Getting Wood

Someone at Autoguide must be on something strange.

Maybe Viagra.

First I see this picture:

it goes with this story about a vibrating gear knob - one for the ladies perhaps?

 

Although the person in the photo (I'm guessing it's a man) is about to grasp it with his left hand in a left-hand drive car - looks dodgy to me.

 

Unless it is actually a right-hand drive car and the passenger fancies a grope.

 

The story is about a Ford engineer who has developed the vibrating gear-knob that is wi-fied to the engine CPU and is supposed to tell the driver when to change gear.  I guess this would require the driver to keep a hand on the gearstick all the time when driving - not a bright idea.

 

Anyway, lots of modern cars have little irritating lights somewhere near the speedo (small "s" - nothing to do with tiny swimming trunks) which light up at gear-change time.

 

Or, you can do what I do and go by the engine noise and general feel.

 

Having recovered from that shocking story, I then saw this shocking picture: 

It is from this Autoguide story.  Fortunately, it is a computer rendering - it doesn't exist in the flesh yet - but it could.

It's what happens when a Porsche Cayenne is given wood.

Doncaster Rovers

...and other cars badly parked appear a lot in this Facebook site.  The Mail pointed me at it.

For those of you who don't know where Doncaster is, it's about 15 miles from Pontefract.

For those of you who haven't joined the Facebook revolution yet, here are the sort of pictures that appear:

...or a  not very smartly parked
Smart car.










I'm a little uneasy about pictures of Police Cars though - whoever parked this may be extremely lazy & selfish - or they may be on serious police business - or, in these modern day times maybe even disabled?

As ever, The Mail want to put their slant on things.  They start by asking "Are these Britain's worst drivers?"

No, although they may score badly as Britain's worst parkers.

They then have the following list:

• Facebook page shames dreadful parking in Doncaster
• It invites users to send in pictures of shoddily-placed cars
• Irate drivers often go on site to defend their parking
• Site also has a serious message about the dangers of blocked pavements

to which I say:

• True
• Yes, also true
• Not that I noticed
• Definitely not that I noticed

The Facebook page (entitled "Parking Like A Twat In Doncaster") has about 8500 likes including one from Metro's Car Blog - not bad considering it was only started this April.  It shouldn't be confused with, "Spotted :Parking Like a Twat" which seems to do the same job but more nationally and with added car crashes which is not the point of the exercise.  That site has over 55000 likes and only started last month.  Impressive but I think I'll stick with the original and best.  It does give you the option of having your badly-parked car removed from the site though - which Doncaster's doesn't seem to do.

Parking on the pavement seems to the current issue where I live where we have been treated to this story with this picture:

It comes with the caption, "Cllr Harry Smith ‘ticketing’ a car which is obstructing the pavement, forcing a young mum to push her buggy and child into the road."  Don't know the significance of it being a "young" mum - maybe older mothers have narrower pushchairs.  Cllr Harry Smith is clearly not a Tory councillor or he would be stood pointing at the gap between the car and the wall - or maybe the front of the car and the kerb.

 

Instead, he is placing a leaflet on the car that is designed to look like a parking ticket.

 

It was very fortunate for his argument that a badly-parked car was at the same place as a young mum and a photographer while he had some of those leaflets with him - and I bet the owner of that Mitsubishi is glad this didn't happen in Doncaster - he'd have looked a right twat.

Why do Elephants Have Big Ears?

...Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

I was never really a fan of Noddy, pictured here with his cruelly-named friend Big Ears and his little yellow taxi-cab.  I'm assuming it's a private hire vehicle although I've never spotted any taxi-plates on it.  In fact, it is probably illegal because a two-seater with bugger-all luggage space is going to struggle to get the appropriate licencing - unless the laws in Toytown are particularly lax.  I'm guessing Noddy must also be bribing P.C.Plod as he always turns a blind eye when he sees Noddy working.

 

Maybe Noddy's had enough now anyway because his car appears to be up for sale.  the Telegraph have the story today.  I think the author may be getting Noddy mixed up with Pinocchio though - I didn't think Noddy was made of wood.

Apparently, this is worth £25000.

 

It is actually a 1969 Fiat Gamine Vignale - a car I'd never heard of that is based on a Fiat 500 - the original one.  If you see the rear of the car it is quite obvious it is based on a Fiat 500 - the original one.

 

If you put that registration number into mycarcheck.com, though, it says it is a Fiat Coupe.

 

No it isn't, mycarcheck - THIS is a Fiat Coupe...

A much more attractive proposition than the Noddy Car and a lot cheaper too.

 

Now, with £25000 to play with, Noddy should be able to afford something a bit nicer to take Big Ears out into the woods in - not that there's anything dodgy about their relationship - just ask Noddy himself.

Clerical Error

When Jim Bowen presented Bulleye in the 1980s, the star prize was often a car.

It was always a small, modest car though - like a Vauxhall Nova or an Austin Metro.

Now he has become Pope, he has made a decree in line with this philosophy.  According to Autoguide, he has made a plea to the Catholic Church’s priests and nuns, asking them to pick a car that’s more “humble” rather than the latest model that’s available.

Fair enough, although it was only last week that he took delivery of a new Merc:

Fox had that story.  It's a new M-Class and the keys were handed to him personally by Daimler CEO Dr. Dieter Zetsche.  Maybe he doesn't practice what he preaches.

 

This is the latest in a longish line of Popemobiles - my favourite being this Mercedes 300 D from the days before D meant a Diesel.

I think that His Holiness will approve of Father Ted's choice of car, though - a battered old Ford Cortina.

Great, smashing, super!

Quiet News Day?

Most of the car sites today, like Autocar for example, are going with the announcement of the Vauxhall Insignia Country Tourer - a four-wheel-drive family estate car.

Not particularly interesting, even for someone like me who drives a four-wheel-drive family estate car.

It's brown:

 The Telegraph have been running two non-stories since the weekend.

A pointless review of the first episode of series 20 of Top Gear.  Pointless because it is written by someone more interested in repeating the fact that he is "not the target audience" for the show and then telling us that he didn't enjoy it.  Well, what a surprise!!!  Prat.  Some of the reader comments are suitably scathing though.

Their second non-story promises us the Top 10 Long-lived cars still on sale.

Only it doesn't.

I was expecting a list of cars that haven't really changed much in many years like the Land-Rover Defender or Porsche 911 (OK the 911 has changed a lot, but it still looks the same).

But no.  What we were given were a bunch of car names that have lived on - like the Ford Fiesta.  The early Fiestas bore no relation whatsoever to the new ones.  Pointless journalism.


Meanwhile, Autoguide have got hold of the story that "Ferrari is limiting its employees to only three in-house recipients per email."

This will cause problems if Fernando Alonso wants to send an amusing jpeg of a cat to Felipe Massa and all of their mechanics.

He will probably have to send the email several times to groups of three each time.

I'm not convinced that Ferrari have really thought this through.