My two previous cars were estates. I didn't want a black estate in case it looked a bit hearse-ish.
So now I can have a black car.
Anyway , I was driving my black saloon car up the motorway at approximately 80mph this afternoon when this happened:
If you are wondering why I am in the overtaking lane, I had just performed an overtaking manoeuvre and saw the truck in the inside lane ahead so calculated I was better off staying there as nothing was behind me.
I suppose if my job involved spending a lot of time driving around at 10mph, then I would go for it given the opportunity.
Plus it probably did the engine a bit of good.
I suppose the ideal engine for a hearse would be an electric motor.
The thing that attracted me to this Car+Driver story is that it means I don't have to mention Coronavirus.
Because it's got absolutely nothing to do with Coronavirus.
It starts back in early February - this was before the West got too concerned about Coronavirus.
Oh Bugger.
Anyway, Car+Driver tried out Hyundai's "Smart Park" self-parking system as demonstrated by an advert in the middle of The Super Bowl. That story is here. Here is their still from that ad:
The bloke without the coffee is impressing the bloke who looks like him but does have coffee by allowing his Hyundai Sonata to park itself into a narrow gap.
Now, being me, I was more interested in the very badly parked car to the right of it. Now it had obviously been very badly parked by somebody connected to the advert in order to demonstrate the parking feature of the Sonata.
But, in the real World, you wouldn't want to use that feature in this case because the moron who can't park is almost certain to damage your car by:
a) trying to get in to his own car and
b) trying to reverse out into the road
But, back to that car itself. I spent ages trying to work out what the hell it actually is. It sort of looks vaguely familiar in an old Jeep Cherokee or perhaps Nissanish sort of way - but it has a strange R logo on it so it's either a make that we don't have in Britain that Americans would identify straight off or it's an old Hyundai (or Kia) that the ad people have disguised so as not to distract viewers from the Sonata.
Well that didn't work.
And, judging by the article that led me to write this, the Smart Park can't be trusted either.
Everyone knows that it is the Audi drivers who tailgate.
Although, to be fair to that one, the car he is behind is driving in the middle of the road.
Us BMW drivers are the ones who never indicate - and that doesn't really matter when there are no other cars on the road.
And they do allude to that at the end of the story.
The only thing I don't like about Newsbiscuit are their adverts - they really do devalue the page and, to add insult to injury, they preface it with "You may also like"...
I quite like the fact that they've screwed up the algorithm in the "Earn £1472 Daily" one. The bit that is meant to con you into thinking that people in your locality are stupid enough to fall for it has been replaced by {city}
But generally, people who appreciate good satire shouldn't fall for such ludicrous click-bait.
Meanwhile, "Mike Ashley and Tim Martin Confirmed as Essential Wankers"
I am a non-believer. Have been since I think I worked it out in an RE Lesson when I was in the Sixth Form.
But this Coronavirus has had me questioning my lack of faith.
Only a bit though.
The World is in a mess. We have morons in charge of the US and Brazil. We have evil people in charge of China and Russia. We have a habitual liar in charge of the UK. We have pollution. We have plastics in the food chain. We have climate change - ice-caps melting. We have chaos in The Middle East. The Amazon Rainforest is being destroyed - that's the lungs of the Earth!
Nobody in power has taken any notice of Greta.
Even the supposedly good guys like Justin Trudeau have disappointed us:
So what would God do?
Invent something to shut down industry and get people to stop using their cars. Invent something that Trump and Bolsonaro will badly mishandle in a vain attempt to protect their economies.
Here is what my exit from the motorway on my way home looks a bit like now:
Except there are more traffic cones and less Hillman Avengers today than in that 1977 photo I found on Google Images. Thanks to whoever added that credit to it - I feel slightly less guilty about using it when there are credits. Is that a motorbike in the exit lane? - I guess it must be but it's very hard to work out.
Anyway, I've digressed. This whole Blog-Post is inspired by this BBC story about how the AA say "Coronavirus will transform UK work and travel."
They predict "a permanent reduction in the demand for travel because people have learned during the crisis to use home-working technology."
Don't forget videoconferencing. I would travel to the local hospital for a specific meeting once a month. For me, it was a 10 to 15 minute drive which isn't a biggie - other attendees had to come in from all over the county - but the parking was a nightmare and as our employers would recompense us for fuel - that recompense would come from NHS budgets. We used Zoom this time - the only disadvantage was no chocolate hobnobs - we'll probably continue doing it this way.
"The chancellor currently plans to spend £27bn to curb congestion on roads and £100bn on HS2 – but if demand falls, that may not be needed."
Indeed, especially as his magic money trees will have other priorities. AA President Edmund King agrees, "anecdotal evidence from people lucky enough to be working during the coronavirus-enforced lockdown suggests that infrastructure funds might be better spent on broadband to support home working."
AND - IT ALL HELPS TO SLOW DOWN ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE!
"Other experts are calling for the roads programme and HS2 rail project to be put on hold for a decade so ministers can be sure they’re not wasting money.
They say if commuters spend just one day a week working from home after the crisis - or commuting later - the roads will be as empty as they are in the school holidays."
Now, I know Michael Gove believes we have had enough of experts, but our government does seem to have started quoting them so maybe that's another effect of the virus.
As for HS2, this Jonathan Pie video is an excellent argument for cancelling it - maybe a postponement for a decade would be a step in the right direction - don't watch it if you're easily offended by sweary language:
