It's Going Home

Well, it's not actually - not if it's stuck in a mega-traffic jam on the M4.

In sweltering heat.

So what do you do?

You get a football out and have a kickabout.

OK, so it could potentially distract emergency vehicles sweeping down that carriageway en route to the lorry fire that caused the tailback and probably added a couple of degrees to the heat.  But emergency vehicles tend to be very noisy things that you can see from a distance giving you time to pick up the ball and clear off to the side of the road like we had to when we were children and a car came along.

I don't see the problem myself.  The BBC reports Inspector Mark Freeman of Wiltshire Police not being very happy though.

The only thing missing from this for me, is more drivers and passengers from other vehicles joining him for a proper match.  Like Christmas in the Trenches in World War One.  Paul McCartney could have written a song about it.

Horse Jam

I don't really like horror films.  Especially ones that are not advertised as horror films.  I started watching a film once - it started with a group of motorists stuck in a traffic jam.  If that wasn't bad enough, a large number of vandals suddenly appeared and started to damage the bonnets and roof panels of the stranded cars.  And to make it worse, there was plinky, jolly music being played over it all.

I switched channels and vowed never to watch any of La La Land again.

This photo reminded me of that:

It is from this BBC story about a traffic jam in North Wales caused by a horse on the carriageway.

It is a bit misleading in that it makes it look like a major incident with an escaped horse although in reality, the traffic was stopped briefly by the Police so that the horse could be moved from a broken-down horsebox to a non-broken-down horsebox.  Even if the horseboxes had rear doors, (which they don't appear to) getting a horse that is already nervous about vandals on the roof safely along the roadside would be a nightmare - ha "mare" - geddit!?

What are you supposed to do when your horsebox breaks down anyway?

I've just renewed my breakdown recovery.  I was with AutoAid - not one of the big four - AA/RAC/National Breakdown/Green Flag but good value and they are big enough to sponsor BTCC cars:

So I was surprised to see I could be with Green Flag for 40p less.  I signed up for Green Flag and it's a good job there is a cooling off period because my wife spotted a bit about Excesses on the Policy Document - they wanted to charge me £40 for every call-out!  Bloody cheek!

I'm back with AutoAid.

I don't know if AutoAid cover horseboxes - if not, they may get saddled with a Green Flag policy.

Bowled Over

This lady is leaving BBC Radio 2:

Why is that motoring news?

 

Because she is the lovely Lynn Bowles (or "Elbow" to give her her Jennifer Lopez type name)

 

For many years, she has told me why I'm stuck in a traffic jam on the M53.  I don't think she's ever prevented me from actually getting stuck in said traffic jam on the M53 but that's probably more to do with a combination of the timings within Chris Evans' show and the time I happen to be eating my Special K in a morning.

 

She does the travel news.  And has done for 18 years - without the aid of a helicopter.

 

This article doesn't actually say WHY she is leaving, but it does imply that after 18 years of getting up at silly-o'clock every weekday, she fancies a few lie-ins from now on.

 

Can't say I blame her but I will miss her.  She has a great sense of humour that played very well against Chris Evans and against his predecessor, the late, great Sir Terry Wogan.

 

Plus, she's Welsh.

 

In other Welsh news this week, apparently you can get banned from driving if you crash your Peugeot into somebody's upstairs bathroom:

Droning On

I'm not sure I believe this story from Car+Driver.

It comes with this picture:

And it is reported by several sites so I'm going with it's true.

Apparently Uber (the taxi people) are using Drones in Mexico to display messages to drivers stuck in traffic jams.  The one in this picture translates to, "The city is for you, not for 5.5 million cars."

They seem to be nagging messages - I'd have gone with one of the following:

• money generating advertising messages like "Cheap power tools at Home Depot - this week only"
• pro-Uber messages like "Share an Uber to cut down on the number of cars here"
• useful messages like "This tailback lasts for 2km and is due to an idiot driving into a lamp-post"

It doesn't say who creates the messages or where the drones take off from.  Do Uber drivers carry a drone, a piece of card and a marker pen with them?

Local take-aways could use them to get food orders, deliver the food and take the money - if you're stuck in a jam, you don't want to go hungry now, do you?

Or, if you're just bored in the jam, you could always do some shopping:

Mini-Orgasm

Nice story from lots of West Country News websites today such as The Western Daily Press. Apparently, a "fit" woman in her 30s got a bit bored in a traffic jam and decided to "relieve the tension" with a little help from a "Rampant Rabbit-style sex toy."

She was in a Mini (car not skirt - she was wearing trousers)

Anyway, the Earth moved, or, more precisely, the car moved and she drove into the back of one of these:

That is an M&J Seafoods van.  There is no mention of seagulls in the story.

But there will have been a strong fish smell.

Traffic Jam

Well, Traffic Marmite actually.

Love it or hate it, I'm quite ambivalent about it really - in fact I can't remember the last time I tried it. I also feel the same about the M1. And this story combines them both. It brings a new meaning to "being stuck in traffic." It's only 8:20 in the morning so I'm sure some pictures will emerge during the day but I've got to go to work so I'll not be publishing them.

There have to be some jokes here though and some marketing opportunities - like the last time this happened...Cadburys took out adverts saying how "Nothing Fills a Hole like a Double-Decker"