Asda ASBO

 If Benny & Bjorn were called Steve & Dave, then this band would have been called "Asda":

That statement amused me when I read it on Facebook a few weeks ago.

This BBC story amused me when I read it during my lunchbreak today.  It is about a moron in Manchester who was disqualified from driving and wanted for an earlier failure to attend Court.  He bought a second-hand ambulance and took his family shopping in it with the blue lights going.

He was arrested.

As I see it, he made two big mistakes:

1. He should have driven there quietly.

2. He should have gone to Morrisons where it would have blended in in the car park.

Van Morrison River Dance

We are in middle of Storm Christophe.

Here in the North-West of England we have a lot of water - the BBC report it thusly.

They have a dramatic picture:

That is a Ford Ranger.

Unfortunately it is not a Ford Ranger Splash which I think were only available Stateside.

It is, however, a Ford Ranger splash.

If you have a Ford Ranger then you can confidently make a big splash.  More of a splash than was happening on my commute home this evening - but we still had to make a splash:

Apologies for the lack of sound, I guess I must have accidentally switched off the audio recording.

I was amazed that most of the other vehicle drivers didn't test their brakes after going through that.

They could have got into an accident - like the Morrisons van driver in this other story from BBC News today.

I always think that Morrisons vans look like UK ambulances:

So I tend to refer to them as Morrisons Ambulances.  The driver of the van in the story was taken to hospital although it sounds like it was precautionary rather than necessary.

He "had to be rescued from his overturned van after he careered off the road and ended up in a fast-flowing ford", police said.

The pictures are pretty dramatic so it looks like he was very lucky although how he ended up in there is a bit of a mystery - on the radio it said he was driving through the ford (in his Mercedes) but it was swollen and too deep.  The Web story talks about careering off the road and speculates about sat-navs.

In any case, I like Morrisons because they give me 10% off my shopping because I work for the NHS.

So I'll finish this post now without any of my usual comedic comments or puns despite the list of Van Morrison albums with very relevant titles.

 

Pot a Willock

 I mean "What a Pillock!"

This is Joe Willock:

Now, obviously I'm quite jealous of him - he is just 21 and he can afford to buy and wreck a new G-Wagen - that is why I've deliberately picked a photo of him looking gormless.

Here he is wrecking a new G-Wagen:

He was supposedly on the way to training so must be familiar with that roundabout.

So why be in completely the wrong lane and driving so fast?

What a pillock!

Talking of pillocks, this motorbikist on the M53 this week seems to think that the hard shoulder is a narrow lane for motorbikists.

Talking of that stretch of the M53, Here is me overtaking an emergency vehicle on blues and twos:

And finally, somebody going through a red light when it's harder not to:

What a pillock!

Feeling Congested

Where in Australia is this?

Everyone seems to driving Volvos...

...on the wrong side of the road.

Then I spotted the sign on the far side of the road, "ULLEVI MOTET"

Ah, the picture has been reversed and that should read "IVELLU TETOM".

But hang on, that doesn't make sense either and the E and L's would need to be backwards.

So I looked up Ullevi Motet on Google and found we were in Gothenburg, Sweden.

That would explain the Volvos.

I probably wouldn't have given this article in Australian car site CarAdvice.com.au a second glance if it hadn't been for that photo.  It is about New South Wales using V2I (vehicle to Infrastructure) technology to turn traffic lights green for large commercial vehicles (lorries) travelling about Sydney.  It's all about reducing congestion and pollution in the city.

Sounds very much like my story last year about the same technology being used for patient transport ambulances.  So it comes with the same problems and associated risks.

The commenters on the story keep talking about the M4 motorway which again made me question the Australian-ness of the story given that the M4 is the motorway here in the UK that links South Wales to London.

But apparently there is another M4 motorway in New South Wales.

I think that road should be called "New M4".

But it isn't.

Perhaps Sydney should be looking at the other end of our M4.  The London Congestion Charge seems to be a more effective method of controlling traffic.  The BBC asked if it was working back in 2013, ten years after it was introduced. The concensus is good although it does seem to depend on who you talk to.

Meanwhile, over in Paris, they are going for the shutting off roads to traffic at certain times option.  Successive mayors have been implementing these prohibitions for a while now - I criticised one back in 2012.  The BBC cover the latest score there today.  Here's a picture of it looking more Australian:

Waiting Patiently at Traffic Lights

I'm very pleased with this post title.  It inlvolves one of these:

That is a patient transport ambulance.  A vehicle that is use to transport infirm people to and from medical locations in a non-emergency situation - for example if they are in a care home and need to go for some tests at a specific hospital.

This post also involves the one-and-a-half minutes of video in this link from BBC News. I tried embedding the link but either the link is rubbish or my browser is rubbish. Incidentally, I've worked out why I don't like the new BBC News Website - it's because they've done away with the ticker at the top highlighting the latest headlines.

Apparently, in Newcastle, there is a trial going on of a device allowing the drivers of patient transport ambulances to change red traffic lights to green as they approach. This seems to be improving journey times by about 10% and "It is hoped the reduction in waiting times at traffic lights could help reduce pollution and save on fuel."

Well it might save them time and fuel and pollution but it won't do anything for those waiting to travel in the other direction so the net gain will be zero.

A better use they describe is that taxi drivers could change the lights when the roads are quiet.  Having driven around at silly o'clock in the morning I can see the logic in this.  It would need some sort of timing control on the device though or taxi drivers would be using it all through the day annoying other drivers more than they usually do.


I wonder how long it would be before these devices went on sale - either via the black market or via Halfords.  Or, more likely, via the Internet.  They may not be illegal.  The device certainly shouldn't be made available to everyone - that way anarchy lies with two drivers approaching the same junction from different directions both trying to change the lights in their favour.

The report also suggests a downloadable app which could predict when lights are going to change and tell you what speed you should drive at in order to get there when they are green.  If that worked it would be a very good idea in terms of fuel efficiency except:

• drivers would be staring at their phones and speedometers instead of the road.
• drivers already at the lights who don't have the app will be queued up causing you to stop anyway.
• patient transport ambulances coming the other way will mean the predictions are wrong.

I don't really get why the patient transport ambulances should get the priority anyway.  Surely it makes more sense to give the devices to the real emergency vehicles.  The report implies that they don't need them because they are already allowed to go through red lights.  But:

• it must be much safer to speed through a green light than a red one.
• other vehicles already at the red lights should not go through them even if a blue-light vehicle is behind them (I refer you back to my post from Feb 2013) so your emergency vehicle can get trapped, possibly waiting for a patient transport ambulance coming the other way.

So, in summary, yes develop the technology.  But be very careful who you give it so.

Seems patently obvious to me.  And patiently obvious