NSFW - Not Suitable for Wheels

Auto Express is quite right-wing so presumably are not going to criticise Nazi-saluting car-billionaire Elon Musk.

Or his dodgy AI Chatty-Friend Grok.

Anyway, Auto Express are telling us here about how new Model Ys and Model 3s will be getting Grok. 

And how it can be set up.

This includes with "the 18+ rated NSFW modes: ‘Unhinged’, ‘Motivation’, ‘Argumentative’, ‘Romantic’ and ‘Sexy.’"

Grok has always been aimed at the perverted - check out this NBC News story from last Summer where I nicked that picture from.

And, of course, the more recent stories about people using Grok to create images of undressed children which, after the initial outcry, Twitter decided they would put behind a paywall so that only the richer perverts could continue doing it.

Elon could afford it.

Then it became, "had stopped Grok from digitally altering pictures of people to remove their clothing in 'jurisdictions where such content is illegal'".

I suppose by putting into their cars, Grok can tell the pervert where it is legal and they can then drive there.

Using hands-free mode. 

Kit Kars

Have a Brake.

Have a Kit-Kar.

Return of the Grand Tour!

Just with three different blokes:

Haven't a clue who they are but they seem far too young.

That will be the reaction of most Grand Tour fans I imagine.

It was certainly my first thought.

Jeremy has done an "amusing" little sketch for The socials where he is choosing them: 

So I suppose I'd better find out who they are.

Thomas Holland appears to be Spiderman.

I may have the wrong person.

There's a racing driver called Thomas Holland - it must be him - I approve of racing drivers becoming TV motoring presenters - like Tiff Needell, Jason Plato and of course, Vicki Butler-Henderson. Only trouble is, Thomas Holland the racing driver doesn't look like any of the blokes in that photo.

OK, a bit more digging.  Thomas and second new presenter James Engelsman are successful motoring Youtubers with a channel called Throttlehouse.

I'd never heard of it but they have 3.36 million subscribers so must be doing something right.  I approve.

Although I'd have probably gone with the Youtube presenters I watch - Ian from Hubnut, Ed from Twincam and Ryan from Yorkshire Car Restorations. I'd love to see how those three would get along.

The third presenter, who I have also never heard of, is "viral train enthusiast Francis Bourgeois."

They nearly had me. 

Where is the year going?

I'm noticing that it's actually light when I'm driving home from work.

And according to the contents page of the Top Gear Magazine that came this week - IT'S APRIL!

Hang on a mo'!

Now I know that Top Gear Magazine tends to be ahead of the time in terms of editions - it's so that they can fit a thirteenth "Awards" edition into the calendar year.

But April!?

So I checked on the one that came last month.

It only feels like four weeks between them.  Have they not delivered the March one and I've not noticed?

This month it was Number 405 - we are into Peugeot saloon territory.  So what was the one I got last month?

So a bit of a cock-up in the editorial department. Sack the proof-reader.

And Happy Easter!

Toyota Teases a Mysterious New SUV with a Blocky Design.

No, you lost me at SUV. 

That's a Car+Driver story today.

Which I won't read.

Meanwhile there is an Autocar long-term test of the Polestar 3 here.

It's worth reading just for these two paragraphs alone:

The 3 is so called because it's the third model Polestar has launched as a standalone brand. When I've told people I'm getting a 3, they've asked: "Is that the one without the rear window?"

No, that's the 4. The 3 was launched at the same time as the 4. Given that the 4 is smaller than the 3 and the 2 is smaller than the both, it would make more sense if the 3 were called the 4 and the 4 the 3. But Polestar's naming convention for now is sequential, in the order of launch.

Getting Angrier

There's a lot to be angry about in the world today.

There's Crossover SUVs.

There's the Orange Man-baby and his British sycophant, Nigel.

There's Kygo molesting brilliant songs by deceased black female singers.

And there's missing out on the latest upgrades because my Volvo is FROM 2020.

All post-2020 Volvos will receive new 'conversational' Gemini system in massive over-the-air update

That story is from Autocar - a publication I also referenced yesterday.

I regularly check out their website for the daily car news but I don't usually look at their slideshows because I reckon they only have about 8 and they keep repeating them over and over again.

However, today they had a new one - 20 Very Angry Looking Cars!

Now, to look angry, you need to have eyebrows making a V shape and squint a bit.

Clenched fists help but cars can't do that.

So what do the Autocar Angry Cars look like?

The Mitsubishi Delica Mini does look extremely angry - good job they don't sell them here.

The Suzuki Alto Turbo just looks like it is wearing 1970s spectacles.

The Simca 1000 doesn't look angry at all - just mildly perplexed.

The Chevy Rondine concept looks more determined than angry.

Nope - not a clue why this is in here. Now I'm mildly perplexed. Wonder if I'm currently resembling a Simca 1000.

Also not angry - just very ugly with huge and sore nostrils.

And the Gordon Keeble can maybe be described as more grumpy than angry.

The rest of the 20 vary in angryness from not very to a bit.
 

Meanwhile I'm not angry on missing out on the free Volvo software upgrade - I'm used to how I currently interact with my car.

Even if I do find myself arguing with the 2020 voice command system.

In fact, it sometimes makes me angry.

British Bulldog

 No, not the Aston Martin one:

This is the Honda City MkII Turbo.

Or is it a Honda City Turbo MkII?

In either case, it's nickname is the "Bulldog".

Autocar have the story today of a British man who went over to Japan to organise the purchase of one and then ended up buying a second one over here.

Although it looks like a Kei car - it's actually too big and powerful to be one.

But due to it's age, it could be imported into America where the orange man-baby has taken an interest in the genre.

Why can't he stick to getting things wrong on stuff like this rather than being a moron about important stuff? 

Billionaires Shortcomings

Are all billionaire's twats?

Elon Musk clearly is.

And Donald Trump.

And Rupert Murdoch.

And Bernie Ecclestone.

And Philip Green.

And Viscount Rothermere.

This isn't looking good.

But there are thousands of billionaires.

Paul McCartney & Oprah Winfrey seem nice.

And so does Bill Gates.

I've never liked Beyonce's music - until she did Texas Hold 'Em - which I love - and she seems OK as a person too.

So where are all of these billionaires living.

I'd fancy a nice mansion with a big garden and a big garage.

But I'm not rich so that's irrelevant.

It seems car companies are building towers for billionaires to live in.

In Dubai, Bugatti is building its first residential tower. The cheapest apartments are set to cost £3.9m. The less cheap ones will have private lifts meaning that owners can park their cars inside their apartments.  It doesn't say how many cars you can get into an apartment but I love the idea.

Porsche's Design Tower in Miami opened in 2017, while Aston Martin's Residences Miami launched last year.

"Meanwhile, in Texas, Discovery Land Company's upcoming residential Austin Surf Club is centred around a vast man-made surf lagoon."

Is that a Land-Rover Discovery or an Austin project?

Fancy a drink?

If, so, then you might want to consider one of UniBev's products.

Like Bra Tea.

or

Algae To Go (I've deliberately spelled those very slightly wrong for comic effect)

or

Firewoman Sam.

The product is called, "FEUERWEHRMANN SAM" - I don't speak German so may have translated that for comic effect.

They seem to have a new product now called Cybercab.

A bit more embarassment for not-the-top-producer-of-electric-vehicles-in-the-World.

Also known as Tesla.

They've lost their top-seller crown to BYD of China and seen sales falling not just because of Elon's far right tendencies.

So they are pinning their hopes on autonomous taxis that they have decided to call Cybercabs.

What could possibly go wrong?

THIS!