Alternators

I am a very successful motoring journalist who has just sold my internationally acclaimed TV Show about motoring (with an amusing bent) to Netflix.

Or I might be - in an alternative Universe where horrible things like Brexit and Jeggings and Vauxhall Agilas never happened.

If only.

Autocar today are looking at some if-only situations that could have changed motoring history - albeit not as much as me having my own TV show.  The article is here.

They look at how The Second World War could have been avoided by the bloke who drove into Hitler going a bit faster.

They sort of blame the recently deceased Frank Williams for annoying Adrian Newey enough such that he left Williams.  This led to McLaren and then Red Bull taking over the dominance or Formula 1.

They ask what would have happened if BMW hadn't bought Rover from under Honda's nose in 1994.  This is a trickier one with pros and cons on both sides but I can't help but think that the Rover and MG marques wouldn't have disappeared when the four directors took over and made a complete hash of it all.  The Triumph name might still be on some cars too.

Then it's back to F1 and the question of what would have happened if Gilles Villeneuve hadn't been killed in a crash during qualifying for the Belgian Grand Prix in 1982.  Maybe his nephew wouldn't have had a career?

Next in line, what if Saab had an equivalent version of the other GM branded plug-in hybrids The Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall/Opel Ampera?  Given the relative lack of success of the Chevrolet Volt and Vauxhall/Opel Ampera (which is a shame - they were ahead of their time) then I doubt if it would have made much difference.

Finally, they return to Rover with the question, "What if... BMW had made the Pininfarina 1100?" Pretty sure that is a typo - it should read "What if... BMC had made the Pininfarina 1100?" But never mind, it is an interesting question and they even get a mention of the recently deceased Prince Philip in there.  It suggests a world without The Austin Allegro.  Very interesting.

However, what if the Autocar Team had thought a little longer...

A good question would be: What if Major Ivan Hirst had convinced a British car company to take on building the cars he found in a certain car factory in Wolfburg?

Or how about?: What if this year's Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Race Director Michael Masi had thought a little longer?

Viva Vauxy

I guess someone at The Mail must read Auto Express.

They have produced this story based on that story.

At least they credited Auto Express.

The story is of the return of the Vauxhall Viva to British shores - albeit in name only.

It would be more of a story if the new car was a small-ish saloon rather than a direct replacement for the Agila.

Auto Express, of course, do a much better job of the story.  The Mail version is peppered with mistakes including calling a Viva Mark III (or HC) a Mark I (HA)

Ha!

They also had the new one selling for the price of the original this morning but they have managed to correct that now.

The Mail being The Mail is also surrounded by adverts that only morons would believe such as "journalist finds way to buy an iPad for £2.50" or "fat-busting pills the doctors don't want you to know about" while it also has links on the page to "juicy" gossip about people nobody has heard of such as (and these are genuine) "Queen of the quick change: Tamsin Egerton holds court in summery pink dress at beach photocall before switching to elegant gown" or "'The only one hungry for attention is you!': US Model Carmen Ortega hits back at Lauren Goodger and continues to threaten lawsuit for belfie 'theft'"

That second one is particularly gibberish.

I do wish they didn't sometimes have interesting car articles - I could safely delete it from my favourites then.

Anyway, for The Mail journalists, here are the four iterations - IN ORDER - of the Viva:

I have to say, that fourth one doesn't really light my candle.  The Mail seem upset that it is being built in Korea when the others were built in Ellesmere Port but since Ellesmere Port is where they build the Astra which is the spiritual and ACTUAL successor to the Viva I don't really see the issue.

 

Ford have reintroduced the Escort - but only in China.  It's the car that matters not the name so The Mail have just got a story out of nothing really.

 

And so have I.

Cosmetic Surgery Gone Wrong

Couple of stories from Autocar this week about facelifts.



The first concerns the Suzuki Splash. This car is being updated from looking like this......to looking like this...Not exactly earth-shattering changes there but if anything, I prefer the older version.

Now, what does this mean for The Splash's sister car - the virtually identical Vauxhall (or Opel) Agila? Maybe they are too busy at the moment facelifting the Insignia Estate (or "Sports Tourer" to give it it's proper name). Autocar's second facelift story this week covers this with some spy-shots of the face-lifted car...My usual gripe with spy-shots is that they are completely pointless - you usually can't tell anything from them anyway.

but this!?

WHAT THE BLEEDIN' 'ELL IS THE POINT OF A SPY-SHOT OF A FACELIFT OF A DISGUISED CAR!?

What do you say, Jackie?