being electric - with a little range-extender to keep it going.

Anyway, black cabs in cold places brings us, rather neatly, round to the new series of Top Gear:

and Rory Reid driving a black cab, in minus temperatures, with no heating, in Kazakhstan.

Chris Harris got to drive a Ferrari FXXK at Daytona

 

and boy did he enjoy it.

But, if only 40 were built, why did his have a number 54 on the side?

And nobody mentioned Chris Evans.

I thought they could have had a light-hearted dig like The Grand Tour boys did.  Chris himself mentioned how the newspapers said it was "better without the annoying one".

There was a mention in Extra Gear about the orginal test track being back with "all tarmac" but nothing was said about Mr.Evans.  There was a noticeable cheer from the studio audience when it was announced that the original track was back.

I agree with the studio audience and, much as I do like Chris Evans, I agree with the newspapers that it was "better without the annoying one".

Or maybe just a little cooler.

The End of an Error

The odious Nigel Farage has resigned.

Good.  He should have gone years ago.

But his resignation is not making the headlines.

Because Chris Evans has resigned.

I feel quite sorry for him really - Chris not Nigel - he tried his best and put together a really strong team.

And it looks like that team will carry on without him - even if the Matt LeBlanc stories I reported last week are true.

It has been said that Politics has been mirroring Shakespeare or Game of Thrones lately - two subjects I know very little of.

But Top Gear has been mirroring Politics.  It's even been doing badly against the Euro.

Chris has taken the David Cameron stance rather than the Jeremy Corbyn one.  Only time will tell if Jeremy is right but I'm pretty confident Chris is.

And it looks like there won't be a replacement for him.

So Michael Gove need not put himself forward.

Rolls Royce Brexit

Last week, I decided that there could have been a Ford Brexit.

Then, the World (or Europe at least) fell apart.  We have reports of an acrimonious split and headline-hitting resignations.

Yes, apparently, Matt LeBlanc will quit Top Gear if Chris Evans isn't sacked.  It was reported by The Sun after speaking to "a source".  Now, The Sun does have quite a bit of form for publishing lies but Evans & LeBlanc do seem to be harder to find at the moment than Boris Johnson & Nigel Farage.  Evans didn't do his scheduled Radio 2 show this morning.

While we're discussing form, Top Gear has form for controversial number plates.

And last night, we saw Evans' Rolls Royce Corniche driving about part of the EU with a Brexit Number Plate:

That's  BRX 522 T  which is near enough.

5 is the number of the Top Gear episode that came straight after the Brexit vote.
2 is the number of Top Gear Presenters that include Evans and LeBlanc.
and 2 is thember of guests that we now have every week on the Top Gear sofa.

Wow.  Spooky Huh?

Everything's Going To Be All Right

I promise that this is the last Top Gear review-type thing I do for this series.

During the week I came to the revelation that Chris Evans was doomed to failure - I saw him as David Moyes trying to fill the impressive shoes of Sir Alex Ferguson.

I say "impressive" reluctantly as someone who does NOT support Man United.

But whoever took over from the red-faced one with anger-management issues was never going to win over the fans of just about the biggest franchise in the World unless the resulting performances were brilliant.

And they weren't.

So he got the push.

Then Louis Van Gaal took over.

Same result.

I saw the same thing happening with Top Gear - Chris gets the gig for one Season, then someone else takes over but doesn't improve things, then Jose Mourinho gets the job and all is well again.

But maybe, after last night's performance, the tide is turning.  I think this was the first show filmed after the disastrous reaction to show 1.

Evans was noticeably less shouty and Matt LeBlanc seemed to be leading the studio bits.  The newcomers were allowed in to comment on their films and the interview was enjoyable - although Kevin Hart had a lot to do with that and Anthony Joshua played his part too.

Overall, I thought, "Everything's Going To Be All Right." - and so did the press.

Generally. 

Here's the Mirror view and here's the Telegraph.

I think the back-room team might just be able to sort this.

Not Two Bad

Last week, I stated how new Top Gear needed three front people rather than two.

After episode 2, I still stand by that - although episode 2 was better than episode 1.  Although that may have had something to do with Eddie Jordan joining Evans & LeBlanc for the road-trip.

Still not got the chemistry working properly yet though.

The Internet seems more interested in watching Clarkson, May & Hammond assembling DHL packing boxes.

Which got me thinking.

Three middle-aged men - good chemistry - good comedy.

Now I know I've always banged on about how car shows should be presented by motoring journalists or racing drivers.

But, let's be honest, Top Gear is a comedy show with car bits in there too.

So this is who the BBC should have got in to front it...

 

They have all that is needed.

Including the cardboard boxes.

 

3 Is The Magic Number - Unless You're Talking about the Number of Wheels on a Car.

Of course I watched the new Top Gear last night.

So did a lot of other people.

And a lot of people have given their views on it - including Fleet Street people.

The guy in The Independent didn't like it much.  I did enjoy his writing style though.  Unusually for The Telegraph, their reviewer didn't hate car programmes.  But, over all, he reckoned it could probably do better. The Guardian didn't bother reviewing it so let their readers do it instead.  Guardian readers are not known for having petrol running through their veins so, not unsurprisingly, they gave it a general thumbs-down.

Which brings us around to me.

I thought it had its moments.

Not too many of them though.  The Corvette/Viper shoot-out could have been done just as well without the shooting bit.

And the road-trip to Blackpool just didn't do anything for me.

Top Gun pukey bloke and the Blackpool Lord Mayor were both quite good.  And the cinematography was up to the excellent standards of Clarkson Top Gear.

But something was still missing.

Apart from "The News" which was always one of my favourite bits of the show.

Which brings us to the comedy rule of three.  Here's the Wiki explanation of it.

They need Eddie Jordan or Chris Harris in the studio and on the road trips so that two of them can always pick on the third.  Then, as the chemistry between them kicks in, we will have a good show - like, The Goodies or Last of the Summer Wine which, let's face it, Clarkson, Hammond & May were definitely turning in to.  Having said that, I am noticing that Chris Evans appears to be turning into Foggy Dewhurst:

There was no sign of Jordan, Harris or Rory Reid - Reid being the one worrying me most simply because I had no experience of his work.  I needn't have feared though - he turned up on Extra Gear on the BBC iPlayer (or BBC Three if you are being pedantic) in a little 25 minutes after-show alongside Chris Harris.  It included a comedy guest (Chris Ramsey) and "The News".  I have to say, I enjoyed it more than I enjoyed Top Gear.

Still no mention of Jordan - who I used to enjoy being the grumpy one when appearing on the BBC F1 coverage with Martin Brundle & David Coulthard - rule of three again.

So, still early days, give them chance to gel and let's see what we end up with.  I'm not convinced that the writing is as sharp as Clarkson's - although there were a few good bits like, "We got custody!" and maybe Evans needs to calm down a bit.  Whatever happens, I think TG has a future (as does GT - Clarkson and Co have a name at last) - even if it is with Harris & Reid.

Trailer Trash?

About this time last week, The Top Gear Team published this trailer on YouTube:

Today, I found this one from Hammond, May & Clarkson:

The first one got absolutely slammed by the commenters.  And, much as it pains me to say it - I can see where they are coming from.  It looks like Evans & Co. are trying too hard to be like Clarkson & Co.  The second clip shows why Clarkson & Co. just don't need to try at all - it's just over a minute of light comedy plugging the new Amazon Prime show.  The only cars in it are a set of parked Reliant Robins - older incarnations of the Rialtos modified by Evans & Co for new Top Gear.  I think these are their new "Company Cars" - reinforcing the doddery old men image that James May in particular is happy to promote - did you see that white beard he had in James May: The Reassembler?

Trouble is, he is only four years older than me.

Who is the More Stupid?

 

So asks some journo I've never heard of in The Mirror.  He calls himself Fleet Streetfox although the silhouette looks more like a woman but then it would be "She calls herself Fleet Streetvixen".

Whoever it is, they really have got it in for Chris Evans and, to a very, very slightly lesser extent, for Jeremy Clarkson too.

Maybe he/she/it is jealous of the success & wealth of the duo. He/she/it does comment upon the £5 Million Evans is getting for taking over TopGear.  Like the many people who complain of the millions of pounds the Top Gear stars get from licence-payers funds, they don't mention the considerably more pounds that come in to the BBC coffers as a result of the show.

The event that has caused Fleet's vitreol is filming around The Cenotaph in London including Ken Block doing doughnuts around there.  An error of judgement that I learned about this morning listening to Chris Evans apologising for on his radio show.

Quentin Willson has helpfully come out to say how it wouldn't have happened under Jeremy's watch.  Not sure why he is telling us this but it is on the BBC's own youth-oriented Newsbeat so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume they asked him for his opinion.

Jeremy, meanwhile, has been showing his softer, more liberal side...

I've not looked at the ins and outs of staying in or out of the European Union yet.  But I have been noticing the sort of people giving us their views.  The outies include Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Ian Duncan Smith and, of course, Nigel Farage.

This makes me want to stay in.

The innies include Professor Stephen Hawking (good start there), David Cameron (Oh dear), Jeremy Corbyn (Jury's out and don't mention The Cenotaph again) and now - Jeremy Clarkson!

Surprised me that one.  But he's never actually said he hates Europe - just all the people who live there.

the Independent report his Sunday Times column, (which I'm not linking to because it costs) in which Jeremy claims to want to be part of a properly functioning EU - “Isn’t it better to stay in and try to make the damn thing work properly? To create a United States of Europe that functions as well as the United States of America? With one army and one currency and one unifying set of values?"

The article continues,

Warning of a world order which saw Trump set against Putin, Clarkson emphasised the need “to make the continent work the way the Continent should – as a liberal, kind, balanced fulcrum in a mad world”.

At that point I wondered if he was taking the mickey.

But I don't think he is.

Reading his stuff from the '80s and '90s shows a very right-wing Clarkson but I did notice when the Star in a Reasonably Priced car was Alistair Campbell and again for John Prescott we had a much more even-handed, almost sympathetic Clarkson.

And I know I'm worried by Putin & Trump.

So it looks like Jeremy is siding with his mate the Prime Minister and not his boss Rupert Murdoch who's views on the EU have been reported by the Evening Standard's Anthony Hilton:

“When I go into Downing Street they do what I say; when I go to Brussels they take no notice.”

The Magnificent Seven

So here it is...

...in Chris Evans' own words...

The new Top Gear line-up!

Not bad - not sure I'd go as far as "magnificent" (but that's probably only because I've not heard of one of them)

Eddie Jordan was a pleasant surprise - I enjoy a dour expert who isn't afraid to put over his point and get a good argument going.

Obviously, LeBlanc came on board this time last week.

I'm also very pleased that the lovely Sabine Scmitz is in there but I also know that the "politically correct" comments will have begun - especially since the unknown guy is a "gentleman of colour" - am I allowed to say that?  I'm sure these choices will wind up many people who thoroughly deserve to be wound up.

Tough.

So, roll on May.  (not James May)

Car Matt

After much speculation, we now know the name of Chris Evans' first co-host on new Top Gear.

It's Matt LeBlanc!

This is a major departure for him.

This is because he has never starred in a show with more than one word in the title before.

Speculation in December concentrated on the names Sabine Schmitz, Chris Harris & David Coulthard.  I guess that speculation didn't look far enough away from Europe.  I would be happy if any or all of these three joined the show - it doesn't have to have exactly three presenters after all - and these three are racers or motoring journos, my favourite two categories of people to present TV car shows.

Something that Chris Evans and Matt LeBlanc are not.

But Top Gear is not so much a TV car show so much as an entertainment, nay comedy, show with a big car content.

I'm very happy.  Both have proved themselves car-wise and Matt led the Star-in-a-Reasonably-Priced-Car leaderboard for quite a while.

It was always going to be a very difficult job replacing Jeremy, James and Richard. They seem to be going about it the right way.  Very impressive casting.

Now we need some very impressive writing.

Wonder if Matt knows any good comedy writers?

Happy New Yorker!

 

See what I did there?

A Chrysler-related seasonal greeting.

Like my Christmas post?

Oh never mind.

Anyway it is now 2016.

And last week I received my February 2016 copy of Top Gear Magazine.

In December 2015!

I did notice that the one they delivered in November was the January 2016 edition - every other year it would have been the Awards issue - making it 13 in a year and keeping it roughly close to the correct month for the edition.

So are they ripping us off?  The subscriptions page still talks about buying 13 issues.  I buy mine using Tesco Clubcard vouchers so I suppose I wouldn't really notice.

I do miss the Clarkson, May & Hammond columns - there's no sign of a Chris Evans one yet.  They did have an extract and an offer on his book last month but that doesn't count.

Of course, talking Evans and 2016, the big event this year will be the new series of Top Gear Telly.  Let's see if it's any good and if we can have a Happy New Yorker Year.

2013 Astra For Sale

Seemed to be very reasonably priced too.

Actually it wasn't.  The e-Bay Auction finished this morning and it went for £17800 which is quite a lot for a 2013 Astra.

Especially one that can't be legally driven on UK roads.

Even if Will Smith has had a go in it.

But it was for charity - the auction - not the Will Smith bit.

It is the most recent Top Gear "Star in a Reasonably Priced Car" car.  I found the story on the Fox News Site.  Can't say it's been well publicised.

You do get a look at the driver's view though.

Don't know why but I was expecting something different to Astra bog-standard.

I guess this means that this car will not be featuring in the new look show.  This may mean that the whole "Star in a Reasonably Priced Car" segment could be dead.

Or they've just chosen another new car.

The Telegraph have been speculating a bit on the new series lately.  In this article, they claim that Chris Evans is giving up TFI Friday (I don't usually agree with The Telegraph but I did think it was a bit much him taking on that as well as his radio show and Top Gear) and on the new presenters.

I have heard that he will be joined by the names mentioned - Sabine Schmitz, Chris Harris & David Coulthard and, I have to say, if it's right, then that is a very strong team.

More than reasonable in fact.

I Asked Google for a Picture of Richard Osman with Jeremy Clarkson

But it couldn't find one.

So here's a picture of Richard Osman with a picture of Jeremy Clarkson.

 

Richard might not be too comfortable with that.

I've just watched last night's "Have I Got a Bit More News For You?" - the extended version of last Friday's "Have I Got News for You?"

Jeremy was hosting and Richard was a guest - two of my most favourite people on telly.  Richard, the urbane, witty and very likeable Quizzer and Jeremy - who is simply Jeremy.

There were a few unusual rants early on in the show.  Paul Merton had a go at Trident and Ian Hislop kicked off about Lord Ashcroft.  Reasonable subjects to get annoyed with but they seemed strange in the context of the show.

There was also some right-wing journalist there to make snide remarks the way that right-wing journalists tend to do.

And she did.

But nowhere near as badly as Richard did - and all of his were directed at Jeremy.  I don't know what Jeremy has done to offend him but he went completely over the top - calling him a cock, past his prime, who knows less about cars than Chris Evans - things got personal.

I know Richard's eye condition, nystagmus, means that he isn't allowed to drive - so maybe he was turned down to appear as a "Star in a Reasonably Priced Car".

Google also can't find any pictures of Richard Osman with Richard Hammond.

Or with James May either.

Unless...

Now that would explain it.

TFI Top Gear

Remember where you heard it first - BBC News.  But I got it off them soon after.

Last Friday, after much advertising, Chris Evans resurrected TFI Friday for one last bash. On Saturday, The Telegraph did an article on how people didn't like the excessive car stuff in it.  In fact, they claimed "Audiences turned off by Chris Evans' lengthy Top Gear audition".

Hmm.  Interesting.

Especially since, on more than one occasion on his breakfast show, Chris has ruled himself out of that job.

Besides, according to the Guardian yesterday, he would like to ressurrect TFI as a full series.

But that would be very impactful on his other commitments - his Radio 2 breakfast show and his Friday evening edition of The One Show.

I never really watched TFI Friday - the only five minutes of it I ever saw were a sort of mock poetry competition where a pretty girl was allowed to read out her poem then when a young lad tried to read out his, they had some guy come up behind him sticking his arm between the young lad's legs to put him off in "an amusing way".

I also didn't watch last Friday's show but apparently I would have enjoyed it for the same reason the Telegraph readers didn't.  Jeremy was on it - so was Jason Plato - so was The Ferrari LaFerrari and the Top Gear Test Track.

And now they've given the Top Gear gig to Chris.

Maybe it was that or he joins Channel 4 and TFI leaving them with a hole in the One Show and possibly a bigger hole at breakfast time on Radio 2.

Or maybe he'll do TFI as well.

Evans overload.  Evans above.

No news yet on his co-presenters.  The Express were at least 33% wrong with their story on the new line-up.  Whereas I go with my suggestion of Jason Plato to join Chris:

I

I think that could work.  I don't know if Fifth Gear is still going since I don't have Discovery but I'm sure he could be prised away.

Actually - forget Chris - bring in Tiff, Vicki and Jason then Fifth Gear would need three presenters.

I know of three motoring show presenters looking for work.

Horsepower

Jurgen Klopp has said he isn't interested in taking over the vacant Manchester United Managerial post.

But his brother Clippety might be up for it.

That joke, courtesy of Chris Evans, leads me into this story from Fox.

It is about a proposed electric vehicle that would replace the horse-drawn carriages that take tourists on rides around Central Park in New York City.

One big problem is that it looks vile:

The prototype was commissioned by NYCLASS, a group advocating for a ban on carriage horses because they say it's inhumane to have the animals working in an urban environment.  Now, I read "NYCLASS" as "NYC Lass" - ie a girl from New York City but I strongly suspect that they are "NY Class" but I'm afraid that vehicle just doesn't look classy - it looks huge for one thing - not conducive to a romantic trip around the park.

 

It has been dubbed the "Horseless eCarriage"which is what may be needed if the NYC Mayor and NYC Lass get their way.  There may well be good arguments for banning horses from the middle of Manhatten - I don't know, but it will be a shame if this is what replaces them.  I suggest something smaller and maybe more like the electric cars of a hundred years ago - Columbia Victoria anyone? - not to be confused with a Crown Victoria, of course, which is just a big car that is used to take tourists around New York.

Take Your Classic Car to Work Day.

I like Chris Evans.

Not in a sexual way, of course.

I'm also quite jealous of him.

He is the same age as me (give or take 6 months) and has a successful broadcasting career and considerably more cars than me - even if you take into account my Scalextric collection.

He also has the power, through presenting Britain's most popular breakfast show, of declaring days as being "National Whatever Day".

As one of his listeners, I have been following with much interest and anticipation, the announcement and run-up to today - his "National Classic Car Day".

MSN announced it here but most of the media hasn't covered it.

Maybe that is why I haven't seen many classic cars during my 22 mile commute to work this morning and back home this evening.

This morning, I spotted a 1980's Daimler (the one with the rectangular headlamps).  This may or may not have been taking part in National Classic Car Day.

This evening, I spotted a 1980's Porsche 911.  This may or may not have been taking part in National Classic Car Day.

This lunchtime, whilst strolling back from the local Spar with the beef barm I had just purchased, I spotted a yellow Triumph Dolomite.  This may or may not have been taking part in National Classic Car Day but it excited me anyway (not in a sexual way) as all Triumphs always do.

So, overall, I don't think there has been a big take-up - at least where I've been on the England-Wales border today.

However, there are several nice pictures on Chris' Facebook page including this Dyane being modelled by Chris' Radio 2 colleague Alex Lester:

...and of course this Triumph Dolomite: 

So now I'm excited again.

 

But not sexually.

 

Well.  Maybe just a bit.

2000 Mercedes E320 For Sale

"If you are looking for an immaculate, well maintained example of a Mercedes e320 CDI... you have come to the wrong place."

Thanks to the BBC for  this story pointing me at this car for sale on eBay.

The car is modelled here by the seller's partner:

The car is genuinely for sale and current top bid is £155,300.00 - please check out the link above to the listing because it is very funny - including the questions and answers bit.

 

I suspect the top bid may not be a genuine buyer though - unless it is Chris Evans or someone equally rich (or idiotic) with a great sense of humour.  If that is the case, we have a car of a similar vintage in a similar condition plus a stretched timing chain that causes a permanently illuminated engine warning light - I wonder if my wife would sit on the bonnet?  Where's my camera?