Grand Touring Blitz

That's what VW are calling their electric four-wheel-drives according to this Autocar article.

Here's the logo:

That squiggle is meant to be a letter I stylised to be a lightning bolt.

Their non-four-wheel-drive (but still a bit sporty) VWs are labelled as GTX.  Can't see anyconfusion there, can you?

International Post Stories About Volkswagen Day

I probably need to visit autoguide.com more often.

If I'd visited it on April 21st I'd have read this story and learned that April 22nd was Earth Day.

And on Earth Day, but just for that day, VW in Canada made their website more eco-friendly.  Apparently, websites can use up energy (and therefore resources) too so they made it more efficient by using plain text and simple pictures. They reckon that the simpler version "generates an estimated 93% less Carbon Dioxide" than their usual landing page - which they've now gone back to.

I'm not sure how much that day will have compensated for the nitrous oxide emitted as a result of the fiddling by their German colleagues but I'm sure it's a start.

If you want to see the VW Canada page from that day, a neat little website tool called The Wayback Machine  can help - take a look here.

Meanwhile, another "World" Day missed by me but not by Volkswagen was this Wednesday which was "World Design Day". Car+Driver are reporting on a world design whereby VW have chopped the back off a Buzz to make a pick-up.

Here's a copy of what was put onto chief designer Klaus Zyciora’s Instagram profile:

I get what they are going for...

But it doesn't really work for me.

Anyway, I'm going to finish this article here because I need to prepare for National Chocolate Parfait Day tomorrow.

Brand New

Did I miss a story in Autocar last week about a VW Group rebranding exercise?

On October 7th they told us that VW has a new look for it's sporty "R" brand.

On October 14th they told us that Seat could be rebranded as Cupra.

On October 21st I think I must have missed one because...

On October 28th they told us that Skoda may or may not be rebranded as a budget brand.

Checking back, there WAS a rebranding story on the 21st but it was GM rebranding Hummer as an EV brand - a more suitable story for April 1st I'd have thought.

They also had a very interesting slideshow listing what they believe to be the most significant car for every year from 1945 to 2000.  The one for the year of my birth is the Fiat 124.

But I digress.

Traditionally, the VW Group's four main brands have always been:

• Skoda - the cheap one
• Seat - the sporty one
• VW - the mainstream one
• Audi - the posh one

Then you've got the likes of Porsche, Bentley, Lambo and Bugatti as luxury, sporty add-ons.

So they really don't need an R Brand.

Or do they?

Chubby Chasers

I saw what I thought was a Mondeo estate on Friday.

But it had "Focus" written along the back of it.

And modern Astras are bigger than Cavaliers - (and a lot better looking but that's beside the point)

Anyway, Autocar looked at this phenomenon this weekend:

They suggest several reasons including greater crash protection (crumple zones and the like) and the fact that we are getting bigger ourselves (McDonalds and the like)

 

However, I've noticed that when Vauxhall, for example, bring out a new Corsa, they claim it's bigger and better than the Polo or Fiesta so when VW or Ford update their equivalent, they have to make it slightly bigger than the Corsa and an upward spiral ensues.

 

So much so that you don't see Mondeos or Insignias on dealer forecourts any more because they are too big for anyone to want - especially when the Focus and Astra are plenty big enough.

 

This also means that manufacturers have to come up with new names for even smaller cars to slot in at the bottom end of the range.

 

Meanwhile, new-build houses are getting smaller so nothing will fit in a garage any more.

 

To get around this severe problem (the car names not the small garages) we need a pact between Ford, VW and Vauxhall such that every 10 years:

 

The Focus is renamed the Mondeo

The Fiesta is renamed the Focus

The Ka is renamed the Fiesta

 

and similarly with the Up, Polo, Golf, Passat and the Adam, Corsa, Astra, Insignia.

 

It may cause a bit of confusion in identifying a Mark 7 Golf - but at least you'd know what size it was.

Don't Mention The War

That phrase was famously said by a silly man with a silly moustache.

Here he is not mentioning the war:

 Here's another silly moustache:

Remember that when Charlie Chaplin and Oliver Hardy sported this style, they were meant to look silly.  This house I took a photo of  several years ago seems to carry off the Hitler look quite well.

Now the real Hitler, in the penultimate picture here, is modelling the Volkswagen Beetle.

If the Beetle was so good though, why were Nazis always photographed hailing taxis?

People who don't like the Beetle are always quick to make the famous association with Adolf - something Volkswagen themselves would probably not be wanting to remind people of.

Shame their boss managed to do just that.  The BBC story is here.  He appears to have used a play-on-words with the phrase "Arbeit Macht Frei" - meaning "Work sets you free" - as emblazoned on the gates of the Auschwitz concentration camp.

Oops.

We'd just forgotten about the link with the Nazis.

Now wasn't there something about Diesel?

Don'tClick-Bait

What's the opposite of Click-Bait?

Don'tClick-Bait, of course.

Like this story title from Autoguide.com yesterday:

2018 Lexus LS 500 Pricing Remains Competitive

I clicked on it.

But only out of morbid curiosity.

Apparently, "Despite offering more powerful, comfort, and safety than ever before, the new Lexus LS 500 has a base price that is $3,820 less than its current long-wheelbase predecessor."

Also, "The Interior Upgrade Package adds quilted-stitch, perforated semi-aniline leather-trimmed interior, 28-way power driver’s seat with multifunction massage, power front seatbelt buckles, heated rear seats, and more for $3,730."

Unfortunately, "The Interior Upgrade Package is not available on the F Sport model."

Autoguide rather hopefully add, "Discuss this story on our Lexus Forum"

No thank you.

They are doing a bit better today.

There is Entertainment news:

New Hyundai Veloster Set to Star in ‘Ant Man and the Wasp’

and some gossip:

‘Merican Dream: Danica Patrick is Dating Aaron Rodgers

I had not heard of Aaron Rodgers but the article informs be that he plays for The Green Bay Packers.

There is also a headline that means you really don't need to read the article if you don't want to:

Refreshed 2019 Jeep Cherokee is No Longer Ugly and Gets New Turbo Engine

And then they go and spoil it all with:

10 Interesting Facts About the History of the Volkswagen Jetta

None of which particularly are.

Meanwhile, at the bottom of each of these stories you have the crappy advertising by Taboola showing why click-bait is such a derided term:

Now, to decide which picture from these stories I should use to promote this post with.

 

Danica Patrick in a swimsuit?

 

No.  After all, this post is titled "Don'tClick-Bait"

'96 Hybrid Phaeton For Sale

Hang on a Mo'.

All Volkwagen experts, together with those of us who have access to Wikipedia, know that VW didn't start making Phaetons until 2002:

And, they've never produced a hybrid version.

But, of course, I never said it was a Volkswagen - nor did I say 1996.

No, this car coming up for auction is a 1896 Armstrong Phaeton:

 

Fox have the story here.

I had assumed that Phaeton was just another model name (like Escort and Cedric) and Wiki helpfully informs us that "The name Phaeton derives from Phaëton, the son of Phoebus in Greek mythology."  But it also helpfully informs us that "A phaeton is a style of open automobile or carriage without weather protection. It is an automotive development of the fast, lightweight phaeton carriage."

Which sort of explains why Wayne Carini keeps encountering them in "Chasing Classic Cars".

In fact it looks like in the 1920s and 1930s you could get Ford, Packard and Buick Phaetons to name just three of many.  Go back to 1910 and you get this:

 The VW Group have come full circle - that's an Audi Phaeton!

The Vultures Are Circling

Don't you just hate lawyers?

I've just found this full-page advert in my local free paper:

After years of annoying us with awful TV and radio ads (and nuisance phone calls) about the mis-selling of PPI, it looks like they are now trying to get their greedy little paws on VW Group Diesel car owners.

And, they are going about it in a particularly amateurish way.

Apart from the misspelling of mis-selling, they seem to think that Passat is a brand of car within the VW Group.

It also states that "£6.5 Million set aside by motor industry."

Nope.  Not even a real sentence.  To be fair, they did get the 6.5 bit right.

Actually 6.5 Billion Euros has been set aside by the VW Group - that is about £4.75 Billion.

So, if you want to know "What's the implications" - don't bother with this lot.

What has the VW XL1 Got in Common With the Beastie Boys?

Two things actually.

I dislike both and they both wear a VW badge.

 

My main argument with the XL1 is how ugly it is. But I covered that back in 2012.  It does, however, have something in its favour in that it gets exceptional economy and ultra-low emissions per mile out of its little diesel engine.

Or so Volkswagen claimed anyway.

But can you trust them?

Even the non-motoring press has exploded this week about the VW emissions scandal.  Here's a pretty good, albeit brief, summary from BBC News. Today it was announced, as was suspected all along, that it wasn't just US cars affected.

Their boss, Martin Winterkorn, has Winter-gone.

They could lose their Economy World Record too.  The test car was economical - but it was outputting silly, maybe illegal, amounts of NOx while it was doing it.

Well, to help redress the balance, here's some free advertising for them from me:

After all, they're not really a bad company are they?

I mean, it's not like they were set up by Hitler or anything is it?

Electric Avenue

There are four Consecutive Electric Car stories in Autoguide at the moment:

1.Thunder Power EV from Taiwan has Impossible 373-Mile Range

The headline sums it up really.  This teaser photo (I hate teaser photos by the way) makes it look a bit TVR Sagaris-ish with 1990s Peugeot back lights.  But surely it has the wrong name?  Thunder is the noisy bit of thunder & lightning, not the electric bit.

2. BMW i3 Undergoes Evaluation with LA Police Department

BMW have loaned the LAPD an i3.  I think it looks like a cow.

3.Announcement on Return of Volkswagen Microbus Coming in 2016

This will be an electric vehicle related to the electric Bulli concept from last year.  There will also be conventionally powered versions.

4.2016 Dodge Charger Pursuit Adds Innovative New Technologies

Another Police car story.  And this one looks tasty - nothing like a cow.  Although I suppose cows are tasty once converted into beef.  But surely this isn't an electric car?

Well, no it isn't.

But all these electric cars will need a charger.

Camped Out

This seems to have been going on for ages.

But it has finally happened.

The last VW Kombi (or original style Camper Van) has rolled off the production line in Brazil.

To mark its demise, VW have produced a fine farewell video called "Last Wishes".

I know it's a bit schmaltzy but it is also quite enjoyable.  I wish I could work out which actress is doing the narration though.  She is obviously British and sounds very familiar.  The official blurb states that the narration is by "the van itself".  Yeah - right.

The video is done from an "I'm about to die" point of view so, to lighten the mood, here is my favourite comedian, Milton Jones, showing us around his VW Camper:

The modern-day equivalent, the VW Transporter is very square - both literally and in the way that the hippies who drove Campers in the 1960's would use the word.  Could VW have not gone down the retro route like they did with the Beetle?  Possibly, they did come up with the Bulli concept a few years back:

Although, that is a bit smaller and a bit more electric.

 

You may wonder how Australian travellers are now going to get around Europe.

 

Well, given the average age of the Campers being used by them today, I think they will just carry on running and running.

 

No worries.  No flowers.

 

Apart from in your hair.

The Fifth McGann

Everyone knows the four famous McGanns.

Paul, Stephen, Mark and Renault.

Paul is being particularly famous this week seeing as how he is the 8th Doctor Who.

But as well as an eighth Doctor, we have a fifth McGann:

Porsche McGann (although the spelling has been changed for artistic reasons to "Macan")

 

Drive.com.au tell us that the new Porsche Macan, as debuted at the LA and Tokyo Motor Shows is going to be the smallest Porshe SUV ever available.  Porsche have got Maria Sharapova to model it for them.

 

I like Maria Sharapova.

 

I don't like tennis but I still like Maria Sharapova although I'm not convinced  by this photo of her. 

Her proportions seem wrong.

And so do the car's.

That photo comes from the Forbes site, specifically the work of Hannah Elliot.  I've already decided I don't like Hannah Elliot - maybe I'm jealous that, to quote Hannah Elliot, "I cover the fun stuff: Fashion, Cars and Culture" although, having said that, I have no interest in fashion or culture.

But back to the Aussie site.  It states that, "The Porsche Macan, measures 4699mm in length, 1923mm in width and 1624mm in height, making it 146mm shorter, 16mm narrower and 82mm lower than the Cayenne" - and here's the Cayenne:

Which is where we get back to proportions.  On a car this size, those size differentials make no difference - 14.6cm shorter! - under 6" in real money! - this will look exactly like a Cayenne - the only real difference is that this car utilises VW's new MQB platform so will be cheaper to engineer.  They should just call it a MkIII Cayenne and be done.

 

More of a Macan't than a Macan.

Going Back to Hippier Times

Car & Driver have improved their site recently. They've turned their news section into a Blog, very much like my favourite site, Autoguide.com. They had this story today which tells Americans something that we've known for ages...

...that you can still buy the old-style VW Camper vans here in Europe.In fact, the hippy in this picture looks remarkably like (because it probably is) Tom Ford - ex-of Fifth Gear, and still of Top Gear Magazine, fame. Fifth Gear did an item on this vehicle a few years back.

These vans are still being built in Brazil by Volkswagen. They call it a Kombi and they look a bit different...But it is still basically the same old van from the '60s.

A company here in the UK ship over the Brazilian models (be careful if you type those two words into Google), customise them and sell them on at a premium price.

Everyone is happy apart now from some Americans who feel they are missing out.

Judging by some comments on the Blog, they blame their Government - do we have Republicans and Hippies sharing common ground?

Anyway, to placate any miffed Americans, here's an expensive version that will be on open sale over there:

New New Beetle

Although they are dropping the "New" tag so now it's just a Beetle. This is being shown at the Shanghai Motor Show and various sites have picked up on it including Car&Driver, Autocar and What Car?

At first glance, the daytime running lights are quite distinctive.

At second glance, I've posted the wrong picture, here's the real one...Similar, isn't it?

At third glance, it looks just like the old one - that is to say the New Beetle as opposed to the old Beetle and the New New Beetle.

At fourth glance, it is a bit wider and lower and does look a bit less girly. The interior is less inferior - they've done away with the stupid flower vase and generally improved the look of the equipment.They have added more body-colour painted surfaces though which I don't like - it always makes me think of low-spec cars from the 1960s and '70s - I always thought the 1990s Fiat Coupe dashboard looked wrong and I don't care for the Nissan Juke for the same reason.

The question is, are these any better than the original, old Beetles?

New VW Jetta

Yesterday, at 4pm, Volkswagen released pictures of the new Jetta to be launched next Spring. Autocar and Auto Express seemed quite excited by this - I'm not too sure why. Even the official UK VW Website doesn't mention it - although, I suppose to be fair, they are still trying to sell the current model so it might put potential buyers off if they know their shiny new purchase has only one year before obsolescence. Judging by this ad from last year, though, Jetta buyers are a pretty gullible lot who are used to paying over the odds for things...

It's an advert that gives out completely the wrong message. A bit like this Nissan Navara one does...

Good music but that ad says that anyone who drives a Navara is a complete wimp who everyone thinks is a Tosser so has to drive a big 4x4 to get any respect.

Or am I just not very good at interpreting adverts?

Anyway, back to the Jetta, which is after all, the point of this post. The new one is priced similarly to the current one. It has the usual BlueMotion features and looks bland - like a Golf with a Boot - which VW are quick to point out it is not. This has been specifically designed as a saloon - presumably for the American market - they like saloons (or "sedans"). To me it looks like a VW Passat/Seat Exeo with a Scirocco front - nowt special but I'm sure those people with plenty of money and little understanding of what cars should be worth will still buy it.