Braking Bad

Many years ago - mid-Eighties in fact - while sat in my driving instructor's 1983 Toyota Starlet, I was informed what you are supposed to do when you bring a vehicle to a stop - for example at traffic lights.

This is not that car - wrong country for a start - but it is about the right vintage and I think the colour is right too.

I was informed that when you bring your vehicle to a halt, you should apply the handbrake and put the transmission in to Neutral (or Park if it is an automatic)

I was informed correctly - this Driving Instructor's blog quotes the recommended manual on the subject and states why you should do it.

SO WHY DON'T PEOPLE DO IT?

This evening I was plagued by roadworks with traffic lights and took these stills from my Dashcam:

The second and third pictures are the same car - I was stuck in the same stream of traffic for two changes of the lights.

My handbrake was applied and my car was in Neutral at the time of each of these stills.

The problem is blindingly obvious.

Sat-Nav Test

On December 4th, the practical bit of the British Driving Test changes.

The BBC tell us this here.

It sort of makes sense - bringing in the distractions posed by modern technology including switching on the rear-window heater while driving along. Hmm.  Not sure about that last bit - surely extracting CD 2 of Now That's What I Call Music 39 and playing Track 6 while driving along would be more realistic.

(and no, I picked it at random and can't be bothered looking up what that track actually is)

Another part of the new test will be taking orders from a Sat-Nav - I hope all Driving Instructors choose the Brian Blessed voice for their Sat-Navs.  It would be nice if the Sat-Nav could also include an instruction to turn on to a railway line to weed out the drivers who would just blindly follow it anyway.

There's no actual evidence that these unfortunate ladies suffered a Sat-Nav misdirection so I'll take you back to 2011, when my Blog was still young, for a few.

Telegraph Road

Another bloke from The Telegraph is learning to drive.

His name is Tom Rowley.

Now I realise that looks like Una Stubbs - but that is the first picture that came up when I typed "Tom Rowley Telegraph" into Google Images.  This is what he really looks like: 

(the bloke in the glasses not the little creature on his arm)

 

Any road up, I found this story in the Telegraph motoring section.  It follows on from one earlier in the week about Noel Gaughan, the driving instructor to the stars (as opposed to Nick Freeman, the motoring lawyer to the stars).

 

So far, Noel has taught:

• Adele who I have heard of
• Niall Horan who I hadn't heard of but is from from the boy band One Direction who I unfortunately have heard of.
• James McAvoy - Yes
• Mika - Yes
• Gemma Arterton - Yes
• Christina Chong - Nope
• Rhys Ifans - Yes
• Lara Stone - a model apparently, not the girl from Tomb Raider
• Pixie Geldof - Yuk

He also claims not to know who they all are.

 

He also didn't know who Tom Rowley is.

 

But he does now - he's giving him a one-week crash-course to pass his test.  I love that phrase when applied to driving lessons.

 

I don't know if we'll find out how Tom got on.  I say that because the adventures of Ed Cummings fizzled out after just three articles (at least that was all I ever found) - Ed being the other Telegraph bloke I hinted at before.  I covered Ed's story last December.

 

I wonder if he passed, or just ended up in Dire Straits.

Holiday Photos

I've been on my holidays!

 

Did anyone notice that I hadn't posted anything for over two weeks?

 

Why not?

 

Anyway, I went to Gran Canaria.

 

Whilst there I read two books and the September issue of Top Gear Magazine.

 

The two books were "Me Of Little Faith" by Lewis Black which had nothing to do with cars whatsoever and "Back Story" by David Mitchell (the comedy actor/writer not the author).  This had almost nothing to do with cars apart from the revelation that when he tried to learn to drive at the age of 17, his instructor stopped the car and told the young Mitchell how he had seen an alien spacecraft land.

 

David Mitchell never went on to get a licence.

 

I've been meaning to mention Top Gear Magazine for a while now - they "refreshed" it again a couple of months ago.

 

This is a term used by marketing people and Tesco Store managers for moving stuff around.

 

In Tescos this means you can't find anything so I stop going there. The Top Gear Magazine refresh wasn't too bad and they've introduced a couple of new features like "Ask Uncle TopGear" and "James May's Almanac" that are quite amusing.

 

Now for the photos I took while I was there:

A fine example of an elderly Fiat 500 - the original one.  You can really see just how small it is when parked in a car park amongst ordinary vehicles. 

Talking of small, here is a Renault Twizy.  I saw one here in Britain once but it was covered in the car-dealer's logos and travelling in the opposite direction to me so it was a fleeting glimpse.  I actually got to take a peek inside this one.  When I posted on this car a while back I implied that I didn't like it.  Now, having seen one close up, I still think it's horrible. 

Talking of horrible, that is a word I would never use to describe this Volkswagen Kharmann Ghia. 

I might use it to describe the Dacia Logan (or budget brand Renault - I think it's based on an earlier shape Clio but don't hold me to that).  This car is probably quite common-place if you are in Southern or Eastern Europe but they don't sell them here so I took a photo of it. 

Talking of "they don't sell them here so I took a photo of it" - here's a Mark 2 (I think) Ford Mustang.

 

 

...and the weather was nice and I got a bit of a tan.

Good Evans!

Looks like the Mail now has a new motoring correspondent - Chris Evans.  Don't worry if that video doesn't play - it'll be browser settings or something technical but you're not missing much.

I don't know if James "Formlia 1" Martin has got the push or not but, reading Chris Evans' first piece - a review of the Subaru BRZ - I don't think it will make much difference to me.

I like reading about cars and if The Mail want celebrities to write about cars, then it is best if they are petrol-heads but, unless there is an element of humour (like Alexei Sayle in the Telegraph - although I'll stop reading him after they disappear behind a paywall) then I prefer my articles to be written by motoring journos or racers.

Now, that's not to say he doesn't do a bad job, I'll certainly continue to read his pieces where I rarely read Martin's.  It is self-deprecating and there are a few interesting facts in there about Subaru - like Subaru is the Japanese name for the constellation Pleiades (or Seven Sisters) but only has six of them on its badge.

 So far, the Mail readers seem quite indifferent to Chris.

Two days later, there have only been 11 comments added to the article - they seem fairly evenly mixed about as to whether or not he is better than Martin and I'm ashamed to say that I have to agree with some Daily Mail readers - specifically the two who picked up on his use of the word "she" to describe the car.

"It" - the word is "It", not "she!"

That story has still achieved 11 more comments than this one that has been up for four days but that may be because

"We are no longer accepting comments on this article."  I suspect that they never started accepting comments on the article - that way, some of the more homophobic Mail readers would not get a chance to air their prejudices.

 

This is the story of Karis Smith, pictured right, who bears a striking facial resemblance to Michael McIntyre and happens to be a lesbian.

 

Why is that relevant?

 

The Michael McIntyre bit isn't but the lesbian bit is.

 

Karis has started up a driving school in Manchester that is gay-friendly after hearing various tales of unfriendly and downright discriminatory treatment meted out by certain driving instructors.  It seems that transgender learners had particular problems feeling they were expected to explain their gender and sexuality.

 

The article continues "Some of the complaints made to Karis were issues such as constantly having to use ‘non-gender’ pronouns when chatting with their instructor, mentioning their 'partner' rather than girlfriend or boyfriend."

 

This is when you can use words like "she".

A Family Affair

Caught this rather nice article in the online Telegraph this week. It came with this very cheesy photo:

It's about BTCC driver (and reigning champion) Matt Neal teaching his twin sons, Will & Harry, to drive now that they have turned 17.

William and Harry!!

I hadn't though of him being a Royalist. I also hadn't thought of him as being old enough to have kids old enough to drive. He's only about my age!

His sons will have an excellent teacher and it looks like he is trying to keep their feet on the ground including some professional lessons as well. I'm not as sure of the car choices though, a sporty Corsa and an old Beetle with no seatbelts. The former will cost a fortune to insure and the latter has no seatbelts.

I've not mentioned the BTCC much this year - but I haven't missed a race and they have been just as exciting as every recent season. I've not watched any f1 meanwhile and am not missing it in the slightest.

The BTCC last weekend was at Rockingham and much rain caused much sliding off but there were no major disputes - unlike last year when this excellent picture was taken:

I don't usually credit the pictures I find on the 'Net but this is worth a link and a mention of Life Exposed Photography as this picture perfectly captures Matt in full-on anger mode where no other picture of the incident I've found does.

Here, Matt is launching himself at Jason Plato after a serious shunt in qualifying. Good! - we like some passion in our racing drivers. Jason is wisely keeping his helmet on given that Matt practises martial arts and is considerably bigger than him. Meanwhile, their dads are in the picture trying to make sure it doesn't get any worse.

A very un-cheesy photo - but, then again, racing-driver Matt Neal will be nothing like family-man Matt Neal - I hope! And it looks like it is family-man Matt Neal that Wills & Harry have as their driving instuctor.

I Could Never Be A Driving Instructor...

...because I don't have an "L" in my name.

I also don't have the patience or reserve not to panic. I'm fine as a passenger but I know I wouldn't be able to cope if I was in charge from the passenger seat.

Incidentally, if you're wondering where this photo' came from, it's here.