Turkish Delight

I take no delight in another new SUV:

which, let's be honest looks like all of the others out there: 

 

And that's only a selection.

 

Yuk.

 

This one though is an EV and it has an interesting interior:

The other thing interesting about it is that it is Turkish.  Car+Driver have the story here.  They say that this car is from the first ever Turkish car company.  Although Wikipedia tends to differ with that statement and given that they provide photos of various old Turkish cars, I'll go with Wiki on this one.

 

This new brand is TOGG - which Car+Driver helpfully tell us stands for "Türkiye’nin Otomobili Girişim Grubu" which it doesn't helpfully tell us translates as "Turkey's Automobile Enterprise Group" - Google did that.

 

As opposed to FIAT which stands for "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino" meaning "Italian automobile factory of Turin”

 

Or SEAT which stands for "Sociedad Española de Automóviles de Turismo" with the altogether cooler translation of "Spanish Society of Touring Cars"

 

Turkey has been advertising a lot on telly lately as a holiday destination but given their current president (in this story getting involved with TOGG) and what he has done to the Kurds, I think I'll give it all a miss.

 

Here's the only Turk I find delightful: 

and he's Northern Irish.

Is This a Device for Identifying Homosexual Gentlemen in a Postal Region of Glasgow?

No, that would be a Gaydar G34 NOT a Vaydor G35.

G34 is Easterhouse, G35 doesn't exist as a postcode area.

It does exist as a Vaydor though:

Looks impressive doesn't it?  Even though it is basically a rebodied one of these:

- which is also called a G35 - an Infiniti G35.

 

I'd never heard of that either, nor had I heard of the film Suicide Squad which must be Batman-ish because apparently The Joker drives a Vaydor G35 in it.

 

Well, thanks to Car+Driver and someone using the giant rear spoiler as a tree-cradle, I have now heard of all three. 

 Fir enough.

Leon All Messy

I'm not really into car air fresheners.  But I suppose that they are less offensive than cigarette smoke.

Your average smoker probably doesn't even realise how bad the smell is.

The owner of the Seat Leon in this BBC story though decided to spray the interior of his car BEFORE he lit up.

Lord knows how bad it must have smelt for a smoker to think it needed improvement.

And an awful lot of air freshener at that.

Enough to blow his car up.  The explosion "blew out the windscreen and windows and buckled the doors but the man escaped with only minor injuries."

 

Looks even worse than that to me: 

 Bet it doesn't smell of cigarettes now though.

Mickey Mouse Car II

Well, Disney anyway.


Saw this in Autoguide today about a new Ferrari patent.


They are suggesting an F1-style Halo bar on the windscreen:

Apart from the obvious visibility issues and the ridiculously low probability of a chunk of something hitting the middle of the windscreen, all I can think of is this:

Mickey Mouse Car

Someone in the Chevrolet Marketing Department deserves a raise.

The current version of the Chevrolet Suburban has been around since 2015, though the original model dates back to 1934. A twelfth-generation model debuts later this month - the same month the SUV gets a star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Yes, you read that right. Not even a specific one from a specific movie - just "Chevrolet Suburban" like "Marilyn Monroe" or "Richard Burton"

Here's the NBC News story.

Apparently anyone with $50,000 to spare can make a nomination.  There have been 34 accepted this year out of about 300 and the Suburban has been accepted due to it's prolific TV and film appearances.

Herbie was unavailable for comment.

I Don't Like The Tesla Cybertruck

No really - I think it looks stupid.

So why is this my third posting on the subject in under a week?

Probably because the World of motoring journalism keeps talking about it.

Twitter & Car+Driver, I'm looking at you.

Or maybe, more specifically, Car+Driver picking up on tweets.

Here's their story on the Dubai Police ordering one.

But the Dubai Police are all show-offs.

 

Here is the funnier and altogether more satisfying story of Lego taking the Mickey: 

It's better looking, it's windows won't shatter and it could go on sale well before the end of 2020.

What The Truck!?

Two days ago, I posted about the new Tesla Cybertruck:

I also mentioned how Elon got a bit embarrassed at the launch when its supposedly shatter-proof windows shattered.

 

Well, according to the BBC, that hasn't put off nearly 150000 people from ordering one.

 

Earliest speculation for the first deliveries are pointing at the end of 2021.  Ha "pointing" - see what I did there?

 

And am I alone in thinking it won't look anything like what has been shown so far?

 

The A-Pillars mean you won't be able to see around corners at junctions.

 

And the pointy bits are a pedestrian health-and-safety nightmare.

 

And what's with the name "Cybertruck" - is it because of the success of the Jeep Cyberman? 

Little Doctor Who reference for you there.

 

Meanwhile, the Cybertruck is claimed to have “ultra-hard 30X cold-rolled stainless steel” said to be bulletproof for up to 9mm rounds.  Well it is going on sale in America.

 

The Cybertruck comes in three motor configurations, rear-wheel drive, 4-wheel drive and top of the range, triple-motored "Plaid".  Don't know what the third motor does or how they are pronouncing "plaid".  Is it plad as in what we would call tartan and what is usually a euphemism for boring?

 

Or is it plied as in the Welsh world for party (political not fancy-dress).

 

Talking of 4x4s and politics:

La-la Land

It's the Los Angeles Motor Show!

And Elon Musk has revealed the Tesla Cybertruck:

Angular, isn't it?

 

Autocar have the full story and a few more pictures.  It has heavy hints of...

• DeLorean DMC-12
• Top Gear Hammerhead Eagle i-Thrust
• Lego
• Tin Bath
• Mad Max Movies

Here's one of their photos - they all look like vapour-ware: 

There is one real one though - here it is embarrassing Elon Musk:

I Don't Like Being a Grown-Up

Actually, I do like being a grown-up.

It's just that, every so often, something like this comes along:

And it's remote-control!

I Don't Like Pumas

Actually I DO like pumas.

I just don't like Ford Pumas.

Actually I DO like Ford Pumas.

It's just the new ones I don't like:

I also don't like Vauxhall Mokkas and Ford Ecosports and all the other jacked-up cars that sell in their millions to people who don't know about cars or, more importantly, about driving.

 

And the new Puma is an insult to the old one: 

That was a Fiesta-based affordable-ish, sporty-ish car that appealed to those who wanted a bit of fun and didn't have a few kids to ferry about.

 

A bit like The Mustang in America.

 

Or its equivalent over here, the Ford Capri:

Which is why this Autocar story perturbs me.

 

Amko Leenarts, boss of the Ford European Design Centre is quoted as saying, “Who would not want to bring back the Capri as a design?  We’d love it. But it’s got to be in the zeitgeist and has to fit, and work as a plural, not just exist as something for a designer to bring back an old car.”

 

Work as a plural!?

 

Does that mean they want to make more than one of them?

 

Ford tried a couple of times to revive "the zeitgeist" of The Capri, first with the very attractive Probe...

...which is not a phrase you want to be overheard repeating.

 

then with The Puma's bigger brother, The Cougar:

But given what they did to the Puma, Autocar's X6-shaped grotesque guess could be worryingly close to the truth:



It's enough to make you very angry:

I Don't Like Farming

Actually I DO like farming.  It's like-farming I don't like.

Here is an excellent example:

Where to begin?

 

This Facebook page, created on Friday, is called "Ford Focus 4x4" - that's not even a recognised phrase in the world of Ford.

 

Then they actually name A CHILD who has allegedly fraudulently won the car in a competition.

 

Then they claim it is a brand new Ford Focus when it is on a '68 plate - the '69s have been out for two months now much to my amusement.  And we had the '19s in between.  Turns out it was first registered on October 30th last year.  It really is an ST-Line X though!

 

They've changed the deadline time too - it said 1pm when I saw it this morning.

 

The annoying thing is that this has had 43000 comments and 52000 shares - plus 22000 "reactions".  Only 350 of those reactions are the Ha-Ha reaction for those who have seen through it - which means that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who have been fooled.

 

And looking at the comments, they really have been fooled.  Including those who are trying to fool the foolers - "Winning this would really help us as we don't have a reliable car to get my disabled daughter's wheelchair in."

 

I have reported this post to Facebook.  It would be nice to think that this would be taken down but I'm not holding my breath.  Facebook are too busy at the moment selling misleading political ads.

Brand New

Did I miss a story in Autocar last week about a VW Group rebranding exercise?

On October 7th they told us that VW has a new look for it's sporty "R" brand.

On October 14th they told us that Seat could be rebranded as Cupra.

On October 21st I think I must have missed one because...

On October 28th they told us that Skoda may or may not be rebranded as a budget brand.

Checking back, there WAS a rebranding story on the 21st but it was GM rebranding Hummer as an EV brand - a more suitable story for April 1st I'd have thought.

They also had a very interesting slideshow listing what they believe to be the most significant car for every year from 1945 to 2000.  The one for the year of my birth is the Fiat 124.

But I digress.

Traditionally, the VW Group's four main brands have always been:

• Skoda - the cheap one
• Seat - the sporty one
• VW - the mainstream one
• Audi - the posh one

Then you've got the likes of Porsche, Bentley, Lambo and Bugatti as luxury, sporty add-ons.

So they really don't need an R Brand.

Or do they?

Green China Plates

Looks like Habitat is the place to go for green dinner plates:

But China is the place to go for green number plates:

But only if the plates are going on a green car like the one in that photo.

 

Yes, I know it looks white but it is green because it is electric.

 

And our Government is suggesting we do something similar here - the BBC have the story.

 

But then they have been suggesting all sorts of things lately.

 

The logic is, local authorities could easily identify electric vehicles and give them extra privileges - like letting them use bus lanes.  Which would be fine until the electric cars take over and the bus lanes get clogged up.  High occupancy lanes is a better way of going with that.

 

Plus Renault Zoës and Twizys are ugly enough as it is - they would look even worse with a green number plate: 

The second or third of these options might work better:

Or copy the Norwegians and have an "e" at the start of the plate.

Our Government should like being like Norway.

Breathing Queasy

Here's a piece from the BBC about school-runs and pollution.

It asks the question about which method of transport causes least toxin inhalation in our primary school-age children - walking, cycling, or car-ing.

If I hadn't seen a similar experiment on another programme I'd have said the bikes would be the worst because you are physically on the road and doing serious exercise.

However, I had seen that programme so knew that the car is worst.  The bad air gets sucked in through the grille and trapped in the car for the occupants to enjoy.

Now my car has a nice AM button which doesn't change the radio from FM but instead allows me to choose between Automatic, Manual or no air recirculation:

A sensor detects pollutants in the outside air and controls the shut-off automatically if in A Mode (which mine always is) - I don't know if this would be enough to protect me and my passengers if I was asked to participate in a school-run.

Looks like I need to get the Mr.Sheen out though.

Maybe we all need the help of Veolia - a company who state on their Website that "We're innovators committed to focusing on carbon reduction by preventing pollution, preserving natural resources, protecting biodiversity, combating climate change and raising environmental awareness."

Or maybe not:

Animal Wrongs

Tricky one this.

An animal has died.

Here is the BBC story of a couple of zebras which escaped from a circus in Germany and got onto a motorway causing a crash.

I'm not an edgy comedian so have to resist the temptation to use the phrase "zebra crossing" although the phrase in the story that stands out is, "The animal was going in the wrong direction on the autobahn from Tessin to Rostock"

 

Is there really a correct direction for a zebra on the autobahn from Tessin to Rostock?

 

Or are they implying that the zebra wanted to go to Tessin?

 

In either case, as any edgy, right-on person (or any reasonably intelligent person) will tell you, animals shouldn't be in circuses.

Spot The Difference

Look at these two nearly identical photographs and see if you can spot the main difference between them:

Did you spot it?

 

Yes, of course you did! The second photo has more Volkswagens in it.

 

Car+Driver have the story today.

 

This is a recreation by Volkswagen Sweden of the classic Abbey Road album cover.  It celebrates the 50th anniversary of the album and raises money for a children's charity in Sweden - you can download a version of this picture for a donation. It is also to promote VW's Park Assist - observe that the Beetle in the original picture (sometimes referred to as "the fifth Beetle") is badly parked. 

 

So, yes the second photo does have more Volkswagens in it.

 

But less Beatles.

"Toyota realizes that not everyone has access to my wife"

A brilliant quote from a brilliant article in Autoguide.  They've been very sparse with their writing lately but this one is a welcome piece from their writer Chris Tonn.

Although the subject matter is a bit concerning in a Big Brother sort of way.

Toyota are attempting to patent technology whereby cars would be able to judge your driving and limit what you are allowed to do dependent on your driving skills.

Don't know if it could stop you exiting motorways if you don't understand how indicators work.

Probably not a good idea - motorways would end up full of BMWs that had run out of fuel.

Meanwhile, the BBC of all people, have an article that is very badly written.  They cover a story about how the Mayor of Cheshire East will be getting a new car.

Mayor of Cheshire East!?

Is that even a thing?

Apparently so.

Cheshire East is half a county - how can half a county have a mayor?

Well it has.  Not just half a mayor but a complete mayor.  It also has the Bentley factory so the mayoral car is a Bentley.  Logical if somewhat extravagant.  The lucky mayor has a Bentley Continental Flying Spur. But, according to the story, not for long.

According to the story, "Bentley will soon be launching a plug-in hybrid model called the Bentayga" - this is accompanied by a picture of a three-year-old Bentayga:

Martin Smith, the council's registration and civic services manager told councillors the current petrol-driven Flying Spur emits 254g of carbon dioxide per km, and does about 24 miles per gallon (mpg) of fuel.

 

I shall stop now before I am overcome with excitement.

Signal Failure

I saw a bloke driving a Nissan Juke today.

Not sure I've ever seen one driven by a man before.

It's certainly not something you see every day.

I also saw a pink and mint coloured traffic cone on the M53:

Again, not something you see every day.

 

Or maybe it will be now that I know it's there.

 

What I do tend to see every day, especially on the M53 is people who don't understand Mirror-Signal-Manoeuvre.

 

This one doesn't bother with the "signal" bit at all:

I think I was miffed because I'm the BMW driver and I'd been signalling since the second exit marker.

 

Now I think this one has gone for Manoeuvre-Mirror-Signal which is quite a popular combination on the M53:

It doesn't look quite as dramatic on Dash-Cam as real life but I had figured out what was about to happen so wasn't too bothered.

 

Now, back to that Juke.

 

Maybe it was his wife's car.

Smashed

You can't legislate for stupid.

This is what happens when you put your Tesla into Auto-Pilot mode so you can eat your breakfast:

It didn't catch fire (which some Teslas have been known to do even when not crashing) but it did take out a Fire Truck.  Car+Driver have the story here.  Apparently, because the driver spilled his coffee and his bagel was smashed up in the crash, they aren't sure which was in his hand at the time.

Meanwhile, in the North-West of England yesterday.  It was a gin truck that was driven into - by another HGV. (Heavy Gin Vehicle?)

Gin spilled onto the carriageway but was coated with foam before anyone could get smashed on it.  The M6 was shut leading to much annoyance and many puns.  The BBC have the story here.  My favourite pun was "Was it in the sloe lane?"

Meanwhile, in a different bit of the North-West of England, also yesterday, this squirrel avoided getting smashed up against a van:

Summer of 69

This has been coming to a head for a quite a while now.

Two years ago I noticed they were coming - Sex Plates

Last year I got a bit more excited - No 68 Reg

Now they are finally here:

I hope it doesn't turn into an anti-climax.

Goal? No - Gaol!

As a Welsh football supporter and proud Swansea boy, I was disappointed to read this story this week.

Fellow Swansea boy Dean Saunders has been sentenced to prison for refusing to give a breath test when caught in an apparently very drunk state at the wheel of his Audi in Chester.

Actually I'm quite annoyed.  He is described as "The former Derby County, Oxford United and Aston Villa forward" - no mention whatsoever of Swansea City.  Disgraceful bias against the team currently riding high in The Championship.

 

District Judge Nicholas Sanders banned him from driving for 30 months and ordered him to pay court costs of £620.  Which is less than his car-parking fine when he left his car in a short-stay car park while Wales excelled at the 2016 European Championships.

 

And the first 10 weeks of the driving ban will be irrelevant anyway due to him being banged up.

 

As he was jailing him, Sanders told Saunders, "Throughout these proceedings you have shown yourself to be arrogant, thinking you are someone whose previous and current role in the public eye entitles you to be above the law."

 

Quite right, nobody should be above the law.

 

They've let him out after a day.

I've Been Driving Through a Storm Lately

Rapper TuSimple has never performed a version of Jim Steinman's classic work "I've Been Dreaming Up A Storm Lately"

Here is Steinman himself performing it as part of the Pandora's Box album Original Sin.

I've been driving through a storm lately.

This was scary because there was a car behind me and another alongside me so I had no choice but to hit the water:

Here, you will hear me swear when I realise I've got into completely the wrong lane - then I overtake a truck.  If you don't like my swearing, you can enjoy Despacito which is unfortunately by Justin Bieber.

I'd got into the wrong lane by being in "auto-mode" where I was heading along a familiar route but going somewhere different to usual.

Imagine if that truck had been autonomous.

Actually, TuSimple is not a rapper.

He is also not Sainsbury's in-house clothing brand for people with learning difficulties.

He is actually an autonomous truck start-up.  Were you wondering where I was going with this?

Car+Driver have the story here.  It also includes a YouTube video - it is a much longer video than mine and the music is much naffer.  Don't bother watching it all - it's enough to know it's a truck driving itself through a storm and the speeds are quite concerning:

But, as Gerry Marsden said, "When you drive through a storm, hold your head up high."  which is actually from Carousel by Rogers and Hammerstein.

Is that enough musical genres for one Post?

I'll ask Stormzy.

Look Behind You!

I changed my car last month.

I now own a BMW 3-Series.

I like to confuse other drivers by using my indicators correctly.

I was a bit confused myself though, and also somewhat perturbed by these three red blobs that appeared on the dash whenever I started it up:

There was nothing in the manual about them and red is bad - right?

But they went away after a few seconds so they can't be that bad, can they?

Then one of then went green when I was giving my son and his guitar a lift to the station.

Green is good.

A bit of Internet research then told me that these blobs represent whether or not the rear seat passengers (irrespective of whether they exist or not) have got their seatbelts clicked in.

OK, I get that - it's nice to know, if you are planning to crash, whether or not the person sat behind you is liable to be flung through your helpless body creating gruesome carnage.  Or not - green is good and red is OK if there's nobody sizeable sat there.

So when I read this Car+Driver story this week about how Hyundai will be making rear-occupant alert standard by 2022, I assumed that it was something like what I had been experiencing.

But no.

This is a system already made available by some manufacturers to alert drivers IF THEY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT A CHILD IN THE BACK OF THEIR VEHICLE. (I put it in capitals because it sounds unbelievable)

How can that even be a thing?

I can understand people deliberately leaving children in cars if they think they'll only be a short time - it is very stupid and they should feel the full force of the law if anything happens to the child (and also maybe if it doesn't)

BUT HOW CAN YOU FORGET A CHILD IS IN YOUR CAR!?

Sadly - apparently you can.  I want to be flippant and mention the Darwin Awards but it feels wrong after reading that.  I don't understand how that could happen and also how car manufacturers have to put something in place to prevent it happening again.

So, rather than try to comprehend that, here's the cute picture they used in the story: