I Don't Like Pumas

Actually I DO like pumas.

I just don't like Ford Pumas.

Actually I DO like Ford Pumas.

It's just the new ones I don't like:

I also don't like Vauxhall Mokkas and Ford Ecosports and all the other jacked-up cars that sell in their millions to people who don't know about cars or, more importantly, about driving.

 

And the new Puma is an insult to the old one: 

That was a Fiesta-based affordable-ish, sporty-ish car that appealed to those who wanted a bit of fun and didn't have a few kids to ferry about.

 

A bit like The Mustang in America.

 

Or its equivalent over here, the Ford Capri:

Which is why this Autocar story perturbs me.

 

Amko Leenarts, boss of the Ford European Design Centre is quoted as saying, “Who would not want to bring back the Capri as a design?  We’d love it. But it’s got to be in the zeitgeist and has to fit, and work as a plural, not just exist as something for a designer to bring back an old car.”

 

Work as a plural!?

 

Does that mean they want to make more than one of them?

 

Ford tried a couple of times to revive "the zeitgeist" of The Capri, first with the very attractive Probe...

...which is not a phrase you want to be overheard repeating.

 

then with The Puma's bigger brother, The Cougar:

But given what they did to the Puma, Autocar's X6-shaped grotesque guess could be worryingly close to the truth:



It's enough to make you very angry:

Now There's Two of Them

I've always hated the BMW X6:

I've made it no secret that I categorise it alongside the Fiat Multipla, the Google Self-Driving car and the Hyundai Atoz as a completely stupid looking car.

Unfortunately, it looks like 250000 sales means that there a lot of people who like it.

Including Mercedes:

Meet the GLE Coupe.

Or BMW X6 as I'd call it.

This interesting little article from caradvice.com.au, Mercedes-Benz’s global chief of design Gorden Wagener spills the beans - or the Benz.

Looking at the comments at the bottom of the article, the car fans of Australia tend to agree with me.

Wagener admits that BMW invented the SUV coupe segment but reckons it overcomplicates its designs with complex surfacing.  It may have been true in the Chris Bangle days but not so much now.

He goes on to say, "...in the end I think we managed to do a very unique car, a very clean car that is essential for our purity philosophy, it’s quite sexy and sculptured."

Very unique!  Very unique!   OK, I'll let that pass since English isn't his first language - but it isn't even slightly unique and it certainly isn't sexy.

Sexy like James Bond is sexy?

But then again, the Mercs are always driven by the baddies.

Who's The Boss?

That was quite a good series in its day - especially the character Mona played by Katherine Helmond.  And isn't Judith Light scary now as the old biddie in Dallas?  This was much better than the British version, The Upper Hand.  There seems to be new version of this now called Melissa & Joey.

 

But that's besides the point.

 

A lot of Ferrari employees may now be asking the question, Who's the boss?

 

This follows on from today's news (in Autocar for example) that Ferrari are being split off from the parent Fiat-Chrysler organisation - or FCA as it's known by its friends.  Ferrari will be a stand-alone company.

 

It feels like only 23 days ago that I was reporting on the changes at Ferrari with FCA boss Sergio Marchionne taking Ferrari over from Luca di Montezemolo.

Today, FCA currently owns 90 per cent of Ferrari, while the other 10 per cent is owned by the son of Enzo Ferrari.  Apparently,10% of FCA's interest in Ferrari will be offered to public investors. The remainder will be distributed among FCA shareholders.

 

So FCA shareholders will own 81% of Ferrari and more if they buy some of the publicly offered shares.

 

So will they be happy for Sergio to continue in charge?

 

Interesting times.

 

Meanwhile Fiat are getting involved with interesting cars:

This is from this caradvice.com.au story.  It's a much more interesting story.  Possibly because it doesn't talk about shareholdings.  But probably because it discusses a concept premiered at the Sao Paulo motor show in Brazil.  It's a coupe SUV which I shouldn't like given how much I hate the looks of the BMW X6.

 

But this one, the FCC4, is longer than an X6 and not as tall - and looks really cool.  Will the Brazilians go nuts for it?  I don't see why not.

 

But if they don't, blame the boss.  Whoever that is.

Q8

Q8 should follow on from Q7.

Q8 was a funny, surreal, comedy sketch show from the 1970s starring Spike Milligan.

So was Q7.

Q8 followed on from Q7.

Audi have a huge car called the Q7.

It's too huge really - especially for the Chelsea Mums who like to drive it - but that's their business. Audi have now signed off the Q8 which will be hitting our streets in four or five years time. Car magazine have the story together with this mock-up:

Car&Driver also have the story together with this mock-up:

To be fair, both magazines credit the same artist, Christian Schulte, with the rendering so I guess Chris has done OK out of the deal - especially as all he has done is morph a BMW X6 (stupid) rear onto a standard (boring) Audi front - a sort of luxury German cut-and-shut. He's also changed the number plate slightly for the two different customers!

The speculation is that the Q8 will be a Cross-over SUV based on the A6 or A8 rather than an even-bigger Q7. I wouldn't want to see either, especially if it turns out as daft-looking as the X6. Hopefully it will only attract people who already own Audis - I don't want even more individuals driving 10cm from my rear bumper on the motorways.

Now, apart from being confused with a '70s TV show, this new car will also need to avoid being mixed up with Kuwait, a Middle-Eastern state famed for starting the first Gulf War by getting invaded by Iraq.

This oil-rich state should do well supplying fuel to power the big Audis.

X Marks The Ugly Spot

I was following a BMW X6 the other day.

I still think they look stupid.

And when I say "following" - I was behind it in traffic - I don't associate myself with anyone daft enough to own one.

Maybe it's something about cars that have names beginning with "X".

Autoguide today have this story about the Volkswagen XL1 testing in Spain. They use this still from a spy-video:

It is a diesel hybrid with a 2-cylinder engine so it sounds absolutely awful in their video but it looks beautiful in the picture.

So what about my argument about X cars being ugly?

Well, I give you how the car is meant to look:

That is pig-ugly and the only real difference is the covering of the rear wheels - a bit like the McLaren X-1 which features on the cover of this month's Top Gear Magazine.

Note the X name. It was built by McLaren as a one-off for a very rich, and presumably blind, customer.

Which brings us back, rather neatly, to BMW and their X1:

Quite ugly, although the earlier incarnation looks OK in this Top Gear story from 2009...

...although that may have something to do with the bikini.

Now, regular readers of my Blog will know that I, myself, drive an X car - a Jaguar X-Type.

This is clearly the exception that proves the rule.

If I was on television right now, I would turn to a side-camera, shrug, and say, "No, I don't understand that saying either."

As a child of the '70s, I like my cars to be big and square and I love the looks of my car even if some people think the X-Type boring. Mind you, designer Paul Smith (turn to side-camera and shrug in an "I've never heard of him, either" sort of way) was obviously inspired (or commissioned) to come up with this:

Enough said, I think.