Van Gogh-ing Nowhere

I had to register to read this article in Autocar.

It was free but I didn't have to register when I read it at lunchtime.

And now they have my details - I've ticked all the don't send me stuff boxes.

On top of that, do I want an organisation who have produced an article with a massive flaw in it having my details?

For those of you who haven't read the article or don't want to register to read the article, they are stating that UK vehicle production is dramatically down on the same period last year due to a significant drop in commercial vehicle production - 78% in fact.

They state that the SMMT have stated that the fall was "mainly down to work taking place at Stellantis’s Ellesmere Port plant, which is being upgraded to take on extra workload resulting from the closure of the firm's Luton factory."

I think, the fall may actually be down to something alluded to there that happened in March - THE CLOSURE IF THE FIRM'S LUTON FACTORY.

No Offence

Etiquette is described by The Cambridge Dictionary as "the set of rules or customs that control accepted behaviour in particular social groups or social situations"

Or by Wikipedia as "the set of norms of personal behaviour in polite society, usually occurring in the form of an ethical code of the expected and accepted social behaviours that accord with the conventions and norms observed and practised by a society, a social class, or a social group."

So who is the expert on etiquette?

Vauxhall apparently.

Although they have had some help from Debrett's.

They have produced this handy guide for polite behaviour at electric vehicle charging stations.

I'm surprised that a Debrett's guide would include such a common word as "bollard" but there it is in the "Be Streetwise" section.

I am also surprised by the "Be a Good EV Guest" section which states that, "it is quite likely that your host will not have a home charger, so you will have to rely on using a standard three-pin plug cable."  Surely anybody consulting a Debrett's guide wouldn't have friends without an EV home charger!?

But then, I'm not known as a diplomat.

Unlike Vauxhall:

Make for the Border

 Here's a picture of the approach to the Wallasey Mersey Tunnel.

In the olden days, the "ATTENDED" lanes were called "MANNED" 

I have no idea how offended the women working there were by that.

Meanwhile, in Mexico, there seems to be a lane for a specific makes of cars crossing in to the US:

The other lanes (thinking back to my O-Level Spanish) are:

• Cars Only
• Lorries and cows
• Joint Despatch (I presume this is drug smuggling)
• Cold Stuff

This is from a Drive.com.au story.

But wait, that isn't a Tesla in the Tesla lane!

Apparently, that lane is for goods being transported to the Tesla facility in Austin, Texas.

Next they'll be telling us that down the M53 from the Mersey Tunnel there is a lane that isn't reserved for people driving Vauxhalls:

Urban Grim

No - I don't mean Grime.

Here's Citroen's fairly recently launched Urban EV - the Ami:

It sort of makes the old Ami look acceptable:

And now it has competition.

According to Autocar today, "New ACM City One is battery-swapping urban EV" and "New Opel Rocks-e is Citroen Ami-based urban EV for Germany"

Here's the ACM City One:

Those aren't the batteries on the roof.  I suppose it isn't horrendous on the outside.

But it is on the inside:

Very grim.  Although I do miss a good old-fashioned rocker switch.  And it seems to have heated seats.

It is German - like of course Opel are.  Their new product though is very French:

Obviously taking advantage of one of their Stellantis stablemates.

I don't know if Rocks-e has some significance in German - would a Vauxhall version be called a Roxy?

The story states, "The 2.41m-long, 471kg EV is almost visually unaltered, too, save for the addition of a new 'Vizor'-style front end panel, which brings the Rocks-e into line with Opel-Vauxhall's more mainstream cars."

"The Vizor style front end panel?"  They've just swapped the Citroen badge for an Opel badge!  Mind you, the Opel badge is well suited for an EV.

Top speed is 28mph so probably not one for the Autobahns.

Opel has confirmed its model will head for other markets in 2022, following a German market launch this autumn - this Stellantis-brand badge would fit on the front:

Electric Light Vans

Interesting article on the Autocar site today.  It is about Swindon and the effects of the forthcoming closure of the Honda car plant there.

It seems it won't be completely bleak for the workforce.  The Brexit that caused the closure (despite what they claim) has also left a shortage of workers for other industries so there will be other jobs in the area.

Meanwhile, it's all looking bright for Sunderland.  Nissan's car plant was in similar danger of closure but they have announced an expansion to build electric cars and a new plant building electric vehicle batteries.  The Government have negotiated this a part of a deal involving a large input of public money.  Nobody will admit how large but given that it is in the North of England where the Tories are ingratiating themselves with the voters, we can safely assume that we are putting a huge amount in.

The battery plant will be vitally important for the future of the British car industry - trying to import large numbers of batteries from Europe or elsewhere would be a logistical nightmare.

The other site in danger is (or hopefully "was") Vauxhall's plant down the road from me in Ellesmere Port.  It looks like the "Home of the Astra" will become the "Home of Electric Vans".   Not particularly exciting but a sensible move in the current climate.

More exciting would be building a different electric vehicle.

This I really like:

Although the eyes are a bit scary.

It is an E-Legend EL1 - modelled on the Audi Quattro.  There will only be 30 of them and they will sell for about £1 Million each - shame - it's just out of my price range.

It mustn't be confused with the Honda Legend which, unlike the Civic, Accord, Jazz and CR-V, has never been built at their Swindon plant.

And now, it never will.

Running Amok, Ah!

You'd never catch me running a Mokka.

Lot's of people do - these are people who have given up on any thoughts of enjoying driving.

I may have just mentioned once or thrice how I hate SUVs - but I accept that they are here to stay.

And Vauxhall are trying to make the new version of the Mokka more exciting.  This is called the Vauxhall Vizor:

Note the exciting spelling - which I initially misread as Vauxhall Victor.  It was Ford Ecosport/Ford Escort all over again.  Anyway, the new Mokka is getting that "Vizor" front which is claimed to be inspired by the Vauxhall Firenza: 

Hopefully not one about to be crashed in to by a Mini Rally Car.  Autocar have the story.

They don't say what will be happening with the Opel Mokka - presumably they will need a pretentious corruption of a German word for the front end of that.

This is supposedly going to feature on all Vauxhalls throughout the 2020s - it may actually look good on an Astra or Insignia - and feel truer to the Firenza philosophy but in the meantime, don't Mokka the afflicted.

Chubby Chasers

I saw what I thought was a Mondeo estate on Friday.

But it had "Focus" written along the back of it.

And modern Astras are bigger than Cavaliers - (and a lot better looking but that's beside the point)

Anyway, Autocar looked at this phenomenon this weekend:

They suggest several reasons including greater crash protection (crumple zones and the like) and the fact that we are getting bigger ourselves (McDonalds and the like)

 

However, I've noticed that when Vauxhall, for example, bring out a new Corsa, they claim it's bigger and better than the Polo or Fiesta so when VW or Ford update their equivalent, they have to make it slightly bigger than the Corsa and an upward spiral ensues.

 

So much so that you don't see Mondeos or Insignias on dealer forecourts any more because they are too big for anyone to want - especially when the Focus and Astra are plenty big enough.

 

This also means that manufacturers have to come up with new names for even smaller cars to slot in at the bottom end of the range.

 

Meanwhile, new-build houses are getting smaller so nothing will fit in a garage any more.

 

To get around this severe problem (the car names not the small garages) we need a pact between Ford, VW and Vauxhall such that every 10 years:

 

The Focus is renamed the Mondeo

The Fiesta is renamed the Focus

The Ka is renamed the Fiesta

 

and similarly with the Up, Polo, Golf, Passat and the Adam, Corsa, Astra, Insignia.

 

It may cause a bit of confusion in identifying a Mark 7 Golf - but at least you'd know what size it was.

Opportunity Knocks for Vauxhall

Here's a story for the Brexiteers to cling on to.

 

It involves the tranquil Mediterranean fishing village of Ellesmere Port (pronounced L.S.Meer Portay)

 

Actually it's pronounced as it's spelled - only with a Scouse accent.

 

I drive past it every day on my way to work.

It's where a lot of Vauxhall/Opel Astras are built.

 

And will hopefully continue to be built after Brexit.  The boss of PSA who own the Vauxhall and Opel brands is reported as stating in this Autocar article, that Brexit may be a good opportunity for Vauxhall.

 

He may be right.

 

A British-badged vehicle built on this side of any tariffs that may be imposed could be a winner.

 

He is quoted thusly, "I am not facing Brexit always on the dark side of this outcome: there may be for the Vauxhall brand an opportunity for us. We are managing our marketing communications in the UK in a way that is very supportive of a British brand in the UK."

If his English is a little stunted, it is infinitely better than my Portuguese (his nationality) and my French which is presumably the language he spends a lot of time talking in.  This is him, Carlos Tavares:

He was almost certainly correct with,

"We prepare for the two outcomes and will deal with them when it comes up. Most probably there’s going to be a delay, which gives us a little more visibility for 2019."

Although the quote that I, as a devout Remoaner, mostly picked up on was,

"We can go on the dark side and say ‘perhaps we have to shut down plants’, and if we have to make difficult decisions we will."

Vauxhall/Opel only assemble Astras and Vivaro vans in the UK which they also assemble in Poland and France respectively so what about the Opel-badged vehicles?  And the rest of the Vauxhall range?

Nissan has already part-blamed Brexit from stopping the X-Trail in Sunderland while Honda is refusing to blame it for shutting it's Swindon factory but I think that has more to do with the fact that their customer-base is old people.

For the sake of the local economy and people I know who work there, I hope that Vauxhall Ellesmere Port goes on to thrive.

And I mean that most sincerely, folks, I really do.

Expanding Peugeot

Last week, a brilliant young car blogger stated this:

"It looks like Peugeot are involved in negotiations to take over Vauxhall and Opel.

This would given them Peugeot, Citroen, DS, Vauxhall, Opel & Ambassador - and probably too many factories - not good news - especially since they have had financial problems over the last few years while Vauxhall & Opel have been losing money."

It appeared in this article by me.

Now, this other article, by Autocar, says they also want Proton.  It also says that their financial worries seem to have subsided - which will hopefully be good news for the workers of Peugeot, Citroen, DS, Vauxhall, Opel, Ambassador, Proton & Lotus.

Did you spot the way I stuck Lotus in at the end?

That's because Proton effectively own Lotus.

Now, that could mean some nice modern takes on collaborations from the past such as when Lotus got together with PSA (Peugeot Citroen Group) to produce the Lotus Sunbeam:

...or when they got into bed with Vauxhall/Opel for the Lotus Carlton (or Omega for the Opel badged version):

If Peugeot really do splash the cash, then why not a Lotus DS4 and a Lotus Insignia?

Of course, this could all be speculation - or even some of this fake news that the POTUS keeps warning us about (perhaps he should start by fact-checking Fox & Breitbart?)  Maybe we should swap the word "president" with "liar" and call him the LOTUS?

Anyway I'm pretty confident with reliability of the sources for the Hindustan and Vauxhall/Opel stories.

And as for Proton, I'm positive.

Peugeot Splashing The Cash

At the weekend, it emerged that Peugeot were buying the Ambassador brand - that is the Hindustan Ambassador -

 - not the Austin Ambassador -

The BBC story is here.

It doesn't say whether or not they are taking on the whole Hindustan Company, factories etc.  I suspect they are not which is a shame because they could restart manufacture and maybe restyle it on a more modern car than its original base which was the 1950s Morris Oxford:

 

A Peugeot 404 perhaps?

I imagine labour is a bit cheaper in India than Europe - they may wish to start building the other ranges they've just purchased there too.  Check out this story that has been building all week.

It looks like Peugeot are involved in negotiations to take over Vauxhall and Opel.

This would given them Peugeot, Citroen, DS, Vauxhall, Opel & Ambassador - and probably too many factories - not good news - especially since they have had financial problems over the last few years while Vauxhall & Opel have been losing money.

Although, allegedly, Peugeot shares are doing quite well at the moment.  They may be hoping to do a Fiat who had their own problems not that long ago.

In any case, I would be worried by that sudden Indian connection.  I'll just stick with my Jaguar in the meantime.

Tata for now.

A Posher Version of Poundland

In Poundland, everything costs a quid.

So, presumably in Grandland, everything costs £1000.

Which is excellent value for a large SUV.

And mustn't be confused with Granadaland - which is where ITV used to tell us that we lived if we happened to reside in the North-West of England.

Or Grandstand - which where the BBC used to show us Rallycross on a Saturday afternoon.

Here is the latest press release from Vauxhall.

They don't say so, but it looks like the Zafira is on its way out.

And the Meriva is going to be replaced by the Crossland X.

And the Mokka is going to be replaced by the Mokka X.

They don't say why they are putting kisses after the names.

Maybe it's to help sell the Vauxhall Insignia SE to the dogging community.

Would EU Believe It?

I have touched on the EU Referendum before.  It was in March.

And now I'm touching on it again.

Autocar report that Nissan are planning to sue Vote Leave over a Brexit flyer in which they claim that “Major employers have all said they’ll stay in the UK whatever the result of the referendum” which may be true but they use various employers logos alongside this statement implying by association that these employers are pro-Brexit. Nissan are pro-Bremain so don't want to be appearing on these flyers.

I suspect it will be something about use of a trademarked logo that they will get them for.

The FT have the story too.  I love the way that their website is pink to match their newspaper.  They state...
"Some of the country’s largest manufacturers — Jaguar Land Rover, Toyota, BMW and Vauxhall — on Monday issued a renewed pledge to protect jobs and investment by voting to remain.

Other major manufacturers such as Nissan and Ford have already said they would prefer the UK to remain part of the EU, although none of the companies have said they will close UK plants in the event of a Brexit."

So Nissan haven't actually said they will stay open, they just haven't said they'd close.  Toyota & Vauxhall logos also appear on the leaflet - I guess they won't be too happy either.

I could imagine a small 1970s saloon being called the Ford Brexit.  But that's just how my mind works.

Meanwhile, Jeremy has backed his up Remain views (look back to my March article) with an amusing video featuring James May.

Uncle Buick

I was going to call this post "Would you Adam & Eve it!?" but since it is about Vauxhall's posh, American uncle and since the largest group of people who read my posts are American and don't speak Cockney, I went with "Uncle Buick."

Autoguide reported this story yesterday about how GM CEO Dan Akerson expressed his desire to add the Vauxhall/Opel Adam and Cascada to the Buick model lineup.

Buick is not a brand I know too much about - my only real memories of a Buick involve the brown Buick Century that Kojak used to drive in the 1970s:

I don't believe that Buicks were ever sold here in the UK but I do know that it is meant to be the upmarket badge for GM in The States.

Which surprises me a bit that they would want to re-badge the Adam as a Buick.  I can sort of understand the Cascada - it was seriously mooted in my earlier story on the Cascada, but the Adam is meant to be a Mini/Fiat 500 worrier.  In fact, why not sell it to the Americans as a small, funky, European car and give it a Vauxhall or Opel badge there too?

This story did prompt me to look up Buick on Wikipedia (yes, I know other, more reliable, websites are available) where I learned that Buick himself was Scottish and the cars gained "Ventiports" in 1949 which are ventilation holes in the front wings representing the engine cylinders that have little flashing lights in them to indicate the sparks - I'd like to see that on a modern car - don't know what they would do for a diesel though.


Now, if they do insist on calling a small Buick the Buick Adam, here's a tip for the marketing people:

Get a clip of Telly Savalas saying,

"Who Loves Ya, Baby?"

Making a Mokka-Ree

When Vauxhall let the British press loose on their new compact SUV thingy, the Mokka, it got absolutely slated for its ride and handling and consequently scored very badly in their reviews.  The name didn't help either, with lots of coffee jokes to go with the coffee-coloured car in the picture.

 

The mistake they had made was to give the journalists some early, European-specced cars designed for European roads - and with bits of sound-proofing missing.

 

Anyway, they seem to have sorted things out by letting the British press loose on much-improved versions specifically aimed at British roads.  The press were impressed enough - for example Top Gear reported thus.

 

A report in AutoGuide today, could reverse things, though.  It refers to a recall on the American-badged version of this car, the Buick Encore - the one in their picture is also coffee-coloured but that's probably coincidence.  The problem with the Encore is that the steering wheel might come off!

 

 This could be amusing if you are Lauel & Hardy or useful if you are a racing driver and have a wheel like the one here on the right.  But, if you are taking the kids to school, it may be a tiny bit dangerous.  (Incidentally, if you take a closer look at this particular racing wheel, it isn't quite what it seems)

 

There is no mention of whether or not the Mokka has the same issue as its American cousin but if it does, it'll be wheely bad.  No coffee jokes here.

 

 

 

Drivel 2022

Sounds like a desktop computer doesn't it? Maybe from the mid-1990s.

It's actually a GM plan for the future prosperity of the Vauxhall Opel Group.

It is outlined in a story in Autocar yesterday. The article tells us that "Under the plan, which was approved six weeks ago by GM's main board,
 Vauxhall-Opel will cut fixed costs by $500m by mid-decade, launch 23 new models and 13 new engines between now and 2016 and start building non Opel-Vauxhalls" and it "will also expand and implement the recently announced alliance with PSA." That follows on from my story a few months back in which I voiced my concerns about a possible merger with PSA, the French group behind Citroën and Peugeot.

It appears that this is the latest of many rescue/restructuring plans but there's not too much management-speak - apart from “Vauxhall 
is an example of best practice” and “not to include hope as part of the strategy" which are not too bad really when you think about it. I've checked out the photos of GM Europe
 president Steve Girsky and vice CEO Thomas Sedran and neither of them look like this manager:

or, if you happen to be American...

so there's a bit of hope there to go with the strategy.

The new car sales situation is very mixed at the moment - looking at the BBC Global Car Industry News page today is showing Ford taking on 2200 workers in America because of increased sales with BMW and Rolls Royce reporting record sales. There are also reports of increased car sales in both Japan and the UK.

However, they also report Honda laying of 800 UK staff blaming weak demand across Europe and that Ferrari sales slump in Italy. Perhaps more significantly for this item, Peugeot Citroen hit by 'crisis' in European car sales.

I live quite close to a Vauxhall factory and know people who work there. The GM management-speak here does seem positive and they do seem to have a 10-year plan which is unusually forward thinking these days.



Oh, my eyesight! It says "DRIVE! 2022"

The Americans Are Interested in Vauxhall

Or are they?

Most of the American sites I follow are very interested in the Vauxhall Cascada - they are even showing photos of right-hand-drive cars with British Number Plates.

Although the Google images that stood out for me when I searched were this one of the Cascada's early predecessor, the Vauxhall Cavalier Convertible:

and this one apparently of a Singer Cascada:

I remember Singer cars from my youth but don't remember one that pretty - actually - I'll take that back - the later (1970s) Singer Rapiers were nice. Singer were part of the Rootes group who eventually found themselves under the ownership of PSA Peugeot-Citroen.

But I have digressed somewhat. Or have I?

The reason that America is so interested in this Vauxhall is that it may well get re-badged as a Buick Regal over there. Here is the Fox News story on it.

The Buick Regal, of course, should not be confused with the Reliant Regal:

Vauxhall, or as it is known in the rest of the World, Opel, is GM's loss-making, European arm - hence the interest in the Cascada being the new Regal soft-top. The GM accountants, however, are more interested in the loss-making part of that sentence - and a possible solution has been mooted this week. This Autocar story covers it quite well. It talks of a possible merger between Vauxhall-Opel & Peugeot-Citroen although GM would only own 30% of the new organisation.

I don't like the sound of this - it sounds more like a take-over and given the model-range overlap would probably lead to some factory closures - and probably not in France.

The article states that "According to Automotive News Europe, this tentative plan is said to have been one of a number of ideas being considered by the management teams of PSA and GM, including selling Opel outright to PSA or GM buying PSA’s automotive division"

I guess it will all come down to whether or not the Americans are interested in Vauxhall.

TV Cars - But Not The Obvious Ones

The obvious ones would be The General Lee or KITT or The Striped Tomato (or whatever Starsky's Torino was called) but they are all American. The obvious British ones are a bit more mundane like Delboy's Reliant Regal van or Mr.Bean's Mini but here are a few I like...
This very Vauxhall Victor appeared in Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) - a series about a couple of private detectives - one of whom happened to be a ghost. The alive detective, Randall, drove the Victor and was played by Mike Pratt who is now deceased while the deceased detective, Hopkirk, was played by Kenneth Cope who is now alive.

This X-Type was regularly driven by Inspector Barnaby in Midsomer Murders - a series which I've never watched but interests me because of the X-Type - albeit a saloon unlike my own estate version. The estate version was (and may still be - I don't know) a regular in the opening titles of Emmerdale - I haven't watched an episode of that since a plane crashed onto the village and I hadn't watched it before then since Matt Skilbeck had some trouble "int' top field." The X-Type estate also took a starring role in Top Gear when Jeremy ski-ed behind one on an icy country lane.

A white Stag like this one (but not this one because I couldn't find a picture of the actual one) was used in Bellamy's People - a spoof travel around Britain show. The Stag would be my ideal classic car if only I had the time and money to invest.

The Dolomite was my first car - not unfortunately a Sprint - but the vomit yellow 1500 Twin-Carb I had was plenty fast enough for me. This particular example is the one Richard destroyed on Top Gear but the Dolly Sprint also appeared in early programmes of The Professionals but BL used to muck about the Production Company by swapping the colours of the cars they supplied so that screwed up continuity so they moved onto the Capris that most people associate with The Professionals. The Dolomite Sprint is also driven by John Anderson in "The Ancestry Team" - a brilliant comedy drama about two people who run a genealogical detective agency but someone at the BBC didn't think it was suitable material for a comedy so it was never made.

Eddie Shoestring drove a Cortina Mark III estate just like this one - a beautiful car and a brilliant theme tune made the show instantly appealing to a young Metro.

A Viva like this one was driven by Bob in "Whatever Happend To The Likely Lads?" - it was meant to represent middle-class, boring suburbia so would be an Insignia today.

This Beemer was driven by Wayne in the second series of Auf Wiedersehen Pet. Gary Holton, the actor playing Wayne inconveniently died while they were making it so there were lots of shots of the back of his head.

The Volvo was driven by Peter Davison in "A Very Peculiar Practice" - a brilliant comedy drama set in a university at the same time as I was at university. I've always had a soft spot for Volvos and the hilarious script gets this one a mention even though the car had bugger all to do with the show.

Finally, after the Cortina Mark III, we have the Cortina Mark IV - although Van der Valk's car here was in Holland so is, strictly speaking, a Ford Taunus...
Great tune too.