It's Behind You!

What is? 2021?

Well, today is December 31st - the traditional day for looking back.

But you won't be able to do that if you own certain Tesla Model 3's from model years 2017 to 2020.

This Car+Driver story explains how cars of that ilk are being recalled due to a rear camera failure caused by opening and shutting the boot too often.  This will obviously affect anyone wanting to see what is behind them when reversing.

I'm not convinced how big a story this is - I'm only using it as an excuse to get one last post into 2021.

You see, if the rear-view camera has failed and affected drivers want to go backwards, they are going to have to do what I have been doing throughout my driving career...

...and LOOK OUT OF THE BACK WINDOW!!

Alternators

I am a very successful motoring journalist who has just sold my internationally acclaimed TV Show about motoring (with an amusing bent) to Netflix.

Or I might be - in an alternative Universe where horrible things like Brexit and Jeggings and Vauxhall Agilas never happened.

If only.

Autocar today are looking at some if-only situations that could have changed motoring history - albeit not as much as me having my own TV show.  The article is here.

They look at how The Second World War could have been avoided by the bloke who drove into Hitler going a bit faster.

They sort of blame the recently deceased Frank Williams for annoying Adrian Newey enough such that he left Williams.  This led to McLaren and then Red Bull taking over the dominance or Formula 1.

They ask what would have happened if BMW hadn't bought Rover from under Honda's nose in 1994.  This is a trickier one with pros and cons on both sides but I can't help but think that the Rover and MG marques wouldn't have disappeared when the four directors took over and made a complete hash of it all.  The Triumph name might still be on some cars too.

Then it's back to F1 and the question of what would have happened if Gilles Villeneuve hadn't been killed in a crash during qualifying for the Belgian Grand Prix in 1982.  Maybe his nephew wouldn't have had a career?

Next in line, what if Saab had an equivalent version of the other GM branded plug-in hybrids The Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall/Opel Ampera?  Given the relative lack of success of the Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall/Opel Ampera (which is a shame - they were ahead of their time) then I doubt if it would have made much difference.

Finally, they return to Rover with the question, "What if... BMW had made the Pininfarina 1100?" Pretty sure that is a typo - it should read "What if... BMC had made the Pininfarina 1100?" But never mind, it is an interesting question and they even get a mention of the recently deceased Prince Philip in there.  It suggests a world without The Austin Allegro.  Very interesting.

However, what if the Autocar Team had thought a little longer...

A good question would be: What if Major Ivan Hirst had convinced a British car company to take on building the cars he found in a certain car factory in Wolfburg?

Or how about?: What if this year's Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Race Director Michael Masi had thought a little longer?

There'll Be Bluebirds Over...

...at the charging points.

Remember back in April when I quite liked the electric Hyundai Pony?

Well Nissan have done the same thing now with The Bluebird.  Here's Autocar with the story.

Although it's not really Nissan who have done it - they got a local company who do such conversions to do it for them.  It's to celebrate 35 years since the first car was built at their Sunderland factory - seems a strange number to celebrate.  I must have missed the celebrations for the 35 years since the completion of the M25.

I do like it:

I wouldn't have given it a second glance in the '80s even with the garish paintjob and it's only the lights that would make you suspicious today.

Unlike the Pony, the interior is very stock if you ignore the ugly plate where the gearstick should be:

But there does seem to be an issue if you want to get home from the airport and fancy ordering a nostalgic private hire ride:

Mind The Bollards

I actually don't understand what is happening in the video with this BBC story.

Here's the video:

It's about a recently narrowed bit of street furniture designed to stop wide vehicles travelling down a residential road.  As a car fan, I found this very uncomfortable to watch.

A TOYOTA AYGO IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A WIDE CAR!

And I can't figure out what is going on anyway!

But I would say that if you want to catch this on video...

...DON'T HAVE THE IMPORTANT BIT OBSCURED BY A BUSH!

Meanwhile, over in Norfolk...

Constitutional Observations

I like to partake of a daily constitutional.

This morning I observed a Santa being transported in a trailer at an uncomfortable speed yelling "Ho Ho Ho" then "Merry Christmas" repeatedly through some sort of amplification system.  He terrified a small dog much to the displeasure of its owner.

The Santa's voice started to waver when they became stuck behind some vehicles wanting to turn right so he was ground to a halt for a quite a while.

The towing vehicle was a large Toyota - probably a Land-Cruiser - this is meant to be a motoring blog.  It would have been more appropriate though to use a Hyundai Santa Fe.

The next thing I observed was this road sign that I've never seen before:

Obviously I don't mean the 20 one.

Or the Pink Route.  Other colours of route are available - I don't think this one takes you to the Gay District.

Here is the one I'm on about in a bit more detail:

Although the only version I could find on the Internet is reversed compared with the one I photographed.

Was it a warning about driving lengthways along steps?

I hadn't twigged at that point that it was a circle not a triangle so not a warning about anything.

It was further along a side road that I found one with a plate below it that read "No motor vehicle parking on verge or footway"

The reversed ones would be on the other side of the road.

There are no yellow lines around there so I guess the council would rather you block the road than damage the grass verges.  I don't know if that is sensible or verging on the ridiculous.

Horny In a Safari Park

Fox News have this new driving tip today:

Don't get between a mother rhino and her child.

Fair enough.  But surely one for West Africa rather than the West Midlands?

Well not according to this story.  Or this Skoda Fabia that got between a rhino mother and her child:

The story helpfully has a picture of the rest of an undamaged Skoda Fabia so that the American readers have an idea what we are talking about here.

Bit of a boring car but at least it isn't a cross-over.

The West Midlands Safari Park (for that is where this happened) are refusing to pay out as apparently the Terms and Conditions that you read and accept (well "accept" anyway) on entering state that you take responsibility for any rhino damage to your vehicle.

And it's not the first time this has happened.  Check out the Birmingham Mail from 2015.

Again, terms and conditions were referenced when considering the considerably less damage to the rear of a Mitsubishi Warrior - a huge ugly tank of a vehicle.  the woman in charge of it (the car not the rhino) said, "We were absolutely petrified. I dread to think what would’ve happened if we’d been in a smaller, lighter vehicle.”

Well now she knows.

Not Fine

Back in May, I posted about the story of a Tesla Driver's close call with death when a load of concrete slabs fell off an HGV and crushed his car.

The case came to Court today.  The BBC reported it thusly.

Lorry driver David Terry pleaded guilty to "using a motor vehicle where the weight, position or distribution of its load involved a danger of injury to any person"

I'd have thought "endangering life" would have been a better description.

His punishment was miniscule - a fine of £267, a victim surcharge of £34 and £85 in costs and three points on his driving licence.  I'm sure that the £34 will help with the loss of a £50,000 car.

I'm normally a softy lefty Liberal.  All words that right-wingers think are insults because they don't know the meanings of them - like "Socialist".

But come on!

His speed wasn't safe - his load wasn't safe - MULTIPLE PEOPLE COULD HAVE DIED!

It shouldn't need a death to match the punishment to a crime like this.

At least the morons in this other BBC video today did actually get banned:

Powerless

The BBC have had a go at Boris Johnson today.

Unusually.

Political reporter Jennifer Scott was much harsher than Laura Kuenssberg would have been.

Good.

Basically, Johnson made a speech which was supposed to promote electric motoring and green business to the CBI.  But he lost his place and waffled on about Peppa Pig World for a bit making a few lame jokes.

Embarrassing.

An earlier version of the Jennifer Scott story had lots of motoring references about him taking the wrong turn and other such also lame jokes.  That version seems to have disappeared.

Probably for the best.

Now, talking about electric cars and the BBC and embarrassing, did you see Top Gear this weekend?

After a promising series opener last week with a very moving tribute to Eddie Kidd, this week they went caravanning using luxury electric cars as their tow-cars. It included a puerile and pointless attempt to lap their cars around the top of a mountain while eating stronger and stronger chillies culminating in Paddy McGuinness spitting out a mouthful of milk over Freddie Flintoff and the interior of a Mercedes EQC.

They then had to drive to Barnard Castle (which brings us back to Johnson embarrassment) without recharging - and they ran out of charge.  Actually, Chris Harris did get there but only by ditching his caravan so the whole exercise was a waste of time.

There is only one solution to both of these situations.

Healing Words

There are a couple of Facebook Pages that I follow for their interesting motoring content.  I can recommend them both.

One is Silodrome.

The other is Hagerty UK. Other nationalities of Hagerty are available.

Both of them had Healey stories this week - although strictly speaking, the Silodrome one was a Healy story.  That spelling just looks wrong.  But then again, so does the car:

The Nissan Micra rear lights don't help but the Mini front lights make it look like a bloated Mini Convertible.

It probably looks quite good in the flesh though.

It is a kit car based on an MX5.  It is from Healy Designs reimagining a modern day Austin-Healey 3000.  I can see where they are coming from and I think they are making a fair fist of it.

The Healey name with an "e" allegedly belongs to a company called HFI Automotive and according to Wikipedia, without any citation, so it could be a load of tripe, in 2007 it was announced that Nanjing Automotive (NAC, who own the Austin name and are currently producing MGs) signed a collaborative agreement with them that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.

The Hagerty story, on the other hand, harks back to how Ford could have but didn't invent the Hot Hatch.

With this car:

It was developed in the late '70s by Healey Automotive Consultants who were owned by the Healey family and went on to be sold to HFI Automotive who may well have signed a collaborative agreement with NAC in 2007 that aims to recreate the Austin Healey and Healey marques alongside NAC's MG.  It was actually Ford of America that was leading on this which is why it is a left-hand drive car and has American plates even though the letters and numbers point at a 1978 UK car.

According to MyCarCheck, that UK plate is now on a 2015 Ford Escort Sport - more tripe because there is no such thing.  I suspect that somebody has spotted the headlights on this exact car and re-registered it wrongly on it returning to the UK in 2015.

God I'm good.

I've just looked it up on the Government MOT-check Website.

Not only does it confirm that we ARE talking out this Healey Fiesta, it also picks up on the one thing that really annoyed me when I first saw the photos of this historic car.

Under "Repair Immediately" it states<

• Offside Headlamp aim projected beam image is obviously incorrect (4.1.2 (c))

A Colossal Mistake

Fox News got me all excited.

But I'd made a colossal mistake.

I thought they were going to be holding a round of next year's NASCAR at The Colosseum in Rome:

The story is here.

It looks really exciting. They are laying down a temporary track like did at Wembley for the Race of Champions.

It will also be a showcase for the Next Gen NASCAR cars. Which are nowhere near as innovative as the next Gen BTCC cars.

But they seem to like them.

Now although the Colosseum is the right shape, I wondered about the size.

I was right to wonder - I'd got the wrong Colosseum - even the spelling is wrong.

It should have been the L.A. Coliseum:

Much more suitable.

And easier to get to for your average NASCAR fan.

The only NASCAR Racing that would fit comfortably into the Roman Colosseum would be this version:

And that set isn't even an oval.

Braking Bad

Many years ago - mid-Eighties in fact - while sat in my driving instructor's 1983 Toyota Starlet, I was informed what you are supposed to do when you bring a vehicle to a stop - for example at traffic lights.

This is not that car - wrong country for a start - but it is about the right vintage and I think the colour is right too.

I was informed that when you bring your vehicle to a halt, you should apply the handbrake and put the transmission in to Neutral (or Park if it is an automatic)

I was informed correctly - this Driving Instructor's blog quotes the recommended manual on the subject and states why you should do it.

SO WHY DON'T PEOPLE DO IT?

This evening I was plagued by roadworks with traffic lights and took these stills from my Dashcam:

The second and third pictures are the same car - I was stuck in the same stream of traffic for two changes of the lights.

My handbrake was applied and my car was in Neutral at the time of each of these stills.

The problem is blindingly obvious.

Scary Cars

Well, it is Halloween.

Three cars from three Autocar stories this week - and they are all electric cars.

Friday saw the Volkswagen ID5 GTX story.

It is described as a "Hot Performance" car.

But it is an electric cross-over.  Yawnsville.

So they made it look like a Matchbox toy.

Horrific.

Friday also saw the Hispano Suiza Carmen Boulogne story.

Now that just looks scary in its own right - sort of Batmobile meets The Munsters.  And being electric it could probably sneak up behind you.

I tried to find out who Carmen Boulogne was but she doesn't exist.

If she did, she would be an actress and probably have been cast as Morticia Addams by now.

Bewitching.

Then finally we have yesterday's Ora Cat story.

It's a Chinese electric car that looks like the previous series Micra.

It therefore makes the ID5 interesting in comparison.

It also has nothing to do with Rita Ora.

Or cats.

Shocking.

The Wet Maestro

"Do I Not Like Ash Sutton?" I asked that question August last year.

He went on to win the BTCC Driver's Championship.

He did it again this year - he was crowned at Brands Hatch last Sunday.

I've decided that I do like him now.  He's got a genuine sense of humour.  And a hell of a lot of talent.

This was his third championship and he wants to go on and win more - more than anyone else.

That means he will need at least five titles.  Currently sharing the top of the board are his arch-rival Colin Turkington and Andy Rouse both on four.

Now, talking of Andy Rouse, this story from Autocar is quite interesting to a person of my vintage.

He has got hold of three original Ford Sierra bodyshells into which he will be installing a freshly built versions of the 575bhp Cosworth YB engine and five-speed Getrag gearboxes.  This will produce, for the princely sum of £185,000 (for a base model!) a continuation run car eligible to compete in historic races.

So what is it with the wet Maestro?

Commentator and pundit Tim Harvey referred to Ash as "The Wet Maestro" complimenting him on the fact that he is extremely accomplished at racing in the rain.

Mind you, since he is also so accomplished at driving when it is not raining, he should also be the Dry Maestro.

I'd Like a Big Knob I Can Twist

No, I haven't left my laptop unattended with a juvenile person around.

It is a quote of the lovely Vicki Butler-Henderson in this trailer video:

Despite what a lot of the commenters on the YouTube site say, I am looking forward to this.

Why not have an electric version of Fifth Gear?  It's not like they are saying they won't go back to the old style again - although it may become moot in the future.

Shame no Tiff in this - many of the disgruntled commenters are lamenting that too - but the addition of Rory Reid should be good - and Fifth Gear always was designed as the place for presenters who Top Gear thought they didn't need any more.

Another good thing about this is that I only have to wait one week longer to see it on Quest after the less stingy people have watched it on Discovery.

I'll just end by saying that if Vicki wants an innuendo - I'd be more than happy to give her one.

Nuts Story From Fargo

 I like Fargo:

I also like squirrels:

I'm quite indifferent to Chevrolet Avalanches (mainly as I'd never heard of the vehicle before) but I did enjoy this Fox Story which combines all three.

I also like Foxes but no fox appears in the story - it is Fox News unfortunately.

Basically, as illustrated by one of their photos...

...A squirrel spent four days hiding 175lb of black walnuts (which I also hadn't heard of but they evidently are not black) in the pick-up truck.

And, unlike most Fargo stories, nobody got hurt.

"Join us as we eviscerate this profoundly idiotic premise"

I've said it before, twice in fact, and now I appear to be saying it again:

I do like the writings of Ezra Dyer - the title of this Post is a sentence he so eloquently uses in this Car+Driver article today.

The title of the piece is

No, EVs Won't Make American Roads Look like Cuba's in 20 Years

It comes with a picture of some old cars in Cuba:

I may have deliberately chosen a bad example for the story there.

But it does sort of back up Ezra's case against a particular New York Times article that has irked him.  I think that I like The New York Times - I've never read it but they do enjoy attacking Donald Trump so that gets a big tick from me.

I would love to dissect his article dissecting the NY Times one but it makes much more sense to read his dissection first-hand by clicking on the C+D link above.  And, given that Ezra and I are both eminently sensible people, that is what you should do.

Enjoy.

Goblin Works Mod Shop

The latest series in the Goblin Works Garage franchise sees the Goblins modding cars for individuals with tired vehicles.  I haven't a clue how they are chosen or who provides the funding - they seem to have a budget of £10K for each one.

OK, it's going to be Discovery funding it.

But in the past, they've always claimed to be making money on their vehicles in a Gas Monkey sort of way - notice the similarities between GMG and GWG?

The GWG bit of the Discovery Website is here.

I have enjoyed the series so far - today I watched the episode where they turned this Mk.V Golf GTi belonging to "Joel from Camberley" from this:

into this:

Although you can't see the biggest change here in because Jimmy de Ville is stood in front of it.

Not only did they give the car Lambo-style scissor-doors (which was surprisingly easy - you can buy kits) but he also added, and this is the controversial bit, a "brushed aluminium with rivets" look for the doors breaking up the garish but attractive green triangly finish on the rest of the car.

It is the first time a car owner has admitted to not liking something on one of their mods.

The only irritating bit for me is the formulaic nature of the show.

1. Meet the car owner and the vehicle.
2. A Goblin takes the car for a test-drive.
3. Helen draws a picture of what they will be aiming for.
4. A Goblin or two goes out to research something that they will do to the car.
5. A Goblin goes somewhere with the car owner to get some ideas.
6. The Goblins have a three-way split video call to feed back what was discussed with the owner.
7. They get some bought-in parts and fit them.
8. (This is the really irritating bit) The owner phones whichever Goblin is in the workshop at the time to pretend they are missing their car and would like some clues as to what is happening with it).
9. The car gets wrapped.
10. The car gets finished off.
11. The Goblin from number 2 takes it out for another test-drive.
12. The car is returned to its owner.

Not a lot more to add except:

1. It all seems to be filmed in the original Wheeler Dealers workshop.
2. Rumours abound that Helen Stanley and Anthony Partridge are a couple.

Oooh!

Drivers Working From Home?

This has a very calm voice-over for a scary thing that is happening in Berlin right now.

Car+Driver alerted me to this one here.  It is called Vay, pronounced "Way".

It is a hail-and-ride system where the customer (like the lady in the video with a nice bottom) does the driving.

But the car gets to the customer by being driven remotely from what looks like a call-centre.

And when the customer has got to their destination, a remote driver takes it on to the next customer.

So many questions:

• What if the customer leaves it in the middle of a busy road?  The remote driver may not be ready to move it on.
• What if the remote driver fancies a bit of fun?  Can they take over control?
• Can the remote driver have a couple of beers first?
• What if the customer has a couple of beers first?  Or fancies a kip?  Can they ask the remote driver to take them all the way?
• Who are you supposed to vent your road-rage at when a remote driver cuts you up?

And finally, what happens when the remote driver is taking the vehicle at a reasonable speed along a busy main road and they see this?

The Long and Short of It.

I saw this in an Autocar Story today:

It looks like a cobbled-together in a shed, kit version of a Lamborghini LM002:

But it is actually a hell of a lot more than that.

It is an electric vehicle with a range-extender engine "built for expeditions as extreme and diverse as crossing the Antarctic or penetrating uncharted Amazon rainforests."

It's about the size of a Transit but very light weight with a high ground-clearance - it is called The Fering Pioneer.

This is the story.

It also has a bit of a Jeep Gladiator look about it...

...which I wouldn't have spotted if I hadn't read this Fox News story which talks about the best and worst cars for tall and short people.  Although Consumer Reports should get the credit for it.

You would think that convertibles would be best for tall drivers since there is infinite headroom.

Think again:

Shame about the number plate but I'm sure the Fox News viewers would appreciate it.

Apparently the second-best car for short drivers is the BMW 7-Series and the first-best car for tall drivers is the BMW 7-Series.

I think it just means it has very adjustable seats.

Wag-gone

I missed this Autocar piece last week.

But Car+Driver didn't - they did this piece on it today.

It is the rather depressing news that Mercedes-Benz’s chief operating officer, Markus Schäfer is predicting the end of the estate car.

And the main reason is the rise of the cross-over SUV:

Ugh.

I've owned two estates - one was even a Mercedes - I loved them both.

He also reckons cabrios could be on the way out.

The reason for this is two-fold:

• the Chinese aren't into them.
• electric ones would look naff because of battery location

Although he does say that vegan interiors won't completely replace leather.

Car+Driver point out for their American readership that by "estates" - we are talking about "wagons" - let's not bring "shooting-brakes" into this.

They also got Mercedes-Benz USA to give their take on the news:

"Station wagons, although occupying a specific niche, remain an important offering to one of our most loyal customer segments"

Their readership see it the same way as me and Mercedes-Benz USA:

Although one of those votes cast was me.

It's a shame that the vast majority of the World's car buyers aren't car fans.

#SaveTheWagons

Florida Man

There's this thing on The Internet whereby you put "Florida Man" and your birthday into Google and you get stories about idiots.

Florida Man makes Norfolk Man look normal.

If it is your birthday today you will find this Fox headline

Florida man's 'very unusual parking' job leads to DUI arrest

Here's the picture:

And here's the story.

I decided to put "Florida Man Car" into Google:

• Florida Man Drives Bizarre Chopped Car For An Unbelievable Reason
• Florida Man Steals Two Police Cars During Chase
• Florida man threw his two-month-old baby at police after high-speed car chase
• Florida man 'crashed car through airport gate before running into cockpit of Coast Guard plane'
• Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over for driving 'footmobile'

Genesis Line-Up

I'm more of the Phil Collins time than the Peter Gabriel.

I always think of Collins as a Tory sell-out.  He said he'd leave the country if Labour got in.

Rock and Roll, Phil.

But of course, this is a car blog so I am talking about Genesis the car brand.  They have entered the UK market and their line-up is here.  The G80 is featured in this month's Top Gear magazine - it gets 7 out of 10.

Genesis is the upmarket Hyundai brand.

Like Acura is Honda's, Lexus is Toyota's and Infiniti is Nissan's.

Acura never came to the UK, Lexus is very successful while Infiniti tried but gave up last year.  If they had hung on a bit longer, they could have revelled in Ash Sutton's astonishing success in the BTCC in one of their cars - and maybe sold a few more.

Car+Driver have a story about the new all-electric Genesis GV60 coming to America:

It has a fancy gear-knob described as, "an illuminated 'crystal sphere'"

Being a Korean company selling to America, they won't realise that that choice of car colour makes it look like a Citroen Cactus:

That's All.