Umbrage, Pus and a Homologated Lightweight Chassis

Silly story out of F1 today.

Even Lewis Hamilton says it is silly.

Here it is on the BBC F1 page.  The Mercedes team were fined €25,000 after qualifying for the Singapore Grand Prix because they filled out a scrutineering form saying Hamilton would comply with the regulations not to wear jewellery - and then he wore his nose-stud.  Apparently, he is "the only driver to wear significant amounts of piercings."

It doesn't say whereabouts these piercings are - or how the scrutineers check whether they are in place or not.

Anyway, he is taking the Alex Higgins Bow Tie defence and got a letter from his doctor claiming exemption for medical reasons.

F1 claim that body piercings are against the rules as they are in danger of getting a bit hot in a fire.

I would have thought them being ripped out during a crash would have been more of an issue - but I don't follow F1 these days so I may be missing something.

Meanwhile, Lewis is also in the unusual position of not running away with the championship this year.  This is mostly due to the success of the Red Bull Team - who suddenly find themselves under investigation for breaking budget rules.

One person who has been speaking out on the subject is Mercedes team boss Heinz Wolff who never falls fouls of the bow tie rule:

Sorry, that should be Toto Wolff - and he has fallen foul of the bow tie rule:

Anyway, Red Bull boss (and Mr. Ginger Spice) Christian Horner has taken umbrage and is talking about legal action.  But his team need to concentrate on rules about having enough fuel to test when you do a qualifying lap - because they didn't - so their top driver, Max Verstappen,  ended up eighth on the starting grid.

Max reckoned that Singapore is a difficult circuit to overtake on so he wouldn't be able to win from there. 

He was right - his team-mate won.

He did finish 7th though, two places ahead of Lewis.

Maybe Lewis was being weighted down by his jewellery.

Alternators

I am a very successful motoring journalist who has just sold my internationally acclaimed TV Show about motoring (with an amusing bent) to Netflix.

Or I might be - in an alternative Universe where horrible things like Brexit and Jeggings and Vauxhall Agilas never happened.

If only.

Autocar today are looking at some if-only situations that could have changed motoring history - albeit not as much as me having my own TV show.  The article is here.

They look at how The Second World War could have been avoided by the bloke who drove into Hitler going a bit faster.

They sort of blame the recently deceased Frank Williams for annoying Adrian Newey enough such that he left Williams.  This led to McLaren and then Red Bull taking over the dominance or Formula 1.

They ask what would have happened if BMW hadn't bought Rover from under Honda's nose in 1994.  This is a trickier one with pros and cons on both sides but I can't help but think that the Rover and MG marques wouldn't have disappeared when the four directors took over and made a complete hash of it all.  The Triumph name might still be on some cars too.

Then it's back to F1 and the question of what would have happened if Gilles Villeneuve hadn't been killed in a crash during qualifying for the Belgian Grand Prix in 1982.  Maybe his nephew wouldn't have had a career?

Next in line, what if Saab had an equivalent version of the other GM branded plug-in hybrids The Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall/Opel Ampera?  Given the relative lack of success of the Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall/Opel Ampera (which is a shame - they were ahead of their time) then I doubt if it would have made much difference.

Finally, they return to Rover with the question, "What if... BMW had made the Pininfarina 1100?" Pretty sure that is a typo - it should read "What if... BMC had made the Pininfarina 1100?" But never mind, it is an interesting question and they even get a mention of the recently deceased Prince Philip in there.  It suggests a world without The Austin Allegro.  Very interesting.

However, what if the Autocar Team had thought a little longer...

A good question would be: What if Major Ivan Hirst had convinced a British car company to take on building the cars he found in a certain car factory in Wolfburg?

Or how about?: What if this year's Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Race Director Michael Masi had thought a little longer?

Would You Like Fries With That?

You would think a Spice Girl marrying an F1 Team boss would be big news.

But no.

I've only just spotted this Fox News story from 5 days ago and I hadn't heard it elsewhere.  Geri Halliwell is now engaged to Christian Horner, Red Bull boss.  Apparently they've announced it in The Times just like Benedict Cumberbatch did last week - that one was widely reported - I knew about that.

Maybe the F1 press are more concerned with the rather bad news about the smaller teams going into administration and worse.

The general motoring press have had a few interesting stories like this moron being quite rightly sent to jail for taking his girlfriend's car into a motor race.  An inexperienced driver like him could have caused total carnage.

Or there is the launch of Top Gear China.

I suppose I've not really looked for F1 stories since I stopped watching it.

 

Or maybe there is just less interest in F1 generally since the BBC did their dirty deal with Sky.

 

And I certainly don't follow showbiz gossip so maybe that's why I didn't know about Geri.  Maybe she's not famous any more - after all, I was fully aware of the truly awful news that S Club 7 are touring again.

 

And one of them seems to turned into Rutledge Wood.

UKIP on wheels

Ugh!

 

I did consider calling this post "Grumpy Old Men" and making some reference to Clarkson & May but I think the UKIP similarities are more apt.

 

UKIP are basically elderly Conservatives who have fallen out with their constituency parties and gone out alone.  Some of these then fall out with UKIP and go out further alone - quite funny really and I do like the way they split the right-wing vote in a Tea Party sort of way.

 

But let's get this back to cars - specifically F1 cars. 

 

The elderly conservatives here are Dietrich Mateschitz, Bernie Ecclestone & Ron Walker.

 

I recently read this interview Dietrich gave to the Austrian newspaper Kurier and I didn't understand a word of it - presumably because it isn't in English.  However, someone at the BBC could understand it and explained it to Andrew Benson who wrote this article for the BBC F1 Website.

 

The gist of the interview is that Dietrich is unhappy with the way F1 is being run - especially the new rules about the engines and engine-noise.  He is also unhappy at his Red Bull driver, Daniel Ricciardo's exclusion from the Australian Grand Prix for fuel flow issues.  Anyway, he is so disgruntled that he is talking about pulling his two teams (Red Bull & Torro Roso) completely out of F1.

 

Yeah - right.

 

Meanwhile, moving from an Austrian to an Australian, Ron Walker is chairman of the Australian Grand Prix Corporation and is also unhappy with the noise (or lack of it) from the new engines.  The Telegraph report this here.  The story continues in The Independent here.  There is much threat of litigation for breach of contract. Tracks are saying they will pull out because the new engines do not provide the noise (and therefore excitement) that was paid for.  Ron & Bernie are old chums so are probably both very publicly arguing for the same thing (we know Bernie hates the new engines) to wind up the FIA.  Sort of playing UKIP to the FIA's Conservative Party.

 

Ronnie is also threatening to drop F1 and switch to Indycar Racing.

 

Yeah - right.

 

 

None of this affects me after I gave up on F1 years ago.  But, even so, what's so bad about racing cars that sound like goats?

Abu Doubley

Bahrain don't like The Flintstones.

But Abu Dhabi do!

It's six months since I last commented on F1.  It's about two years since I gave up watching F1.

I still follow the odd F1 story though.

Today's from the BBC is about the sport's attempts to make itself more popular again.  They think that it is losing popularity because it is becoming more boring with Red Bull/Vettel winning all of the time.  A bit like the '90s when Ferrari/Schumacher were winning everything.

The FIA have come up three changes:

1. A spending cap for all teams
2. Double points for the last race of the Season (Abu Dhabi)
3. Drivers get to chose a number and stick with it for their careers

The first of these is basically a good idea although the richer teams won't like it very much.  I've always been of the opinion that if people don't like the dominance of a team - it isn't that team's fault - it is up to the other teams to improve.  However, if the other teams don't have as much money to play with, they will never improve enough.  I speak here as a fan of a Premiership football club that cannot compete financially with the likes of Manchester City or Chelsea.

The second change is the one that has really set the cat amongst the proverbial pigeons.  I love reading the readers' comments at the end of such articles and, in this case, the fans are almost unanimous in their condemnation making some very good points along the way - some teams and drivers perform better at certain tracks - Abu Dhabi is not an exciting circuit - a driver with a 49 point advantage could lose the title.

The third change seemed pointless to me until I read on and saw the commercial/marketing angle - think Nigel Mansell and "Red 5".

I think the commercial/marketing angle must also be coming into play with change 2 since Abu Dhabi is where the money is but not a lot of fan interest.

And, of course, there may be more instances of the championship going to the last race of the Season - hence less boring.

The boring-ness is only one aspect of the dwindling popularity though - another is the sport disappearing behind paywalls in more and more countries - sorry to bring back my reason for giving up on it.  Andrew Benson, the BBC Chief F1 writer, believes that the same arrogance that existed among the teams then is still there - he states,

"Inside F1 teams, though, senior figures are more phlegmatic. They are not that worried about the purists - they reckon they will watch anyway. And if this new idea, gimmicky though it is, attracts more casual fans, all the better. "

 

I have to disagree with them if they really do believe that.  They thought that about the BBC/Sky deal and seem to have been proved wrong there.

 

My favourite comments though come from someone calling himself (or herself) Abu Lincon - a play on Abe Lincoln perhaps?  First he (or she) posted,

 

"Abu has good suggestion to all F1 fans...switch over to the far superior NASCAR...better cars, faster cars, better drivers ( some women too as they are better driver than the man ) and legandary circuits like Daytona, Indianopolis and Sazuka."

 

I wondered if this was a wind-up mentioning Suzuka but apparently they have raced Nascar there.  It was a bit of harmless trolling though because it was followed with this,

 

"Abu has read your comments again and u all seem sad about rule change, so as Abu good friends with F1 supremo Christoper Ecclestone, i have text him telling him the fans are not happy and he should scrap this rule. He text back sayin "who is this?" and i txt him it his good friend Abu. He hasnt replied back so Chris is obviously thinkin things over so hopefully he change mind and Abu save the day"

I wonder if Abu is British given his mis-spelling of Lincoln and his reference to Christopher Eccleston.

 










Anyway, I know who I'd rather have running F1.

And his name isn't Bernie.

Was Chris Hughton Sleeping with Mike Ashley's Wife?

No. Mike Ashley is divorced so he doesn't have a wife. So that can't be the explanation for his sudden sacking as Newcastle United manager this week. No, the straightforward answer is that Mike Ashley must be an idiot.

If only everything in sport was nice and straightforward like that.

Take Formula 1 for instance.

For a couple of seasons now, we have two teams sponsored by Red Bull, there's Red Bull and Toro Rosso (which happens to be Italian for "Red Bull") - one uses Renault engines, one uses Ferrari engines. Renault meanwhile had their own team powered by a Renault engine - but then again, they sold their stakes in their team so the Renault team isn't really the Renault team at all, it just had their name and their engine - they also had sponsorship from Lada and a Russian driver - but then again, Renault own a bit of Lada. Meanwhile, Lotus, who are owned by Proton, also rejoined F1 in 2010 using an attractive green livery and a quite unsuccessful car.

Renault and Lotus were both successful during my favourite F1 period from the late '70s into the early '90s with lovely looking cars such as these...It was announced today, though, that Group Lotus has joined F1. Does that mean the existing Lotus team has been renamed?

Does it buggery!

Well, actually it has been renamed to Team Lotus, but that isn't to be confused with Group Lotus who will own the team but also own "Lotus Renault GP" which is what the old Renault-but-not-owned-by-Renault team will be known as..

I think.

So, we'll end up with four Loti (James Hunt invented the word "Loti" as plural of Lotus - I invented the word "Double-decker-bi" as plural of Double-Decker bus), four Red Bulls, two McLarens and two Mercedes, as opposed to two McLaren-Mercedes as we had before 2010, two Ferraris (but at least four Ferrari engines) and Lord knows what other combination of Hispanias, Williams, Saubers and the like.

I think I know which will be the best looking cars on the grid though...

It's the Pits for Alonso...

...but good news for Sebastien Vettel! Good news for Sébastien Loeb as well but that's another story. It looks to me like Alonso was effectively scuppered by a mistake by Vettel's Red Bull team-mate Mark Webber.The story is covered by BBC News here so I'll not go into too much detail. Suffice it to say that Mark Webber clipping the barrier with his offside-right-rear wheel and causing a significant spark was not planned but it probably led to him being concerned enough about his tyres and wheel to pit earlier than planned.

This then spooked Ferrari into bringing in their drivers for fresh rubber.

This brought Webber (and the Ferraris) back into the race among traffic they would have been well clear of if they'd waited. Webber got stuck for a lap behind Jaime Alguesari who would have been in a bit of a dilemma due to the incestuous nature of F1 with his Red Bull sponsorship and Ferrari engine and no obligation to let Webber past since they were fighting for track position.

This left Vettel and the Mclarens of Hamilton and Button to take the podium positions and Vettel to take the Championship.

My prediction last November that Jenson Button will not be World Champion in 2010 came true last week when his mathematical chances were destroyed although he did finish up a creditable fifth including a couple of good race wins.

To my question last December, "Could 2010 be the best Formula 1 Season Ever?" I would say, "Despite a poor season for Schumacher, it's certainly been the best in a very long time."

2011 could be even better though.

I feel sorry for Mark Webber

At lap 41, the Turkish Grand Prix yesterday turned into one of best in a very long time. It had been quite processional up until then - a little mild overtaking at the very start then it took pit stops for anyone else to gain advantage on the track. However, I do think the Istanbul circuit is one of the better ones for no other reason than there are good overtaking opportunities available providing you are close enough to the car in front. Any road up, on the 41st lap, the man on the right here, Sebastian Vettel, was running second behind his Red Bull team-mate Mark Webber with the McLarens of Hamilton and Button in third and fourth.

Webber had slowed slightly to conserve fuel and Vettel decided to nip up the inside. He then decided to turn in early, while still alongside Webber - this caused a collision taking Vettel straight out and causing Webber to have to pit conceding the lead and falling back to third. The BBC reported the post-race fallout here.

I wouldn't normally have bothered commenting except for the reaction of team-boss Christian Horner who seems to be siding with Vettel and blaming Webber. This goes against not only my view, but also that of Martin Brundle, David Coulthard, Martin Whitmarsh and common sense. Even Eddie Jordan, while defending Vettel's desire to win and need to get ahead, did reluctantly admit that it was probably a mistake. After all, rule number one in Motor Racing is "Don't crash into your team-mate!"

This indicates that although Webber was (and still is) leading the Drivers Championship, he is viewed by Horner as a second driver. I am a very big fan of Vettel's but he clearly made a big error of judgement yesterday and should take the rap accordingly. Webber has been around for ages and would be viewed by many in the same way Button was up until last year - an OK driver who is generally outpaced by his team-mate. But this season, given the right car, he has proved that he can mix it up with the best of them and should, therefore, be treated as at least an equal.

Not too long after this incident, with Button chasing Hamilton for the lead, he launched an audacious move on his team-mate and successfully got past. Hamilton being Hamilton wasn't going to settle for that and soon fought his way back. During both of these moves, the cars came so close to "doing a Red Bull" but the McLaren drivers obviously had a little more sense and gave way when necessary. It must have been heart-stopping for the team but it was very entertaining and showed what could be done and what should have been done.

Incidentally, it was nice to see Schuey come in fourth. Albeit well off the pace, he will be particularly pleased at beating his own team-mate into fifth.

Who knows, maybe Formula 1 could become exciting again - just needs more good overtaking circuits and more evenly matched cars to get into positions to overtake.

Bit like BTCC.