Kerb Your Enthusiasm

I've spelled it the English way because it's an English story.

Some silly woman in Southport is surprised that she isn't allowed to mount the kerb and drive across the pavement.

Or, in American English:

Some dumb broad in a town you've never heard of is surprised that she ain't allowed to mount the curb and droive across the sidewalk.

"droive" was a typo that I decided to leave in because it sounds New Yorkish.

Anyway, here she is:

I nearly have sympathy for her because the kerb is so low that you could drive up it without damaging your suspension.

 

But she will still be damaging the pavement.

 

And she is an Audi driver.

 

The Liverpool Echo story is here but I wouldn't bother clicking on it because the advertising on there makes it just about unreadable.

 

All we are missing in this particular non-story is a picture of the local Conservative Councillor stood there pointing at it.

Severn For Free

743 is a prime number.  Severn for free is what motorists will get to cross in 2018.

2018 is not a prime number.

I have driven across the Severn Bridge several times over the years but never paid the toll - because every time I've done it, I've travelled W to E.

That's West to East

or Wales to England - either apply - spooky eh?

You only have to pay the toll if you are travelling into Wales.  English people say you have to pay to get into Wales.  Welsh people say you have to pay to get out of England.

The exception is Welsh comedian Rob Brydon who says that once you pay to get into Wales, all of the rides are free.

Towards the end of next year, he won't be able to use that joke any more.

Because they are going to start charging for the rides.

Actually, they are scrapping the tolls.  The BBC report it here.  Hopefully good news for the Welsh economy.  But not the people who staff the toll booths.

Meanwhile, in Wales, a student (presumably Chinese although it doesn't actually say so here) has left his Citroen on an unfortunate couple's drive while he's flown out there for a bit.

He's left them the car and a cactus to look after.

There's no keys.  They can't move it.  They are also concerned that it's parked over a manhole - not sure that is much of a problem - I can't recall ever needing to get at the manhole on my drive.

He has promised to bring them back a present.  It had better be a good one or they should tell him where to stuff it.  Or the cactus.

Driveways (or Ways to Drive Daily Mail Readers Mad)

The Mail are throwing some shocking statistics at us today. Apparently "The number of households with four or more cars has soared by 51 per cent to nearly half a million over the past decade."

So now "Families with four or more cars now account for nearly 1 in 50 of all households"

Scary eh? That means we are now down to just over 98% of households that don't have four or more cars. And given that some of those with four or more cars will be Richard Hammond, Wayne Rooney, Chris Evans and the like - I don't think we should be panicking just yet.

So it's another non-story from the Mail with a picture that bears no relevance to the non-story:

Those children aren't old enough to drive, let alone clog up the driveway with cars. The driver is, I think, a man. It's hard to tell from that photo but the front-seat passenger is definitely female. I can't imagine the Mail would be promoting a lesbian family scenario so I'll assume it is a bloke. Why am I bothered about the sex of the driver? I'm not really, except the bloke who wrote the article seems to be blaming the increase in the number of working women and, therefore, women drivers for the extra driveway congestion.

Pillock.

Some of The Mail readers' comments are just as daft but, to fair, the daftest ones are receiving the most red down-arrows and the least daft are receiving the most green up-arrows.

The dubious one I have picked out is from K.Sera of London who tells us, "I have Range Rover, Maserati and several motorbikes in my garage, but I usually walk or hop on the tube. Taxis for nights out. But if I need to drive somewhere, I know I have transport. So, despite having several vehicles, I hardly drive. When I had just one car, years ago, I used to drive all the time."

Assuming he's telling the truth (which I don't) why mention it if he only has two cars?

Pillock.

Anyway, this is nothing new. Even back in the 1970s, your average Daily Mail reader was being disturbed while trying to enjoy a quiet Sunday morning washing his Austin Maxi:

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