The case for the defence.

I may have mentioned once or twice that I can't be doing with SUVs.

And people who like cars and driving tend to agree with me.

So what is Steve Walker, Head of Digital Content, at Auto Express, doing defending the stupid things?

Is he a website geek rather than a car geek?

His bio states that he has "been a motoring journalist, road tester and editor for over 20 years" so maybe not.

He gives several reasons why SUVs are extremely popular with the buying public, specifically:

• tough looks
• higher seating position that makes it easier to get in and see out
• outdoorsy image

His words not mine.

I get the easy access angle for those of an arthritic nature.

But I certainly wouldn't call a Ford Puma "tough-looking."

In fact, don't get me started on Ford prostituting their former glories by naming SUVs after them:

• Puma
• Capri
• Mustang
• Kuga/Cougar

Back to Steve though, and for all his words, at no point does he say that HE likes SUVs.

Despite this, his article does have a pro-SUV feeling and imply a preference for them so I expected a backlash in the comments.

It is now 7pm British Summer Time and there are only 10 comments.

Three of them are from either a Chinese bot or a Chinese moron using AI.  There is a comment about the Ford Fiesta and a reply stating that they don't make them any more and the final 5 comments are a pointless argument that doesn't really go anywhere.

Meanwhile, I think SUVs don't handle properly and they all look  alike:

So there.

Flattened

 Like the Tesla battery.

This Yahoo story is worth reading just for the line, "I should really have sued him back, but I feared he’d call me a paedo."

I've changed the spelling of "paedo" on the grounds that Jeremy Clarkson and I are both British.

Was a bit surprised that British cave expert Vernon Unsworth who Musk labelled a “pedo guy” online after Unsworth helped rescue 12 boys trapped in a Thai cave in 2018 was unsuccessful in suing for defamation though - guess he wasn't powerful enough to put up a strong enough case.

Shame.

But a comment under the Yahoo story is pretty good too...

"99% of all Teslas made are still on the road.  The other 1% made it home."

I've put that in quotes in case Elon thinks I came up with it.

Build Your Dreams - like swimming or flying cars.

Autocar this week had this story.

It is titled, "BYD's bold plan to take on Mercedes, Ferrari and more"

To which my gut reaction was, "Then why does it look like a Mclaren?"

Not that I could read the article because it is hidden behind Autocar's paywall and I'm not paying £19.99 a month or £199 a year just to read some articles that would only be of interest to some people in the automotive industries.

That car is a Yangwang U9 and Yangwang is the posh arm of BYD - my only previous mention of whom I was grudgingly impressed by.

So I looked further into the Yangwang U9 and found this Australian article basically saying it can actually jump over potholes.

And it looks like it can!

There is footage.

And then I found Robert Llewelyn talking about it and its sibling the Yangwang U8.

The U8 is a Land-Rover lookalike that can swim.

There is footage.

He even forgives the U8 for being a hybrid.

There doesn't seem to be a Yangwang U2 though.

So it won't be trying to save the World (or "byd" in Welsh)

The Return Trip

Quite enjoyed this video from James May's YouTube Channel last week.

In it, James and Richard Hammond returned to Dunsfold to the abandoned portakabin complex that used to be the Top Gear production offices.

The abandonment does highlight what has happened to Top Gear since October 2018.

Now it looks like they will be doing something a bit similar for Prime with The Not Very Grand Tour.

Part of me doesn't want to watch it for the same reason I tend not to watch the "Best bits" or "Unseen footage" episodes of shows like Would I Lie to You?

And these usually contain both "best bits" and unseen footage.

But I've already seen the best bits.

And yet, I don't mind repeats.

Jeremy will only be appearing in the shown footage whereas James and Richard will be talking about it.

And taking the mickey.

So will I watch it?

Let's face it, I'd watch a knitting programme if those two were fronting it - so yes - and I'm not lying to you.

Trump says he will buy a Tesla after stock slump

Well, I suppose somebody has to.

 

Don't go Changan

Just watched Robert Llewelyn reviewing another boring SUV.

A very big boring Chinese SUV.

And it's electric - at least in Australia and the UK it will be - they have a hybrid version in China which gives Robert an excuse to be snidey about fossil fuel burners.

Anyway, here's the video:

It's going to be a Deepal in Oz and a Changan over here - doesn't seem to be any logic in the naming. But it won't be anything in the US because they aren't getting it.

The video title is, "Why Is This Super Cheap Luxury SUV coming to OZ & UK but NOT USA?!?"

Despite the capitals and exclamation marks, they don't go on to answer the question.

But it's probably something to do with Elon not wanting the competition.

The stand-out bit of the video for me though was about four minutes in when Robert casually dropped in to the story that the car was recording and filming everything that was said in it and around it!

What!?

Someone in China is listening in to everything.

I'm hoping that this is just because it is a press car for the Australian launch and they are trying to gather as much insight and opinion as possible - and they must have been up front about it or he wouldn't have known about it.

But what if the Chinese government have this installed in all Chinese cars?  Robert wasn't sure where the recording devices were.  Do I need to take a closer look at my 5 year old Volvo?  Although that was built in The US so hopefully not.

Well just to be on the safe side, that President Xi seems like a really decent chap.

A Blue Mercedes

 Not sure why, but this picture...

...from this Car+Driver story, reminds me of this...

Another End of The World

And yet another Tesla story and also another Tom Ford car review story.

This time he is reviewing the new Tesla Model Y - the one with a real indicator stalk.

He looks a bit menacing actually...

And yet he seems to be a really nice bloke - I'd like to go for a pint with him and talk cars.

Similarly Lars Moravy.

Who?

Vice president, vehicle engineering at Tesla - Tom interviews him about the new Y in the latest video on the Top Gear Magazine YouTube channel.

But some of the things he says are bit menacing.

Early on we get, "When you sell 1.2 million cars worldwide" casually slipped in to the conversation and "You don't want to break the recipe"  Which is more show-offy than menacing and, to be fair, he was also talking about how the replacement Y had a lot more to live up to than, for example, the Cybertruck.

Lars may end up in trouble if it doesn't emulate its predecessor's success so he must be at least a little concerned about falling Tesla sales which must be at least partly down to his boss - a common new nickname for their vehicles, at least on the socials, is Swastikar.  Also Wankpanzer but I don't understand the pun there - especially as "wank" isn't a generally used US term.

Which is why they didn't find "Wang Care" funny.

Lars described the Y as a "world car" - I suppose it is - it is the top selling car in the World and sold all over the World - I doubt if the previous "World Car" ever managed that.

He said that he felt "so separated from everyone around me when I'm driving" which is also not menacing but but just rather disappointing.

But then he is driving an SUV cross-over.

The bit that menaced me was, "Automony in the US is huge - it's coming here in a few months." - it sounded like the sort of thing that Trump makes up on the spot.  Except, unlike Trump, Morovy is a clever man.  With connections.  What does he know?

He also said, "as we get closer and closer to unsupervised in the US..."

I presume he was talking about self-driving technologies rather than general life.

Wasn't he?

Is he an Igor to Musk's Dr.Frankenstein?

Or maybe just a minion to Musks Gru?

Brexit Bonus - Not!

It's been a while since I've had a rant about Brexit.  Steph was keeping schtum on her views which tend to veer to the right of centre so are more likely to be pro-Brexit.

But, as ever, a very interesting video from one of my favourite YouTubers:

What we have here is a Morris 1100 estate that was bought for £2200 from Sweden and that eventually cost more than twice that due to a combination of transport costs (unavoidable) and British and Swedish bureaucracy and taxes which wouldn't have existed before Brexit.

A couple of the comments seem to agree with me.  One twerp though claimed that one of the reasons he voted for Brexit was because EU laws were making it more difficult to keep classic cars.  I'd like to ask him to name one law that the EU actually forced on us but it looks like he deleted it when he found out that nobody was agreeing with him.

Ed, the purchaser of said vehicle, is an experienced mechanic working in a classic car restoration shop so will have little worries about getting the car fit to use as his daily driver.  He also has the confidence to convert it to right-hand-drive.

Which brings me to my most favourite comment, from @GrandadTinkerer, which has nothing to do with Brexit,

"Many years ago, my friend was asked to convert a mini from right-hand drive, to left-hand drive, as it was going to be used in France.  Pretty easy job he thought. No changes to the dash, just new pedal box and 'flip' the steering to the other side.  Conversion completed, he set off down the road and was immediately terrified as the car turned left, when he steered right!

He had failed to realise that by 'flipping' the steering rack, the pinion was now on the bottom, and effectively reversed the steering action!"

Is clockwork better than electric?

Saw the first episode of a new sitcom last night.

Although it's really a spin-off from an older sitcom.

Motherland has spawned Amandaland.

According to the Guardian, it is aimed at "strung out middle-aged mums" so shouldn't be of any interest to me.

And it perpetuates two tropes about electric cars - one real, one bunkum.

The real one is that you don't have off-road parking, they are a bugger to charge up locally and cheaply.

The bunkum one is that they keep running out of charge.

Here is Amanda in her Tesla.

As it is, the bunkum one doesn't bother me in the slightest.

For two reasons...

• It was essential to the storyline - and it is a VERY FUNNY sitcom.
• It makes Teslas look bad.

I don't like Teslas partly because of their lack of switchgear but mostly because of their odious CEO who I seem to be obsessed with - old Elon.

And it looks like I am not alone.  Here are a couple of very interesting stories about sales plummeting in Europe and the States:

• The Independent
• Motor 1.com

And one about how the Chinese brands are taking sales from Tesla over there.

• CNBC

The Chinese angle is interesting because Musk's current pal Donald is imposing tariffs on Chinese goods coming in to America (maybe he's found someone in America now who can make his MAGA hats) so that will probably include Tesla Model Ys.  And China is putting on reciprocal tariffs which will affect sales of the US built Teslas.

The American angle is also interesting though because the Americans who are not fans of Trump will not want to buy Teslas now. And Trump is very pro-oil and anti-electric so I suspect the bromance won't last too long.

Apparently, only Toyota owners are more likely than Tesla owners to say they will buy the same brand when they come to change their vehicle.  Wonder how long Tesla will hang on to that Number 2 spot?

Now go and watch episode 1 of Amandaland and you may realise that this post should have been called "Is clockwork better than chocolate?"

Manchester - Top of the League.

Many years ago, when computer printers were quite large and you only had one or two in a large area shared by many users, we had one sat outside a manager's office.

That manager didn't like large amounts of paper building up out there.

So he started to keep track of how much it was used and who was using it the most.

He would send out emails with the top users listed on them.

The main outcome of this was that everyone wanted to be top of the table so printed more.

This story reminded me of that.

Here are the Police Force areas with the fastest speeders in 2019:

A fine win for South Yorkshire there.

It will depend on the sort of roads you have in your area though - I don't imagine Dyfed-Powys will be troubling the scorer.  As it is, only 27 of the 45 Police Authorities actually took part in the competition.

And the title is a bit misleading given thatg only the winning score was over 160 mph.

In 2020 we had 3 over that mark and former champions South Yorkshire only just qualifying for the Champions League.

Covid obviously didn't have any impact - I assume there were no passengers in the cars though.

2021 saw an improvement from South Yorkshire missing out on the top spot by just 4 mph.

Then on 2022 they had a disaster but there was a very impressive performance from Kent.

Finally, because the final 2024 results are not in yet, we have 2023:

Manchester at the top - very disappointing for a Merseyside blogger like myself.

It might give Pep a boost though - he needs one at the moment.

Take a Seat

Or a Cupra - same thing really.

So, if you've got a new boring electric cross-over SUV that needs marketing, how do you make it stand out from all of the other new boring electric cross-over SUVs?

Well, to start with, give it a memorable name - like Tavascan.

Hmm - makes me think Gaviscon - or maybe some Computed Tomography you may require if the Gaviscon isn't doing the trick.

So once you've chosen the name, you  need some sort of pretentious TV ad to try to make people believe that they actually need this particular boring electric cross-over SUV.  I guess there must be enough gullible people out there to make it work - the perfume industry has been doing this for longer than I care to remember.

Here is the Cupra one:

Vomit inducing.  They've also mangled "Everybody wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears.

It is so mangled that at first I decided it was "Walls Come Tumbling Down" by The Style Council (that lyric is included in the bit of the Tears for Fears song that they are mangling)

Shame it wasn't the Style Council one really because then it would make more sense if I said...

You don't have to take this crap.

You don't have to sit back and relax.

Just go out and buy a non-pretentious, non-boring saloon or estate car.

Cybercrime

Back in 2019 I got a bit obsessed with the Cybertruck - here is a post from around then.

At the time I said I didn't like it - I think that is still true although I may be more biased by my dislike of Elon Musk - or "President" Musk as he will soon become.

The Dubai Police seem to like it though.  That posting of mine included a link to this story wherein they were claiming that they would have one on their fleet in 2020.

Presumably Covid and Tesla got in the way but they did eventually get one last year.

It might work in Dubai - and indeed in The States.

But not on UK roads.

Pedestrian safety is laughable - and if one hit another vehicle? - well here's one example.

Although fortunately in that example it looks like there were no injuries.

This is why they are not allowed on UK roads - and Greater Manchester Police are not fans of people driving illegal vehicles on their roads.

So they seized one.

Good.

Imagine if an uninsured driver of an uninsured vehicle had killed someone.

Just awaiting a Musk tweet now condemning laws actually being enforced in the UK.

Inferior Design

Remember when BMW introduced their iDrive knob?

Lots of people hated it.

Then it evolved.

I found it perfectly useable on my 2012 3-Series.

Apple obviously weren't too bothered by its name - it was well before they had even considered making cars themselves so they wouldn't have needed it.

But now it is on it's way out...

...at least as we know it today.

Several motoring sites are reporting that BMW are at CES 2025 in Las Vegas showing the new version that will appear within the Neue Klasse electric models slated for the back end of this year.

Look! No knob!

And unfortunately, no buttons either.

Have they learned nothing from Volkswagen's U-Turn?

Now driving a BMW will be how I imagine driving a Tesla to be - just about everything involving fingering a big central screen - not exactly a driver's car any more.  But at least the BMWs will still have indicator stalks - something Tesla dropped in favour of steering wheel buttons - a horrific idea that you can only get away with if you are Ferrari.

And maybe not even then.

But, also at CES, we have evidence that someone at Tesla has seen a bit of sense.

Pretty safe bet it wouldn't have been Elon.

Drive.com.au have the specs for the all-new 2025 Tesla Model Y here.

Remember the days when a heated rear window or a rear fog lamp were proudly listed as features on the more upmarket versions of a particular model of car?

Well if you look at the features offered on the 2025 Model Y you will see...

...an indicator stalk!

Cool Grannies

 

Now that to me is the coolest type of Granny.

Not that exact model, but the Ford Granada in general.

But, according to Car+Driver, an old lady in Japan is the coolest Granny "on the planet".

She is admittedly cool, having just given up her licence due to age and selling her car to Mazda.

Her car being a third-generation Mazda RX-7.

But if we are talking about motoring grannies, how about this one on the BBC News site today?

Now, the article doesn't actually say if she is a granny, just that she has sons.  But she looks somewhere around my age and I'm well old enough to be a grandparent.

And just off the top of my head, what about Michele Mouton?  she is 73 and has at least one daughter so it's quite liable that she is enjoying granny status.

Meanwhile if you want uncool grannies, apparently crocheting covers for supercars is a thing...

Actually it isn't - it's people messing about with AI - but just in case any actual grannies are reading this...

...NOT A GOOD LOOK.