Silly Season

Except it isn't silly season.

Never knew it went back to 1861.

Although there do seem to be a disproportionate number of silly stories around today.

This one caught my eye first thing this morning:

What!?  McDonalds are training their staff how to sexually harass?

They had changed the headline by lunchtime.

But that isn't a car story - it was next to one though - this one.

"Tesla boss Elon Musk has had a record-breaking pay package that could be worth nearly $1tn (£760bn) approved by shareholders."

Did you spot the word "could" in there?

It's doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

It's like in the Webuyanycar.com adverts when Jason Manford says what could happen if you don't accept the low offer from Webuyanycar.com.

To get the full whack, the South African Nazi-type saluter will have to "drastically raise the electric car firm's market value over 10 years."

Given the job he's done this year, I can't see him getting close - especially as this is just more incentive not to buy a Tesla.

"The scale of the potential payout has drawn criticism, but the Tesla board argued that Musk might leave the company if it was not approved - and that it could not afford to lose him."

This doesn't bode well for the future of the company if the board really think that.

Sticking with electric cars, we have a story from my favourite American car journalist in Car+Driver.

Ezra Dyer is telling the story a the importer of Kia cars into Finland giving away free air fresheners to purchasers of the EV4 electric car.

The silliness in this story being that the smell of the air freshener is petrol and the look is this:

They found allegedly "Finland's only perfumier" to create it.  But they aren't doing it any more since Car+Driver asked Kia HQ in South Korea about it.

And they weren't too happy.

Final silly story today is from the BBC again.

I live very close to a place called West Kirby.  Kirby is a corruption of Kirkby - Viking for "church town"

And also the name of a town on the outskirts of Liverpool that is somewhat to the East of West Kirby.

Liverpool's local radio station, Radio City got rebranded last year and lost its localness - you can tell because the traffic news bloke can't pronounce any of the placenames in the vicinity.

Now, judging by this story, I wonder if they've got him painting the road markings?

Dog in Boots.

Not the chemist shop.

Unless you particularly dislike cats and dogs, (not the film - that really is awful) you will probably appreciate what Battersea Dogs Home (as I always remember it being called) do.

So I was rather surprised when this shaggy dog story appeared from Battersea Power Station rather than from their neighbours south of the river.

It involves an electric pooch pampering station for the back of large cars - specifically, Genesises.

Even more specifically, Genesis GV70s.

Genesis, not the band, who are also known as posh-Kia (by me), seem to have teamed up with Battersea Power Station and have an exhibition on there - or a "studio" which they describe as, "more like stepping into a contemporary gallery than visiting a car dealership."

Hmm.

The dog-module is currently on display there.

When I saw it, I thought the story looked more dodgy than doggy but it is apparently true - even if the number plate is fake:

I'm not into Hyundais or Tik-Tok

But if I was in to both, and I had low-life tendencies, then I would probably be looking to emulate the Kia Challenge - which also works on their cousin-brand Hyundai. I don't know if their posher cousin-brand Genesis is affected, you would hope that they would all come with immobilisers.

The challenge, which has nothing to do with a bucket of icy water, involves breaking a rear window, breaking the steering column shroud and using a USB cable somehow to start and therefore steal the car.

According to yahoo!news, this is an expanding problem in The States.  They cite:

• Louisville Metro Police Department announced on Wednesday that 52 vehicles, half of which were Kias and the other half Hyundais, were stolen between July 1 and July 25.
• Arlington Police Department received 12 reports of stolen Kia vehicles, with most occurring towards the end of July. Several underaged individuals have been arrested and charged.
• Police in St. Petersburg, Florida, reported 56 stolen vehicles in the last two weeks, with 23 of them being 2021 or older Kia and Hyundai models.

It is spreading worldwide too with the first instance down under in Brisbane.

This is poor design on the part of the Korean manufacturers - the 2022 cars now do come with immobilisers.

But if you are into slightly older Hyundais, you also need to be in to Krook-Lok.

Creating a Monster

 Albeit a cute one:

Looks better from the rear though:

The front reminds me too much of Tina from Bob's Burgers:

So what is this mystery car that looks so much like a Mark I Hyundai Pony?

It's actually a Mark I Hyundai Pony.  It has been disassembled and rebuilt by Hyundai to celebrate their new customer centre in Busan, Korea. They have added an electric motor and some other funky touches. Car+Driver have the story here.

One of my favourite funky touches is the Nixie tubes in the dash display:

I never even knew that those things were called "Nixie Tubes"

So what is "the monster" of which I speak?

Is it from a film as scary as Dracula or La La Land?

No.

I am talking about the gigantic motoring conglomerate that is Hyundai/Kia and which was created, or at least grown, with a bit of help (including the Mark I Pony in the photo above) from British Leyland.  That story is here.

Now a film of the story of British Leyland WOULD be a horror movie.

Another Reason to Dislike Kia.

I'm probably being unfair but the image of Kia to me is the budget sibling of a budget brand (Hyundai) who make boring econoboxes.

Which is probably why they are rebranding.

I reported a couple of days ago about their new logo and the thoughts behind it.

Autocar have more news today.

I hate it when my boss uses the word "robust".

This is because I hate management speak.

So imagine how I feel when I read phrases like,

The Korean firm intends to “break away from its traditional manufacturing-driven business model”, instead expanding into “new and emerging business areas by creating innovative mobility products and services to improve customers’ daily lives”

and

the company will diversify into “eco friendly mobility services, centred on electric and autonomous driving across major global cities”

Ye Gods.

Now this is part of Kia’s long-term ‘Plan S’ strategy, which will see a focus on new dedicated electric vehicles - seven of which will be launched by 2027.

OK, seem reasonable.  The first will be a coupe-crossover.

Another bloody coupe-crossover!!

The preview shots (useless pictures of some vehicles in a hangar during a power cut) show a number of what Kia calls “Purpose-Built Vehicles” (PBVs)

PBVs!!

I already hate SUVs - now I've got to hate PBVs!

Meanwhile, over in America, the big news is, "Kia Sedona Minivan Could Be Renamed Carnival for 2022"

I guess the rebrand has begun.

Going Logo

 Last week, Kia launched their new logo.  They used drones and fireworks and set a new record for something or other to do with drones or fireworks:

It doesn't look that good as a logo to me - although the old oval one was pretty nondescript so I suppose it is an improvement.

And it looks better in black than in firework.

Meanwhile, Autoguide today point out that GM have done the same - no fireworks or drones but they have done the new-logo thing:

Autoguide want us to discuss which of the new GM & Kia changes is the best - they say, "Which of these two redesigns do you think is more successful? Sound off in the comments."

Nobody has - I thought I was the only car-related author that nobody ever comments on.

You have to be careful with logos though - I used to deal with telecoms company ntl: who used this logo:

If you ignore the "n" and tip it on its end you get a pig on a skateboard.

If you tip the new GM one on its end, you get an elephant looking over a fence it is sat next to.

Beer Wagon

It is SEMA Time!

 

What is SEMA?  Well, SEMA stands for "Speciality Equipment Market Association" and every year they hold a big motor show with lots of pimped up cars, vans and other vehicles.  I first heard of it through watching American Hot-Rod with Boyd Coddington regularly unveiling his creations there.

 

The big manufacturers are also interested with contributions this year from Honda, Mazda and Toyota to name but three and some nicely tricked out vans from Mercedes that I particularly liked.

 

The SEMA 2014 Website is pretty good but does point out something I hadn't realised before - this is a TRADE ONLY event, mere members of the public can't go along!  I don't think writing a semi-serious car blog would class me as being part of the trade - shame.

 

Obviously, the American car press is full of SEMA at the moment but also the Brits and Aussies are also seeming quite enthusiastic.  That was acouple of links to cars that stood out to those journos.  Here's the one I like:

It started out as a standard, boring Kia Sedona but has been converted into a mobile bar selling Ballast Point products.  Ballast Point are a brewery/distillery formed during the last Century (1996 to be precise).  Autoguide have the story of this beer wagon here.

 

I like it because it combines two of my favourite things - beer and cars.

 

I had a look on Google Images to see if anything combined three of my favourite things - beer, cars and football. Plenty of interesting images did come up but none that met my remit - so here is a picture of Loic Remy: 

- a footballer found guilty earlier this year of drink-driving.

Gone in 30 Seconds

500 reservations for the 2015 Mustang that is.

Car and Driver cover this story here.

I like their wording - obviously done from an American point of view:

"If there’s one thing Europeans like, it’s soccer. Or ‘football,’ if you want to be particular about it. If there are two things Europeans like, they’re soccerball and Ford Mustangs, baby."

Yes, we do need to be particular about it - the USA is the only country in The World which doesn't call football "football" - they reserve that word for something that has more in common with rugby.

But that is besides the point.

I am European.

I am also Welsh and British but I am happy with the European tag too - none of that UKIP piffle for me.

And, as a European, two of my favourite things (note the spelling of "favourite") are football and cars - or is that just because I'm a bloke?  And when I say cars, I'm not specific about the 2015 Mustang - although it is rather attractive:

Anyway, C&D continues...

"Ford leveraged its 'official vehicle supplier' position with the UEFA Champions League to promote the 2015 Mustang, including letting 500 fans preorder a car during the UEFA Champions League final. Those cars were reserved very quickly."

Within 30 seconds, in fact.

The orders were placed by Europeans from 20 different countries, presumably including the UK, where, for the first time ever, the Mustang will be available in right-hand-drive - good news.

I bet those 500 reservations weren't from people interested in the football that evening though - despite it being an enthralling game which I watched whilst not reserving a Mustang.

I didn't notice any of the players with mobile phones either so they wouldn't have been among the 500.

The FIFA World Cup starts in a week or so.

Official Partners are Kia/Hyundai.  The Kia site looks better.  This also explains a recent series I've been watching on the Dave channel whereby two of my favourite (note the spelling again) comedians (Henning Wehn & Mark Watson) have been travelling (two "L"s) around South America on their way to Brazil in a Kia.

Stangely enough, they have not been travelling around in a Kia Rio though.

 

So, I wonder if, during the World Cup Final, we will get the chance to reserve a 2015 Kia Cee'd.

Race Relations

Pistonheads today have a story headlined "Kia Want to Race" about how Kia want to get a bit of racing pedigree added to their image.  This is in the wake of their sister-brand, Hyundai announcing entry to the WRC.

Hence, "Race Relations" - geddit?

Anyhoo, Kia are looking into Touring Cars in Europe but haven't said exactly where.

The Pistonheads story quotes the MD of Kia UK as saying, "Motorsport is an interesting proposition for us and Touring Cars is an interesting area that we are looking at.  It will help set the two brands apart and would help increase awareness of Kia. I would like to see something a little more sporty about the brand."

Now, since the MD of Kia UK is talking about this, then surely the way forward is the BTCC.

The BTCC started for 2013 at Brands Hatch on March 31st.  And very enjoyable it was too.

ITV4, as usual, covered the full day.  For some unknown reason, they've swapped their co-commentator though.  Now, instead of Toby Moody joining Tim Harvey in the commentary box, we have Tim with David Addison.

 No, not THAT David Addison, THIS David Addison...



I have to admit that I wasn't familiar with this particular David Addison - but his background experience seems fine and he did a good job at Brands.  His preview of the Season can be found here on the ITV Website.

Would have still liked Murray Walker there though.

During a break in the BTCC coverage, ITV took the opportunity to promote some more of the Motorsport they will be covering this year - and that now includes the WRC.  Only highlights of some races but it is a start - might help to reverse the need for "Rallying Support" - note my last paragraph in that article - someone is listening after all!

And, apparently, Kia's sister-brand Hyundai is joining the WRC - I remember reading that recently.