Gammy Rather Than Gamma

I decided to go on the Australian site www.caradvice.com.au for a change this evening - I've not been on there in a while.

I soon wished I hadn't, the first picture that greeted me was this:

That is an MG3 from this story about their petrol tanks falling out.

Very ugly - and apparently it is "Australia’s top-selling city car"

But then I spotted this picture:

That really does take ugliness to an even higher level.  It is from this story about the return of Lancia - but with SUVs and electric cars.

Just like MG.

That picture, incidentally, is the aging Lancia Ypsilon - also known as the Chrysler Ypsilon - a car I disparaged back in 2011 when it was new.  It hasn't got any better looking with time.

It's a shame because Lancia have produced some beautiful (and rally-winning) cars over time - some can even look good in yellow:

Although there were some stinkers too:

It's a shame that these brands are being treated this way.

Triumph's end seems quite dignified in comparison:

Amazon Primed to Sell Cars in the UK

Allegedly, you can already buy a new Fiat 500, 500L or Panda through Amazon in Italy.

I can't find any evidence of that actually happening though.

Autocar have the story here.  It looks like it will be Fiat Chrysler Group cars they'll be flogging though.

Hope they've got a big drone.

If it was to have been used cars, then they should have been thinking Volvo:

(That's a Volvo Amazon)

 

Now they just need some way of publicising the venture to lots of people interested in cars. Can't think how they may go about that...

Who's The Boss?

That was quite a good series in its day - especially the character Mona played by Katherine Helmond.  And isn't Judith Light scary now as the old biddie in Dallas?  This was much better than the British version, The Upper Hand.  There seems to be new version of this now called Melissa & Joey.

 

But that's besides the point.

 

A lot of Ferrari employees may now be asking the question, Who's the boss?

 

This follows on from today's news (in Autocar for example) that Ferrari are being split off from the parent Fiat-Chrysler organisation - or FCA as it's known by its friends.  Ferrari will be a stand-alone company.

 

It feels like only 23 days ago that I was reporting on the changes at Ferrari with FCA boss Sergio Marchionne taking Ferrari over from Luca di Montezemolo.

Today, FCA currently owns 90 per cent of Ferrari, while the other 10 per cent is owned by the son of Enzo Ferrari.  Apparently,10% of FCA's interest in Ferrari will be offered to public investors. The remainder will be distributed among FCA shareholders.

 

So FCA shareholders will own 81% of Ferrari and more if they buy some of the publicly offered shares.

 

So will they be happy for Sergio to continue in charge?

 

Interesting times.

 

Meanwhile Fiat are getting involved with interesting cars:

This is from this caradvice.com.au story.  It's a much more interesting story.  Possibly because it doesn't talk about shareholdings.  But probably because it discusses a concept premiered at the Sao Paulo motor show in Brazil.  It's a coupe SUV which I shouldn't like given how much I hate the looks of the BMW X6.

 

But this one, the FCC4, is longer than an X6 and not as tall - and looks really cool.  Will the Brazilians go nuts for it?  I don't see why not.

 

But if they don't, blame the boss.  Whoever that is.

Car Body Language

It's all change at Ferrari.

Alonso is out and Vettel is in.

But, more significantly, di Montezemolo is out and Marchionne is in.

Both these changes seem to be F1 related.

Well, obviously the first one is!  It is covered in this week's news from many sources including The BBC who also covered the news last month about Sergio Marchionne taking over the chairman's chair from Luca di Montezemolo.  As can be seen in that article, there is speculation that Luca's departure is him being pushed out due to disagreements with Marchionne.  These will be partly down to the very poor recent performance of the Ferrari F1 team.  I don't see swapping Alonso for Vettel altering things there - the problem is the car not the driver - I reckon Alonso is the better of the two albeit not by a lot.

Anyway, as boss of Fiat-Chrysler, the parent company of Ferrari, Marchionne has the power to take over and that is what is happening - on October 13th to be precise.

Which leaves things a little awkward for them at the Paris Motor Show this week.  Paris saw the last ever Ferrari press conference for Luca with Sergio there to "support" him.  Andrew Frankel of Autocar covered it in two articles first factually, then artistically.

The first article reports the usual corporate press-conferencey stuff - the future direction of the company etc. and does have the little dig where Marchionne claimed his most important priority was to return Scuderia Ferrari to the top of Formula 1, a goal he described as a "non-negotiable objective."

The second article looks at how the two men appeared at the press-conference:

The outgoing boss is enthusiastic and open while his successor looks bored off his trolley and decidely uncomfortable.

 

It makes an interesting read.

 

And I know who will be the happier man on October 13th.

Lashed

It looks like the stick people stickers I posted about on Tuesday are quite prevalent and embarassing Stateside.  American Insurance site, carinsurance.com, have produced this article on embarassing cars, car colours and accessories.  Sorry, as they are American, that should read "colors".

Unfortunately, they chose the top 12 cars for their survey rather than just opening it up to the public and this is the list after the votes were counted:

1. Smart Fortwo (7.6)
2. Nissan Cube (3.6)
3. Hummer H2 (3.5)
4. Chevrolet SSR (2.1)
5. Volkswagen New Beetle (1.9)
6. Subaru Baja (1.6)
7. Lincoln Town Car (1.6)
8. Pontiac Aztek (1.4)
9. Chrysler PT Cruiser (1.0)
10. Honda Element (0.9)
11. Chevrolet HHR (0.7)
12. Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet (0.3)

The numbers in brackets are the cars "Cringe scores" so I really don't think the bottom three should be in the list at all. The Smart scored badly, rather unfairly, due to a preception that it is "not safe".  At least the reason for the Lincoln Town Car & Chrysler PT Cruiser was they are "too Grandpa" - "ha ha!" says the Jaguar driver.

 

The Americans should be lucky they never had the Fiat Multipla or the car I was once subjected to, the Mercedes Vaneo.

 

The accessories list is much more cut-and-dried:

 

Headlight eyelashes	34%
Bumper sticker for a candidate who lost	18%
Fast and Furious-style spoilers and wings	15%
‘My child is an honor student’ bumper sticker	13%
Stick-figure family decals	13%

 

I really hate the headlight eye-lashes.

Why?

 

 

Fox News also had the story.  Apart from getting the accessories in the wrong order, they also express surpise at no mention of "truck nuts" - something I was aware of and hate nearly as much as the lashes and also no mention of unicorn antenna balls - something I wasn't aware of and was pleased not to be aware of.  Check this out for a cringe.

 

 

Again, why?

 

Compass Needle

Sorry Chrysler, it's nothing personal.

I found this story this morning on my favourite Aussie car-site. It's basically saying that the new Jeep Compass has scored only 2 stars in its latest Euro NCAP ratings tests.

That's the sort of score Protons would get in the 1990s!

...and certain Chinese cars were getting less than 5 years ago.

To be fair to Chrysler/Jeep, the reason it has scored so badly is not really to do with driver and passenger safety - it's all to do with pedestrian safety. If you score badly on this, you can't have more than two stars.

Jeep reckon they will be able to get four stars in Australia where the scoring is a bit different - presumably because, due to population spread, you are less likely to hit a person and more likely to hit a sheep or a kangaroo.

ANCAP (Australasian NCAP) say they will look at the Euro results before making up their minds but it sounds like they don't do as many crash-tests, they often just use other organisations' results to make their own assessments.

But, overall, this outcome sort of backs up the stereotype of the Chelsea Tractor where parents choose to take their offspring to school in the largest vehicle possible "because they want little Tarquin to be safe". That's fine - I'm with Jeremy on this one - you can drive what you want to drive - but just be honest about it! Admit you like big cars and you feel safer in them and are not too bothered about anyone who ends up hit by them. And if it's a posh, big car, you feel you look good in them (if it's a Range Rover Sport - you probably do - unless you've blacked out the windows which means you have an ugly family).

I drive a 2.5 litre all-wheel-drive V6 Jag where a diesel Skoda Octavia estate would be a much more sensible choice - but I like the power, the drive and the badge. So I'm not going to criticise.

But, getting back to the Compass, I think it's going to have more problems than a low NCAP score. Car&Driver reviewed it and decided "Jeep's black sheep gets updated but remains unpleasant" while Autoblog also gave it a review and decided "Least Capable Jeep Still Lost In The Woods".

Two different sheep references there, maybe the Australians will like it after all.

For Chrysler's Sake!

I keep seeing this ad on TV and I always end up shouting at the screen..."There's been good times and there's been bad times, but we came through it. How?"

BY BEING BAILED OUT BY FIAT WHO NOW OWN MOST OF YOU - THAT'S HOW!

Most of those cars are only re-badged Lancias anyway.

If they had stayed with their old European partners, Mercedes Benz, at least their ads would be a bit more innovative. This one, disguised as a sunroof and for their Actros truck is only visible from above - for example, from where a truck-driver would be sitting.Clever eh?

Another one of theirs was highlighted by Autoguide today, for the Mercedes Viano:
The Viano mustn't be confused with the awful Mercedes Vaneo - my local Merc dealer gave me one of those once as a discourtesy car.Very embarassing. But who knows, if they still made them today and Mercedes were still tied in to their old partners, it could be appearing in adverts as a Chrysler People-Mover.

Sorry America

The number of hits my Blog gets from the US is in danger of overtaking the number I get from the UK, so, while your President is over here, I'll address an apology to you.

I'm speaking as a European here, because it was the Italians who did this - albeit for the British market.

There you were, rightly so, feeling very pleased with the way you dealt with Bin Laden when you find that Fiat have stuck a Chrysler badge on this...God that's ugly. What Car? have reviewed it here and don't exactly enthuse about it but don't really comment on HOW BLEEPING UGLY IT IS either.

They picked on Chrysler because it was a brand they owned and Lancia has a rust-bucket reputation in the UK.

Your other big car brands (apart from Ford who we think of as British while Germans think it is German and Australians think of it as Aussie) don't fare too well either.

Let's take Chevrolet for example - and there are many fine examples to choose from:



















But what cars get Chevrolet badges here in the UK?

Renamed Daewoos - that's what!Ugh!! But you've only got GM to blame for that.

Meanwhile, an attempt to bring the Dodge name to Britain was attempted four or five years ago.

On actual Dodge cars!

Very funny advert:
But it didn't really work and they eventually gave up.

The only Dodge I've ever driven was identical to this one:You'd call it a 15-Seater Minibus.

I just called it scary.