Billionaires Shortcomings

Are all billionaire's twats?

Elon Musk clearly is.

And Donald Trump.

And Rupert Murdoch.

And Bernie Ecclestone.

And Philip Green.

And Viscount Rothermere.

This isn't looking good.

But there are thousands of billionaires.

Paul McCartney & Oprah Winfrey seem nice.

And so does Bill Gates.

I've never liked Beyonce's music - until she did Texas Hold 'Em - which I love - and she seems OK as a person too.

So where are all of these billionaires living.

I'd fancy a nice mansion with a big garden and a big garage.

But I'm not rich so that's irrelevant.

It seems car companies are building towers for billionaires to live in.

In Dubai, Bugatti is building its first residential tower. The cheapest apartments are set to cost £3.9m. The less cheap ones will have private lifts meaning that owners can park their cars inside their apartments.  It doesn't say how many cars you can get into an apartment but I love the idea.

Porsche's Design Tower in Miami opened in 2017, while Aston Martin's Residences Miami launched last year.

"Meanwhile, in Texas, Discovery Land Company's upcoming residential Austin Surf Club is centred around a vast man-made surf lagoon."

Is that a Land-Rover Discovery or an Austin project?

Wish You Were Here...?

I hate the word "Holibobs".

It should ever only be used by persons involved in conversations that include somebody under the age of 8.

Anyway, I've just got back from my holling-days.

I was told many years ago that if you ever go to New Zealand, it is like the UK about 30 years before with Austin Cambridges and Ford Populars roaming the streets - I was told this in the 1980s.

Anyway, I didn't go to New Zealand.

I went to the Greek island of Domestos.

Actually, I went to the Greek island of Zykanthos - also known as Zante - it was very good.

Although there were many cars from the UK about 20-30 years before.

Like this early Disco:

And millions of hateful little Hyundai Amicas and Atozes (or whatever the plural of Atoz is) - I hope they are ex-rental vehicles because the state of them, especially the Atozes was very poor.

But they were still running.

There were quite a few turn-of-the-Century Primera saloons too - not a popular choice of Primera here in the UK.

The big advantage of most of your vehicle stock being that old is that there were VERY FEW CROSS-OVER SUVs!

But, the few that do exist show the driving, and in this case parking skills of your typical cross-over SUV driver:

Note the Kia Pride in this picture taken through a tinted coach window.

They should reintroduce the Pride name - it would be popular with the LGBTQ+ community.

There are also quite a few seemingly abandoned cars about the island - like this BMW...

...and some sort of Toyota parked up next to it.

Talking of abandoned (or ripe for restoration) Toyotas - look at this Celica GT Liftback:

Then there is this (very much not abandoned) car that looks like it may need some bodywork - it looks at first glance that it has been shot at or just badly corroded but it has actually been adorned with Zakynthos "evil" eyes:

Finally on this holiday report, returning to that Discovery from before, you will notice a motorbike parked next to it.

Lots of people, myself included, took a photo or two of it.

Its owner would have been very pleased that people were taking so much interest in it - it was a de-badged, bit customised jobbie that I don't know enough about motorbikes to be able to identify.

I do know however, that it wasn't any of these:

• A Brough Superior
• A Vincent Black Shadow
• A Honda Cub 50
• The Flying Millyard
• The Millyard Viper
• A Lambretta
• A BSA Bantam
• A Honda Goldwing
• A Harley Davidson Electra Glide
• An Easy Rider-style Chopper

If you asked be what it was, I'd probably have to give the answer that car people hate most when they ask someone what make of car it is that they are wanting to tell us a story about:

"It was a black one"

And in this case, it is irrelevant because everybody was photographing this little chap who was sitting on the bike:

This is Judith Chalmers signing off - hope you enjoyed the show.

Tinie Package

Yo!

Apparently Tinie Tempah now calls himself just "Tinie."

Dropped the surname.

Has he had an embarrassing divorce like Cheryl or Rylan or Roseanne?

Apparently not.

But he is fronting a new car show - Bangers: Mad for Cars.

Which, based on the first two episodes, is badly mis-named.

A Sierra Cosworth, a Volvo 850R, a Porsche 911 and a Honda NSX can hardly be purchased for banger money.

There are only 4 episodes and so far, I'm up for watching the rest.

Tinie is not a racing driver or a motoring journalist so there is an element of my (one of many) pet peeve here in that he shouldn't be fronting a car show.  Although he's a bit better than Paddy McGuinness & Freddie Flintoff - but just as crashy.

His side-kick is a racing driver.  Not one I'd heard of before but she has had a little success (dare I say a tinie amount?) and is by far a better motoring presenter than Tinie.  Meet Naomi Schiff:

Interesting that she is wearing a ROKiT logo there.  They sponsor Nicholas Hamilton, younger brother of her mate Lewis. I just realised that I haven't a clue what ROKiT actually do so I looked them up.

It seems they do everything.

Meanwhile, back to the show. Tinie & Naomi have to choose a car each and perform some sort of challenge down at Llandow Circuit overseen by a local.  But most of the show is Tinie trying to choose his car - which is actually quite interesting in parts.

He also spends a lot of time driving around in his own G-Wagen.

Wouldn't you have thought that if he wanted a 4x4, he'd have got a Disc-Overy.

I'd Like a Big Knob I Can Twist

No, I haven't left my laptop unattended with a juvenile person around.

It is a quote of the lovely Vicki Butler-Henderson in this trailer video:

Despite what a lot of the commenters on the YouTube site say, I am looking forward to this.

Why not have an electric version of Fifth Gear?  It's not like they are saying they won't go back to the old style again - although it may become moot in the future.

Shame no Tiff in this - many of the disgruntled commenters are lamenting that too - but the addition of Rory Reid should be good - and Fifth Gear always was designed as the place for presenters who Top Gear thought they didn't need any more.

Another good thing about this is that I only have to wait one week longer to see it on Quest after the less stingy people have watched it on Discovery.

I'll just end by saying that if Vicki wants an innuendo - I'd be more than happy to give her one.

Big Chicken!

A phrase that really needs to be spoken in a strong Scouse accent.

Like John Bishop's.

It looks like he is very happy about having just been arrested.

However, he hasn't been arrested and he probably isn't very happy.

Apparently, if you are involved in a car accident with no other vehicle involved, you are supposed to say, "Didn't you see that bloody dog? It just ran out in front of me!"

If you are convincing enough, someone living nearby will be able to tell you who the dog belongs to - even though it never existed in the first place.  This story from May springs to mind.

In John's case, covered in this BBC story yesterday, there really was an animal - the "big chicken" - and John had to swerve to avoid somebody else who was avoiding it.  We know the chicken didn't survive so there is a body for evidence (if it hasn't been eaten by now) but that does imply that the crash was unnecessary.  Shame given the damage to John's car:

It looks like the police gave him a lift to ferry he was trying to get to - bet they wouldn't have done that for you or me. 

The story describes him as "Doctor Who's John Bishop" which seems strange as he's only been in it for two minutes so far - I'd have gone with "Comedian John Bishop" but I am looking forward to seeing how the Daleks cope with his accent up in that there space.  Maybe they'll have an episode where he meets some big chicken people.

Cooking Up Something Interesting

A couple of Autoguide stories piqued my interest today.

The first was this.

Apparently, the 2018 Chevrolet Traverse RS isn't very good.

I'd never heard of the Chevrolet Traverse (it obviously hasn't traversed the Atlantic Ocean) - but it certainly doesn't look very good:

Which is odd because it is basically just a slightly stretched 2017 Land-Rover Discovery without the off-road skills...

 ...or interior, or badge, or engineering.

And the Land-Rover looks OK.

Which brings me on to the other Autoguide story.  This tells of how Land-Rover Special Vehicle Operations (SVO) division have turned a Discovery into a mobile kitchen for Jamie Oliver - who I didn't realise had traversed the Atlantic Ocean.  He must have done so though because Autoguide seem to know who he is.

Apart from the daft looking hub caps, it is quite an impressive kitting-out job they've done.

I'd have been happy with just the toaster:

The History of Gears

Fifth Gear is now on ITV4.

It came as a bit of a shock to me when I spotted it in The Radio Times a few weeks ago.  Especially as I had just been catching up on the repeats of the Discovery Channel episodes which were being shown on Quest - as I predicted when I found out they were going to Discovery back in September 2012.

I'm not sure why they moved from Discovery but I suspect the answer could lie in a quote from this article in BroadcastNow.co.uk from September 2014 which quotes the chief exec of North One TV (who make the show) that "establishing free-to-air distribution for the show was also vital because the additional viewing figures helped secure the backing of car manufacturers for the series."  As it is, The History Channel get the first airing of the shows but then ITV4 get them half-a-year or more later..

Maybe that is why the Twitter account of Tiff Needell (or Tiffany Dell) uses a historical picture when he tells us the news:

Or is that Barry Sheene?

Maybe they were struggling a bit with lower viewing figures resulting from going over to the dark side.

I could have told them that - I mean, don't get me started on F1!

Why not?

I SAID DON'T GET ME STARTED ON F1!!

Apologies if you've just spent ages reading that rant.  Back to the story or history of Gears.  I've just started to get back in to Fifth Gear after a three year absence.  Vicki seems to be pregnant again and Jason Plato has disappeared again although they are borrowing Karun Chandok who seems to be doing a good job in his place.

At this point I started explaining to one of my sons where Fifth Gear actually came from.  About how BBC2 decided they had had enough of Top Gear (one of their highest rating shows - albeit more about cars and motoring than entertainment) so decommissioned it.  And how the Top Gear team went over to Channel 5 but The Beeb wouldn't let them take the name with them so they called it Fifth Gear.  Then The Beeb realised the error of their ways and got former host Jeremy Clarkson in to front a new version which is what we are more familiar with now.

This prompted me to get onto YouTube and find some old 1980s and 1990s Top Gear episodes which is something I do from time to time at the slightest excuse.  It is difficult to comprehend just how posh Jeremy was in those days - entertaining on a different level.  And nice to see William Woollard again.

Anyway, here is a timeline as I see it right now - with Fifth Gear strewn over five channels.

Somehow, even though it will be on Pay TV, I don't think Clarkson, May & Hammond (or whatever it will be called) will have problems with "securing the backing of car manufacturers for the series."

Not that I'll be watching it until it turns up on YouTube or Dave or wherever it is free.

Meanwhile, I will be definitely be watching with interest Chris Evans presenting an all-newer Top Gear.

That will be the future of Gears.